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First off, i just want to say that I'm not really writing this to get a lot of deep, thoughtful advice, although it'd be very much appreciated. I'm writing this mainly because I just feel like writing about this and since i'm an english major, it'd be good practice.
All right, so a little bit about my background, i'm from korea, lived in america for an extended period of time, came back to korea, and now i attend university in hong kong.
So far, everything has been great in college. I made a lot of diverse friends, and i'm actually pretty popular in my major. One of the main reasons for this(being popular in major) is because we were electing programme leaders, and even though I didn't get elected, I decided to be one of the candidates and gave a good introduction of myself. First off, my voice is really deep and many people have complimented me on my voice before. So right away when i talked into the mike, I heard a few "Oooh"s. Second, I'm the only korean in the major and with the popularity of korean media nowadays, many people in hong kong are interested. Third, i talked about my detailed career path. Because of these things, I was one of the few candidates that even got an applause(a pretty loud one at that). However, I didn't get elected because the students didn't feel comfortable electing someone that spoke absolutely no chinese.
Now, my major has a ratio of around 3 girls to 1 boy. The next day, after my "speech" a lot of girls approached me and just asked me about korea, etc. One of the girls even pointed to her friend and said that she had a lot of free time and that the two of us should hang out. The girl's friend looked at her with this shocked expression, which was pretty funny. We were divided into groups, and I was in a group with four girls, all from mainland china. One of the girls asked me for my number as soon as i saw her, asking me if i was the "korean" guy. Pretty soon, the other girls asked me for my number, and we exchanged phone numbers. One of the girls(let's call her Lisa) mentioned in the title was in my group, but i wouldn't realize how much i'd fall for her until a few days later.
Now, so far, this might seem like a dumb brag blog, but if you've read this far, please read the rest. I'm 5'4(165 cm) on a good day. Recently let my body get a bit chubbier than before, although not overweight. I'm by no means a "player" and I've only had like one or two girlfriends before. With this said, I'm not some unconfident dude. I ran for programme leader, and if you read the rest, I make my fair share of moves on these girls.
So anyways, the day after the election thing, where many of the girls and a few guys introduced themselves to me, I was walking back to the dorm, and saw a cute girl(the other girl in title, let's call her Jane) and her friend who were in my major. So far, none of the girls that i'd seen had really gotten my attention, but this girl did immediately. I walk up to them and try to start some conversation. I said I thought I'd remembered seeing them in class, and they were like "yeah, and you're (my name). I tried to start some more conversation, but they really didn't seem interested. I asked whether they lived in the dorm, and they just replied "yes." So basically, I thought that she wasn't interested in me and stopped thinking about her.
About a week passes, and I start becoming attracted to Lisa. I saw Lisa talking to her friend in the elevator, and Lisa and I waved to each other. I decided to make a move then, and so i messaged her asking her what she was doing in the elevator. She said she was just talking with her friend and was going with her to a common room. I asked whether I could join them, and she agreed, but seemed a bit worried, saying they were only two girls and that i shouldn't bring my friends(my friends were on the elevator).
I meet them and we three just start talking. They asked me why i decided to study in hong kong, asked me about kpop, and things of that nature. Lisa talks about how she really like eating and wants to try some korean food. I told her I could make her korean ramen one time and she really looked happy. About an hour later, they told me they had to go to sleep, and so we split up. I messaged lisa good night. We started a bit of a conversation on message and she again mentioned she really likes eating good food. So, i casually say "maybe we can go eat some delicious food sometime" She responded by saying "emmm... good night." Feeling a little bit weird, i told her i didn't mean it in a weird way and she responds by saying "we'll be really good friends." Friendzoned? Doesn't stop me!
I sat next to her in class a day or two later, and we passed notes around in class and she translated my name to chinese, and i translated her name to korean. She also said she was getting contact lenses, but I told her she looked better in glasses.
On friday, i asked her what she was doing by message, and she said she was shopping with her boyfriend. This started making a lot of sense. I'd asked her before to go to the gym together and stuff, but she always seemed uncomfortable. It obviously surprised me, but I played it off pretty cool saying there was this really good korean movie and that she and her boyfriend should go watch it. After that, I basically stopped initiating contact with her, and whenever she messaged me, I cut the conversations pretty short. I felt very guilty hitting on a girl that had a boyfriend. I really felt like i was disrespecting her boyfriend. But obviously, this isn't the end of the story.
Now, with my attention off lisa, i just kind of decided to stop paying attention to girls, that is, until I met Jane in the bank. Because of our last encounter, even though i'd seen her, i pretended not to notice, but surprisingly, she actually approached me and introduced herself and everything. That night, I friend requested her on facebook, and messaged her. I was actually pretty drunk at this moment, so it probably wasn't the smartest thing to do. Anyways, I basically straight up told her she was very pretty, but obviously, i dressed it up a bit. We had a fitness test and she told me she didn't do so well. I told her that it was okay, at least in korean society if a girl isn't athletic, if she is pretty. and i told her since she was pretty, it was fine if she didn't do well on the fitness test(I know , it's stupid, but i was drunk!).
Next day, I'm feeling pretty embarassed but I saw Jane in class, and she was flashed me a big bright smile, and kind of giggled. In the class after, the professor told us we had to this group project. Jane and her friend asked one of my guy friends, who is very close with me, to be in their group. We agreed, and after class, i asked jane for her number and told me to message her. So that night, i bring up this korean movie that my mom and sister like. She asked if it was showing in theatres, but I told her the movie was made in 2011 and we could watch on computer. I just told her if she was interested, we could watch it together in the common room or she could even just get the file from my computer. She says she has to go to a wedding for the weekend, so i can't see her. I actually couldn't wait, and so I asked if our group for the project wanted to get together and try some korean alcohol. Everyone excitedly agreed, but it never worked out because of other projects and stuff.
So with Jane, whenever I talked to her on message, she just never seemed that excited and didn't talk about herself much, but whenever we saw each other in class, she'd always be extremely friendly and her friend was actually nice to me now. But anyways, I haven't really talked to Jane in a week or so but hopefully, i'll talk to her more when we work together for the project. She's complimented me a lot though, calling me genius(because of the scholarship i'm receiving and telling me its good that i have so many goals). One thing that bothers me though is that it is always me that is starting the conversations...
This is when Lisa starts coming back into the picture. One day, suddenly, she requests to meet me in the common room and so i agreed. She lets me know she's having problems with the classes, but eventually she starts talking about her boyfriend and the problems they're having. She said she chose that guy even though there were different guys that liked her because of the feeling he gave her, even if he wasn't good looking(trust me, i've seen that guy before and he's shorter and chubbier than me and has this crazy haircut.) In the end, I ask her whether her boyfriend would be okay with her talking to me about this and that if she has more problems, she should really talk to her boyfriend about this instead of me. She nods and says she has to leave.
After that, Lisa and i still talk to each other, but i've noticed that she's wearing more perfume, and she's never worn those contact lenses that she's bought. She also talks to me about how some days, her boyfriend and her don't talk for days. Maybe she's in to me, maybe she's not, but I have no intention of trying to steal her away from her boyfriend. And at this point, I know i'm attracted to her, but it just feels like she has so much going up in her head and it really looks like she's looking for some perfect Prince Charming. Another weird thing, Lisa doesn't like many facebook pages, but she likes this"Korean Kids club" page, where they post photos of cute korean kids...
So this is basically where things stand right now. I'll see how things go with Jane in our project together. And I'll see how Lisa and I are. I'm just going to play it cool for now. I've kind of found that the more attention I seem to girls, the more they seem to go farther away. But the less attention I give them, the more interested they get. In Korea, there's actually even a word for this called "밀당." But it's not like i'm pretending, i mean, it'd be awesome if one of these two girls became my girlfriend, but it's not like i'll go into depression if they don't.
Like I said, the point of the blog was mainly just to write. Just writing about things can make you feel better a lot of the times. But any comments, questions, or advice would be greatly appreciated. One thing I really don't want are those generic "go for it or you don't have balls" comments.
 
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So Jane is hot but plays hard to get but you get along with Lisa better? Lisa though has a boyfriend.
I can't give you any sophisticated tips but the fact that she talks with you (and not her friends) about her problems with her bf is usually a big hint.
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TL:DR version:
- Dude joins harem-like social group.
- Gives a profound speech with a deep voice, immediately becoming popular in his class.
- Two chicks hit on him simultaneously, he rejects them smoothly like a rock star.
- Meets another chick who turns him on, so he hits on her regardless of her boyfriend, boss-style.
- His romantic interest's friend hits on him so he starts rolling with her, cuz previous girl prefers losers.
So far so good. I'm expecting next blog about starting bar fight with a bear and winning it followed by beating Hulk Hogan in arm wrestling contest and converting two Jehowa's witnesses to Catholicism - all done within the range of three minutes.
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Finally an awesome girl blog. Yay.
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Ok Tazza, since we're such good friends and all, Imma help you out here. This Lisa girl sounds very nice. She talks with you and starts conversations, which is more than you could say for Jane. Jane to me sounds like a stick in the mud. She doesn't go out of her way to start a conversation with you. This could mean one of two things. She's either cheating on you, or she's not in a relationship with you currently. I'd recommend dumping her either way. Stick with Lisa. She's got a boyfriend so we know she's probably very friendly. Because of your superior intellectual capabilities and physical prowess (have you showed her your SC2 skills yet?), she's bound to come to her senses any day now and marry you. In my experiences, boyfriends are just another barrier you two will have to work through in your relationship to a long a happy life.
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On September 22 2013 02:22 wingpawn wrote:
TL:DR version:
- Dude joins harem-like social group.
- Gives a profound speech with a deep voice, immediately becoming popular in his class.
- Two chicks hit on him simultaneously, he rejects them smoothly like a rock star.
- Meets another chick who turns him on, so he hits on her regardless of her boyfriend, boss-style.
- His romantic interest's friend hits on him so he starts rolling with her, cuz previous girl prefers losers.
So far so good. I'm expecting next blog about starting bar fight with a bear and winning it followed by beating Hulk Hogan in arm wrestling contest and converting two Jehowa's witnesses to Catholicism - all done within the range of three minutes.
pretty much this
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If the one girl has a boyfriend you shouldn't even think about hitting on her. It's dishonorable.
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On September 22 2013 08:50 Epishade wrote:
Ok Tazza, since we're such good friends and all, Imma help you out here. This Lisa girl sounds very nice. She talks with you and starts conversations, which is more than you could say for Jane. Jane to me sounds like a stick in the mud. She doesn't go out of her way to start a conversation with you. This could mean one of two things. She's either cheating on you, or she's not in a relationship with you currently. I'd recommend dumping her either way. Stick with Lisa. She's got a boyfriend so we know she's probably very friendly. Because of your superior intellectual capabilities and physical prowess (have you showed her your SC2 skills yet?), she's bound to come to her senses any day now and marry you. In my experiences, boyfriends are just another barrier you two will have to work through in your relationship to a long a happy life.
Hmm, the way i see it, Tazza needs to use your line. "Oh! so you have a boyfriend.... Well you look like a girl who could use two!"
However it kind of is Episahdes line so you might have to pay him a whole esport dollar. Then again, you two seem to be incredibly close! He'll probably let you use it for free!
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On September 22 2013 14:57 MysteryMeat1 wrote:Show nested quote +On September 22 2013 08:50 Epishade wrote:
Ok Tazza, since we're such good friends and all, Imma help you out here. This Lisa girl sounds very nice. She talks with you and starts conversations, which is more than you could say for Jane. Jane to me sounds like a stick in the mud. She doesn't go out of her way to start a conversation with you. This could mean one of two things. She's either cheating on you, or she's not in a relationship with you currently. I'd recommend dumping her either way. Stick with Lisa. She's got a boyfriend so we know she's probably very friendly. Because of your superior intellectual capabilities and physical prowess (have you showed her your SC2 skills yet?), she's bound to come to her senses any day now and marry you. In my experiences, boyfriends are just another barrier you two will have to work through in your relationship to a long a happy life. Hmm, the way i see it, Tazza needs to use your line. "Oh! so you have a boyfriend.... Well you look like a girl who could use two!" However it kind of is Episahdes line so you might have to pay him a whole esport dollar. Then again, you two seem to be incredibly close! He'll probably let you use it for free!
Well, considering I stole that line from Johny Bravo, I feel fully qualified to sell it to Tazza for an esport dollar. That's including the friend discount of course. What a bargain!
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hitting on a girl with a bf is troublesome because even if you eventually get her, you'll always be in doubt if she isn't already looking for someone else while still in the relationship with you...
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On September 22 2013 13:45 MichaelDonovan wrote:
If the one girl has a boyfriend you shouldn't even think about hitting on her. It's dishonorable.
Not only is it "dishonorable", but it will never end well. Promise.
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I'm thinking the Lisa chick doesn't like the relationship she has with uglier dude, but since most girls are damaged inherently she needs to know there will be a guy there for her when she breaks up. Or at least one to pursue.
You should basically tell her to break up if it's not working out or try and work on it if it's worth it. I'm guessing she doesn't want the former so she will break up with him. This is an iffy friendzoney area though, make sure your intentions are clear that you would like to date her. Say something like "Well, it's too bad you have a BF, you should hit me up if you guys ever break up." and then never initiate contact with her again.
Also, is this uglier dude a long term thing? Is he going to school with her? Are they each other's firsts or something? And are you friends with him at all? The territory for dating a friend's ex is very delicate, usually a rule of thumb is 6 months after breakup and/or ask him if it's cool.
Not really enough info on Jane, I would say the best way to go about that kind of situation, or any female for this matter, is just say "What's your schedule like?" Find a free spot and make the date. If she is wishy washy and/or flakes or reshedules she's not into you, just move on.
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I honestly think you're over thinking this so just follow your heart and do what feels right
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On September 24 2013 09:37 MarlieChurphy wrote:
I'm thinking the Lisa chick doesn't like the relationship she has with uglier dude, but since most girls are damaged inherently she needs to know there will be a guy there for her when she breaks up. Or at least one to pursue.
You should basically tell her to break up if it's not working out or try and work on it if it's worth it. I'm guessing she doesn't want the former so she will break up with him. This is an iffy friendzoney area though, make sure your intentions are clear that you would like to date her. Say something like "Well, it's too bad you have a BF, you should hit me up if you guys ever break up." and then never initiate contact with her again.
Also, is this uglier dude a long term thing? Is he going to school with her? Are they each other's firsts or something? And are you friends with him at all? The territory for dating a friend's ex is very delicate, usually a rule of thumb is 6 months after breakup and/or ask him if it's cool.
Not really enough info on Jane, I would say the best way to go about that kind of situation, or any female for this matter, is just say "What's your schedule like?" Find a free spot and make the date. If she is wishy washy and/or flakes or reshedules she's not into you, just move on.
Yeah, i actually did tell her to break up if it wasn't working out. I said something like "I think once you're married, no matter what problems you have, you have to work it out. But since you two aren't married, you might want to think about breaking up." She basically immediately started shaking her head to signal no. And so then i told her that she had to work things out with him if that was the case. I then asked whether her boyfriend would be okay with her discussing these issues with me, or whether he would feel comfortable knowing that she was with me so late at night. She said something along the lines of it being her freedom to discuss this with me. I responded by saying that if her boyfriend didn't feel comfortable with this, she shouldn't be doing this right now. Almost immediately, she said she had to go and we decided to split.
I'm pretty sure it is a long term thing with this uglier guy. They do go to the same university as i do, and i think they actually might have met in high school. I'm guessing that they're each other's firsts? But I have no relation with this dude at all. Never spoke to him or anything. I guess i'd go after her harder if she didn't have a boyfriend, but she does. And i really don't want to steal her away from this guy. i know i don't even know him, but i know that if some other guy stole my girlfriend, i'd be pissed as hell.
Jane, idk, she seemed really eager to try the korean alcohol thing and she even set up the date for it. When it didn't work out, we set up another date. Obviously, this is a group thing and not just between me and her, so we had to accommodate for two other people's schedules as well. Eventually, all of us had to do this project that was due in a week, and it never worked out. Because I have to work with her in the next project, i figure i'll just see how that goes and go from there. Also, she's really christian and her facebook page has a bunch of posts about christianity. idk how that equates, but i don't think she's a jesus freak. I mean, she still occasionally drinks and stuff.
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there's nothing wrong with talking to more than one girl if you aren't in a relationship
you should make slight mention of another girl with each of them and see how they react
that's the real friendzone litmus test
asian girls seem to settle for security over anything
so if a guy has money, goals and aren't terribly ugly, they'll be together for a pretty long time
why haven't you asked them on a 1 on 1 date? you dont know them well enough yet?
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On September 24 2013 19:22 Tazza wrote:Show nested quote +On September 24 2013 09:37 MarlieChurphy wrote:
I'm thinking the Lisa chick doesn't like the relationship she has with uglier dude, but since most girls are damaged inherently she needs to know there will be a guy there for her when she breaks up. Or at least one to pursue.
You should basically tell her to break up if it's not working out or try and work on it if it's worth it. I'm guessing she doesn't want the former so she will break up with him. This is an iffy friendzoney area though, make sure your intentions are clear that you would like to date her. Say something like "Well, it's too bad you have a BF, you should hit me up if you guys ever break up." and then never initiate contact with her again.
Also, is this uglier dude a long term thing? Is he going to school with her? Are they each other's firsts or something? And are you friends with him at all? The territory for dating a friend's ex is very delicate, usually a rule of thumb is 6 months after breakup and/or ask him if it's cool.
Not really enough info on Jane, I would say the best way to go about that kind of situation, or any female for this matter, is just say "What's your schedule like?" Find a free spot and make the date. If she is wishy washy and/or flakes or reshedules she's not into you, just move on.
Yeah, i actually did tell her to break up if it wasn't working out. I said something like "I think once you're married, no matter what problems you have, you have to work it out. But since you two aren't married, you might want to think about breaking up." She basically immediately started shaking her head to signal no. And so then i told her that she had to work things out with him if that was the case. I then asked whether her boyfriend would be okay with her discussing these issues with me, or whether he would feel comfortable knowing that she was with me so late at night. She said something along the lines of it being her freedom to discuss this with me. I responded by saying that if her boyfriend didn't feel comfortable with this, she shouldn't be doing this right now. Almost immediately, she said she had to go and we decided to split. I'm pretty sure it is a long term thing with this uglier guy. They do go to the same university as i do, and i think they actually might have met in high school. I'm guessing that they're each other's firsts? But I have no relation with this dude at all. Never spoke to him or anything. I guess i'd go after her harder if she didn't have a boyfriend, but she does. And i really don't want to steal her away from this guy. i know i don't even know him, but i know that if some other guy stole my girlfriend, i'd be pissed as hell. Jane, idk, she seemed really eager to try the korean alcohol thing and she even set up the date for it. When it didn't work out, we set up another date. Obviously, this is a group thing and not just between me and her, so we had to accommodate for two other people's schedules as well. Eventually, all of us had to do this project that was due in a week, and it never worked out. Because I have to work with her in the next project, i figure i'll just see how that goes and go from there. Also, she's really christian and her facebook page has a bunch of posts about christianity. idk how that equates, but i don't think she's a jesus freak. I mean, she still occasionally drinks and stuff.
Ok, the thing you should take home about these young relationships is 90% or greater (I'm just going of experience and stuff here) of them do not last and are probably well overdue for breaking up, the relationship has ran it's course. Look on young marriage statistics and people who get married to their first loves etc. People just get attached and don't know how to end things (they just assume marriage is the next step to a stagnating relationship). Especially those who got together much younger and stayed together all through high school or whatever. Even though she said 'no', she is portraying her dismay with the relationship with her actions. She is talking to you, discussing its problems with you etc. She doesn't know how to do it.
The way you are going about it is all wrong. You are acting like a mediator or therapist for her, nearly friendzoning. I'm not exactly sure what signals she may be throwing you but you are definitely killing it with your mentality. Its not 'stealing her away' btw. She can do whatever she wants, you just have to make sure she is clear about being broken up and over the dude before you want to get involved. He should be irrelevant in your decision. This is sort of hard to explain, but its not like other things where you place yourself in other peoples shoes to decide your course of action (which is generally a good way to go through life, but not in this instance).
If she comes at you again for a shoulder to cry on, say this under no uncertain terms (with the mentality of never seeing her again and being ok with this) ; "I think you're attractive and I would date you, but I don't want to be involved with this because it's none of my business. You can call me if you aren't dating anyone."
If you say that verbatim I can almost guarantee you won't have to deal with her flipfloppy nonsense anymore and in a couple of days/weeks she will call you to go out. Don't even ask or talk about the other guy, and if she still brings it up, just repeat what you said before and/or move on.
The other chick just sounds naive, or maybe just not actually interested in you, but your culture and shit. Ie; sort of using you for your information or whatever. You could maybe turn that into a hookup but its probably not easy considering that and the fact she is religious (doesn't have sex or has other unreasonable/unrealistic limitations)
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EPT
