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Scorpion77, I want to share a revelation that I have had recently and that might be helpful in your situation.
I was asking myself "What makes a person worthy of respect? What is it a person can do in his life to make it a worthwhile and honorable one?" And I realized that all along I had been under the assumption this had something to do with achievement, of possessing great skill, wealth, or status. But this is really not at all the case. What happens when you take a person and strip them of all skills, wealth and status? You are left with the bare soul, the essence of a person. If he then crumbles under adversity, then he was really not so great after all. It is only by directly testing the character of a person that you can really judge their worth.
That means your value as a person is determined by what you can do when you have nothing, no advantages, no status, no special talents. And this is exactly the situation you have described. Your lack of development and achievement is meaningless when judging your worthiness as a human being. Your worthiness has everything to do with what you can make out of a shitty situation through the sheer strength of your spirit.
You say you have nothing, but that means you have every opportunity to prove something to yourself. If you can find the resiliency of will and drive to, from your current situation, become a complete and fully realized human being, then you will have everything to live for. What I'm saying is that you can have all the social skills and scholastic achievement that you talk about, but the fact that you don't have it now has no bearing on your worth. If you can achieve these things that you want with no advantages gifted to you, as a late-bloomer, then you are greater than all those who simply coasted off the natural advantages given to them.
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On February 19 2013 02:21 Scorpion77 wrote:Show nested quote +On February 19 2013 02:17 Shady Sands wrote:On February 19 2013 02:13 Scorpion77 wrote:On February 19 2013 02:11 Shady Sands wrote:
Dude, don't feel this way man. Are you in college? Join a club, take an interesting class, meet some people, and things will change i am doing an access to university course, it is one-year, it started in september and ends in 9 weeks of classes. But i've squandered the opportunity to get to know anyone and they think i'm weird now, i have no hobbies really... i just browse the internet, read the news and read wikipedia. I am boring I have no idea how to make friends in adulthood, in school i made friends by just following people, i hardly ever made any effort to interact with them outside school hours. I am completely dependent on my mum, she does lots of things for me - but she won't be around forever, if she dies then I'll be useless Why don't you get a job then? My first set of real "adult" friends were the co-workers at my first job i'm too socially anxious, there are so many basic things i cannot do, I went to the bakery for the first time in my life, alone, when i was 19, even though it is just across the road.
it's probably been said already but the ability to socialize is a skill; in other words, you have to do it to get good at it. you have to force yourself to be around people and be uncomfortable for a while if you want to be comfortable around them. then, one day, it'll just click and you'll understand how to be social without being anxious. I've been in your shoes almost exactly .I was always a shut-in as a child and I did all of my high school online because I hated dealing with people, but when I graduated high school, I decided I was going to make things change. I started forcing myself to be social and gradually got more comfortable with it. Now, I'm pretty well known on campus and I have a large social circle. My social anxiety isn't completely gone, but it's absolutely better than it was when I was younger.
TLDR, think of socializing as a skill, or even like a muscle. you gotta work it to make it strong.
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To be honest I felt like this as well. A girl pursued me, I unintentionally got her pregnant, changed my life forever....although we're not together now. Find something to live for other than yourself...It helps :D
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Maybe join the army? this will force you to do things and you wont be thinking much since you will have to work hard.
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Just don't kill yourself, it would waste all the effort you put into anything in your 20 years.
As for the issues you have listed, one problem I can see is that you cite not developing yourself during your teens as an issue. This confuses me as it is perfectly valid to develop yourself at your current age (as I am currently doing now)
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Battery running out, but for now, man i believe in you, just hang in there for longer.
Quick edit:
"i'm too socially anxious, there are so many basic things i cannot do, I went to the bakery for the first time in my life, alone, when i was 19, even though it is just across the road."
To make you feel better, I haven't even done this till 19 either! If anything, your better than me so why give up now?
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@Scorpion77 No one on this forum knows enough about psyhcology to help you, and even if they did they have no way of doing a proper examiniation regarding what you need for treatment.
If you are honest about what you written in previous posts I would consider this as a pretty strong depression, specially since you are starting to feel that you no longer can relate to other human beings.
Stop thinking or wondering and don't make any decisions for yourself without consulting someone else first. Go seek professional help, dial whatever emergency number your country has and tell them what you wrote here and get yourself to some sort of treatment.
Again, unless this is a joke or a troll then this sounds like pretty severe and the only way for you to solve this is to go see professional help. Asking random people on some forum won't help you.
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ignore everyone else and go see a professional. exercise and eating right isnt gonna be of help to someone whose so despondent that theyre considering self harm goddamnit people. how the hell does someone say that to someone who just said they have suicidal thoughts
stop the self diagnosis too. you have no idea if what you're saying is true (probably not) and it's not like you'd know how to properly deal with it either. a psychiatrist can diagnose you, allow you to vent, help you develop coping methods and give you medicine if need be
please for the love of god dont put your mental well being in the hands of some idiots in tl's blogs
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Look, if you really have suicidal tendencies, I don't think TL is the place to go. I'm no psychologist but I do have few things to say:
On February 19 2013 20:33 Scorpion77 wrote:
What can I do to save myself?
Start by reading THIS.
This article is blunt, sad and cynical at times (But the "can you quack" video will put a smile on your face), but it is very true.
You are judged by what you can do for people, you are judged by yourself and you are judged by others.
Start doing something that will benefit other people. Say to yourself "By the end of the year, I want to know how to do this", and "this" can be many different things.
For example:
-You say you are a gaming addict, so you must be good at some games at least. Lets say your in Masters League in SC2. Start looking at the Strategy Forum for people who ask for help in their play, watch the replays and write what the person asking for help could have done better.
-As some people mentioned, start hitting the Gym. You don't have to be very socializing, just set your goals and work on them. Don't be afraid to tell the instructor: "This is my 1st time at the Gym, please show me how to work out".
-Start doing something like cooking or playing guitar. You don't have to learn in some schools or something, the internet is full of guides that you can learn from them yourself.
You don't have to do everything at once, start with one thing at a time, and you self esteem will improve, and people will respect you despite your "lack of social skills", and most improtant, you will respect yourself, you will be proud of yourself for doing something for other people.
Good luck, 20 years is a really young age and you have a full life ahead of you, don't cut it short.
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Why the hell are you not in therapy, get help.
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Also this thread has some of the most ignorant advice I've ever seen. I admit I've only spent 2 years studying psychology myself but jesus christ people, this person needs to talk to a doctor.
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You say you rely on other people too much, like your mom?
You should take the initiative to do something on your own, like seeing a therapist/doctor. You can express how you feel and get professional help on how you can deal with your mental health. Go for it, don't wait.
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On February 19 2013 20:33 Scorpion77 wrote:
guys, I've been living through other people. I think i have Avoidant Personality Disorder. I've been lying to my parents saying i've been doing good on my course when I am about to fail. I think their marriage is going to break down and my dad is going to abandon us - he is the breadwinner. I feel like a useless human, I don't see any way out for me. I am too anxious to even go to the gym, i don't know what to do - how to use the equipment, what to eat... I feel completely useless, this is not what a 20 yaer old should be worrying about - I stunted my teenage years by not socialising and learning the critical skills to succeed in the real world - now i am just drifting.
i've grown up far too dependent on my mum - she does everything for me, she has completely controlled my upbringing and now i am a child - i feel like i can't make any independent decisions now. I've been overindulged, my mum is always doing things for me and now i have no intention of doing anything with my life. I think this is the end for me. I've become narcissistic and egotistical now, I don't relate to other humans.
What can I do to save myself?
a lot of people have already told you exactly what you need to do. if you want to tackle your anxiety and become a social person, the only way to do it is to get out there and force yourself into social situations that might be uncomfortable right now. it's not like you're just going to wake up one morning and say "wow, suddenly my anxiety is gone and I can be as social as I want to!" it doesn't work that way.
as far as other issues, see a therapist. but you already know what the answer is when it comes to your anxiety.
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Don't break your mother's heart.
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That is the worst thing you can do op....I used to be in your shoes too. I had bad social anxiety myself that lasted through high school, I never really interacted with friends until senior year (mostly from a BW addiction I will admit). Like anything else, you just have to work at it. Get excuses to go outside and interact with people. Doesn't matter if it is going the gym or just grocery shopping. Hell I still have a gaming addiction but there isn't much I can do except apply to every job I can out there and hope something comes up. I have been looking for a job for years.
Honestly, take your moms advice and go to college for a bit and see where it takes you. It could do nothing like it did for me or it could lead you a bit into what you want to do with your life. Don't give up so easily.
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Rather than saying don't feel this way, I think it is worth saying that new treatments for this kind of thing are coming out every day. What you are going through sounds incredibly difficult, who can blame you for feeling like you will be pushed over the edge. However, this does not mean things can't improve. I have family and friends with identical and similar conditions and they have seen an incredible improvement in quality of life, sometimes through great medication, and sometimes just through life.
I think it is worth noting that a lot of the big names in our community may not have suffered from mental illness, but certainly did not seem to spend their youth in the conventional way. Artosis in particular comes to mind as someone who describes his life as being starcraft focused, and remaining a late bloomer to dating etc. Yet he turned out fine, well liked, and successful.
My cousin committed suicide and I couldn't help but realize how much of a terrible waste that was, despite feeling those same thoughts myself for much of the following years.
I guess all I can say is good luck with your struggles, and pursue treatment. It can make a world of difference. Don't let other people sell you short. They can't understand the stresses you go through. More importantly, don't let yourself be your greatest enemy, I know it is hard but try not to look at yourself and your life in such a negative light. Asking for support through this website is another step forward into trying to get your life together and I really respect you for that
If you need other support message me
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I felt the same exact way when I was 20.
I have bad news OP. It gets worse. Much worse. Then, once you really accept your own death, things get a little better, and you can stop worrying about building up a house that is just going to burn down.
Your only real hope is drugs. Don't listen to these ignorant people who say "just do and feel differently than your biology mandates." I know talking to a doctor or psychiatrist sounds like hell, but the alternative is a life of misery. Maybe they can prescribe something that will improve your behavior and outlook on life, and make you less SA. Everything is worth a shot when you have nothing to lose.
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Whenever I got emo back in HS or college all I did was masturbate furiously, like upwards of 20 times a day. Sure you'd be shooting blanks but the cleanup is easier and the chemical triggers in the brain still went on!
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On February 20 2013 04:02 AmorFatiAbyss wrote:
I felt the same exact way when I was 20.
I have bad news OP. It gets worse. Much worse. Then, once you really accept your own death, things get a little better, and you can stop worrying about building up a house that is just going to burn down.
Your only real hope is drugs. Don't listen to these ignorant people who say "just do and feel differently than your biology mandates." I know talking to a doctor or psychiatrist sounds like hell, but the alternative is a life of misery. Maybe they can prescribe something that will improve your behavior and outlook on life, and make you less SA. Everything is worth a shot when you have nothing to lose.
I hope you're kidding, dude. Medication isn't the answer to everything; in fact, a lot of the time it just makes things worse because we're talking about really sensitive brain chemicals here and it's very difficult to get the meds "just right" for a person.
Also, your "don't go against what your biology mandates" position would get you laughed out of just about any serious meeting or group of people who actually have experience dealing with/treating anxiety. You can't just "medicate" anxiety away because there's almost always an underlying cause that needs to be dealt with. For example, lack of confidence. Coming from my own personal experience and the experience of maaaaannny others, the best way to deal with social anxiety is to just get out there and take it head on. Then you realize it isn't so bad and you can at least function with it.
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On February 20 2013 04:02 AmorFatiAbyss wrote:
I felt the same exact way when I was 20.
I have bad news OP. It gets worse. Much worse. Then, once you really accept your own death, things get a little better, and you can stop worrying about building up a house that is just going to burn down.
Your only real hope is drugs. Don't listen to these ignorant people who say "just do and feel differently than your biology mandates." I know talking to a doctor or psychiatrist sounds like hell, but the alternative is a life of misery. Maybe they can prescribe something that will improve your behavior and outlook on life, and make you less SA. Everything is worth a shot when you have nothing to lose.
Drugs are definitely not the only answer, cognitive therapy has been found to be just as effective in many cases. Usually a mix is most effective, and drugs only have to be temporary.
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EPT
