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Hey guys, here's my latest article found on my blog at:
http://thehonestlifeblog.wordpress.com/2012/08/16/learn-to-live-alone-and-youll-never-be-alone/
If you like it, please come to the site and like/follow/comment. Thanks!
I was reading a blog post by a woman named Liz Lebedda entitled “Navigating Support Systems” (really great article, check it out here – http://pinklily213.wordpress.com/2012/08/13/navigating-support-systems/) last night and it really got me thinking about the importance of learning to be alone comfortably.
Many times in my life I’ve had friends come to me complaining about how horrible it is to be single. They stress out and worry themselves sick over finding someone to court everywhere we go. If we go out for drinks, they’re looking for someone. If we grab a quick bite at Panera, they’re looking for someone. There is never a time when we can just sit down and enjoy each other’s company without them worrying about dating, relationships, or finding a significant other.
Personally, I love being single. For me, it’s not that I’m not good enough or that I’m not funny enough, or smart enough to have a girlfriend; I see it as an opportunity to learn to love myself. In the last 6 months, I’ve learned more about myself then I could have ever imagined. I learned what I loved about myself and also what I wanted to improve. And from there I took action to change what I didn’t particularly care for. And when the time is right, I’ll be ready for a relationship, because I am perfectly comfortable and happy without one.
In it’s essence, my friends constantly complain because they feel inadequate without someone by their side. They feel that they are better, funnier, happier, stronger, and countless other things when they have a girlfriend by their side. This is the exact reason why we need to learn to live alone.
There’s a beautiful quote that’s always brought to mind whenever a situation like this arises.
"You’re never alone if you love who you’re alone with" - Unknown
Why is it that we put so much emphasis on the necessity of having a mate? Take the time to learn to love yourself, just like you learn to love others in your life and you will never truly be alone. Remember this quote next time you’re having trouble accepting the single life, and I think you’ll be just fine.
Love,
Jack
http://www.thehonestlifeblog.wordpress.com
 
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Most people are boring as fuck. Being alone alerts them to this fact and makes them uncomfortable.
I agree with your thoughts.
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Thanks, Sniped! I completely agree. Maybe people should stop being so boring and get out and do something...like play Starcraft. Haha.
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Being a single child, I can definitely agree with this. The amount of people who chronically need a GF/BF to live their lives amazes me. Things tend to work out in life if you're happy, positive, and can live with & love yourself. Everything else sorts it self out when you are comfortable in your own skin and know what you want in life and how to get it. It's painfully obvious spending anytime with people who are insecure or need to cling on to someone else, it's a big part of growing up IMO that some people don't figure out or realize is important for a long time.
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Russian Federation748 Posts
I'm confused. Do you mean "single" by "alone" ? Living completely alone may not be the worst kind of life there is, but I don't think anyone would wish for that either.
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Why is it that we put so much emphasis on the necessity of having a mate? Because we live in a culture that glorifies love and relationships. Just turn on the TV - heck, just consider that we have a sodding holiday dedicated solely to romantic (!) relationships. With that, it seems paradoxical that divorce rates are so high, but actually totally understandable: If you buy in the romantic ideal that has been propagated so much, i.e. that there are "soulmates" and that relationships are supposed to be a source of happiness (and in the more radical circles the sole source of happiness), then holy smokes you're going to be up for some excellent disappointments. Other factors play a role of course, but I'm going off topic.
EDIT: Oh yeah, the quote you use is a play on Sartre's: "If you are lonely when you're alone, you are in bad company."
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Because it isn´t about the culture that glorifies love and relationships. Teenagers are teenagers, it isn´t complicated.
Many just feel alone and want a companion. I am not saying tv doesn´t play a part, but it is more about the aspects portrayed (intimacy, trust, fun) rather then ''you need to be in a relationship''.
Many like being alone, but after awhile they often search for people. Often it can be ''thorny'' people who doesn´t like the masses but - in need of an emotional trust and outlet - searches a companion.
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On August 16 2012 16:36 Kyrillion wrote:
I'm confused. Do you mean "single" by "alone" ? Living completely alone may not be the worst kind of life there is, but I don't think anyone would wish for that either.
When I say "alone" I mean not having a significant other. Sorry for the confusion.
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On August 16 2012 16:44 Sauwelios wrote:
Because we live in a culture that glorifies love and relationships. Just turn on the TV - heck, just consider that we have a sodding holiday dedicated solely to romantic (!) relationships. With that, it seems paradoxical that divorce rates are so high, but actually totally understandable: If you buy in the romantic ideal that has been propagated so much, i.e. that there are "soulmates" and that relationships are supposed to be a source of happiness (and in the more radical circles the sole source of happiness), then holy smokes you're going to be up for some excellent disappointments. Other factors play a role of course, but I'm going off topic.
EDIT: Oh yeah, the quote you use is a play on Sartre's: "If you are lonely when you're alone, you are in bad company."
Exactly, and I feel like that's a major problem. As a whole, society's ego has gone up, and confidence has gone down. We need to learn how to love ourselves and be happy alone before we can expect to love others.
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I believe the concept of self-discovery's at its peak when one is trying to find their limit. There are many points of improvement within our lives that we value and enjoy tackling as a lone, self-governing individual. It's an empowering feeling to actually be able to measure your own calibre while also being true to yourself; amazing things can happen.
But when one finds that limit, when one's found the next step to truly be a question, is when they'll begin to seek a partner for support. That can be a painful or liberating moment, depending on the individual's strength of mind.
I think most people have failed to reap the benefits of being single, if they are so eager to seek another for comfort, or worse, identification.
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On August 16 2012 16:10 SnipedSoul wrote:
Most people are boring as fuck. Being alone alerts them to this fact and makes them uncomfortable.
I agree with your thoughts.
Hahah
+ Show Spoiler +How do I become intresting? : (
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On August 16 2012 17:26 Bswhunter wrote:Show nested quote +On August 16 2012 16:10 SnipedSoul wrote:
Most people are boring as fuck. Being alone alerts them to this fact and makes them uncomfortable.
I agree with your thoughts. Hahah + Show Spoiler +How do I become intresting? : (
That's a good question. That's a good question.
@OP I agree, and also think being more comfortable with yourself also helps place you under the "sorted my own shit out before I entered a relationship" division.
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I do somewhat agree, but in my experience, it is my significant other that made me realize how awesome I am, and thus thaught me how to love myself.
Plus, sex.
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One isn't better than the other.
Some people like to be alone, some people like changing between single and a relationship, others almost need a relationship to be happy.
Realize that we are all individuals and should simply go for whatever makes us happy.
This isn't a matter of science where on situation is objectively better than the other. People are either happy or not happy from being in a relationship, so they should pursue whatever course makes them happy.
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I like to be alone just because I hate the whole drama thing that comes with dating. Like seriously... oh, and the fact that I've watched guys that need a significant other to survive and well... it isn't pretty when they are dumped... sometimes it is downright disgraceful.
edit: So basically I do these things at school
1)Bring laptop
2)Go through school normally
3) When lunch comes, take laptop out after getting food (hide laptop in a different place each time so as not to get it stolen by idiots/jerks, also have it password locked)
4) BW BW BW BW TL BW BW BW BW TL BW BW BW BW (no real supervision in the cafe lol)
5) If a friend walks up, talk to them. If they start complaining about girls, BW BW BW BW BW =D
6) If a guy that likes tattle telling comes up, end the game soon, then go on some SAT or w/e studying website. Pretend to be studying for Finals no matter what month it is, geek transformed to nerd gogogogo
7) Yeeaaaah
Note: I proxy hatch or similar cheese every game when I do this, or I play a bit of UMS.
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On August 16 2012 20:19 zalz wrote:
One isn't better than the other.
Some people like to be alone, some people like changing between single and a relationship, others almost need a relationship to be happy.
Realize that we are all individuals and should simply go for whatever makes us happy.
This isn't a matter of science where on situation is objectively better than the other. People are either happy or not happy from being in a relationship, so they should pursue whatever course makes them happy.
I completely agree! Being single isn't any better than have a significant other, and vice versa. What I am saying that that each has something extremely important to teach you. Being solo teaches you your flaws and allows you the amazing opportunity to IMPROVE yourself. A lot of people (my friends included) use relationships as a crutch. They're only happy when they're with someone. That's not healthy, and I think we can all agree on that one.
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On August 16 2012 23:51 3FFA wrote:
I like to be alone just because I hate the whole drama thing that comes with dating. Like seriously... oh, and the fact that I've watched guys that need a significant other to survive and well... it isn't pretty when they are dumped... sometimes it is downright disgraceful.
That's exactly what I was saying in the post above! I actually have a friend that gets EXTREMELY depressed whenever he's single. When I say extremely, I mean he needs to speak with a therapist, complains on an hourly basis, and constantly exclaims how he needs to find a girlfriend. It's not just disgraceful, it's sad. And seeing him like that inspired me to write this article. I want people to know that you never are truly alone when you LOVE who you're alone with.
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On August 16 2012 15:54 OptronX wrote:
Why is it that we put so much emphasis on the necessity of having a mate?
Biological drives and evolutionary factors come to mind. The human is a social animal - there's a reason isolation (think solitary confinement) from other is often used as a punishment... and it isn't because people just "don't love themselves enough".
As someone who has had the misfortune of spending an extended period of time alone (meaning without having contact with friends/family/potential mates), I find the idea that low self-esteem as the primary driver for how disheartening it can feel is insulting. It's a cute quote, but it's only a memorable quote because it's cute - not because it's true.
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Being single is fine, as long as it isn't an attempt for you to rationalize to yourself why you are single and to convince yourself that being single is better, when you actually truly wish to be in a relationship, which seems to me to quite often be the case.
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I am a loner myself in things I do, although I like to interact with people. It makes me apathic and self-centered. After all, who can you trust more to deliver what you want, than yourself? I struggle sometimes, going to watch this thread 
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On August 16 2012 17:26 Bswhunter wrote:Show nested quote +On August 16 2012 16:10 SnipedSoul wrote:
Most people are boring as fuck. Being alone alerts them to this fact and makes them uncomfortable.
I agree with your thoughts. Hahah + Show Spoiler +How do I become intresting? : (
By first being interested.
Then by communicating it.
What is being interesting ? It's usually about 2 things imo, having interesting stories or share an interesting subject.
Stories: There's no formula for that, and I would say its a virtuous circle. The more story you get, the more things will happen making even more story etc. But don't worry I strongly believe having an interesting story is the result of the second category.
Share an interesting subject: For that to happen, one must first be interested in a subject. Then if he has passion about it, it's just about being enthusiastic and communicating such passion. I also believe it's important to have multiple interests.
People are considered interesting when they have one of those two AND communicate on a level that is interesting for the receiver. For example, if you talk about Starcraft to your buddy that also play video games you will probably be very descriptive about it and talk about the little details that makes it great. If you talk about Starcraft to your mom or your gf, its way better to talk about aspects she can relate with like psychological requirement to get better, or share a good story as to how SC means for you.
For this last example, Day9 100th is a very good example as to how one becomes interesting to the receiver with a subject a priori boring to the receiver (Starcraft). And I believe there was a blog of a mom writing about this episode...
Of course you have never a guarantee to be interesting, it's just about improving the odds and being more social savy overall.
You will notice that I join OP with this. Someone that only purpose is to be with someone is boring. Why ? Because he/she is not interested in anything. But someone targeting his interests in multiple fields and not care about being alone, will become interesting as a result.
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On August 17 2012 03:23 Aelonius wrote:I am a loner myself in things I do, although I like to interact with people. It makes me apathic and self-centered. After all, who can you trust more to deliver what you want, than yourself? I struggle sometimes, going to watch this thread
We all struggle at times, my friend. That's why we've got to fight the good fight and learn to love ourselves. I appreciate you liking the post! You should check out my blog at http://thehonestlifeblog.wordpress.com/ that's where I'll be posted all of my content first.
Thanks again!
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Very good read.
Being the single young bloke that I am, I can really relate to your story. I don't know why there's so much pressure from society, friends, family (and literally EVERYONE) to get a girlfriend (or a boyfriend if you're a girl, or if you're a guy who's into guys... You get the point) when being single is a terrific chance of getting to know and love the most important person in the whole world: YOURSELF.
Being single is absolutely fine! What's the problem with that!?
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Russian Federation748 Posts
I believe the concept of self-discovery's at its peak when one is trying to find their limit. There are many points of improvement within our lives that we value and enjoy tackling as a lone, self-governing individual. It's an empowering feeling to actually be able to measure your own calibre while also being true to yourself; amazing things can happen.
But when one finds that limit, when one's found the next step to truly be a question, is when they'll begin to seek a partner for support. That can be a painful or liberating moment, depending on the individual's strength of mind.
I think most people have failed to reap the benefits of being single, if they are so eager to seek another for comfort, or worse, identification.
That was an outstanding post.
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well, I'm not single, but I'm living alone. I love it the way it is, and I hope it'll stay like this for some time.
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how exactly do you love yourself in this way that you're describing? like do you mean noticing good things that you do or something like that. what kind of thoughts are in your head. i'm just asking because it sounds like a cool idea but i'm not sure where to start
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I tell people this all the time. Then they're "herp derp! Need someone!" A few months later they're hating the opposite gender...and I always wonder if a part of them just hates themselves and wants to feel unhappy...
Anyway, I've been single 5 whole years...and the personal growth I have done in that time is absolutely tremendous, to say the least.
On August 19 2012 19:30 Invigoration wrote:
how exactly do you love yourself in this way that you're describing? like do you mean noticing good things that you do or something like that. what kind of thoughts are in your head. i'm just asking because it sounds like a cool idea but i'm not sure where to start
It's like loving another person...except yourself. If you've ever been in love with someone else, you'll know what I mean. Just learn to find yourself interesting. There are things about you that you're like "...ewww...how could anyone like that?" ...well...learn to like them..learn to love them!
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I dont see why being in a relationship and loving yourself/personal growth have to be mutually exclusive. I never had a problem with being single but now I could never imagine not being with my current girlfriend. The idea of being with someone isnt so hard to let go of, instead it's the idea of not being with her. (which i think is how it should be for most people in relationships, otherwise someone's probably just arbitrarily filling a void)
I enjoyed being single while it lasted, but I was even more happy with how organically my current relationship manifested itself and I think that contributed largely to why I'm in such a good place right now (cause it if was forced in anyway I think that would have made it exceedingly difficult to have found the correct person). I have never grown so much in my life as I have in this last ~year and a half with my girlfriend. Like anything in life both sides have their benefits, why can't crazy society just let it be
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I love being alone, I can't stand to be around people.
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EPT
