I knew something was wrong. The usual phone call seemed unusual. Her voice was rather quiet, and her attitude was even more quiet. 'Mio, what's wrong?' I asked her in Japanese. She replies, 'nothing.' 5 more minutes of unusual awkward conversation ensues. Experiences have taught me that some Japanese girls will not tell you everything on their minds. I reach my breaking point. I say to her 'tell me why you are being so cold?' She skirts around the question by telling me its because of the cold weather. At that point, I knew it. Our relationship would soon come to an end. It was only a month of adventure, but franky, I was exhausted too. I felt that she had borderline personality disorder. She would easily get angry at me for no reason, and back to easily being happy. The breakup would be a blessing in disguise that I would realize only now.
During that week, I was very stressed. I still very much liked the girl, her breakup seemed to make no sense, especially when we had a recent happy date in Tokyo disneyland. Later that week, she told me she had simply lost feelings for me because she realized we are not compatible. Me, being a little pathetic sap I was, said that we could make it work. I could change. I asked for another chance. She simply refused. At that point, I wondered what was it that I did that messed everything up. I treated her nicely, and I felt I was fairly entertaining when we were dating. But later I realized it would not have made a difference.
I sat down and thought about a few things. A few things seemed not right. For one, there was a picture of her I took that she really liked. The day we broke up, she used the picture as her profile picture on a messaging app. On her facebook, there seemed to be photos of food and restaurants and scenary...all of which would have been perfect date photos. I would no way of knowing whether there was a guy with her because the photos did not show a person. It did cut off at a rather masculine arm, however. Few days after the breakup, I confronted her about her cheating on me. I told her I didn't have perfect evidence but everything would make much more sense if she found another guy and left me. She denied it while displaying harsh demeanor. When people lie, they seem much more emotional than usual. Her tone told me what I needed to know; I was right.
I told her she was a scum for cheating on me. Later that week, she uploaded photos of the guy she went on a date with on fb. Because we've only been going out for a month and a half, it didn't feel like hell, but it was still incredibly frustrating. It was also the first time a girl cheated on me. I stopped messaging her and told myself to forget about her. It was a lesson well learned. Before this experience, I was naive enough to believe that Japanese girls are less likely than Western girls to cheat. After this experience, I talked with some Japanese male friends who told me that cheating is rampant here.
There are three reasons for this.
For one, texting is way more dominant than calling here. When we meet new people here, we almost always text. Even during relationships, its rare to have relationships where you call each other daily. Phone charges / phone calling is expensive in cell phone plans here, and has only recently begun to break out of its shell with the increase in popularity with a free calling / texting app called LINE. When you text your girlfriend / boyfriend all the time, it's hard to know if they are out with another guy / clubbing.
For two, it seems to me that Japanese guys are not very faithful (just my opinion). When the guys are not faithful, it breeds the same nature on the girls who are cheated on. The trend of cheating うわき is something that worries me everytime I meet a girl here.
For three, its not as common as Western countries for you to introduce your girlfriend/boyfriend to your inner circle of friends. I don't know why they don't do this, but because your girl/guy is not connected to your friends, you don't hold a sense of guilt, there are no accountability check by your friends, and so on.
Before I came to Japan, I thought of Japanese girls as innocent and timid beings. I realize now, that an average Japanese girl is more likely to cheat on you as a girl back home in the States. They are not afraid to rip your heart apart. Of course, this is not the same for every girl, but after dating around and meeting a lot of girls here, this is the view that I have developed.
The nasty breakup wasn't the sole reason for me to develop this view, it's just stories of things happening to my friends here and living here that has really taught me this. I'm currently in a new healthy relationship here so it's not me being just bitter or whatnot.
If you're coming to Japan for the food / culture / experience, I recommend it. If you're coming here to meet your future wife / girl of your dreams, forget it. If you're coming here to try to get some easy sex, be prepared to get used to uglier girls (these tend to like foreigners...maybe desperation? I dont know) If you're coming here to work, forget it. Japanese work life is dull, inefficient, and terrible.
Anyway, please wait for my future Japan blogs on different things. If you want me to blog about something, please write in comments what you want to learn about.
Thanks for listening.