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long story short.
Last year I was struggling with poker which my gf always kinda hated, and I was not doing great especially financially. She started going to parties, sometimes overnight every week. She said she was bored etc.
My granfather then passed away and I went back to Czech Republic. A strange thing was that she wanted me to go for as long as possible, but I decided to go for three weeks. We had a weird phone call on Christmas eve, I am always optimistic and spoke to her and she even said hi to my family over the phone, but sounded kinda not pleased she is hearing me.
Back in Czech Republic I decided that I need to put poker on hold, and started looking for a job - pretty much all of her behavior I accounted for her dissaproving with my poker career, me not having a job playing too much dota etc. And I wanted to make it straight even though I love poker.
When I came back she didn't sleep over and said her friend is sick and she needs to stay with her - fair enough. But then she didn't come for another 7 days, and on new year's she just came home, we talked and she cried and said she might go out with friends, but might stay come home too. Long story short, I prepared dinner and what not and she didn't show up, and I ended up getting wasted solo in a hard rock club.
After that I was calling her like crazy, but she never answered and in a few days came home and said that she is going to London to meet her sister and after that she will directly fly to China for a (Planned, I knew about it for a long time) trip to her family. She never answered my phone during this time, and then 2 weeks later I saw a bank statement that clearly showed that she was in my city the whole time when she was supposed to be with her sister in London (withdrawals etc.)
When she was in China she refused to talk to me over the phone, but we wrote emails. Basically she was saying I don't lover her and I'm terrible etc. and I was saying how disappointed I am that she gave up on me and that she left me alone when I came back from the funeral in my home country. My patience ran out, I decided that enough is enough and we basically broke up over email as she never accepted to speak to me. I packed her things, and started forgetting about her and kept hardcore job hunting...eventually successfully.
When she came back she picked up her things in 2 turns, and I told her we are done pretty much and this is over. All this time I actually believed we are breaking up because I was jobless and was too focused on the poker hustle and dota and was a bit of a bum, she is Chinese and I always trusted her fully, planning a family etc. It didn't even cross my mind she would be hooking up with a guy, although it's was a possiblity.
Then a month and a half ago she comes home and we talk - she could see that I am getting a proper job and I was doing well, working and studying sales hardcore, just turning my life around as the "standard" society would see it. She wanted to come back, and said she realized she made a mistake. I agreed, and she moved back in.
After that it was good between us, I started listening to some Brian Tracy tapes on sales and there is stuff on relationships too, basically be positive, ask for what you want but nicely, and just rarely argue.
She was a bit volatile emotionally but she has always been, e.g. she was jealous and crying when I didn't call her often when I was on a training in London, got paranoid when I didn't answer the phone at work (Tbh I am terrible at that in all honesty), but she was always like that pretty much, with poker I worked on mental stability and although it is energy draining I always could handle it.
Then one day she said tomorrow she 'doesn't know if she will be home'. I knew she wasn't working that afternoon, and when I asked her where she was she said she was at dinner with a friend (girl) that came back from China. Now the last thing I wanted was that she starts partying again with the girls she was partying with overnight a ton in November and December and stayed with in February - so I started asking questions (modern sales style), where did you go last night? What restaurant? Who With? What's the friends name?
And she wouldn't answer the last one. I started asking more, and if there were any guys there - they were not. "Are you sure?" "Well there was this one guy". The progression of who the guy was from her own words over the past 4 days as I started asking more and more questions was
1) Friend's friend - don't know him
2) Friend't friend - actually, he was partying with us maybe once maybe twice in December, don't really know him
3) A guy that likes me - don't know from where, he asked my friend to go with us to dinner and this was the first time I saw him
4) A guy that I know well, he likes me and was interested in me quite abit, but I never cared.
5) A guy that I went on a couple dates with - we kissed and hugged here and there, no tongues though
6) My boyfriend for a while, we slept together several times, he is in love with me, I lived with him and not my girlfriend when I was gone, on New Year's I actually went to dinner with him, we traveled to various cities in the country and he asked me to marry him. But he treated me badly often and when I put my things to his flat he was bad again, I threatened to leave him and one day he said ok - so I came back.
Well and that's pretty much where I am now. She actually saw him three times for just a dinner or lunch after she came back in March to live with me again while I was working - she says she ended it and doesn't want to go back. I always told her telling the truth is better, and confronted her and said that I might give her another chance - she said she wants to stay with me, and asked me if I will marry her right now or at least this year (I told her no way). I had one condition for her to get one last chance - she will tell me absolutely everything, including the guys name, address, phone number, and will never lie again. She told me the guys name only after I wanted to kick her out on the street at 12pm, and the next day it took her 3 hours to give me his address and phone number, but refused to show me her phone, deleted messages from him and went outside because she "needs time to think".
I still obviously love her, and I would forgive her - but this seems just too much. Can I be with a person who lied to me like that? She is by no means perfect, she gained quite a bit of weight recently, hates starcraft, poker or dota and is no brainiac or extremely hot, but is very kind, people like her and we click so well and I know she would be awesome with a family. And she is Asian. What would you do?
 
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Reading your post, I'm almost sure she has lied about a lot more than what she admitted to in point (6).
Questions for you: 1) Are you okay with that, and are you okay with there being things about her you'll never find out? 2) Are you okay with being lied to again in the future? 3) Are you able to shift your image of her from the kind of person you thought she was, to the kind of person she likely is? (this doesn't mean she's a 'bad' person, just not what you expected), and if you are able, can you see yourself with the 'real' her?
Finally, if she was being completely honest after point 6, she'd not have had to ditch all the evidence.
EDIT: WOAH... WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A GODDAMNED MINUTE. HATES STARCRAFT? Deal breaker. Gad, you should have put that as the first line of your post.
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Canada13405 Posts
If there is one singular thing that I would never accept in a relationship, its cheating. For whatever reason, if she can do it once she can do it again. You need someone to be there for you when its rough, not someone who goes off with someone else when you need them most emotionally.
Its about respect, if she doesn't remain committed she clearly doesn't respect you or your relationship as much as you do.
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I'd give her one last chance but if she blows it again I'm willing to tell you to just end it. Remember that it's not easy giving someone up, I've had to make some awful decisions too but if you're willing to talk in private (in case anything's on your mind) I can listen. 
I'd say that you made the right choice by asking her to be straight.
Edit: I think I've been swayed by the others in the tread, my vouch now is that you just leave since she doesn't seem to respect you on too many levels at all.
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from the moment she starts blaming you in the relationship it's over
i wouldn't touch her with a bargepole
it's a shame that some people have to abuse their relationships like this but they get away with it because you love them so much. it's pure abuse and shouldn't be tolerated
hope it goes well for you
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First of all, how did you manage to get an Asian girl in the UK ? They always seem to go with other Asians only, it seems impossible from my standpoint 
Anyway, she sounds like shes got something to hide, and people that cheat once tend to cheat again. You guys may just hit hard times again in the years to come [alot of people are out of work etc in the UK as im sure you know]. Who says she doesn't repeat the process with someone else =/ Tbh, its your situation and your probably in the best position to judge it, but just bare that in mind I guess.
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Buy a disguise and dress up as a woman.
Go to the club where she goes to.
Befriend her.
Become her best friend.
Make her confide in you.
I believe this problem is now solved.
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On April 09 2012 00:50 BrTarolg wrote:
i wouldn't touch her with a bargepole extended thermal lance
get your metaphors straight.
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On April 09 2012 00:51 caradoc wrote:Show nested quote +On April 09 2012 00:50 BrTarolg wrote:
i wouldn't touch her with a bargepole extended thermal lance
get your metaphors straight.
Canadians to the rescue...
I think we should show some respect for the OP and take it a bit more seriously.
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She seems like a lying bitch. Despite her being "very kind", she seems to have problems. If I were you, I'd end things with her and not look back. You can do better than someone who lies to your face like that, bro.
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On April 09 2012 00:51 zalz wrote:
Buy a disguise and dress up as a woman.
Go to the club where she goes to.
Befriend her.
Become her best friend.
Make her confide in you.
I believe this problem is now solved.
Espionage. The perfect method of dealing with a liar.
I hope you're kidding, I really really do.
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On April 09 2012 00:53 IntoTheheart wrote:Show nested quote +On April 09 2012 00:51 caradoc wrote:On April 09 2012 00:50 BrTarolg wrote:
i wouldn't touch her with a bargepole extended thermal lance
get your metaphors straight. Canadians to the rescue... I think we should show some respect for the OP and take it a bit more seriously.
agreed. see my earlier post in the thread. I think after contribootin we can add some levity :D
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On April 09 2012 00:54 caradoc wrote:Show nested quote +On April 09 2012 00:53 IntoTheheart wrote:On April 09 2012 00:51 caradoc wrote:On April 09 2012 00:50 BrTarolg wrote:
i wouldn't touch her with a bargepole extended thermal lance
get your metaphors straight. Canadians to the rescue... I think we should show some respect for the OP and take it a bit more seriously. agreed. see my earlier post in the thread. I think after contribootin we can add some levity :D
Fair enough, haha. I'm just trying to make people who jump into forums halfway through (like me) take it seriously because if they see SC2 analogies this thread might just dissolve into those. T_T
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"And she is asian" so is that a bonus for you because you find asian women more attractive or what? i dont get that sentence
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thems Asian broads sure are easy ain't they.
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Sounds like she cheated on you and then tried to blame you for it somehow. I think you need to move on. Sorry, I hope things pick up.
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To be honest I'd have an issue with this. Like, it's definitely up to you and if that's all she did(not saying it's light or anything) that might be forgivable, however there's the main issue...
You can't trust her. You can't know it'd be the last time, you will always be in doubt. You just can't know. People tend to not change so easily. If she was able to do that she should be able to do a similiar thing later on. It says a lot about the person. I don't know the exact specifics but I personally would have a lot of trouble regaining the trust. It's usually this kind of a thing - if you knew that it'd never happen again it's forgivable, but how can you know that? I personally wouldn't give her a chance, I'm kind of strict and make a big deal out of reliability, however if you choose to I suggest you to be careful and critical. It's going to be tough, though, because you cannot just stalk her every movement and then again cannot trust that she actually does what she says she does... If she acts suspiciously it's going to cause a lot of doubt even if she's not doing anything wrong...
Becjause of these things I personally don't think it really is worth the hassle and the mental stress, especially as she seems to not be so supportive of numerous things you enjoy. However, it's up to you.
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This girl kissed you on the mouth with that other man's semen still on her lips. I would kick her to the curb and then pay the local waifs and orphans to throw stones at her. She is a liar through and through. It's no confession if you have to threaten her to get it. This girl is a bad apple, and she will spoil your entire life if you leave her hanging around. The best thing you can do is beat her so viciously that she is convinced you are a monster and will never try to seduce or tempt you again.
You may love her now. You may love her until the day you die. But your love for her is like an ugly brown mole that will one day become a rapaciously malignant tumor that invades your entire body and rots it from the inside out. You must excise that mole, no matter how great a scar it leaves, and throw the bloody scrap into a fire.
I think at worst, you should have sex with her several times while sobbing and calling her Bartleby Bath the Sixth (This will make her think you've been cheating on her. A neat way to get emotional revenge.) Do all the kinky things you've always wanted to try. Bring the butter churn, wear the spotted knickers, and don't be afraid to brandish your viking drinking horn. This is your time to shine.
Afterwards, tell her she's shamed her ancestors for at least the next three lives, and then put her out on the street. Remember to secretly sell some of her possessions on ebay beforehand so you have money to pay the waifs to stone her properly. God forbid you spend your own hard earned dollar in meting out righteous justice. It is only right that she foot the bill to atone for her sins. Somewhere in this process you should headbutt her in the stomach too. I've honestly never encountered a situation where a swift headbutt to the torso hasn't been apropos.
User was temp banned for this post.
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this was a learning experience. If your girlfriend isn't spending time with you when she could be, she doesn't like you enough to stay - find one that does, life is short.
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To blame you is just a sign of her feeling guilt, trying to push it over on you. If I were to give my two cents I would not get back together with her, even though its not as easy as it sounds. There is always someone out there, somewhere that will treat you better. History like this will only come back to bite you and even if you do get back together with her, the trusting will become a big issue somewhere down the road i'd imagine. My two cents is the same as PassiveAce, I believe you need to move on aswell and good luck with whatever you decide to do, hope it works out!
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EPT
