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Disclaimer-I'm in high school, so please give me some slack.
So, I'm on my high school's Speech and Debate team, currently doing Extemporaneous Speaking, and doing fairly well for a freshman, qualifying for Nationals in Baltimore(actually a bit better than fairly well). So far, it's been very fun, providing a distraction for me after I effectively decided to quit math team.
Long story short: there's a really cute girl on Debate who I've competed with for the past three years, and have been friends with. We talk on Facebook a reasonable amount, and I like her. She's one of the best students in our grade, not to mention politically astute and just very smart overall. I've been thinking about asking her out, but I've run into a number of problems, and this being TL where a good number of people have much better relationship experience then me.
1. How to approach her while in school?
We don't have any classes together, and it seems like the only opportunity I get to see her is during lunch blocks. However, she generally sits with her friends, most of whom I don't know as they aren't on speech and debate or in my circle of friends
2. How to gain confidence?
I generally think of myself as being a confident person. In S&D, I can project confidence very well when speaking to total strangers about the Maldives, but for some reason I just can't sometimes. This is one of those times. How do I work up the courage necessary to ask her out?
3. How to ask her out?
This ought to be self-explanatory, but it's more like: how do I determine if she's interested in me?
Thanks for all your help guys. I'm sorry if this sounded like High School Problems 101.
 
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well here are some ideas:
1) how to approach her
- try to talk to her before she sits down with her friends. like during the time when she picks her food. so you can ask her if you are allowed to sit next to her.
=> continue this for several days/weeks to get some connection to her and her friends.
2) gain confidence
- be yourself, imo its not easy to give advice here, because people are different.
3) ask her out
- see 1), after some time you spend with her during dinner time you can ask her if she wants to spend some tiem after school (aka afternoon) or if she wants to do some activities in the evening.
lets say meet with some more friends and watch dvds, play games like settlers etc pp. see how she reacts during these kind of activities and than reduce the amount of other people around you. like meet her for a walk in the park.
after a while you should be able to see if you can ask her out for a movie in the cinema, a dinner or sth like that.
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#1: Phone, email, or facebook?
#2: My method was to stare at the phone for an hour or two. You should probably try and come up with something better than this.
#3: The best way to find out if she's interested in you is simply to ask her out. Any other strategy usually (a) is unreliable, (b) saps your confidence, and (c) can lead to friend-zoning.
IMO, your best bet is to find a way to contact her outside of school, and then ask her out as soon as possible. Good luck!
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Are you set on asking her out in school? Why is there a problem when you talk on facebook anyways? Just aks if she wants to hang out sometime in one of your conversations. Its simple, its not pushy and you know if shes interested. No harm done.
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waiting for redjustice to post on this, she has some really good advice..(i also need help in this type of area, so good luck man and hope u get her)
Well i know a guy who just asked a girl out randomly, and even tho she was out of his league she went out with him cause she didnt want to say no to him infront of her friends, she would feel guilty if she did. So i dont know, if ur lucky maybe u could do this, lol, but i wouldnt take the chance
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Lol im same age as you basically.....wish i had the courage to ask someone out 
lol at ^^above post haha, that is risky....
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Well, as somebody who's been in this situation a few times, all I can say is:
+ Show Spoiler +OH WHO AM I KIDDING I'VE NEVER EVEN SPOKEN TO A GIRL BEFORE WHY AM I SUCH A RECLUSIVE NERDDDDDD
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On May 06 2012 21:15 Shock710 wrote:
waiting for redjustice to post on this, she has some really good advice..(i also need help in this type of area, so good luck man and hope u get her)
Well i know a guy who just asked a girl out randomly, and even tho she was out of his league she went out with him cause she didnt want to say no to him infront of her friends, she would feel guilty if she did. So i dont know, if ur lucky maybe u could do this, lol, but i wouldnt take the chance
Not gonna try that, but thanks.
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You have her facebook. You know her already. Go on facebook, open chat: 'Hey, do you want to go out sometime?'. It might seem like a big deal, but its really not. She says yes or no, you go out on a date and connect or don't. No need to obsess over it.
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Doesn't sound great but hes right in essence. Girls are usually nice when you ask them out, no matter what. The absolutely worst thing that can happen is that she declines with a smile.
This is real life, not some high school movie. Girls dont chase you away while her friends call you loser.
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On May 06 2012 21:23 Derez wrote:
You have her facebook. You know her already. Go on facebook, open chat: 'Hey, do you want to go out sometime?'. It might seem like a big deal, but its really not. She says yes or no, you go out on a date and connect or don't. No need to obsess over it.
But...but Facebook is so impersonal.
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Your just asking if she wants to do something, it's not a proposal... You shouldn't treat asking her out as such a big deal.
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On May 06 2012 21:40 AntiGrav1ty wrote:
Your just asking if she wants to do something, it's not a proposal... You shouldn't treat asking her out as such a big deal.
Okay.
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And you've known her for 3 years, how you ask her won't change the response. There's no pressure on it: ask casually and go do something fun if she says yes. If she says no, nothing changes.
(Then again, I might have lost touch with high school.)
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On May 06 2012 21:18 Archas wrote:Well, as somebody who's been in this situation a few times, all I can say is: + Show Spoiler +OH WHO AM I KIDDING I'VE NEVER EVEN SPOKEN TO A GIRL BEFORE WHY AM I SUCH A RECLUSIVE NERDDDDDD
I mirror the sentiments of this fine, scholarly gentleman.
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dont do's:
- sit with her friends at lunch. don't ever do that. at most, talk for like 1 minute then go to your friends, or you just look weird and awkward.
- change the way u have been acting. you can be more pressing, but just dont change ur persona -_-
do's: keep chattin on facebook. but don't overdo it coz ull run out of shit to say
: get drunk with her/around her. alcohol is the best thing there is to break the ice. if ur 16 and over, i deem getting drunk acceptable. just dont vomit on her
: when your around her, flirt. make it clear you're 'more than just friends'. all you have to do is make her laugh. make her laugh = winning.
when the time comes, grab your balls close your eyes and give her a smooch. im 22 and 9 times out of ten i just ask a girl if i can kiss her. i have had some no's but i carry on as if i never asked. i dont get embarrassed, and as a result, there is no awkwardness. chix dig someone who aint afraid to take a leap here and there
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On May 06 2012 22:14 marttorn wrote:Show nested quote +On May 06 2012 21:18 Archas wrote:Well, as somebody who's been in this situation a few times, all I can say is: + Show Spoiler +OH WHO AM I KIDDING I'VE NEVER EVEN SPOKEN TO A GIRL BEFORE WHY AM I SUCH A RECLUSIVE NERDDDDDD I mirror the sentiments of this fine, scholarly gentleman.
I fully concur with you both.
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On May 06 2012 22:49 run.at.me wrote:
dont do's:
- sit with her friends at lunch. don't ever do that. at most, talk for like 1 minute then go to your friends, or you just look weird and awkward.
- change the way u have been acting. you can be more pressing, but just dont change ur persona -_-
do's: keep chattin on facebook. but don't overdo it coz ull run out of shit to say
: get drunk with her/around her. alcohol is the best thing there is to break the ice. if ur 16 and over, i deem getting drunk acceptable. just dont vomit on her
: when your around her, flirt. make it clear you're 'more than just friends'. all you have to do is make her laugh. make her laugh = winning.
when the time comes, grab your balls close your eyes and give her a smooch. im 22 and 9 times out of ten i just ask a girl if i can kiss her. i have had some no's but i carry on as if i never asked. i dont get embarrassed, and as a result, there is no awkwardness. chix dig someone who aint afraid to take a leap here and there
I'm a freshman, and plan on staying dry, but thanks.
Thanks for the don't dos as well, I hadn't looked at it that way.
Also, marttorn, you're not making me feel any more confident.
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I'm mostly against asking girls out any way that doesn't involve talking to them face to face. But lately, it's been either through a phone call, texting, and even through facebook and they've said yes every time. Nowadays we just talk through these things more than in person (prior to going out). Ultimately it just comes down to when you're the most comfortable asking (or in your case least uncomfortable). It you two usually talk through facebook and enjoy the conversations, just seize the moment there. Don't throw it in randomly or use it as an opener, do it at a time where you feel you two are really clicking; at ta time where you feel it's right. There's no exact moment for these things, you just have to feel for it; after all, going out with someone is instigated by feelings.
And as far as being nervous goes, that's just natural. Through fear of rejection or fear of messing up, you forget about what you're really doing there. Asking someone out is a risk, I mean you'll never know for sure how she feels unless you just do. And enjoying life is nothing without taking risks.
EDIT: Forgot a sentence.
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Hrm, I thought it was just me, but it looks like the trend these days is to not ask people out in person. I actually think an email or a text message would be less stressful for both parties than, say, a Facebook convo or an in-the-flesh interaction - gives everyone more time to think, which should theoretically produce the most reasonable result for everyone. Suggest you don't do it in front of her other people or her friends ... the last thing you want to do is put pressure on her.
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EPT
