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I started working at a new place over the summer. Everyone was really nice, and I really enjoyed the work I was doing. There was one particular coworker that I clicked with more than the others. We never got super close or anything, but he would say hi to me every day and sometimes tell me random funny stories. He would flirt with me occasionally, telling me that I was making him nervous, or that I looked good that day. He was cute, and I would miss him on the days I had to work but he was off.
I soon began to have a crush on him. Just a small one at first. But the more I found out about him, the more I liked him and thought that we could become something more. And I thought there was a possibility that he felt the same way about me. Soon, I liked him enough to begin entertaining the idea of asking him out, which would be a huge deal for me since I am really shy when it comes to guys. I even google searched how to ask a guy out. Just as I was mustering enough courage to finally do it, one day I found out during lunch with some of my coworkers that he was actually getting married before the end of the year. My heart sank, but I thought okay, at least I didn’t try to make a move yet and embarrass myself.
I was a little heartbroken, and the rest of the day, I felt I couldn’t look at him anymore. Somehow I felt a little deceived, even though it wasn’t his fault – he had just been friendly and I had taken it the wrong way. At the end of the day, when he caught my eye and smiled at me, I couldn’t help but smile back. It was a sad smile, but I don’t think he noticed. On the drive home, I started crying uncontrollably…I knew it was silly, but I couldn’t help myself.
After crying and feeling crappy the rest of the night, I got over him and we were able to still be friends. We still joked around at work. One day, when it was slow, we were talking again, and he asked if I had a boyfriend. I said no, and he was surprised, saying how he didn’t believe such a nice girl was still single. I then asked him about his fiancé, and he told me how long they had been dating and how she was the right girl for him, etc etc.
He then told me he wanted to ask me out to coffee after work a couple of times but didn’t because he was scared that I had a boyfriend. I didn’t know what to make of it, but I knew it was probably just a friendly gesture—after all, he was a really friendly guy.
The next day after work, he asked me if I wanted to get dinner afterward, but I already had plans, so I said no. He looked a little disappointed, and I was too, I wanted to go too. But we just talked like normal afterward, and the rest of the day went on like it usually did.
The next day, he asked me if I had plans Saturday night after work, and if not, if I would like to get dinner. I actually did have plans, but I said yes anyway because I wanted to hang out and was afraid he wouldn’t ask again if I said no again.
So Saturday night, we went to eat dinner. We talked normally during dinner. He told me about some gossip that was going around work and other fun stuff. He told me again he was surprised I didn’t have a boyfriend, and that he really enjoyed hanging out with me because he was really comfortable around me. He also emphasized several times that he doesn’t normally ask female coworkers to hang out outside of work. Then he said that if he wasn’t getting married, he would really want to date me. And I felt really sad when he said that. I had gotten over him already, but he was confusing me. Why was he telling me these things?
After dinner, he asked if I needed to get home already, and I said no because I was having a good time. So we decided to go watch a movie. He bought the tickets, but the movie didn’t start until an hour later, so we went to get some coffee at a nearby Starbucks. There we sat side by side, leaning against each other like a couple might. We went back to the theater when it was almost time for the movie to start.
After the movie, it was about 12AM, and again he asked if I needed to head home already. I said no, and he still seemed like he wanted to hang out, so we went to get some drinks nearby. We stayed for an hour or so until the place closed. As we walked back to his car, I was a little tipsy. He nudged my cheek gently and messed with my hair playfully. He drove me back to the lot where I had parked my car. He told me he would stay with me until I was sober enough to drive home.
We got out of his car to get some fresh air. Out of nowhere he picked me up and started carrying me around. I thought to myself “What’s going on?” but at that point I didn’t really care and just went along with it. When he finally put me down, he told me his heart was beating really quickly. I teased him saying it was probably because I was too heavy and it was a workout for him. He didn’t say anything, but took my hand and placed it on his heart. It was beating really quickly.
He picked me up again and carried me around again for a little bit. When he put me down, he held me from behind. His hands reached for mine and held them. I could feel his head resting gently on mine. It was really sweet and I couldn’t believe what was happening. I had imagined him holding me like this hundreds of times, but I never thought it would actually happen, especially after finding out he had a girlfriend already.
He asked me if I felt awkward and I said no. It was a really nice feeling, being held like that. Then a little while later, he asked if I would be mad if he tried to kiss me right now. I should have said yes and stopped him, but instead I said that I didn’t know, so he turned me around and kissed me. It was my first kiss.
Things started moving quickly after that, and by the end of the night, we had done everything except actually having sex. At the end of it all, I was sitting in his lap and he was holding me, and we talked more. He told me that he hoped I would find a guy that could appreciate me as much as I deserved and that we would always be good friends. I was okay with that, after all, we both got lost in the heat of the moment even though I knew he was attached and soon to be married.
I know that I’ll never have a relationship with him beyond “just friends.” I know that he won’t be able to give me anything more. I knew it in the back of my head even as we were doing all those things. I thought I would be okay with it, but I’m not, and I still want him. After all, he took a lot of my firsts. Today was the second time he made me cry.
 
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If you can live with being just friends, then by all means do that, If you can't you should tell him how you feel, don't torture yourself by pretending to be his friend.
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Very bad idea for the sake of both of you to stay friends tbh, you will get hurt even more often and if he gives into the temptation of actually having sex with you (which seems very likely given your story, you are very good at describing the situation :O ) then everything will turn very awkward very soon.
Quit the job and never talk to him again if that's possible, might seem very rash but I promise you it will be much easier for you in the long term (or get send to another department or whatever, just don't meet him again). He obviously likes you and there's a huge chemistry that will hurt all 3 parties involved somehow...
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tl;dr: Get out of this.
Long version:
A) The guy doesn't want to get married and his relationship isn't as serious for him as it is for his girl. While he might be willing to break up with her, would you genuinely enjoy being with a guy who goes as far as planning a marriage without actually intending to follow through with it?
B) The guy wants something sweet on the side. Nothing wrong with that depending on what he agreed on with his GF but you don't strike me emotionally stable enough for something like this, especially considering he seems to be your first guy.
How old are both of you?
PS: Don't let him or you blame you for "not being responsible 'cause he's taken and all" - it's his responsibility for taking care of those things. You also don't strike me as a male devouring beast just waiting to get the first taken guy just because you can. =P
Edit: After reading the whole story again, I'm pretty sure it's B) or a plain ego thing, trying to find out how far he can get with you. Welp. Best of luck to you, that guy definitely isn't healthy to be around imo.
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I'll be honest and say that I am happy for you that you had those firsts, because as much as it can hurt I doubt you'd say no if you had the opportunity to undo it.
Feel sorry for his fiancé if you want to, but honestly you didn't do anything to seduce him, you just let him drag you along (and even if you did, it's still his responsibillity for not giving in to the seduction).
Well written blog, was really interesting to see a romantic blog from a girl's perspective, you describe the situation really well and it's easy for me to believe what you say, it seems authentic.
If you're anything like the female friends of mine you might feel guilty for "spoiling" his relationship with his fiance in a way or another. I'll say it again, it's his fault for seducing you, it isn't your responsibillity.
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I feel sorry for you. You basically got used, I actually can't believe after all that he told you "He hoped you would find a guy that could appreciate you as much as you deserved and that you guys would always be good friends"
What the actual fuck. He basically said "Thanks for putting out, hope we can be friends so you don't go and tell my fiance". I personally know two guy's EXACTLY like this, they didn't take their relationship seriously ever (one has been dating his girlfriend 5 years, the other is getting married to his girlfriend of 3 years), they openly spoke about cheating on their girlfriends multiple times with different girls. It was spoken about when the girlfriends were not there but in a way that they really didn't seem to care less if you told her, although as time went on they both stopped BUT STILL I couldn't believe it.
I think you need to tell the fiance if you can muster the guts up to do it and quit your job. I wouldn't remain friends with a guy like this either, he will only ever use you and if you ever got into a relationship with him, could you trust him?
I wouldn't feel to bad about actually doing things with him because as it sounds he was the one that was putting all the moves on you. I guess just a tip from my perspective, I mean many people in different places or social groups or whatever are completely different about certain situations but if you give a guy everything on the first date, even if you have known him a while.
The guy won't respect you, he won't want you as much or at all either. That does all depend on the guy though but just be careful about when and who you give your goods to.
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I am also curious about the age bracket of you two.
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Sounds like this guy feels trapped and is using you to explore his own emotions.
To the people who say that the guy isn't healthy, that's not true at all. He is a just a perfectly normal guy that feels pressure with marriage. You don't have to do anything rash, like quit your job, or even tell him off. Both of you know exactly how you feel about each other. He likes you, but don't ever get it in your head that you can replace his feelings for the person who he is getting married too. The way a guy thinks is a lot different in terms of relationships then women.
While I agree with Evo, on the main point, I don't agree too much with A, as the marriage and this relationship are two separate things. Guys are always looking for excuses to move forward, and explore. They want to know what else is out there on the market.
More to the point, friendship between a guy and a girl doesn't exist. In the guys mind, he is always willing, as long as he is attracted to you. If you maintain a friendship between him and he does get married, chances are you are going to get caught up with him.
Get more experience with just starting things off, as rushing through things (like you did with this guy) will only emotionally tie you down (which in the end, isn't a bad thing, as long as its just you two in the relationship, and that there is a relationship that is defined as it is).
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Canada31494 Posts
Yeah, not much to add here; essentially you're being used and he knows exactly what he's doing.
Follow the advice of those above you; this guy's relationship is not going to last very long.
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Think about it this way - he has a super-solid back-up plan (his fiance + upcoming marriage) so he can do what the hell he wants with very little risk, while you're single and vulnerable. He playing a game with like 5 credits while you're on your last one.
Just to re-iterate one of the universal truths mentioned above:
On October 02 2012 20:58 hellsan631 wrote:
friendship between a guy and a girl doesn't exist.
There are only varying levels of attraction.
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op is a homewrecker who is gonna get fired for boinking a coworker
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On October 02 2012 22:07 WaveofShadow wrote:
Yeah, not much to add here; essentially you're being used and he knows exactly what he's doing.
Follow the advice of those above you; this guy's relationship is not going to last very long.
This this this. Get out of any involvement with this guy ASAP. I think guys are a lot easier to see through and predict because we're often less emotionally attached to situations; the specifics of a situation and the "warm fuzzy feeling that just makes her special" is often a lot less powerful with men, I think. As a guy who would never even consider kissing another girl while I was dating someone (let alone getting married), I think this guy sounds like nothing but bad news.
Do yourself a favor and find a guy who isn't going to "do everything except sex" (which will inevitably lead to sex if you let this continue) with you while getting married to another woman.
P.S. I third the request for disclosure of your age. For me it's strictly out of curiosity because it wouldn't change anything I wrote above.
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I agree with pretty much everything that everyone above has posted, but it was still a really cute and well written story.
Girls writing boys blogs are so much more "The Notebook"-esque than Boys writing girls blogs hahahaha.
It's probably going to be harder for you to get over him, now that you've actually done stuff with him  And the fact that he cheated on his fiancee means that he's... well, kind of a dirtbag. You don't ask other girls out on official dates when you're in an exclusive relationship, and you certainly don't go kissing and fooling around with them.
Are you permanently working with him? Or is it just a seasonal/ temporary job for you or him?
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He playing a game with like 5 credits while you're on your last one.
Just to re-iterate one of the universal truths mentioned above:
Boy/girl blogs are great. Even if the OP does not want any advice, theres always great advice for the rest of us to read. I love the line about the credits!
It's so true and important to remember that love is a game and sometimes one person has less to gain and more to lose. Of course they're going to play, but be MAD at them for doing that to you!
My thoughts reading this was, you have an innocence that he can benefit from. Maybe he always liked girls like you but always lacked the confidence. Maybe now that he is secure in engagement he has confidence. Maybe he taught you how flirting and chatting can work out and that its really fun to have romance some times~
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On October 02 2012 22:25 QuanticHawk wrote:
op is a homewrecker who is gonna get fired for boinking a coworker
Spoiler alert, QuanticHawk speaks the truth, don't be an idiot OP. Seriously, I can't see this working out for you considering how NOT stable with yourself you are.
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Guy's a dirt bag and just making it seem like he's a nice guy so he can get in your pants. Sorry.
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this
On October 02 2012 20:54 ScruffyJanitor wrote:
I feel sorry for you. You basically got used, I actually can't believe after all that he told you "He hoped you would find a guy that could appreciate you as much as you deserved and that you guys would always be good friends"
What the actual fuck. He basically said "Thanks for putting out, hope we can be friends so you don't go and tell my fiance".
and this
On October 02 2012 22:25 QuanticHawk wrote:
op is a homewrecker who is gonna get fired for boinking a coworker
sorry.
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This was a really great and sweet story, that guy obviously loves you and cares about you a great deal. When he said that he wished you would find a guy who could "appreciate you as much you deserve", that just completely broke my heart
Maybe he is a little bit conflicted deep inside, but the fact that he wants to be friends with you despite the intimacy shows that he is genuine and not trying to take advantage of you, or anything like that.
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You are turning into the side booty. "I love my wife, but you're special to me too."
Don't be that girl.
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EPT
