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I'll try and keep this short but, here goes.
>known girl for 4-5 years
>been close friends with her for 2 of those years
>she's at least a 7/10, looks a lot like LiviBee for a comparison most of you will understand
>never had feelings for her
>had other girlfriends since meeting her
>she's never had a boyfriend, or even expressed interest in another boy (she had issues as a kid that I won't go into detail about)
>she gets asked out a lot, never bothered me because i knew she'd say no.
>she finally expressed interest in another guy
>he is showing interest in her too
>ohfuck my heart
>haven't felt this weird pain since I found out my (early) highschool crush~5 years ago had slept with another guy
>realize I'm into my friend, and that I probably won't handle it too well if she starts dating this guy
If it makes any difference, we're both 19 year old uni students. So I know that any relation-ship dramas at this age aren't a big deal.
what do I do TL?
Poll: What DoTell her I'm into her (29) 60% Do nothing and hope for the best (13) 27% Other: please comment (6) 13% 48 total votes Your vote: What Do (Vote): Tell her I'm into her
(Vote): Do nothing and hope for the best
(Vote): Other: please comment
  
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GGNORE you lost just like innovation lost to Maru. HAD 4 games to adjust and never did.
The only way I see this playing out is to do nothing. You had 4 years to do something and didn't, and now that your relationship is changing you got scared. It doesn't help that you've had other girlfriends. If things don't work out then go for it. But if you confess know you will probably lose a friend or make it really weird between you two, and you will get shot down if she does like the other person.
PS: Confessions usually don't work.
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On July 31 2013 01:44 MysteryMeat1 wrote:
GGNORE you lost just like innovation lost to Maru. HAD 4 games to adjust and never did.
The only way I see this playing out is to do nothing. You had 4 years to do something and didn't, and now that your relationship is changing you got scared. It doesn't help that you've had other girlfriends. If things don't work out then go for it. But if you confess know you will probably lose a friend or make it really weird between you two, and you will get shot down if she does like the other person.
PS: Confessions usually don't work.
I probably could have worded that better, by confess I mean, properly ask her out on a date, not beta out and tell her I'm into her and then wait around for her to say something.
thanks for the advice though, taken it into consideration. really the only thing holding me back from just asking her out is the possibility of losing a friend
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spoilers, my friend... spoilers...
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You tell her right now you like her as more than a friend AND she actually feels strongly about this guy, you will lose her as a friend or anything more.
Even though the "right" thing to do is tell her you have feelings for her, it doesn't give you the highest of chances of being with her.
My advice is patience, you don't want to tell her you like her as more than a friend when she's in love with another guy nor do you want to tell her this when she is satisfied physically and emotionally. (by another guy) I would recommend using subtle breakup techniques or just waiting it out if you think their relationship has a use by date.
After its over, see what you have to work with then make your move. You aren't screwed exactly but the things you can do presently with any form of positive outcome are limited.
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life is not an anime t-t
put yourself in her position
4 years of your best friend and you, just being friends, you've never dated and you finally found someone, do want them to suddenly put you in a position to choose? that's hard on anyone, esp for her if she didn't date people in that time.
just stand by her. if it's meant to be it's meant to be. sometimes you realize it's too late and that's okay too.
your stomach will hurt for a while. you won't want to see her, you'll cringe at her name, whatever. be as honest as you can - "i'm gonna be really busy in the next month or so, i need some time to rethink a few things" or something. make sure you're still there for her as a friend, contact her periodically and ask for how she and the dude are doing. bear through
and one day you'll wake up and either be over it or she'll be single and you can go from there
glhf
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Pandemona
Charlie Sheens House51493 Posts
Get some balls, man up and just say. I didn't realize it until now but i really like you and i would like to date you myself etcetc.
Now she might freak out at this but there is nothing more you can do if you really do like her you will have to accept her descion of what she makes
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Proposition her in this way: Use the whole " If we're both not married by 30, lets make babies" angle so she knows you're interested then bang her. Problem(s) solved.
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confessions are retarded
if you are gonna do something, it has to be a non verbal action, but the fact that you're doing it now only because someone else is playing with the toy you had neglected, so to speak, is something that is immediately gonna be picked up and probably not in a good way
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On July 31 2013 02:56 QuanticHawk wrote:
confessions are retarded
if you are gonna do something, it has to be a non verbal action, but the fact that you're doing it now only because someone else is playing with the toy you had neglected, so to speak, is something that is immediately gonna be picked up and probably not in a good way
Lmao do you just create a search query for "girl blogs" and respond to them all day?
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DO NOT confess. It will not work, and you will make it awkward. Find another girl. You also might get another opportunity if you wait.
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On July 31 2013 03:22 9-BiT wrote:Show nested quote +On July 31 2013 02:56 QuanticHawk wrote:
confessions are retarded
if you are gonna do something, it has to be a non verbal action, but the fact that you're doing it now only because someone else is playing with the toy you had neglected, so to speak, is something that is immediately gonna be picked up and probably not in a good way Lmao do you just create a search query for "girl blogs" and respond to them all day?
no hahah. there are just a shitload of girl blogs on here, and seeing as i dont play sc2 anymore, i don't have much interest in that section of the website or those blogs!
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Ask her out. As stated above, DO NOT CONFESS. It never works. Flirt, get touchy, show romantic and sexual interest in her. If you get rejected, try to make yourself as busy as possible and limit contact - this will help you get over it.
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On July 31 2013 03:34 QuanticHawk wrote:Show nested quote +On July 31 2013 03:22 9-BiT wrote:On July 31 2013 02:56 QuanticHawk wrote:
confessions are retarded
if you are gonna do something, it has to be a non verbal action, but the fact that you're doing it now only because someone else is playing with the toy you had neglected, so to speak, is something that is immediately gonna be picked up and probably not in a good way Lmao do you just create a search query for "girl blogs" and respond to them all day? no hahah. there are just a shitload of girl blogs on here, and seeing as i dont play sc2 anymore, i don't have much interest in that section of the website or those blogs!
I would love to see you condescendingly comment on all the sc2 blogs. It would be so entertaining, like: "That's a pathetic build man, you ought to get out of bronze league." or something.
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ahhhhh thankyou everyone for the replies. Goddamit I really shouldn't post anything 3 hours after I usually go to bed, oh well.
I think I'm just going to do nothing for the next few weeks and see what happens. If he asks her out or she asks him out, I'll do nothing and continue being her friend. If nothing happens between them I'll make a move (not confess, ask her out properly).
also that "someone is playing with the toy you neglected" remark, Hawk, I can see why you would think that, and maybe it's right to some degree, but if you knew the whole story, which you had no way of knowing, you'd probably see why I chose not to ask her out before now. but that's neither here nor there.
thanks again for the input guys, appreciated.
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On July 31 2013 03:22 9-BiT wrote:Show nested quote +On July 31 2013 02:56 QuanticHawk wrote:
confessions are retarded
if you are gonna do something, it has to be a non verbal action, but the fact that you're doing it now only because someone else is playing with the toy you had neglected, so to speak, is something that is immediately gonna be picked up and probably not in a good way Lmao do you just create a search query for "girl blogs" and respond to them all day?
He's incredibly cynical too. Always the "you have no chance" "give up" "dump her asap"
Almost makes me feel like he doesn't want to see people happy in a relationship for some reason. lol
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On July 31 2013 04:41 GhostOwl wrote:Show nested quote +On July 31 2013 03:22 9-BiT wrote:On July 31 2013 02:56 QuanticHawk wrote:
confessions are retarded
if you are gonna do something, it has to be a non verbal action, but the fact that you're doing it now only because someone else is playing with the toy you had neglected, so to speak, is something that is immediately gonna be picked up and probably not in a good way Lmao do you just create a search query for "girl blogs" and respond to them all day? He's incredibly cynical too. Always the "you have no chance" "give up" "dump her asap" Almost makes me feel like he doesn't want to see people happy in a relationship for some reason. lol
Actually, I'm inclined to think that his intentions are the exact opposite. Relationship advice just tends to be fairly divisive.
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On July 31 2013 04:31 Ikidomari wrote:
also that "someone is playing with the toy you neglected" remark, Hawk, I can see why you would think that, and maybe it's right to some degree, but if you knew the whole story, which you had no way of knowing, you'd probably see why I chose not to ask her out before now. but that's neither here nor there.
thanks again for the input guys, appreciated.
Neglected wasn't the best choice of words. More like you didn't realize what you had until her availability as a dating prospect was in jepordy. Basically, it will come across as jealousy, not actually liking her, which you do... That isn't a comment on your motivations (as stated, I don't know and it is irrelevent) but how she'll likely interpret that. Like even if she did feel similarly about you, that isn't the best starting point for a relationship and as you stated, it is best to problem let her do her own thing, learn from it and don't squander your next opportunity
On July 31 2013 04:27 jrkirby wrote:Show nested quote +On July 31 2013 03:34 QuanticHawk wrote:On July 31 2013 03:22 9-BiT wrote:On July 31 2013 02:56 QuanticHawk wrote:
confessions are retarded
if you are gonna do something, it has to be a non verbal action, but the fact that you're doing it now only because someone else is playing with the toy you had neglected, so to speak, is something that is immediately gonna be picked up and probably not in a good way Lmao do you just create a search query for "girl blogs" and respond to them all day? no hahah. there are just a shitload of girl blogs on here, and seeing as i dont play sc2 anymore, i don't have much interest in that section of the website or those blogs! I would love to see you condescendingly comment on all the sc2 blogs. It would be so entertaining, like: "That's a pathetic build man, you ought to get out of bronze league." or something.
hahahaha I am blunt, not condescending!
On July 31 2013 04:41 GhostOwl wrote:Show nested quote +On July 31 2013 03:22 9-BiT wrote:On July 31 2013 02:56 QuanticHawk wrote:
confessions are retarded
if you are gonna do something, it has to be a non verbal action, but the fact that you're doing it now only because someone else is playing with the toy you had neglected, so to speak, is something that is immediately gonna be picked up and probably not in a good way Lmao do you just create a search query for "girl blogs" and respond to them all day? He's incredibly cynical too. Always the "you have no chance" "give up" "dump her asap" Almost makes me feel like he doesn't want to see people happy in a relationship for some reason. lol
quite the opposite. happy is not the adjective i'd use to describe posting about your relationship issues in a blog rather than talking it out with your spouse, bitching about 'friendzone', lamenting over a lack of success, etc etc
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QuanticHawk's probably out to sabotage dudes by giving them bad advice. Definite "if I can't have it, nor should you" vibe...
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On July 31 2013 04:59 Djzapz wrote:
QuanticHawk's probably out to sabotage dudes by giving them bad advice. Definite "if I can't have it, nor should you" vibe...
If you can't distinguish between very obvious tongue in cheek posts and advice like what was posted above, you've probably got bigger problems than whatever is wrong in your relationship
In the interest of not further derailing this dude's thread and others by guessing my posting motivations, I cordially invite you and ghostowl to make a blog where you analyze my posts. I promise to make an appearance after I stop laughing about the fact that people actually care this much about my posting habits
Otherwise, let's keep comments about my posts to the thread at hand
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if it was 6/10 or less i'd say just wait but since it's a 7/10 i confidently voted for yes tell her asap. "like u a bunch let's watch starleagues together in my bed."
No but seriously, maybe you just don't want her to have somethign you don't since you're so close? "voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir hey sister soul sister
go sister go sister
getcha getcha yaya"
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On July 31 2013 05:20 QuanticHawk wrote:Show nested quote +On July 31 2013 04:59 Djzapz wrote:
QuanticHawk's probably out to sabotage dudes by giving them bad advice. Definite "if I can't have it, nor should you" vibe... If you can't distinguish between very obvious tongue in cheek posts and advice like what was posted above, you've probably got bigger problems than whatever is wrong in your relationship
That was slapped together cheaply in a classical diss phrasing structure...
But frankly I think it's relevant to the OP to let it be known that you have your little persona thing running and your advice should be taken for what it is. QuanticHawk's bummer stories. "Don't do it mate" inc.
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#1 you're an idiot and you blew it
#2 this situation seems bad any way you look at it.
#3 the only reasonable thing to do is to let her do her thing and stop talking to her and hope that she comes back one day, then make a move.
Under no circumstances let her come to you with her boy troubles for a shoulder to cry on unless you plan on making a move.
#3.4 Maybe after a while of her dating the guy you can say something very direct like, "hey if you weren't dating that guy I would ask you out. If a time comes where you are broken up, hit me up. Later chica"
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if she really is your friend, tell her.
But dont tell her to make a move, tell her so she understands why you will act strangely for a few months..
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On July 31 2013 05:57 MarlieChurphy wrote:
#1 you're an idiot and you blew it
#2 this situation seems bad any way you look at it.
#3 the only reasonable thing to do is to let her do her thing and stop talking to her and hope that she comes back one day, then make a move.
Under no circumstances let her come to you with her boy troubles for a shoulder to cry on unless you plan on making a move.
#3.4 Maybe after a while of her dating the guy you can say something very direct like, "hey if you weren't dating that guy I would ask you out. If a time comes where you are broken up, hit me up. Later chica"
Whatever you do, do not follow this guys' advice. Terrible piece of advice right here.
And you didn't blow anything, nor does the situation look really bad. Don't stop talking to her, and don't hope she comes back one day by a miracle. Don't tell her anything after she starts dating the guy.
Other advice in this thread is better.
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I picture QuanticHawk trying to be Ryan Gosling slapping that dude is crazy stupid love. I feel that's far more likely than trying to give bad advice out of spite.
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On July 31 2013 04:59 Djzapz wrote:
QuanticHawk's probably out to sabotage dudes by giving them bad advice. Definite "if I can't have it, nor should you" vibe...
He actually gives a surprising amount of good advice. Granted, he's a dick a lot as well, but sometimes he'll really give you good advice.
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On July 31 2013 08:10 DsT-Napoleon wrote:
I picture QuanticHawk trying to be Ryan Gosling slapping that dude is crazy stupid love. I feel that's far more likely than trying to give bad advice out of spite.
I feel some fellow nerd at his computer is far more likely than ryan gosling in crazy stupid love..
On July 31 2013 08:20 AnachronisticAnarchy wrote:Show nested quote +On July 31 2013 04:59 Djzapz wrote:
QuanticHawk's probably out to sabotage dudes by giving them bad advice. Definite "if I can't have it, nor should you" vibe... He actually gives a surprising amount of good advice. Granted, he's a dick a lot as well, but sometimes he'll really give you good advice.
Ya despite his likely unwarranted tone of superiority i think he can help those poor illusory souls clinging to silly childhood myths of romance.
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OP, do yourself a favor and cut loose here for a bit, throw me a bone. Why exactly does she shy away from relationships. If it's because she was raped/abused/neglected as a child, then it is imperative that you DO NOT tell her how you feel and that you move on and keep her as your Lucy. If instead she just had a shitty relationship when she was young and she became scared, then definitely tell her because you will most likely treat her better than other guys, and you will get it off your chest. Can we get a bit more info though, I don't need her phone number or name, but this is a big detail.
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Poor illusory souls aren't likely to respond well to people calling them names. Plus I've seen him telling people to give up more than once because they're idiots and they're not going to manage so might as well call it a day, when in reality sometimes they should just give it a go and if it didn't work it would set them straight more than some dude on the interwebs ever could.
If a dude is having relationship issues and quite possibly self-esteem issues and you drop a fucking bomb on them, odds are, you're not doing them any favor by setting themselves "straight" rudely while having a good laugh.
Docvoc just above me is doing it right. Telling his opinion without belittling the guy.
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She's into another guy and all of the sudden you get interested? Sigh. Dat reprocreation nature of the animal. I'm sure you realise how absurd it is. That's how it looks from my PoV anyways. Seems like some case of jealousy to me.
But hey, who am I, right?
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@djzapz Yeah I agree that "belittling" is a usually not productive. Makes me regret my sarcasm. I think some things ought to be belittled though.. like things that are taken so seriously that they hurt someone.
@OP Sorry for being sarcastic about the 7/10 thing. What I really meant to say is that it sounds really shallow to have one point of the criteria be her score on a visual test. I think it should be more about how she makes you feel and why.. But maybe that's my own bias. Good luck!
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You're been selfish. She's still gonna be your friend. Your feelings (from my perspective) look less like attraction and more like
a kid whos lost attention from his mom because she's had a baby. Shes still gonna be your friend. You just get less attention.
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So the whole time she hasn't shown interest in other guys, yet you've been close friends since end-ish years of high school. It sounds like she was into you dude. She's been waiting for you this whole time.
Her expressing interest in another guy shows she has finally moved on from you. Any attempt by you to regain her interest in you will be met with a lot of pain. She will see you as the source of that pain. If she does accept you after the pain subsides (she won't), is that really how you want to start this kind of relationship?
Stay friends, keep acting normal, date other girls. If they break up you have your shot. But you might as well find someone else in the meantime.
Edit: That's not to say you can't drop non-verbal hints that you like her. If she sees you acting a bit differently in this way, she may give you a little more time depending on what she decides, but it's a long shot at this point. She has already waited for you long enough, so don't expect to get an extension on that dissertation.
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On July 31 2013 02:17 Juliette wrote:
life is not an anime t-t
put yourself in her position
4 years of your best friend and you, just being friends, you've never dated and you finally found someone, do want them to suddenly put you in a position to choose? that's hard on anyone, esp for her if she didn't date people in that time.
just stand by her. if it's meant to be it's meant to be. sometimes you realize it's too late and that's okay too.
your stomach will hurt for a while. you won't want to see her, you'll cringe at her name, whatever. be as honest as you can - "i'm gonna be really busy in the next month or so, i need some time to rethink a few things" or something. make sure you're still there for her as a friend, contact her periodically and ask for how she and the dude are doing. bear through
and one day you'll wake up and either be over it or she'll be single and you can go from there
glhf
THIS.
This is one of the best girl blog responses ever. Follow this advice OP. It is quite solid.
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On July 31 2013 06:59 YouthSC wrote:Show nested quote +On July 31 2013 05:57 MarlieChurphy wrote:
#1 you're an idiot and you blew it
#2 this situation seems bad any way you look at it.
#3 the only reasonable thing to do is to let her do her thing and stop talking to her and hope that she comes back one day, then make a move.
Under no circumstances let her come to you with her boy troubles for a shoulder to cry on unless you plan on making a move.
#3.4 Maybe after a while of her dating the guy you can say something very direct like, "hey if you weren't dating that guy I would ask you out. If a time comes where you are broken up, hit me up. Later chica" Whatever you do, do not follow this guys' advice. Terrible piece of advice right here. And you didn't blow anything, nor does the situation look really bad. Don't stop talking to her, and don't hope she comes back one day by a miracle. Don't tell her anything after she starts dating the guy. Other advice in this thread is better.
Just curious why you think this is bad, have you tried something similar or seen something similar happen?
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1001 YEARS KESPAJAIL22272 Posts
I'd tell her I like her, prove to her I am awesome, and then if it doesn't work out, too bad. (and yes I do follow my own advice)
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On July 31 2013 16:24 lichter wrote:
I'd tell her I like her, prove to her I am awesome, and then if it doesn't work out, too bad. (and yes I do follow my own advice)
You should probably back up this claim by telling the OP whether your single or not.
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Dude, you're 19. Just go with it and show her you're interested. Don't just surprise confess her. You're going to have to do something different in order to try to get her attracted to you. She clearly hasn't been attracted to you as of yet, so you have to do something to change this.
Also do realize it's pretty dumb of you to have feelings because some other guy comes along. Try to recognize this as a fault and deal with it.
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1001 YEARS KESPAJAIL22272 Posts
On July 31 2013 17:52 MysteryMeat1 wrote:Show nested quote +On July 31 2013 16:24 lichter wrote:
I'd tell her I like her, prove to her I am awesome, and then if it doesn't work out, too bad. (and yes I do follow my own advice) You should probably back up this claim by telling the OP whether your single or not.
Single currently but it has nothing to do with my advice; I've been uninterested in dating again.
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On July 31 2013 08:10 DsT-Napoleon wrote:
I picture QuanticHawk trying to be Ryan Gosling slapping that dude is crazy stupid love. I feel that's far more likely than trying to give bad advice out of spite.
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So what have you decided to do Mr. Op??
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EPT![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/uWmLq7k.jpg)
