|
Hey TL, normally I wouldn't be so lazy about posting, but I've done pretty much all my apps this Winter Break. To be honest, it was exhausting, I hated it. On the brightside, I wrote a couple about Starcraft based on the advice given to me by a couple college essay counselors; they basically said to write about it because it reflects me. So yeah, here they are, critique them, do whatever with them, but I can't believe I actually wrote college essays on SC/SC2.
College Essays About Starcraft
Essay for Stanford Concerning What My Roomate Should Know About Me
+ Show Spoiler +
I am not a proper Southern child. Despite growing up in the South, and living around what most would call the remnants of the Old South, I am an atypical southern boy. Following professional gaming, or E-Sports, is unheard of in the South. It is weird, even impossible, to explain to most where I live. The staying up late, the perseverance required to stay with something when everyone gives me a strange look when I bring it up, following E-Sports requires an unquestioned love of the scene. The system is complex, but team affiliation is straightforward; E-Sports devotees do not just watch their favorite teams, they bleed team colors. Following E-Sports is not a popular southern practice, and yet I love that I do. I cannot help but love watching the competitions, the late nights, and even the fact that I can have this experience when so many others simply overlook it. It is something I appreciate, that I know people older than me would balk at the idea. Similarly, skateboarding has become an activity that contrasts against the background I come from. Like following E-Sports, skateboarding requires a love that remains past all the near-death experiences; to skateboard in the South means staying on the board when people speed at you. At first one would think that skateboarding would not equal a social interaction that bucks against the system, but in my experience it signals even greater defiance than normal teenage rebellion. I personally enjoy longboarding and skateboarding immensely, but, to the old money that enjoy trying to hit me with their cars, either activity seems to mark me as a social misfit bent on ruining good areas with my dissidence. It takes a certain perseverance to continue doing an activity after being pulled over by security officers for simply doing the activity in my neighborhood. I do not think that I am not enormously rebellious, but society does not see it my way. Though, any way I put it, I am not a southern good ol’ boy.
Essay for Johns Hopkins Concerning Something I Like That an App Would Never Find
+ Show Spoiler +
Creativity in the blink of an eye…no, faster than that, so fast that the linear erupts into the third dimension. Its deceptive initial adagio springs into a fusion of frenetic activity. It starts off slow, and it slowly builds exponentially, until it hits its apex at over 300 actions a minute. It starts to hit its full swing, creativity happening so fast that the reasons behind the actions become hard to discern, one logical step after the next with no thought behind the logic. They expand their field of view, everywhere all at once, like gods ruling over their own dominion, not one detail is missed, no action imperfect. A vivid picture is being painted through the strokes of creativity at a blistering speed. Then at once, the creativity explodes; it blossoms into an ever-changing picture of movement so fast most couldn’t hope to keep up. Finally, it’s at full bloom, every movement seems cold and calculated, a meter takes over the hands, a rhythm forms. The rhythm starts to choose its side, but the hands move faster to take the rhythm back. Suddenly something happens, anything happens, the creative license to do anything at any time happens, and most importantly right now happens. It morphs into a different style, that something begins to snowball, becoming something impossible to confront. This snowball entrances everyone who sees it, and it becomes the coup-de-grace at the end, an unstoppable force, a victor is crowned. That is why I love Starcraft.
I want to say before people attack that I shouldn't have used Starcraft for this, I want the college admissions offices to have a feeling about what I write. I would rather they scorn what I wrote saying that I waste my time on trivial games than have them pass my essay off as just normal gutter that isn't worth their time. Of course I'd rather they love it, but that is beyond my control. I was told that this might not be a terrible idea, so I did it. Also here is my college essay blog, all my nice readers will no longer have to suffer through another until grad school ^_^.
EDIT: On January 02 2013 10:37 Aerisky wrote:
Also, to my knowledge, doc is a smart kid so he has the liberty of going somewhere unorthodox with his essays (as opposed to a gamer whose poor grades, and what else have you, would represent him/her as someone who slacks because of games). Just fyi and to add to his last disclaimer paragraph.
- wanted to add this because Aerisky is right that this should be added for the reasons he stated  .
 
|
Also, to my knowledge, doc is a smart kid so he has the liberty of going somewhere unorthodox with his essays (as opposed to a gamer whose poor grades, and what else have you, would represent him/her as someone who slacks because of games). Just fyi and to add to his last disclaimer paragraph.
Cool stuff, best of luck yo! Just curious: what are your top choices, what do you want to do with your life, and what are your intended fields of study? =P
|
I remember there was a student who got into Yale who wrote the main essay on the Legend of Zelda.
I wrote my main essay on Final Fantasy VIII.
As long as you execute well, the subject of the essay doesn't really matter. Good luck.
|
Very cool man I also write college essays about Starcraft lol ^^
|
Love your JHU* essay, especially the beginning.
edit: TYPOOO
|
On January 02 2013 10:37 Aerisky wrote:
Also, to my knowledge, doc is a smart kid so he has the liberty of going somewhere unorthodox with his essays (as opposed to a gamer whose poor grades, and what else have you, would represent him/her as someone who slacks because of games). Just fyi and to add to his last disclaimer paragraph.
Cool stuff, best of luck yo! Just curious: what are your top choices, what do you want to do with your life, and what are your intended fields of study? =P
To answer you Aeri
1. Not that smart unfortunately, my scores are just barely enough to get into the schools I want, and even then it's the lower 50% haha. Though I'm definitely no slouch
2. My top choice is Stanford, followed my Washington University in St. Louis. My second used to be Columbia, but then I found out that they have some serious anti-semetism going there and I was like, do not want.
3. I have no idea what I'm gonna do, I'm a huge jack of all trades master of none kind of highschooler. Never good enough to be great, good enough to get by with everyone else haha. I know it will have to do with talking though, because being somewhat charismatic is the only trait that might make money haha.
3. My intended field of study as of right now is Philosophy, but we will see how that goes haha.
Thanks for the help with the disclaimer, I probably should have put that in too  , I'll add it to the blog.
|
Ah gotcha, thanks for the response :D :D
Though hm that's interesting, always thought Columbia was one of the schools that specifically had lots of Jewish traditions/communities and what have you. That's kind of surprising, and I don't blame you, then. Nice choices in Stanford in wustl~ And yeah I've felt exactly that way as well--in terms of being a jack of all trades but master of none.
I'm sure you'll do well! Keep us posted!
|
On January 02 2013 10:45 Disregard wrote:
Love your JHU* essay, especially the beginning.
edit: TYPOOO
haha thanks a lot , I really want to get into JHU. I don't know where I'll end up, but I used that essay for at least a couple apps, so your response is reassuring haha.
|
I understand that you are relating painting or music or masturbating or something to Starcraft in the JHU essay but I would be really wary having an admissions officer read it. The metaphor is far too abstract for someone completely unfamiliar with Starcraft.
All I can imagine the admissions officer thinking after reading that is, "What is Starcraft?"
Good luck though, congratulations on finishing all your apps!
|
is esports such a big part of your life, though, that you'd want to involve it as the first thing your roommate reads about you?
|
On January 02 2013 12:40 Juliette wrote:
is esports such a big part of your life, though, that you'd want to involve it as the first thing your roommate reads about you?
The point was less to tell my roomate something as it was to kind of show something that I care about. The point of the roommate one was to tell them that I am not a "Proper Southern Boy." I used that as an example of how I do not qualify as a good ole boy, that said I also used the example of skateboarding and longboarding to be fair. Being truly honest here, college essays are bullshit, and I mean that in the nicest way possible. I can't reveal something about me that tells them too much, I have to reveal and withold, but at the same time I can't reveal anything too deep that 2000 characters (spaces are counted as characters) can't explain. I spend a lot of time on video games, they have been part of my life since I was young, and have been a healthy way (sometimes unhealthy) to relieve stress. In a lot of ways, writing an essay about video games shows that I have balls; I am willing to write about something that most adults find as a taboo subject or worse, a waste of time. Like I said, I wrote things that I thought would have an effect on the person reading them, whether or not they knew what Starcraft was or the video games in general. People are afraid to write things like that to college reps, I'm not. All that being said, no video games aren't my first priority nor will they ever be, but I think if you had that kind of a questioning feeling, then I succeeded in at least making you feel.
- sorry for the wall of text Juliette .
EDIT: fixed a typo
|
oooh wustl is my top choice maybe we'll meet one day!
i though about johns hopkins but baltimore is scary
|
I would refrain from writing about Starcraft, not for its lack of legitimacy, but rather how a typical person would perceive it.
I too wanted to write about Starcraft initially, but decided against it, and am very happy that I did so.
If I did end up writing Starcraft, I do not know if I would have been accepted into the schools i desired.
|
2. My top choice is Stanford, followed my Washington University in St. Louis. My second used to be Columbia, but then I found out that they have some serious anti-semetism going there and I was like, do not want.
You are seriously mistaken about the culture of Columbia. I'm not sure what you have been reading, but from a brief google search I see something about a professor named Massad. I hope you don't judge the entire student or faculty body based off of this one person.
You do know that Columbia has a Jewish theological seminary, and is one of the most liberal and ethnically diverse schools in the top 10?
|
On January 02 2013 14:42 Panya wrote:Show nested quote +2. My top choice is Stanford, followed my Washington University in St. Louis. My second used to be Columbia, but then I found out that they have some serious anti-semetism going there and I was like, do not want. You are seriously mistaken about the culture of Columbia. I'm not sure what you have been reading, but from a brief google search I see something about a professor named Massad. I hope you don't judge the entire student or faculty body based off of this one person. You do know that Columbia has a Jewish theological seminary, and is one of the most liberal and ethnically diverse schools in the top 10?
Studies have shown that of all the Ivies,Columbia's jewish acceptance rates have plummeted. When bringing Ahmedinejad to the school, they forgoed any action when jewish school groups protested what he said and the libel. I have nothing against Professre Massad, I don't know who he is. Also I know they have the seminary, but there are other schools with seminaries, seminaries do not make up for action by the board and executives.
|
What studies do you refer to (I made a quick search and I did not find anything)? I'm highly skeptical of Columbia's Jewish acceptance rate plummeting, and even if they were, surely you cannot relate that simply to a casual effect of anti-semitism.
I was not there at the time of Ahmedinejad's visit, so correct me if I'm mistaken, but the guy came, said something like the holocaust is theory, hated on Israelis etc. I've heard of many complaints about Columbia bringing such a controversial figure to speak, but what do you want the board of directors or PrezBo to do, invite him to talk knowing full well what kind of guy and what kind of country he is from, and then arrest him for speaking? It was admittedly a controversial topic that the time but to call the whole school racist towards Jews because of it is ridiculous.
If anything, Columbia treats Jewish students very well. There's a gigantic Jewish student body, and there's some large Jewish club that's apparently the biggest student organization (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Columbia/Barnard_Hillel). There's also a Kraft center for Jewish students or something.
|
On January 02 2013 15:27 Panya wrote:
What studies do you refer to (I made a quick search and I did not find anything)? I'm highly skeptical of Columbia's Jewish acceptance rate plummeting, and even if they were, surely you cannot relate that simply to a casual effect of anti-semitism.
I was not there at the time of Ahmedinejad's visit, so correct me if I'm mistaken, but the guy came, said something like the holocaust is theory, hated on Israelis etc. I've heard of many complaints about Columbia bringing such a controversial figure to speak, but what do you want the board of directors or PrezBo to do, invite him to talk knowing full well what kind of guy and what kind of country he is from, and then arrest him for speaking? It was admittedly a controversial topic that the time but to call the whole school racist towards Jews because of it is ridiculous.
If anything, Columbia treats Jewish students very well. There's a gigantic Jewish student body, and there's some large Jewish club that's apparently the biggest student organization (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Columbia/Barnard_Hillel). There's also a Kraft center for Jewish students or something.
I'm not going to derail the thread here, since it isn't about Columbia, but the Ahmedinejad situation + Massad (I remember him now), even without what I had read about (forget where, I'm sorry about that, I tried to find it but couldn't) that their acceptance had declined immensely, does not show well. They fell off for other reasons, that wasn't the only one haha, but mainly those have to do with environment. You are right that I am making a mountain out of a molehill.
|
On January 02 2013 15:45 docvoc wrote:Show nested quote +On January 02 2013 15:27 Panya wrote:
What studies do you refer to (I made a quick search and I did not find anything)? I'm highly skeptical of Columbia's Jewish acceptance rate plummeting, and even if they were, surely you cannot relate that simply to a casual effect of anti-semitism.
I was not there at the time of Ahmedinejad's visit, so correct me if I'm mistaken, but the guy came, said something like the holocaust is theory, hated on Israelis etc. I've heard of many complaints about Columbia bringing such a controversial figure to speak, but what do you want the board of directors or PrezBo to do, invite him to talk knowing full well what kind of guy and what kind of country he is from, and then arrest him for speaking? It was admittedly a controversial topic that the time but to call the whole school racist towards Jews because of it is ridiculous.
If anything, Columbia treats Jewish students very well. There's a gigantic Jewish student body, and there's some large Jewish club that's apparently the biggest student organization (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Columbia/Barnard_Hillel). There's also a Kraft center for Jewish students or something. I'm not going to derail the thread here, since it isn't about Columbia, but the Ahmedinejad situation + Massad (I remember him now), even without what I had read about (forget where, I'm sorry about that, I tried to find it but couldn't) that their acceptance had declined immensely, does not show well. They fell off for other reasons, that wasn't the only one haha, but mainly those have to do with environment. You are right that I am making a mountain out of a molehill.
You as an applicant are entitled to any choice that makes you feel comfortable about the institution you should choose for your undergrad; it should be one of the largest factors in your search. However, I am saddened that you have such an image of my alma mater for those following reasons.
If you ever do consider applying to Columbia again, please know that in my opinion, these claims do not, and will not reflect the diverse and accepting nature of our student and faculty body.
Good luck on your applications.
|
On January 02 2013 16:01 Panya wrote:Show nested quote +On January 02 2013 15:45 docvoc wrote:On January 02 2013 15:27 Panya wrote:
What studies do you refer to (I made a quick search and I did not find anything)? I'm highly skeptical of Columbia's Jewish acceptance rate plummeting, and even if they were, surely you cannot relate that simply to a casual effect of anti-semitism.
I was not there at the time of Ahmedinejad's visit, so correct me if I'm mistaken, but the guy came, said something like the holocaust is theory, hated on Israelis etc. I've heard of many complaints about Columbia bringing such a controversial figure to speak, but what do you want the board of directors or PrezBo to do, invite him to talk knowing full well what kind of guy and what kind of country he is from, and then arrest him for speaking? It was admittedly a controversial topic that the time but to call the whole school racist towards Jews because of it is ridiculous.
If anything, Columbia treats Jewish students very well. There's a gigantic Jewish student body, and there's some large Jewish club that's apparently the biggest student organization (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Columbia/Barnard_Hillel). There's also a Kraft center for Jewish students or something. I'm not going to derail the thread here, since it isn't about Columbia, but the Ahmedinejad situation + Massad (I remember him now), even without what I had read about (forget where, I'm sorry about that, I tried to find it but couldn't) that their acceptance had declined immensely, does not show well. They fell off for other reasons, that wasn't the only one haha, but mainly those have to do with environment. You are right that I am making a mountain out of a molehill. You as an applicant are entitled to any choice that makes you feel comfortable about the institution you should choose for your undergrad; it should be one of the largest factors in your search. However, I am saddened that you have such an image of my alma mater for those following reasons. If you ever do consider applying to Columbia again, please know that in my opinion, these claims do not, and will not reflect the diverse and accepting nature of our student and faculty body. Good luck on your applications.
Haha, I did apply Panya . I still applied, I'd love to go there, just rumours I heard dissuaded me from making it my second choice school. Though I'll rethink that based on what you said.
|
Whoa, what a civil and informative conversation :D
Kudos to the both of you Panya, you should blog sometime as well! I'm always curious as to the lives of my fellow TLers, and how they're doing. Good stuff.
|
|
|
On January 02 2013 12:57 docvoc wrote:Show nested quote +On January 02 2013 12:40 Juliette wrote:
is esports such a big part of your life, though, that you'd want to involve it as the first thing your roommate reads about you? The point was less to tell my roomate something as it was to kind of show something that I care about. The point of the roommate one was to tell them that I am not a "Proper Southern Boy." I used that as an example of how I do not qualify as a good ole boy, that said I also used the example of skateboarding and longboarding to be fair. Being truly honest here, college essays are bullshit, and I mean that in the nicest way possible. I can't reveal something about me that tells them too much, I have to reveal and withold, but at the same time I can't reveal anything too deep that 2000 characters (spaces are counted as characters) can't explain. I spend a lot of time on video games, they have been part of my life since I was young, and have been a healthy way (sometimes unhealthy) to relieve stress. In a lot of ways, writing an essay about video games shows that I have balls; I am willing to write about something that most adults find as a taboo subject or worse, a waste of time. Like I said, I wrote things that I thought would have an effect on the person reading them, whether or not they knew what Starcraft was or the video games in general. People are afraid to write things like that to college reps, I'm not. All that being said, no video games aren't my first priority nor will they ever be, but I think if you had that kind of a questioning feeling, then I succeeded in at least making you feel. - sorry for the wall of text Juliette . EDIT: fixed a typo
I understand, i wrote one of my essays about video games as well, and how i learned to not be addicted to them. to be fair, i got rejected (from Notre dame non the less, and now they're playing for the title.... -_- ), but i don't think it was because of that.
it's just that this guy is gonna be living with you for a year and you don't know what he's gonna be like. college essays are bs to an extent but they're still important because it shows you're more than just a GPA and SAT score, you're a person. the way you write it and what you express is an extension of you, and any opportunity to be yourself should be taken, especially for college, and especially in a dorm where people are gonna be so different from you. you have fair points, it's just that your roommate is gonna think starcraft is huge in your life, which it might not be.
I was really just curious whether starcraft is as big of a thing in your life as it seems. videogames seems to be, and i suppose starcraft can be a manifestation of that for now. but i came into college applications loving sc2 and now im really bored of anything related to it :p. instead ive spent time getting to know the people around me, getting involved, etc.
best of luck on your applications! hopefully you get where you want, but remember to make it what you want if you don't. i wanted ND so bad, didn't get in, ended up choosing my last choice (Illinois) and i wouldn't trade being here for anything.
|
I don't think it's necessarily a terrible decision to write about video games/starcraft, but you have to pull it off really well and be very careful to keep your audience in mind. I don't think you pulled that off in either essay.
The first gives very little context to what you're talking about and barely has a clear idea behind it even if you do already know about the topic. I'm not at all a fan of trying to mush two separate topics into one like that, especially in such a short work. College essays need to be focused and coherent, even more so when you're writing about something that the reader will have no experience in. Putting myself in the shoes of a reader, I would be thinking about the south, wondering what e-sports is, and then wondering what the connections between those are. There's also some idea of generational disconnect and rebellion. And then halfway through I would be hit with a drastic topical shift to skateboarding, and then a brief attempt to bring it back to the ideas of rebellion that were expressed in the first place. It's too much and the connections between ideas are too weak. I think it would be a much better essay if you chose two of those ideas (skateboarding, starcraft, rebellion, south) to write about.
The second is just impossible to follow. It's difficult even for someone who has played Starcraft and knows that it's about Starcraft before reading it. Giving that to a reader who has no context or prior knowledge is not going to work. Almost no details are given and everything is described in general or abstract terms or represented with pronouns. It's about as unclear as you could possibly make it. To make it even worse, I don't think it tells much about you even if it is understood and the writing isn't star-caliber enough to stand on it's own as a college essay.
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
