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Ok, some background on me, I'm not actually a gosu x2 relationship advice giver like redjustice, or a hard core post metal bad ass like boesthius, but i'll try to help. I've been in a relationship for the past near 4 months and its amazing. The key is to be able to manipulate the situation around you to make yourself seem like your as amazing as you really are. That sounds terrible but let me put this into perspective, you and I both do debate, I am 17, you are a freshman so either 14,15, or 16, not much of an age difference. What I am saying to do is to be confident by being in your element and being outgoing when out of it. So here is your game plan, bro
1.How to approach her?
Don't always use school. You say you talk to her on fb, so sometime around say, SHIT GTG (even when you don't) and do this a couple times in a week and just say that, "its what happens when you are a cool as me xD loljk," or something to that effect and ask for her number to talk to her since you can't be on the comp. Next what you want to do is being non-confrontational and get your friends together for a movie at your house and invite this girl, don't sit too too close to her unless you find a good excuse to, and then don't push convo boundaries, try to have 2 good convo's with her on something playful and inocuous like how she liked one funny scene in a movie (Pro-tip, ask her what kind of movies she likes, then ask her for her favorite funny one, then go on IMBD and find a similar one so you seem like you know her well inately).
I don't always use school, but when i do: Use this to ask her out, just innocuously in front of her friends, ask her to the movie this way, then slowly over about 2 weeks - 3 weeks cull the number of people down, till at the end of the month ask her to the movies with your friends that you had for the last week of movies at your house. Then just ask her for a date to the movies. By this time she is comfortable with you, likes you and will say yes, or she won't and she'll say just friends and then you can keep her or cut her from your list lol.
2. Gain confidence You have confidence, you posted this here, you do debate, you got confidence you just need practice and experience so don't worry.
3. How to ask her out I already elaborated on this to great effect earlier, but a quick synopsis is to ask her to something innocuous, that was just an example, not the only way, then cull the number of people over 2-3 weeks, then change the innocuous event to something slightly less innocuous but with the same safety net of other people around, then about 3 days to 1 week later you ask her out and she should say yes.
NOTE: VERY VERY IMPORTANT, this is a long process, if you realize/realized that she really likes you, i.e. you take her hand and squeeze in the middle of the plan weeks, and she squeezes back then she is into you. If she tries to talk extensively with you and only you and will try to include you in her convo's with other people and pay attention to you more than 70% of the time, then speed it up and ask her out. Also if you look really good at all times in front of her at these dates, and then have a small slip up, it can make you look even better than if you were the coolest guy ever, girls like someone fallible who they can make perfect, idk why but its true. tl;dr, use some creativity, have an innocuous activity, make it slightly less so over a period of a month, and then ask her out in the 5th week, if she seems to like you already, speed it up and don't make her wait for you to get your shit together.
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Pointers:
1. Despite what anyone else here is telling you, don't lie to her. Don't manufacture excuses. They find out about these things, and then really hate them.
2. Why can you talk to complete strangers about the Maldives, but not her? Try to treat the problem similarly to how you would your debate topics. You compete with her, right? So you've spoken with her in a persuasive manner. Apply the same skill set. Why should she go out with you? How would you introduce the topic? What's the lead in? Then, of course, for the "awww" Disney moment feeling, you could ask her for help on this debate topic. It's something you have in common, and if she is thinking about your positives aren't you already halfway done?
3. You've got to talk to her, and yeah, Facebook may seem impersonal. If you're not going to go up and talk to her (brave her friends, maybe they might like you) you're kindof cutting your choices back. And you have to talk to her. Especially if you take the above suggestion regarding getting her to help you ask her out without her knowing it. (But she'll probably know it.)
Of course, it's been almost 20 years since I was in high school, and I'm divorced, so take it with a grain of salt.
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I could write a wall of text for you... but instead I'll just boil down that wall of text into what I believe is most important.
Just do it. Ask her out.
In situations like these you either roll the dice or you don't... your chances don't increase with respect to time either.
Here's what will happen if you do. Regardless of how you approach it, she is definitely going to be thinking of you.
Don't be an idiot and realize that women experience the same nervous feelings you do.
Here's what is going to happen if you don't.
You're gonna be 25 one day and you're going to run into her. She's going to have a husband and a kid. You're going to go home and shoot yourself for being so passive.
You have to shit or get off the pot.
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On May 06 2012 21:18 Archas wrote:Well, as somebody who's been in this situation a few times, all I can say is: + Show Spoiler +OH WHO AM I KIDDING I'VE NEVER EVEN SPOKEN TO A GIRL BEFORE WHY AM I SUCH A RECLUSIVE NERDDDDDD
For some reason i thought this was the best post in the thread haha.
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holy hell, there's some stupid over-complicated plans in this thread like over months and months to slowly creep up on her and make a move.
the best advice has already been stated a few times - just ask her out on facebook chat, something casual, just you two, no pressure. no big deal.
ignore the shit about doing this and doing that, she's already talking to you as you ARE now. be yourself and dont make a big deal out of it
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On May 07 2012 04:08 Sinep wrote:
holy hell, there's some stupid over-complicated plans in this thread like over months and months to slowly creep up on her and make a move.
the best advice has already been stated a few times - just ask her out on facebook chat, something casual, just you two, no pressure. no big deal.
ignore the shit about doing this and doing that, she's already talking to you as you ARE now. be yourself and dont make a big deal out of it
What this guy said. Don't listen to most of the advice in this thread, it's terrible!
(By terrible advice I mean stuff like this: "while you're talking to her on facebook say "SHIT GTG" "I'm so terribly popular I always get pulled away from the computer like this")
I loled so hard at this advice. Its so transparently disingenuous and is a set up for yolk on your face. Just be normal and straightforward, don't listen to all these jokesters, but listen to the man who posted just before me!
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On May 07 2012 04:41 JeanLuc wrote:Show nested quote +On May 07 2012 04:08 Sinep wrote:
holy hell, there's some stupid over-complicated plans in this thread like over months and months to slowly creep up on her and make a move.
the best advice has already been stated a few times - just ask her out on facebook chat, something casual, just you two, no pressure. no big deal.
ignore the shit about doing this and doing that, she's already talking to you as you ARE now. be yourself and dont make a big deal out of it What this guy said. Don't listen to most of the advice in this thread, it's terrible! (By terrible advice I mean stuff like this: "while you're talking to her on facebook say "SHIT GTG" "I'm so terribly popular I always get pulled away from the computer like this") I loled so hard at this advice. Its so transparently disingenuous and is a set up for yolk on your face. Just be normal and straightforward, don't listen to all these jokesters, but listen to the man who posted just before me!
Yeah, I was laughing rather hard at that one as well.
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Hi. 
How can you approach her in school: well, the fact that you only see her at lunch, surrounded by friends is actually a problem. In high school everyone is very influenced by what their friends think of them (and others). Asking her out in front of her friends is a) scary as hell, and b) may influence the outcome negatively. Speech and Debate season is probably wrapping up unfortunately, or I'd say that you should try to hang out more with her at tournaments. (both of my high school boyfriends-- one I was with a year, and one 3 years-- I met at speech and debate tournaments, lol)
The facebook thing is good. Keep it up and try talking to her more. If the conversation leads to it, try your best to suggest an activity or something the two of you can do together. Hopefully it would be outside of school stuff, but if it's extra studying for some class, just go with it and suggest the two of you study together. The point is to engage in meaningful conversation or activities with her.
Gaining confidence is just hard. The only people who are 100% confident in approaching someone else about a relationship think too highly of themselves. First time is always the scariest though. Don't be too nervous, because you are a freshman. People don't generally have anything you could call a relationship until high school, and I'm sure you understand that even then these relationships are less mature because everyone is still growing up. THEREFORE-- it's unlikely that she's ever been in a real relationship before, and she might be shy about it too. Relationships and asking people out and all of that nonsense takes some practice to get comfortable with.
Find a time when the two of you are hanging out relatively alone, and just ask. There is no magic build order. There is no maphax to find out for sure what she will say. There is simply: HeyIreallylikeyou,willyougooutwithme /hyperventilation.
Good luck.
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Blazinghand
United States25563 Posts
On May 06 2012 20:46 Praetorial wrote:
1. How to approach her while in school?
We don't have any classes together, and it seems like the only opportunity I get to see her is during lunch blocks. However, she generally sits with her friends, most of whom I don't know as they aren't on speech and debate or in my circle of friends
If you don't have any classes together that actually makes things super hard. As I'm sure you're aware. You're going to have to find some way to make incidental contact with her. Is she part of a club or something you can join? Or maybe if you have a mutual friend? Even if you don't know most of her friends, maybe ONE is good enough to introduce you to the group?
On May 06 2012 20:46 Praetorial wrote:
2. How to gain confidence?
I generally think of myself as being a confident person. In S&D, I can project confidence very well when speaking to total strangers about the Maldives, but for some reason I just can't sometimes. This is one of those times. How do I work up the courage necessary to ask her out?
Unfortunately, there's no easy answer to this. For me, the only way to do this is to realize that you'll be okay if you get rejected. Become one with the rejection, and realize that the only way to go is up-- and ask her out. Some people talk about practicing with a mirror or something but for me it was always about fear of rejection.
On May 06 2012 20:46 Praetorial wrote:
3. How to ask her out?
This ought to be self-explanatory, but it's more like: how do I determine if she's interested in me?
Ugh so this is like really hard. You wont' really know until you ask her out, unfortunately.
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Redjustice, Blazinghand, thanks very much.
Also, Blazinghand, yeah, we're both Speech and Debaters.
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Seriously, these long term plans are terrible and never work. You're not asking her to be in a 'relationship' with you or to be part of her 'group', as some people seem to suggest. All you're asking is someone to spend a couple of hours with you. There's no need to be 100% confident, you just need to accept that there's a decent chance someone will say 'no', because lots of people are attracted to people that aren't attracted to them. Just accept that and getting shot down is no big deal.
Almost noone meets the person they end up with in high school. Allow yourself to try things out and fuck up, it will make you better at it later in life.
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send her a text saying
"do you want to go see a movie this friday"
if she asks about friends she isnt in to you but likes you a lot (so maybe something is still possible, seeing her outside of school is still 1 step closer)
if she says no your fucked
if she says yes she luv you long time
if she says she is busy but offers up another date that doesnt mean anything
ezpz
after date say you had a good time and youd like to do something again, gauge her reaction to see where to go from there. if she has known you for 3 years and hasnt done anything about it youre chances are slim so you need to take it slow, dont stress out about moving things a long.
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On May 07 2012 07:09 turdburgler wrote:
send her a text saying
"do you want to go see a movie this friday"
if she asks about friends she isnt in to you but likes you a lot (so maybe something is still possible, seeing her outside of school is still 1 step closer)
if she says no your fucked
if she says yes she luv you long time
if she says she is busy but offers up another date that doesnt mean anything
ezpz
after date say you had a good time and youd like to do something again, gauge her reaction to see where to go from there. if she has known you for 3 years and hasnt done anything about it youre chances are slim so you need to take it slow, dont stress out about moving things a long.
I think that you may have missed the part about 3 years and being a freshman in high school.
Also movies aren't really my thing.
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I can't tell you what to do because frankly I'm bad at asking girls out myself. However, what NOT to do is blow it off as a joke if she says no. Don't do it. Ever. Seriously. No good can ever come from acting like it was a joke.
Anyways, good luck!
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On May 07 2012 05:05 RedJustice wrote:Hi. How can you approach her in school: well, the fact that you only see her at lunch, surrounded by friends is actually a problem. In high school everyone is very influenced by what their friends think of them (and others). Asking her out in front of her friends is a) scary as hell, and b) may influence the outcome negatively. Speech and Debate season is probably wrapping up unfortunately, or I'd say that you should try to hang out more with her at tournaments. (both of my high school boyfriends-- one I was with a year, and one 3 years-- I met at speech and debate tournaments, lol) The facebook thing is good. Keep it up and try talking to her more. If the conversation leads to it, try your best to suggest an activity or something the two of you can do together. Hopefully it would be outside of school stuff, but if it's extra studying for some class, just go with it and suggest the two of you study together. The point is to engage in meaningful conversation or activities with her. Gaining confidence is just hard. The only people who are 100% confident in approaching someone else about a relationship think too highly of themselves. First time is always the scariest though. Don't be too nervous, because you are a freshman. People don't generally have anything you could call a relationship until high school, and I'm sure you understand that even then these relationships are less mature because everyone is still growing up. THEREFORE-- it's unlikely that she's ever been in a real relationship before, and she might be shy about it too. Relationships and asking people out and all of that nonsense takes some practice to get comfortable with. Find a time when the two of you are hanging out relatively alone, and just ask. There is no magic build order. There is no maphax to find out for sure what she will say. There is simply: HeyIreallylikeyou,willyougooutwithme /hyperventilation. Good luck.
Out of all of the advice I've read so far in this blog thread, this sounds like the most reasonable and best.
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On May 07 2012 07:21 Praetorial wrote:Show nested quote +On May 07 2012 07:09 turdburgler wrote:
send her a text saying
"do you want to go see a movie this friday"
if she asks about friends she isnt in to you but likes you a lot (so maybe something is still possible, seeing her outside of school is still 1 step closer)
if she says no your fucked
if she says yes she luv you long time
if she says she is busy but offers up another date that doesnt mean anything
ezpz
after date say you had a good time and youd like to do something again, gauge her reaction to see where to go from there. if she has known you for 3 years and hasnt done anything about it youre chances are slim so you need to take it slow, dont stress out about moving things a long. I think that you may have missed the part about 3 years and being a freshman in high school. Also movies aren't really my thing.
Lazergaming, mountainbiking, sea world, mini golfing, paintball, karting, art exhibit, bowling, (ice)skating, concert, six flags, shopping, gaming, etc. Anything can be a good first date, just pick something that you enjoy and you think she'll enjoy or at least find entertaining. It helps if its either something you're good, or absolutely terrible at.
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On May 07 2012 07:09 turdburgler wrote:
if she asks about friends she isnt in to you but likes you a lot (so maybe something is still possible, seeing her outside of school is still 1 step closer)
Just a heads up, this point is necessarily true. If you're both freshmen in high school then usually going out is done with a ton of people, and dates aren't really common. In my experience anyway. Just be sure to specify that you two are going on a date and not some get together with some friends.
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On May 07 2012 08:20 Derez wrote:Show nested quote +On May 07 2012 07:21 Praetorial wrote:On May 07 2012 07:09 turdburgler wrote:
send her a text saying
"do you want to go see a movie this friday"
if she asks about friends she isnt in to you but likes you a lot (so maybe something is still possible, seeing her outside of school is still 1 step closer)
if she says no your fucked
if she says yes she luv you long time
if she says she is busy but offers up another date that doesnt mean anything
ezpz
after date say you had a good time and youd like to do something again, gauge her reaction to see where to go from there. if she has known you for 3 years and hasnt done anything about it youre chances are slim so you need to take it slow, dont stress out about moving things a long. I think that you may have missed the part about 3 years and being a freshman in high school. Also movies aren't really my thing. Lazergaming, mountainbiking, sea world, mini golfing, paintball, karting, art exhibit, bowling, (ice)skating, concert, six flags, shopping, gaming, etc. Anything can be a good first date, just pick something that you enjoy and you think she'll enjoy or at least find entertaining. It helps if its either something you're good, or absolutely terrible at.
^^ this. Just ask her on facebook chat. Don't be a pussy about it. Don't play games. Don't make it seem like a huge deal. Just one day when you're talking at an opportune time say "Hey let's go bowling." It's that fucking simple.
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Your are putting way to much thought into this. If you already talk to her and are comfortable speaking to her. Just catch her before practice or something IN PERSON and ask if she would like to go get dinner with you one night. You dont have to plan the perfect evening, you dont have to spend hours with her, just something simple. Even ice cream instead of dinner. And after you ask her out, dont stand around and talk for another 30 minutes. That will make things uncomfortable for both of you. After you ask her, regardless of her answer, tell her you are busy and have to go. And make sure you have an excuse if your not actually busy. Good luck, if she likes you she will say yes regardless of how uncomfortable you are asking her. If she says no, who cares, there are tons of women in the world.
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On May 06 2012 20:46 Praetorial wrote:
Disclaimer-I'm in high school, so please give me some slack.
So, I'm on my high school's Speech and Debate team, currently doing Extemporaneous Speaking, and doing fairly well for a freshman, qualifying for Nationals in Baltimore(actually a bit better than fairly well). So far, it's been very fun, providing a distraction for me after I effectively decided to quit math team.
Long story short: there's a really cute girl on Debate who I've competed with for the past three years, and have been friends with. We talk on Facebook a reasonable amount, and I like her. She's one of the best students in our grade, not to mention politically astute and just very smart overall. I've been thinking about asking her out, but I've run into a number of problems, and this being TL where a good number of people have much better relationship experience then me.
1. How to approach her while in school?
We don't have any classes together, and it seems like the only opportunity I get to see her is during lunch blocks. However, she generally sits with her friends, most of whom I don't know as they aren't on speech and debate or in my circle of friends
2. How to gain confidence?
I generally think of myself as being a confident person. In S&D, I can project confidence very well when speaking to total strangers about the Maldives, but for some reason I just can't sometimes. This is one of those times. How do I work up the courage necessary to ask her out?
3. How to ask her out?
This ought to be self-explanatory, but it's more like: how do I determine if she's interested in me?
Thanks for all your help guys. I'm sorry if this sounded like High School Problems 101.
Stop. Just stop right there. You're over-thinking EVERYTHING! It's ok, I made the same mistake in high school and many people on TL make that mistake in college. I got your back:
1). Think up a date idea. Since you talk over facebook you know what she's interested in. Seeing a movie, going to dinner, mini golfing, water park - you get the idea. Something fun that both of you can experience together.
2). Ask her out. You will be terrified. You will try to talk yourself out of it. You may psych yourself out, so if possible get a buddy to hold you accountable. When you ask her out make sure you give her the activity, date, and time. You don't even have to call it a date. "Hey [insert girl's name], I really like hanging out with you. Want to go to [place] at [date and time]?" It's a simple sentence and you're going to have zero confidence the first few times. You're on the speech team so you know all about stage fright. It's the same principle - just do it and it gets easier every time.
A big mistake a lot of guys make is saying "will you go out with me?" This is a loaded statement with a lot of commitment behind it. One date is low commitment; there's little reason to say no. Of course, rejection happens. It's good because you won't spend much longer crushing on her and move on to the next girl.
glhf
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EPT
