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As I start writing it's night and life feels good.
I smoke cigarettes in my room (which I'm not proud of but the quantity of them means I would lose too much time by going outside on a balcony to smoke), I'm drinking 2nd beer and thinking about buying more... chatting about life and such on a skype with a friend I met over SC2, he kicked my ass in Desert Strike 1338 and I asked him for re and over time we were talking on skype playing dozens of 2v2s, Desert Strike 1338 and Star Battle games.
I read this amazing announcement about full time bar craft bar opened in Paris http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=336504 and in the thread I found there is another one in Germany and some other country and folks in Sydney and New York think about opening more ^__^. the friend I mentioned told me there is one in Moscow too.
Fuck I may open one Warsaw, Poland in some years to follow, if only I have the money and there is enough interest from SC2, LOL, Dota2 and other games' Polish fans. More about where I would get the money from in one of my future blogs.
The Team Liquid site and the community is awesome and if only I would meet with more of you guys than I could truly say you are my family (like konadora did). Well I did meet some of you, including current TL staff.
But it wasn't so few hours ago. I blame sleeping only an hour during the day as my sleep schedule it totally fucked up again but something else happened that makes me feel like an insecure teenage weirdo, even though I'm 24.
I am a virgin.
I'm taking a driving license course and during the theory classes one of the girls, maybe not super hot but cute enough turned her head and looked in my direction few times over a course of a few days.
This touched some deeply denied and pushed out into nearly an oblivion feelings and thoughts. I was catching her turning with a corner of my vision and at first I just thought "maybe she's not looking at me but the other guy sitting next to me or something else" and i ignored it. But when yesterday after classes she looked in my direction when we were outside and today she did that again and there was nothing there but me, I started to get convinced she is seeking attention.
And I didn't think about her in terms of immature attention whore, it was sweet in my eyes.
The problem was approaching her. I was feeling ashamed and scared it is my imagination all along.
I had an easy talk with some other girl who asked me for a cigarette, with The girl sitting next to us and smoking her own.
Thoughts started to pile up:
"I'm letting her down for not seeking to talk with her, she's getting feelings she's being disregarded and ignored, she's starting to change her mind about me. Fuck I'm such a skill less faggot" was my thought, "a little scared pussy". Just go to her and talk with her, you fucking cunt, pick her up with whatever and go from there.
Finally it was affirmed, I'm going to attempt to start a conversation with her after classes. We were alone as the subject of the film we were watching was basic things about steering the wheel and pushing the pedals, starting a car and starting to move forward and everyone else had left.
I said "hey there is only 2 of us left" and she replied with "yeah we are cool" and just passed me and went her way without stopping nor looking back.
Something started to break up inside of me. "Fuck, fock how am I supposed to get a GF? I long for one, I wanna learn cooking with her and make sweet love to her, get my shit together, get a shower twice a day, wash my fucking teeth at least once a day. I blew it, fuck is she a stupid immature attention whore? No, maybe she is as much ashamed, confused and scared as i am?"
Feelings I thought I have forgotten about years ago and kept myself distracted with internet and computer games for whole days to prevent them from coming back started to explode, stronger and stronger. 1 hour of sleep magnified them. I started to get pissed off as fuck and remained in that state for several hours.
Does thinking about girls frustrate me? Yes and no, but the "yes" part is stronger as of now.
I don't think about girls and women as of fuckable subjects only. I did fucking PM KellyMilkies during her end of carrier as GSL caster when about every misogynistic asshole crawled from his hell hole and started to bad mouth her, I did support her. I never was a "tits or GTFO" type of guy.
I have nothing against gay ppl too.
I learned years ago in high school how much looks are important in love and I'm just a man, this is my initial requirement for a girl to be mine no matter how strong of a relationship hunger I feel but a relationship is the goal I would like to achieve.
I just don't know where to start, clubs for a start? I'm a good solo dancer, I got praised for that, I can go wild. Maybe I can impress someone, make them look at me that way?
Bars and cafes aren't my thing as being a typical nerd I just don't have enough to start and sustain a conversation. uNcontrolable said once cool girls can be met at church but I'm thinking this isn't my thing either, I'm more into emo / metal girls, ones that love rock and heavy metal, wild and getting good about the real life, an opposite of me. Could concerts be the thing?
This is where You dear reader come in. Tell me your story. Where did you meet, what did you talk about, how did the relationship develope? What type of a girl was she? What was her personality?
What did you do together, how did you keep the relationship "fresh" so to speak?
I quite often get the feeling I'm not destined to be with a girl because of the way my life looks like - whole day in front of a computer with 1,5 a pack of cigarettes smoked and some beers every few days/weeks. I'm a stereotypical nerd living in a "parent's house basement" (room in a flat in my case but still living with my step brother and mom who comes to work, she's dentist technician and works in our flat). Where do I start what the fuck do I do? Just don't tell me to get a life please or "go outside". Be specific and constructive.
I just hope there aren't many ppl who thought I would share my own love story and got dissapointed after the read.
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You have to present yourself well. Why aren't you brushing your teeth every day?
You shouldn't think "I have to get a girlfriend, then I can work on improving my general life", you need to think "I have to work on improving my general life, then I will deserve a girlfriend".
Because at the moment, you feel like you don't deserve one, you run away from it, and girls can sense that. If you don't believe you are a worthwhile partner, and you are too shy to play stupid games that might trick them, why the hell would they think you are a worthwhile partner?
Ignore all the bullshit about the friend zone and having to be an asshole to get girls. Improve your life, your outlook, be friendly and confident in yourself, and then just expose yourself to girls naturally, be it through work or friendship or anything.
If you're a genuinely good guy, and you can show off the good facets of yourself, girls will be attracted to you. I'm a shy guy who is in a long term relationship and had another long term relationship before that. I'm too shy to be a player, but that's fine. Both girls started out as friends. I've had other girls be my friend and want more from me without me trying to do anything to achieve that. Why? Because I put effort into my appearance, and into just genuinely being a good person.
You said you PM'd KellyMilkies, and you are all about thinking of women as more than sex objects. I don't think so. Did you PM any male casters to support them when they quit? Do you ever say "I need more females as friends"? Seems to me that to you, girls are some mysterious race holding the magical thing called a vagina, and you view them through that lens. That's viewing them as sex objects, even if it isn't in the traditional sense of "lol check out the tits on that one". It's no better, and especially if you are a shy/awkward guy, girls pick up on it far easier than most guys like that give them credit for.
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On May 11 2012 12:34 Turbovolver wrote:
You have to present yourself well. Why aren't you brushing your teeth every day?
Hell if I know tbh, I'm just retarded, gotta change that.
You shouldn't think "I have to get a girlfriend, then I can work on improving my general life", you need to think "I have to work on improving my general life, then I will deserve a girlfriend".
Because at the moment, you feel like you don't deserve one, you run away from it, and girls can sense that. If you don't believe you are a worthwhile partner, and you are too shy to play stupid games that might trick them, why the hell would they think you are a worthwhile partner?
Ignore all the bullshit about the friend zone and having to be an asshole to get girls. Improve your life, your outlook, be friendly and confident in yourself, and then just expose yourself to girls naturally, be it through work or friendship or anything.
Thank You, and I agree.
If you're a genuinely good guy, and you can show off the good facets of yourself, girls will be attracted to you. I'm a shy guy who is in a long term relationship and had another long term relationship before that. I'm too shy to be a player, but that's fine. Both girls started out as friends. I've had other girls be my friend and want more from me without me trying to do anything to achieve that. Why? Because I put effort into my appearance, and into just genuinely being a good person.
You said you PM'd KellyMilkies, and you are all about thinking of women as more than sex objects. I don't think so. Did you PM any male casters to support them when they quit? Do you ever say "I need more females as friends"? Seems to me that to you, girls are some mysterious race holding the magical thing called a vagina, and you view them through that lens. That's viewing them as sex objects, even if it isn't in the traditional sense of "lol check out the tits on that one". It's no better, and especially if you are a shy/awkward guy, girls pick up on it far easier than most guys like that give them credit for.
I have to say, you got me there. Most definitely girls are a mysterious race. Like I wrote I do focus on their looks first but I seriously mean more... at least that's what I'm convincing myself with. About casters... there is a thread in SC2 General about them undeserving all the money and fame they get. I'm not saying I agree but that's the trend. Kelly got bullied because she had a vagina and it was not fair to me. I would do the same for a male caster if he was worthy of that but I don't follow casters that much, I just have a few favourites in a leagues I like to watch from time to time.
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Baltimore, USA22245 Posts
Read the link in my sig if you haven't yet. ^_^
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On May 11 2012 12:45 beetlelisk wrote:Show nested quote +On May 11 2012 12:34 Turbovolver wrote:
You have to present yourself well. Why aren't you brushing your teeth every day? Hell if I know tbh, I'm just retarded, gotta change that.
I'll just use this in general to reply.
I know things wrong with myself, and despite that I struggle very strongly to change them. I don't know why I can't change.
Personality is one such thing, I know it's not easy to change your personality, and your habits.
What I detailed in my post isn't a simple thing to do. And I wasn't trying to attack you. To be honest the stuff that you all list here in your post, is a common pattern that can be seen in countless girl blogs on TL, and in nerd culture in general. And, when I'm confronted with a pretty girl who I'm not close to, I overthink everything and turn into an awkward mess too!
But from there you have two approaches. One is to generally improve your life and your outlook, and have people more naturally wanna be around you, including girls. The less you can think about losing your virginity and the more you can treat a potential partner more like "one of the guys", the better luck you will have. That might sound weird, but I'm not kidding. The mistake too many nerdy guys make is they mystify women, try to find some magical set of rules that will get them to respond well to them/open their legs, and then unless that set of rules is perfect (and people are complex, man or woman, so there's never just one simple set of rules!), just get horrible results. Especially because society tells us that the nice guy wins by default and thus for most nerdy guys that set of rules is "be nice to her".
That's wrong. You don't have to be an asshole, but if you are hiding yourself behind "be nice", it's usually very obvious and nobody wants to date someone who they think is hiding their true personality. That's just a giant red flag. Any success I've had with women, I've had it when I've been able to just relax and be myself. I'm a weird, nerdy guy, but if you display that weirdness as something you are proud of, you get much better results than trying to hide it away. This might not be confidence in the most blunt, direct sense, but it's confidence all the same, and confidence is attractive.
The second approach is to read a whole bunch of dating websites, probably end up in the PUA community and go on quests to "neg" and "not be a beta". This can work, it's transformed a whole lot of guys for sure, but even then the first tip will be "present yourself well". That and the extra confidence this approach can give to a nerdy guy, by giving him a set of rules to follow, is actually the main secret behind it all. The problem with this is if there are other underlying personality issues (and you sound like you are very harsh on yourself in your original post), this won't fix anything. You can change yourself to get girls, and lose your virginity, and then what? These guys "stop being a beta to women" but really they just become "a beta to the system". Always trying to land another girl to prove themselves to other PUAs, or land a hotter girl.
If you turn girls into a game, you either grow bored or you get addicted.
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On May 11 2012 13:00 EvilTeletubby wrote:
Read the link in my sig if you haven't yet. ^_^
I did ETT, years ago  the thing is this is how you got married but how did you meet? How is your wife lately btw?
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Everything in your blog post just sounds so...unconfident. So unconfident that apparently im spelling it wrong. Maybe it's not technically a word. I don't know. That's the biggest thing that's standing out to me. Finding a place to meet girls can be difficult if you aren't in school (and arent working, and dont have any friends to go out with), but even that is doable. The biggest thing is just having the confidence to go up and speak to them. How, what about, what the approach is...all of that is just over-complicating it.
That said, taking care of yourself will do a lot for your self-image, and help build some confidence. Start little, go walking a few days a week and brush your teeth every day. Twice. Then sit and tell yourself every day, even if you giggle madly about how stupid you feel doing it, "I'm fucking awesome and am worth loving, because I love myself and I'm fucking awesome". Or whatever. It's so dumb. But aside from the repetition acting as reinforcement and bla bla bla, it's something stupid that you can commit to every day, and it might slowly start to sink in, and it might slowly start to make you think about yourself and look at yourself in a positive way, and a more "how can i make myself even more positive" way. In a, "hey if i don't like me i can change that, and, if i do like me...other people should like me too, because im likable damnit"
Im always afraid of getting too preachy and off-topic, because frankly im not sure how on topic I am right now. But that's what sticks out to me. I don't want to share and relationship stories because they're all depressing. You're awesome, the end.
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On May 11 2012 13:17 Turbovolver wrote:Show nested quote +On May 11 2012 12:45 beetlelisk wrote:On May 11 2012 12:34 Turbovolver wrote:
You have to present yourself well. Why aren't you brushing your teeth every day? Hell if I know tbh, I'm just retarded, gotta change that. I'll just use this in general to reply. I know things wrong with myself, and despite that I struggle very strongly to change them. I don't know why I can't change. Personality is one such thing, I know it's not easy to change your personality, and your habits. What I detailed in my post isn't a simple thing to do. And I wasn't trying to attack you. To be honest the stuff that you all list here in your post, is a common pattern that can be seen in countless girl blogs on TL, and in nerd culture in general. And, when I'm confronted with a pretty girl who I'm not close to, I overthink everything and turn into an awkward mess too! But from there you have two approaches. One is to generally improve your life and your outlook, and have people more naturally wanna be around you, including girls. The less you can think about losing your virginity and the more you can treat a potential partner more like "one of the guys", the better luck you will have. That might sound weird, but I'm not kidding. The mistake too many nerdy guys make is they mystify women, try to find some magical set of rules that will get them to respond well to them/open their legs, and then unless that set of rules is perfect (and people are complex, man or woman, so there's never just one simple set of rules!), just get horrible results. Especially because society tells us that the nice guy wins by default and thus for most nerdy guys that set of rules is "be nice to her".
Yeah, I absolutely agree once again. I read a girl's post to treat other girls like human beings once and it sunk in my mind.
Changing the habits is going to be a real bitch though. I guess feeling pathetic and disgusted about it can be a power to set things to move.
That's wrong. You don't have to be an asshole, but if you are hiding yourself behind "be nice", it's usually very obvious and nobody wants to date someone who they think is hiding their true personality. That's just a giant red flag. Any success I've had with women, I've had it when I've been able to just relax and be myself. I'm a weird, nerdy guy, but if you display that weirdness as something you are proud of, you get much better results than trying to hide it away. This might not be confidence in the most blunt, direct sense, but it's confidence all the same, and confidence is attractive.
I don't mind talking about my affiliation with TL, I even did that with some woman I met at the post office yesterday, I'm just not sure if this is a good start to start a conversation... maybe in the same conversation if the topic touches something related than sure. I'll keep your words in mind man
The second approach is to read a whole bunch of dating websites, probably end up in the PUA community and go on quests to "neg" and "not be a beta". This can work, it's transformed a whole lot of guys for sure, but even then the first tip will be "present yourself well". That and the extra confidence this approach can give to a nerdy guy, by giving him a set of rules to follow, is actually the main secret behind it all. The problem with this is if there are other underlying personality issues (and you sound like you are very harsh on yourself in your original post), this won't fix anything. You can change yourself to get girls, and lose your virginity, and then what? These guys "stop being a beta to women" but really they just become "a beta to the system". Always trying to land another girl to prove themselves to other PUAs, or land a hotter girl.
If you turn girls into a game, you either grow bored or you get addicted.
I would put it as follows - this is a good idea because I lack the essentials to start a conversation and keep it up. I'm confident I can do it on my own later, it's just the beginning and "breaking the ice" as it's said in Polish. I definitely feel miserable in this regard. I don't think I'm into being a player or scoring women for the sake of scoring, so I'm feeling safe about ending as "a beta to the system".
You see, this is amazing about TL. You fucking put your time and thought into writing a good OP and you get rewarded with amazingly insightful posts, and not even deeper in the thread but the first one! Thank You for your guidance, it's much appreciated
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I read the OP and you are a typical White Knight. You attempt to use the "I'm not like other guys" strategy in order to escalate intimacy with girls. Except, it's hypocritical since you want it (intimacy) but are claiming not to in order to try and achieve it.
You claimed "misogynistic asshole crawled from his hell hole and started to bad mouth her (Kelly)" - thus, you are attributing the bashing to misogyny but failed to realise that many casters get bashed all the time. Did you support Moletrap when he copped alot of flack? Or did you only support Kelly because she's female?
If even I, in an internet forum can pick up on these vibes, how much more so the girls you are meeting who can pick it up.
The faster you stop deluding yourself and start confidently asserting on what you want, then you will achive more success.
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On May 11 2012 13:43 Angel_ wrote:
Everything in your blog post just sounds so...unconfident. So unconfident that apparently im spelling it wrong. Maybe it's not technically a word. I don't know. That's the biggest thing that's standing out to me. Finding a place to meet girls can be difficult if you aren't in school (and arent working, and dont have any friends to go out with), but even that is doable. The biggest thing is just having the confidence to go up and speak to them. How, what about, what the approach is...all of that is just over-complicating it.
That said, taking care of yourself will do a lot for your self-image, and help build some confidence. Start little, go walking a few days a week and brush your teeth every day. Twice. Then sit and tell yourself every day, even if you giggle madly about how stupid you feel doing it, "I'm fucking awesome and am worth loving, because I love myself and I'm fucking awesome". Or whatever. It's so dumb. But aside from the repetition acting as reinforcement and bla bla bla, it's something stupid that you can commit to every day, and it might slowly start to sink in, and it might slowly start to make you think about yourself and look at yourself in a positive way, and a more "how can i make myself even more positive" way. In a, "hey if i don't like me i can change that, and, if i do like me...other people should like me too, because im likable damnit"
Im always afraid of getting too preachy and off-topic, because frankly im not sure how on topic I am right now. But that's what sticks out to me. I don't want to share and relationship stories because they're all depressing. You're awesome, the end.
Thank You Well my current unemployment is temporary but yeah I'm not going back to education in any foreseeable future so no school to meet girls in. I'm thinking I'm going to approach this girl today during the smoke break and say something like "hey you said we are cool yesterday but I guess you are a complete newb at driving just like me" or "I'm a kinda newb at driving, how big of a newb are you?". Yeah the second sentence sounds better. Anything, just to start the conversation.
Actually I already do like to think that I'm likable dammit, the OP shows a self-esteem crisis that happens to me every once in a while because of living in denial. I have to say I can be a huge prick but I've always been emo inside.
Damn I want to add something more. I think you do are on the topic. I'm not sure how much of what I wrote in my OP is lack of confidence and what is just 100% sober realism, no lies or cover ups.
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On May 11 2012 14:05 Azzur wrote:
I read the OP and you are a typical White Knight. You attempt to use the "I'm not like other guys" strategy in order to escalate intimacy with girls. Except, it's hypocritical since you want it (intimacy) but are claiming not to in order to try and achieve it.
You claimed "misogynistic asshole crawled from his hell hole and started to bad mouth her (Kelly)" - thus, you are attributing the bashing to misogyny but failed to realise that many casters get bashed all the time. Did you support Moletrap when he copped alot of flack? Or did you only support Kelly because she's female?
If even I, in an internet forum can pick up on these vibes, how much more so the girls you are meeting who can pick it up.
The faster you stop deluding yourself and start confidently asserting on what you want, then you will achive more success.
Another quality post it is! Thank You. Yeah, fuck I do want the intimacy but I'm not sure if you misinterpreted what I wrote... hmmm... well I've got to say I'm bit torn apart, on one hand I do want the intimacy but on the other I really don't mean treating women as sex toys. I think you are saying something similar what Turbovolver wrote, I mean to be myself instead of disguising myself as a good guy because it's not the way to go about it, there is high chance it won't work. Those 4 lines I wrote still don't cut it though... calling me a hypocrite really got me thinking. I will put it in this way: I'm not into it for just scoring, and covering it up with being a White Knight but that's not really what you meant. I really do wanna focus on the well being of the girl, I have no problem in being in it just for talking and establishing a friendship as my experience is second to zero. I have to learn to be relaxed and natural around a girl before anything more comes up.
I do want to have a sexual intercourse but it's not a priority.
About Kelly - it happened around the time when I was still watching GSL regularly and paying for it so it was only natural to defend her because her getting bashed because she was a female was too obvious, many assholes that got banned even put it straight, they bluntly were talking about where a bitch'es place is supposed to be. As of now I don't follow GSL as much so I completely missed Moletrap getting a lot of crap and I do remember him from the times of SC2GG.
He didn't quit though but switched to LOL so his career is not over yet, no idea if bashers had any influence on him.
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I went to school with the girl I’m currently dating. It’s been about 15 months, we met at school. I actually thought she was her older sister and added her cause I thought she was a babe, turns out I added her sister.
Lot’s of bullshit and hanging out and shit and then finally we dated, now yeah. I’m actually pretty over my relationship. There’s “love” but I don’t feel the same as I use to. There’s no passion or anything exciting, I don’t really care on the days I don’t see her. I once tried to break up with her a few months ago but she cried so much I literally felt that horrible I had to take her back. I convinced myself for a while I wanted to be with her but I have no idea anymore. Shes is a year younger then me, so she’s still in school and I’m fresh out of school and working full time. I read somewhere most couples that are together no longer feel the same but are to scared to break up with one and other (It was worded a fuck load more poetically then that).
Other then that I was somewhat like you a while ago, massive nerd all that shit. I just started going to parties and got my first few hook ups from drinking which gave me confidence when I wasn’t drunk. After I got confidence I moved on through a massive jerk stage, I got with a few girls but was just an absolute dick to them. I mean I regret it so bad but I apologised to them later in life and everything’s fine now.
Now I sit here wondering if I even want to be with this girl anymore.
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On May 11 2012 12:34 Turbovolver wrote:
You shouldn't think "I have to get a girlfriend, then I can work on improving my general life", you need to think "I have to work on improving my general life, then I will deserve a girlfriend".
If I were dying and had only one sentence to say to my son about women, this would be it.
When you are happy with yourself (which normally also means you take care of yourself in various ways because you respect yourself) women come by themselves, like moths.
When you're having problems they avoid you like the plague especially if you are running around begging for sex.
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On May 11 2012 15:23 ScruffyJanitor wrote:
I went to school with the girl I’m currently dating. It’s been about 15 months, we met at school. I actually thought she was her older sister and added her cause I thought she was a babe, turns out I added her sister.
Lot’s of bullshit and hanging out and shit and then finally we dated, now yeah. I’m actually pretty over my relationship. There’s “love” but I don’t feel the same as I use to. There’s no passion or anything exciting, I don’t really care on the days I don’t see her. I once tried to break up with her a few months ago but she cried so much I literally felt that horrible I had to take her back. I convinced myself for a while I wanted to be with her but I have no idea anymore. Shes is a year younger then me, so she’s still in school and I’m fresh out of school and working full time. I read somewhere most couples that are together no longer feel the same but are to scared to break up with one and other (It was worded a fuck load more poetically then that).
Other then that I was somewhat like you a while ago, massive nerd all that shit. I just started going to parties and got my first few hook ups from drinking which gave me confidence when I wasn’t drunk. After I got confidence I moved on through a massive jerk stage, I got with a few girls but was just an absolute dick to them. I mean I regret it so bad but I apologised to them later in life and everything’s fine now.
Now I sit here wondering if I even want to be with this girl anymore.
That's sad man. I read something similar about couples not wanting to be together, apparently scientists found out that infatuation lasts 2 years.
Well I literally have 1 friend in my city and he's working full time and studying at weekends so there are no parties to go to.
Which sucks because I figure that would be the best place to meet someone.
I'm not worried about going through the jerk stage, it's not really about unleashing me but giving me some opportunities I don't feel I have as of now.
I'm not sure what advice I can give you in return. Maybe try a therapist? If you can afford one. Or did you try talking with your girl about how to make things exciting? Of course carefully not to make her worry but still.
Do you think you need another girl or something is wrong with you?
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On May 11 2012 15:23 ScruffyJanitor wrote:
I went to school with the girl I’m currently dating. It’s been about 15 months, we met at school. I actually thought she was her older sister and added her cause I thought she was a babe, turns out I added her sister.
Lot’s of bullshit and hanging out and shit and then finally we dated, now yeah. I’m actually pretty over my relationship. There’s “love” but I don’t feel the same as I use to. There’s no passion or anything exciting, I don’t really care on the days I don’t see her. I once tried to break up with her a few months ago but she cried so much I literally felt that horrible I had to take her back. I convinced myself for a while I wanted to be with her but I have no idea anymore. Shes is a year younger then me, so she’s still in school and I’m fresh out of school and working full time. I read somewhere most couples that are together no longer feel the same but are to scared to break up with one and other (It was worded a fuck load more poetically then that).
Other then that I was somewhat like you a while ago, massive nerd all that shit. I just started going to parties and got my first few hook ups from drinking which gave me confidence when I wasn’t drunk. After I got confidence I moved on through a massive jerk stage, I got with a few girls but was just an absolute dick to them. I mean I regret it so bad but I apologised to them later in life and everything’s fine now.
Now I sit here wondering if I even want to be with this girl anymore.
You say there's "love". Trust me if you're putting love in quotation marks it isn't love.
Your situation happens a lot with people who start dating in high school. You've relied on each other a huge amount in a period of your life when you're still developing and now are too afraid to move apart despite no longer loving each other.
If you aren't sure you love someone than man up and break it off. Giving up breaking up because she cried a lot shows that your only feelings for her are pity and zero respect. If you had any true respect or love for her you would be man enough to break it off. If there is no passion then the relationship is over. Don't overthink it, just end it now and get on enjoying your youth.
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Hahaha, this makes me go back to my days when I was a grade 6 student.
I was the absolute geek back then. I had my own business, which was selling pirated stuff (yeah, I'm guilty). I spent most of my free time playing either Pokemon, StarCraft, GTA: Vice City (all the rage those days), Battlefield 1942, and C&C: Generals. I excelled in one type of competition: DotA. I absolutely owned anyone those days.
But I didn't have a girlfriend. My social life revolved around talking about DotA strategies during lunch time, and talking to people on Friendster. And then something happened: I added a grade 5 student, the star player of our school's volleyball team, and talked her up. After a while, I began to grow fond of her.
I didn't need to court her. All I said was I liked her. She said the same things. And that was it: we were on. Here I was, probably the school's biggest geek, going out with one of the most popular girls on campus. I had guys asking me how I did it; the truth was (and they didn't believe this), I had no fucking idea.
I'd go to her volleyball practices, she'd go to my DotA games, and we'd go out watching either girl movies or geek movies. We were doing shit (you know what I mean; pretty liberated school). And we lasted for 5 months. But 5 months was enough to prove to me one thing: it doesn't matter if I'm a geek. I can date anyone I want to as long as I was true to myself and I appealed to them.
Any geek can be an utter jock. And we can be better than jocks, because we're intelligent; we can talk to them in a sensible manner. We have a wider capacity for discussing things and understanding them. That was what she told me. And that's why it wasn't tough when we broke up; unlike jocks who'd go berserk or become sad or depressed (yes, there are jocks like that) when broken up with by a girl, especially one as popular as my ex, we can take such things better because the simple fact is we've overcome what everybody says is impossible: geeks having hot girlfriends. :D
Right now I'm in college, and going out with another popular girl, this time a musician. It's all a matter of confidence.
Or rather not. You also have to stop dressing like a geek. But that's about it. Being a gamer, being introverted, being intelligent and not muscular, is no excuse to not have a hot girlfriend. Just be confident, and you'll do fine. Who knows, while playing you might even meet some hot chick who's also into gaming, as I did two years back. :D
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On May 11 2012 15:59 Kickboxer wrote:Show nested quote +On May 11 2012 12:34 Turbovolver wrote:
You shouldn't think "I have to get a girlfriend, then I can work on improving my general life", you need to think "I have to work on improving my general life, then I will deserve a girlfriend".
If I were dying and had only one sentence to say to my son about women, this would be it. When you are happy with yourself (which normally also means you take care of yourself in various ways because you respect yourself) women come by themselves, like moths. When you're having problems they avoid you like the plague especially if you are running around begging for sex.
Hahahaha I'm never going to run around begging for sex. I'm too old and too used to taking care of my libido by myself, there is no rush really, even if I do long for that.
But yeah the problem definitely lies in self-respect. I'm going to talk to my psychologist about it today as i met with her every 2 weeks.
It feels shitty though because this whole case feels like a closed circle - I don't have opportunities so I stop caring about myself, I stop caring about myself and chances of befriending someone drop drastically.
Currently I'm thinking about starting going to a gym and maybe some krav maga or shit in the future but I still lack places where I can meet girls, clubs is all that's left for me. Maybe it's not that bad as it sounds.
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On May 11 2012 16:12 PiGStarcraft wrote:Show nested quote +On May 11 2012 15:23 ScruffyJanitor wrote:
I went to school with the girl I’m currently dating. It’s been about 15 months, we met at school. I actually thought she was her older sister and added her cause I thought she was a babe, turns out I added her sister.
Lot’s of bullshit and hanging out and shit and then finally we dated, now yeah. I’m actually pretty over my relationship. There’s “love” but I don’t feel the same as I use to. There’s no passion or anything exciting, I don’t really care on the days I don’t see her. I once tried to break up with her a few months ago but she cried so much I literally felt that horrible I had to take her back. I convinced myself for a while I wanted to be with her but I have no idea anymore. Shes is a year younger then me, so she’s still in school and I’m fresh out of school and working full time. I read somewhere most couples that are together no longer feel the same but are to scared to break up with one and other (It was worded a fuck load more poetically then that).
Other then that I was somewhat like you a while ago, massive nerd all that shit. I just started going to parties and got my first few hook ups from drinking which gave me confidence when I wasn’t drunk. After I got confidence I moved on through a massive jerk stage, I got with a few girls but was just an absolute dick to them. I mean I regret it so bad but I apologised to them later in life and everything’s fine now.
Now I sit here wondering if I even want to be with this girl anymore.
You say there's "love". Trust me if you're putting love in quotation marks it isn't love. Your situation happens a lot with people who start dating in high school. You've relied on each other a huge amount in a period of your life when you're still developing and now are too afraid to move apart despite no longer loving each other. If you aren't sure you love someone than man up and break it off. Giving up breaking up because she cried a lot shows that your only feelings for her are pity and zero respect. If you had any true respect or love for her you would be man enough to break it off. If there is no passion then the relationship is over. Don't overthink it, just end it now and get on enjoying your youth.
ScruffyJanitor I have to say I think this mean speaks the truth... unless you want to give it one more try and salvage the situation that is.
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On May 11 2012 16:12 DN.rSquar3d wrote:
Hahaha, this makes me go back to my days when I was a grade 6 student.
I was the absolute geek back then. I had my own business, which was selling pirated stuff (yeah, I'm guilty). I spent most of my free time playing either Pokemon, StarCraft, GTA: Vice City (all the rage those days), Battlefield 1942, and C&C: Generals. I excelled in one type of competition: DotA. I absolutely owned anyone those days.
But I didn't have a girlfriend. My social life revolved around talking about DotA strategies during lunch time, and talking to people on Friendster. And then something happened: I added a grade 5 student, the star player of our school's volleyball team, and talked her up. After a while, I began to grow fond of her.
I didn't need to court her. All I said was I liked her. She said the same things. And that was it: we were on. Here I was, probably the school's biggest geek, going out with one of the most popular girls on campus. I had guys asking me how I did it; the truth was (and they didn't believe this), I had no fucking idea.
I'd go to her volleyball practices, she'd go to my DotA games, and we'd go out watching either girl movies or geek movies. We were doing shit (you know what I mean; pretty liberated school). And we lasted for 5 months. But 5 months was enough to prove to me one thing: it doesn't matter if I'm a geek. I can date anyone I want to as long as I was true to myself and I appealed to them.
Any geek can be an utter jock. And we can be better than jocks, because we're intelligent; we can talk to them in a sensible manner. We have a wider capacity for discussing things and understanding them. That was what she told me. And that's why it wasn't tough when we broke up; unlike jocks who'd go berserk or become sad or depressed (yes, there are jocks like that) when broken up with by a girl, especially one as popular as my ex, we can take such things better because the simple fact is we've overcome what everybody says is impossible: geeks having hot girlfriends. :D
Right now I'm in college, and going out with another popular girl, this time a musician. It's all a matter of confidence.
Or rather not. You also have to stop dressing like a geek. But that's about it. Being a gamer, being introverted, being intelligent and not muscular, is no excuse to not have a hot girlfriend. Just be confident, and you'll do fine. Who knows, while playing you might even meet some hot chick who's also into gaming, as I did two years back. :D
That's a fucking great story man, exactly what I needed ^_______________^
I don't really dress like a geek I think, I will buy TL shirt at some point though.
edit and you know what I know a gorgeous girl, a friend's friend and huge anime fan (she's into bishounen characters btw :D), the only problem is she lives in another city, like 400 kilometers from mine.
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On May 11 2012 16:34 beetlelisk wrote:
I don't really dress like a geek I think, I will buy TL shirt at some point though.
edit and you know what I know a gorgeous girl, a friend's friend and huge anime fan (she's into bishounen characters btw :D), the only problem is she lives in another city, like 400 kilometers from mine.
That's a good point. Not everyone is into what a lot of people might assume the optimal-looking guy looks like. Indeed looks aren't that important, but I think the "aura" you project can be, and clothes come into that a lot.
Speaking of bishounen characters, that's the look I tend to go for, very feminine. This is polarising but seems to work better with geeky and Asian girls. I actually think it's an overlal poor choice to go for attracting girls because it's quite out there and puts a lot off, but it's what makes me feel confident and attractive, which is the more important thing.
I think it's very important to pick a style you like and go for that. A lot of guys, especially geekier guys, feel completely uninterested in fashion, or they simply think up a list of bad things to avoid and think if they don't do any big no-nos then they are fine. But even if they successfully avoid those faux-pas, if you aren't projecting a message with your clothes, whatever that might be, you are missing out on a great opportunity both to increase your confidence and to get noticed. No matter what style you go for, aiming to go for a style at all is IMO a great way to increase your own confidence, and to help when picking out clothes and such. It will make you more interested in fashion, and while you can certainly be TOO into fashion for most (e.g. me), I think the average TL poster could stand to be more interested in it!
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EPT
