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Good day to all,
It's been many months since I've made a blog post here in TL. In my past blog post, I have been working at a company involving in security design and distributor for medium / large scale projects.
My role originally have been as part of Pre-sales which I have been running on for a few months since I was pulled out from my 'emergency' role in my previous blog as a more experienced person took over my spot in a large project. Even so, I helped in the project from time to time.
Fast forward a few month mores nearing December last year, I had news that that person has resigned and now since there's nobody else available to manage the project thats worth a lot, the post came back to me.
So far I've been getting back into the project.. Now I'm almost entering my first year as part of this company and of my overall short career. I've even been promoted which I find very surprising since I am relatively fresh and inexperienced in the workforce and got quite a substantial raise (33%). I have been treated quite well and generally had a good experience in my company.
Now though, I've been crawling through the project. The amount of workload I feel is difficult for a single man and despite having a team of 4, progress is still relatively grinding. A number of heavy responsibilities are now on me, having to ensure the completion of several items that only I can complete within my team thus far.
So, from the slow progress I've been getting chased / hammered by the client for the design items, documentation etc. Internal wise, I have not been getting much flak but I am feeling the pressure as I am trying to commit to the project deadlines. I have already highlighted this to my management and so far action will be taken but that would take at least a month to get someone else who's experienced. Then I need to add a few more months for training and breaking into the project before my problems are really elevated.
I've referred to my father and few relatives. Their sentiments are that I should be grateful I have such a jumpstart in my career. Now ignoring that aside, I feel multiple sentiments that are pulling me multiple ways. Let me try to sum it up.
Pride: Screw the difficulty, You are a man. You must have the balls of steel or your a wimp.
Heart: Let it go man. Let it go......
Finance: I don't give a damn as long as I'm getting net positive
Engineering: You reached the end game man, this is what you have been looking for, system design which you shouldn't be here for another two years.
Loyalty: Stand firm with the company for it is a second family.
So, currently I am a bit clueless. I do not know if I will go crazy (despite me thinking that I am right now) and just snap and do something extremely stupid or dangerous to myself or others. So I am in need of ideas or solutions that may help solve / alleviate the problem.
Currently I am unsure on what action to be taken. I feel that resigning now is unfair to my company and I am concerned if I can find another job that would be this good in future prospects.
TLDR: Half of me wants to quit and half of me wants to stay in my job. I have no idea what to do.
Your advice would be appreciated
Thanks
Regards,
MarksmanKNG
 
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TLDR: Stay on the job.
On the whole, while very stressful, this seems like a good deal, and a company worth staying with. So the goal should be to try to stay with the company as well as possible, while managing the stress and preparing contingencies.
As to your sanity - you seem sane and cogent, though there's only so much that can be told online. I'd recommend: check with your doctor to see if the stress is hurting your health seriously. on craziness, schedule a short but regular appointment with someone (doctor, psychiatrist/psychologist, or similar) who can more accurately assess whether you're actually close to having a breakdown or not. Maybe weekly, or every other week, or at least monthly. Make sure they have contact info for your company so they can call your company if they feel it's necessary. They may have techniques to help you manage your stress; and at any rate it can take some worry off your mind if the docs say you can keep it up.
Also, if it reaches a point where you can't continue, it'd be better to have a doctor calling your company saying the strain is too much and you need to rest than just quitting (i.e. doctor ordered me to rest). Then you may still be able to retain employment, and in general I think it would go over better.
Most people aren't that good at judging whether they're actually near their limits, still far away, or actually going past them and hurting themselves. This is quite true in physical areas, as well as mental ones. Sometimes people just need someone to yell at them drill sergeant style to keep going; sometimes they just need a more supportive style of someone constantly encouraging them to keep it up. My impression, which is far from expert, is that you could keep it up for awhile, but you will need help from others in some form to do so; I don't know which style (of those 2 or others) would work best for you.
I would clarify with management how serious the strain is getting on you; I'm not sure how thoroughly you informed them about the strain. If it gets to the point where you really might quit, or just have not show up for work; letting your bosses know that the strain is that serious will help them improve their contingency planning. Also make sure your bosses know that even if you can manage to keep on the project until they get a replacement (or it's finished), you're going to need a vacation after that, and some easier work for awhile after that. Emphasize that you like the company and want to keep working but the strain is very great.
Working beyond safe limits will certainly extract a long term toll; the benefits may be worthwhile here, so you should consider what ways there are to optimize your ability to keep it up for now, and plan to fix the aftereffects of doing so later. For instance, eating a diet that's more comfort food based, but less healthy, could reduce your stress for now. Your doctor might know something he'd allow you to take to help with the stress. Adjusting other things in the rest of your life to minimize stress, like what games you play, what other recreation you do (if any), and your sleep. Getting enough sleep is very important, if you're not getting enough, try to enlist support from your family to cover any other chores/tasks you might need to do so you can get the sleep you need.
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Without knowing you personally, I say STAY with your current job while searching for a new job. The reason is that people who have jobs tend to get hired for more jobs, whereas people who are unemployed for whatever reason tend to be overlooked during interviews.
gl
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lLOL! one of my friends is called mark and i call him marksman. he also has problems finding a job he likes. yeah im an ass, have a dark humor yadada .. i loled.
€: this sounds more like bragging than finding a way out
"Screw the difficulty, You are a man. You must have the balls of steel or your a wimp.".
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EPT
