So I have gotten to a point in my life where through endless nights of panic attacks, borderline depression due to being almost 30 and just restarting university because of bad choices in my original school ( I got a diploma instead of a degree in a field where everyone needs a degree; web development/programming) I have stopped enjoying things, I don't find a competitive drive in anything anymore and honestly spend most of my free time trying to stay awake, a feat which I rarely accomplish.
All I know right now is gaming is my hobby, it's the only thing I consistently try and enjoy but it has gotten to a point where my enjoyment of gaming is so convoluted I don't know what games I enjoy. I do know two things however, I want to stream and I want to be competitive on any level (not pro). I have however completely lost all semblance of what game entertains me. I am getting more enjoyment out of the act of planning to play some games and not doing it than actually going through with it lately.
I find I put way to much emphasise on the opinions of others on what games are "fun" and what games are "popular" or that I should be playing.
So my question to everyone here, is how do you cut through the bullshit and the reddit/forum and game propaganda and vocal minority opinions to find out what you actually enjoy? How do you go from being an indecisive person to someone who is able to pick what they actually enjoy instead of using outside opinions to form your own?
1. Don't read Reddit. 2. It sounds like you're not having a great time in life, so it's possible that you're just not interested in games right now. It could be ruining your enjoyment of games you'd otherwise like. 3. I don't know how to describe a feeling of enjoyment, but I notice that when I'm getting into a game, I have an anticipation to reach further goals. They don't have to be concrete goals like getting into a league, but it is some desire to execute something within the game. Like in Starcraft I'll want to execute some build I saw or in LoL I'll want to dominate a game with a particular champion. If you think about this during the day or as you sit down. There's a good chance you 'enjoy the game'. 4. There are different kinds of enjoyment. Some games are fun because they are cute and low pressure. Some games are fun because they force you to improve. In fact, mostly it's how you play the game and not the game itself.
You don't need a degree for web development or other programming, if you have the skills you can build a portfolio that will get you an interview, and from there if you have the skills you're good to go.
To find out what games you enjoy, just fucking play them. If you're short on cash, pirate as a 'try before you buy' tactic, otherwise just look at gameplay videos and then try em out!
On August 13 2013 00:33 CatNzHat wrote: You don't need a degree for web development or other programming, if you have the skills you can build a portfolio that will get you an interview, and from there if you have the skills you're good to go.
To find out what games you enjoy, just fucking play them. If you're short on cash, pirate as a 'try before you buy' tactic, otherwise just look at gameplay videos and then try em out!
I spent a year doing this and got some of interviews but consistently lost the job on the basis of the lack of experience or degree. I spent a decent amount of time trying to freelance but just gave up eventually and decided to go back to school for computer science.
It's likely my location if I moved I could achieve much more in an entry level position but I make about 200$ a pay check and can't afford to relocate at the moment. University is more of a kick start to get me off my ass and out of a shitty situation by forcing me to move and shaking my life up.
Maybe my skills were bad and that's why I lost so many jobs but I like to think they were better than a lot of the work I see people getting jobs with. In fact my friend with the comp sci degree got a prestigious job and still pays me to fix his sites because he lacks the design knowledge.
At this point I am chalking it up to a life and decision failure and moving on with my life and trying again. Dwelling on why or what I could have done is not something I need right now.
On August 13 2013 02:10 Race is Terran wrote: it is probably too late to play a game on a competitive level, but you could always use games to make friends and contacts across the world
By competitive level I mean random tournaments i.e zekes/SCV rush style stuff. I have no delusions of trying to be a pro gamer or anything I just simply like competition.
Are you a really passive person in general or something??
I dunno, I don't think too much about how my hobbies will be perceived by others. I care about if they make me happy. Try some new things??
I don't overly care about how others perceive my hobbies, I know I like gaming. The issue for me personally is stuff like Sc2 is dying etc will actually cause me to stop playing Sc2, this is obviously a massive personal issue that I need to fix somehow.
Well if competitive gaming is your thing, you gotta realize that any game will slowly die out just a couple years after release. BW is an outlier that survived for over a decade and even still has some competitive players kicking around. If your concern is that you're gonna invest all that time into something that's gonna be passe, you should just stay away from video games in general and do something more timeless like chess or normal sports.
Your culture convinces you that you enjoy winning and status and money. You think you enjoy competition.
In truth, humans like fostering positive relationships, helping others, feeling a sense of belonging. Go try a random act of kindness and tell me it doesn't provide more fulfillment than winning a ladder game. If you really enjoy drive and personal improvement, try something that isn't pure ego driven, like learning an instrument.
If you just really like video games, try a game like Journey, a real work of art and you are cooperating instead of killing.
I just gotta say that everyone goes through periods where they lack enjoyment of the game. I'd bet that even most progamers have to take time off playing because they just don't enjoy it anymore (look at how many progamers have left sc2 or left their teams recently). I'd bet that a lot of the time, the only thing motivating them to go on is the fans they have to support them and stream viewers.
Otherwise you need to find motivation within yourself. You've said you have no delusions of being a progamer so there's no rush to get back into regular training. Don't force yourself to do what you don't feel like doing - set yourself goals of what you really want to acheive.
It's pretty normal to look back and inflict pain on yourself about how things went. I know I do. But let's not glamorize the progamer life.
I must have said this 10 times already in different topics, but I find meditation to be the best way to lead a life free of stress, addiction, emotional and physical pain. How it went for me: I did not find any positive effects until I devoted myself to it. This was also the time where I stopped building expectations of meditation. Now I have no trouble in meditating for hours on end, do I become bored? Not at all, the more the better and I even go on retreats once in a while to meditate for days. Heck, it's pretty addicting from the sheer amount of happiness I tend to get. The benefits include extended ability for relaxation, clarity of thoughts and long lasting enjoyment out of it all. I would even go so far to say that it makes one a more successful person in business and relationships. But let's be clear: that's not what it's about, because no meditator can ever be better than a non-meditator simply because someone does or not meditate, because it does not extend out of the self.
Both Reddit & FaceBook are quite potent downers, technology goes way faster than our bodies evolve, to the point where it's unable to keep up with the influx of constant emotions and adaptations of our social environment. I like to compare driving fast to keeping up social media every hour, because you can drive fast and get a high from it, but once something goes wrong the low you get from it is far bigger, so much bigger that it is sometimes correlated with mental illness. And leaving those types of things behind doesn't mean you don't live your life to its fullest, it just means you are being smart about it and don't give in to addictions/distractions which are hidden in plain sight.
On August 13 2013 04:12 peacenl wrote: It's pretty normal to look back and inflict pain on yourself about how things went. I know I do. But let's not glamorize the progamer life.
I must have said this 10 times already in different topics, but I find meditation to be the best way to lead a life free of stress, addiction, emotional and physical pain. How it went for me: I did not find any positive effects until I devoted myself to it. This was also the time where I stopped building expectations of meditation. Now I have no trouble in meditating for hours on end, do I become bored? Not at all, the more the better and I even go on retreats once in a while to meditate for days. Heck, it's pretty addicting from the sheer amount of happiness I tend to get. The benefits include extended ability for relaxation, clarity of thoughts and long lasting enjoyment out of it all. I would even go so far to say that it makes one a more successful person in business and relationships. But let's be clear: that's not what it's about, because no meditator can ever be better than a non-meditator simply because someone does or not meditate, because it does not extend out of the self.
Both Reddit & FaceBook are quite potent downers, technology goes way faster than our bodies evolve, to the point where it's unable to keep up with the influx of constant emotions and adaptations of our social environment. I like to compare driving fast to keeping up social media every hour, because you can drive fast and get a high from it, but once something goes wrong the low you get from it is far bigger, so much bigger that it is sometimes correlated with mental illness. And leaving those types of things behind doesn't mean you don't live your life to its fullest, it just means you are being smart about it and don't give in to addictions/distractions which are hidden in plain sight.
So definitely keep those two to a minimum.
I've actually been meaning to try meditation for a while now, I refuse to take medication for my anxiety outside of the occasional Ativan when it gets really bad and I feel like meditation would have a positive effect overall.
On August 13 2013 03:55 Artax wrote: If you really enjoy drive and personal improvement, try something that isn't pure ego driven, like learning an instrument.
Whoa whoa, learning an instrument can be purely ego driven too!
EPT
