Last year I was struggling with poker which my gf always kinda hated, and I was not doing great especially financially. She started going to parties, sometimes overnight every week. She said she was bored etc.
My granfather then passed away and I went back to Czech Republic. A strange thing was that she wanted me to go for as long as possible, but I decided to go for three weeks. We had a weird phone call on Christmas eve, I am always optimistic and spoke to her and she even said hi to my family over the phone, but sounded kinda not pleased she is hearing me.
Back in Czech Republic I decided that I need to put poker on hold, and started looking for a job - pretty much all of her behavior I accounted for her dissaproving with my poker career, me not having a job playing too much dota etc. And I wanted to make it straight even though I love poker.
When I came back she didn't sleep over and said her friend is sick and she needs to stay with her - fair enough. But then she didn't come for another 7 days, and on new year's she just came home, we talked and she cried and said she might go out with friends, but might stay come home too. Long story short, I prepared dinner and what not and she didn't show up, and I ended up getting wasted solo in a hard rock club.
After that I was calling her like crazy, but she never answered and in a few days came home and said that she is going to London to meet her sister and after that she will directly fly to China for a (Planned, I knew about it for a long time) trip to her family. She never answered my phone during this time, and then 2 weeks later I saw a bank statement that clearly showed that she was in my city the whole time when she was supposed to be with her sister in London (withdrawals etc.)
When she was in China she refused to talk to me over the phone, but we wrote emails. Basically she was saying I don't lover her and I'm terrible etc. and I was saying how disappointed I am that she gave up on me and that she left me alone when I came back from the funeral in my home country. My patience ran out, I decided that enough is enough and we basically broke up over email as she never accepted to speak to me. I packed her things, and started forgetting about her and kept hardcore job hunting...eventually successfully.
When she came back she picked up her things in 2 turns, and I told her we are done pretty much and this is over. All this time I actually believed we are breaking up because I was jobless and was too focused on the poker hustle and dota and was a bit of a bum, she is Chinese and I always trusted her fully, planning a family etc. It didn't even cross my mind she would be hooking up with a guy, although it's was a possiblity.
Then a month and a half ago she comes home and we talk - she could see that I am getting a proper job and I was doing well, working and studying sales hardcore, just turning my life around as the "standard" society would see it. She wanted to come back, and said she realized she made a mistake. I agreed, and she moved back in.
After that it was good between us, I started listening to some Brian Tracy tapes on sales and there is stuff on relationships too, basically be positive, ask for what you want but nicely, and just rarely argue. She was a bit volatile emotionally but she has always been, e.g. she was jealous and crying when I didn't call her often when I was on a training in London, got paranoid when I didn't answer the phone at work (Tbh I am terrible at that in all honesty), but she was always like that pretty much, with poker I worked on mental stability and although it is energy draining I always could handle it.
Then one day she said tomorrow she 'doesn't know if she will be home'. I knew she wasn't working that afternoon, and when I asked her where she was she said she was at dinner with a friend (girl) that came back from China. Now the last thing I wanted was that she starts partying again with the girls she was partying with overnight a ton in November and December and stayed with in February - so I started asking questions (modern sales style), where did you go last night? What restaurant? Who With? What's the friends name? And she wouldn't answer the last one. I started asking more, and if there were any guys there - they were not. "Are you sure?" "Well there was this one guy". The progression of who the guy was from her own words over the past 4 days as I started asking more and more questions was
1) Friend's friend - don't know him 2) Friend't friend - actually, he was partying with us maybe once maybe twice in December, don't really know him 3) A guy that likes me - don't know from where, he asked my friend to go with us to dinner and this was the first time I saw him 4) A guy that I know well, he likes me and was interested in me quite abit, but I never cared. 5) A guy that I went on a couple dates with - we kissed and hugged here and there, no tongues though 6) My boyfriend for a while, we slept together several times, he is in love with me, I lived with him and not my girlfriend when I was gone, on New Year's I actually went to dinner with him, we traveled to various cities in the country and he asked me to marry him. But he treated me badly often and when I put my things to his flat he was bad again, I threatened to leave him and one day he said ok - so I came back.
Well and that's pretty much where I am now. She actually saw him three times for just a dinner or lunch after she came back in March to live with me again while I was working - she says she ended it and doesn't want to go back. I always told her telling the truth is better, and confronted her and said that I might give her another chance - she said she wants to stay with me, and asked me if I will marry her right now or at least this year (I told her no way). I had one condition for her to get one last chance - she will tell me absolutely everything, including the guys name, address, phone number, and will never lie again. She told me the guys name only after I wanted to kick her out on the street at 12pm, and the next day it took her 3 hours to give me his address and phone number, but refused to show me her phone, deleted messages from him and went outside because she "needs time to think".
I still obviously love her, and I would forgive her - but this seems just too much. Can I be with a person who lied to me like that? She is by no means perfect, she gained quite a bit of weight recently, hates starcraft, poker or dota and is no brainiac or extremely hot, but is very kind, people like her and we click so well and I know she would be awesome with a family. And she is Asian. What would you do?
Reading your post, I'm almost sure she has lied about a lot more than what she admitted to in point (6).
Questions for you: 1) Are you okay with that, and are you okay with there being things about her you'll never find out? 2) Are you okay with being lied to again in the future? 3) Are you able to shift your image of her from the kind of person you thought she was, to the kind of person she likely is? (this doesn't mean she's a 'bad' person, just not what you expected), and if you are able, can you see yourself with the 'real' her?
Finally, if she was being completely honest after point 6, she'd not have had to ditch all the evidence.
EDIT: WOAH... WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A GODDAMNED MINUTE. HATES STARCRAFT? Deal breaker. Gad, you should have put that as the first line of your post.
If there is one singular thing that I would never accept in a relationship, its cheating. For whatever reason, if she can do it once she can do it again. You need someone to be there for you when its rough, not someone who goes off with someone else when you need them most emotionally.
Its about respect, if she doesn't remain committed she clearly doesn't respect you or your relationship as much as you do.
I'd give her one last chance but if she blows it again I'm willing to tell you to just end it. Remember that it's not easy giving someone up, I've had to make some awful decisions too but if you're willing to talk in private (in case anything's on your mind) I can listen.
I'd say that you made the right choice by asking her to be straight.
Edit: I think I've been swayed by the others in the tread, my vouch now is that you just leave since she doesn't seem to respect you on too many levels at all.
from the moment she starts blaming you in the relationship it's over
i wouldn't touch her with a bargepole
it's a shame that some people have to abuse their relationships like this but they get away with it because you love them so much. it's pure abuse and shouldn't be tolerated
First of all, how did you manage to get an Asian girl in the UK ? They always seem to go with other Asians only, it seems impossible from my standpoint
Anyway, she sounds like shes got something to hide, and people that cheat once tend to cheat again. You guys may just hit hard times again in the years to come [alot of people are out of work etc in the UK as im sure you know]. Who says she doesn't repeat the process with someone else =/ Tbh, its your situation and your probably in the best position to judge it, but just bare that in mind I guess.
She seems like a lying bitch. Despite her being "very kind", she seems to have problems. If I were you, I'd end things with her and not look back. You can do better than someone who lies to your face like that, bro.
i wouldn't touch her with a bargepoleextended thermal lance
get your metaphors straight.
Canadians to the rescue...
I think we should show some respect for the OP and take it a bit more seriously.
agreed. see my earlier post in the thread. I think after contribootin we can add some levity :D
Fair enough, haha. I'm just trying to make people who jump into forums halfway through (like me) take it seriously because if they see SC2 analogies this thread might just dissolve into those. T_T
To be honest I'd have an issue with this. Like, it's definitely up to you and if that's all she did(not saying it's light or anything) that might be forgivable, however there's the main issue...
You can't trust her. You can't know it'd be the last time, you will always be in doubt. You just can't know. People tend to not change so easily. If she was able to do that she should be able to do a similiar thing later on. It says a lot about the person. I don't know the exact specifics but I personally would have a lot of trouble regaining the trust. It's usually this kind of a thing - if you knew that it'd never happen again it's forgivable, but how can you know that? I personally wouldn't give her a chance, I'm kind of strict and make a big deal out of reliability, however if you choose to I suggest you to be careful and critical. It's going to be tough, though, because you cannot just stalk her every movement and then again cannot trust that she actually does what she says she does... If she acts suspiciously it's going to cause a lot of doubt even if she's not doing anything wrong...
Becjause of these things I personally don't think it really is worth the hassle and the mental stress, especially as she seems to not be so supportive of numerous things you enjoy. However, it's up to you.
This girl kissed you on the mouth with that other man's semen still on her lips. I would kick her to the curb and then pay the local waifs and orphans to throw stones at her. She is a liar through and through. It's no confession if you have to threaten her to get it. This girl is a bad apple, and she will spoil your entire life if you leave her hanging around. The best thing you can do is beat her so viciously that she is convinced you are a monster and will never try to seduce or tempt you again.
You may love her now. You may love her until the day you die. But your love for her is like an ugly brown mole that will one day become a rapaciously malignant tumor that invades your entire body and rots it from the inside out. You must excise that mole, no matter how great a scar it leaves, and throw the bloody scrap into a fire.
I think at worst, you should have sex with her several times while sobbing and calling her Bartleby Bath the Sixth (This will make her think you've been cheating on her. A neat way to get emotional revenge.) Do all the kinky things you've always wanted to try. Bring the butter churn, wear the spotted knickers, and don't be afraid to brandish your viking drinking horn. This is your time to shine.
Afterwards, tell her she's shamed her ancestors for at least the next three lives, and then put her out on the street. Remember to secretly sell some of her possessions on ebay beforehand so you have money to pay the waifs to stone her properly. God forbid you spend your own hard earned dollar in meting out righteous justice. It is only right that she foot the bill to atone for her sins. Somewhere in this process you should headbutt her in the stomach too. I've honestly never encountered a situation where a swift headbutt to the torso hasn't been apropos.
this was a learning experience. If your girlfriend isn't spending time with you when she could be, she doesn't like you enough to stay - find one that does, life is short.
To blame you is just a sign of her feeling guilt, trying to push it over on you. If I were to give my two cents I would not get back together with her, even though its not as easy as it sounds. There is always someone out there, somewhere that will treat you better. History like this will only come back to bite you and even if you do get back together with her, the trusting will become a big issue somewhere down the road i'd imagine. My two cents is the same as PassiveAce, I believe you need to move on aswell and good luck with whatever you decide to do, hope it works out!
But, you need to distance yourself from this woman. She cheated on you and that is going to stay between you two forever. You may forgive her, but it will always be there. Just be glad you're not married to her and try as hard as you can to forget her. If you were married, you'd have no choice, but you're not, so it's a blessing this happened when it did. Unfortunately, you'll never be able to trust her (and probably rightfully so) the same way again.
I just can't see it ending well if you took her back.
edit: I wanted to be clear. I do believe people can forgive and then have a good relationship, but something drastic would have to change with the person that was unfaithful. I don't see that in this situation.
Very shady, and even then my red flags were raised the moment you said "she wanted me to go for as long as possible". Also i agree with other people saying you shouldn't give her the chance, she didn't respect you enough to tell you outright she was cheating or even letting you know she was having doubts about the relationship. Find someone else, there are other women more deserving of your love and care.
You are way to forgiving, things will never be the same between you. If she cheated on you, she WILL only do it again. Despite you feeling like you love her, if you really search your feelings you will find that what you are feeling is past love memory. Not current love, I dont think it could be possible given what shes done. You can never trust a cheater and liar again, which means you will never have a normal relationship again.
Have to agree with the other comments, she appears to lie to you constantly and won't come clean until you put allot of pressure on her. Let's be clear, she is trying to deceive you of what she really is doing. Some people just do that to sort out their problems, its their strategy to cope with scary or perceived bad possible outcomes. It has nothing to do with you or who she is interaction with, some people just believe that is the best or only way to deal with hard situations and most people stick with their strategies and refuses to change.
So your question is that you have to answer is are you okay living with a person that uses these kinds of tactics when they are in a tough spot, cause I'll tell you right now, she is prolly doing this allot and just not with you around your issues relating to your relationship. Do you feel comfortable with her doing this, do you still feel you can trust her, even though she has done this in the past which you are not aware of, of the things she just did that you just now noticed, and in any future interactions where she WILL do this more. if no, then break up with her. If yes then keep going and find some way to cope with her behavior.
Well and that's pretty much where I am now. She actually saw him three times for just a dinner or lunch after she came back in March to live with me again while I was working - she says she ended it and doesn't want to go back. I always told her telling the truth is better, and confronted her and said that I might give her another chance - she said she wants to stay with me, and asked me if I will marry her right now or at least this year (I told her no way). I had one condition for her to get one last chance - she will tell me absolutely everything, including the guys name, address, phone number, and will never lie again. She told me the guys name only after I wanted to kick her out on the street at 12pm, and the next day it took her 3 hours to give me his address and phone number, but refused to show me her phone, deleted messages from him and went outside because she "needs time to think".
I still obviously love her, and I would forgive her - but this seems just too much. Can I be with a person who lied to me like that? She is by no means perfect, she gained quite a bit of weight recently, hates starcraft, poker or dota and is no brainiac or extremely hot, but is very kind, people like her and we click so well and I know she would be awesome with a family. And she is Asian. What would you do?
Sorry to hear that. Trust is and always will be the most important thing in any human relationship. You can't look into someones head and see what the is thinking right now, so you'll always need to depend on your judgement to make decisions involving a person.
how can you make reliable judgements about a persons behaviour if that person already violated your trust in the past? if she was able to do it once, then you always need to expect her to act like this again in the future. so every time in the future that she is angry or disappointed it could be possible that she sleeps with some other guy? yeah great basis for a marriage/relationship.
Yup, she's told you a lot of shit about this guy and her already, and I think it's pretty clear she's still hiding shit from you. She's using you for stability. If you're ok with this then that's on you. If you're not and don't mind having her stay with you, use her for sex until something better comes along and then bump her to the side of the road. If you're not ok with this and do mind her staying with you, bump her now.
Personally, I like option 2. Some people would see this as a scumbag move, but I like sex. I think it's fun. So if you don't mind having her stay with you until you find a better alternative, go for it.
Edit: Option 1 being who cares that she took advantage of you/is still taking advantage of you/lied about it, you "love" her. Option 2: Sex until you find something better Option 3: Bump her now and use your hand until you find something better
You should take this as a lesson learned. I'm 32 now and didn't really figure this shit out till my mid 20s. Women like assholes. Not massive over the top assholes, but just enough. It's telling that she gravitates towards the man who treats her badly. Like for instance my girlfriend is outside my bathroom door right now basically begging me to come deal with her case, and I just laugh and keep messing around on the internet. It gives them something to work towards or something. I don't pretend to understand it but it's just the way it is.
Kick the bitch out on her head and salvage whatever pride you have left and take that confidence into your next relationship. you need to walk away at the slightest hint that your Gf isn't completely ride or die. Girls can ruin your entire life bro and men get better looking as they age. You don't have the same time constraints on you that a woman does as time is not their friend.
I don't see a real chance for this relationship. She lied, cheated on you, and said she would never do it again (but won't show you her phone). She is still hiding something from you. I think the best thing to do in this situation is to break it off with her and kick her out on the street. Perhaps if she was truly sorry about the cheating, she would have came out with the full truth at the beginning and cried her eyes out etc. But from what I read, she doesn't even seem sorry enough to even show you her phone. Her still holding onto the other guy shows that you are her second choice. She's keeping her options open in case the other guy decides to take her back.
I really feel bad for you man. Sucks to have that happen.
But really even if you forgive her for everything relationships are all about trust. If you can't trust her when you're not home or when you or she goes out then that's not a healthy relationship. Constantly asking where they other person is, what they are doing and who they are with just show an insecure relationship. Also she should be someone you enjoy living with, doing things together and trust completely. Really if she doesn't fit in that criteria then you should not be with her. She doesn't even like your hobbies and unless you quit or she deals with it then that will always be a sore point.
There are plenty of other people out there. Just because there might not be someone else now doesn't mean that you should stick with what you have. You sound like you're turning your life around for the better and you shouldn't have her drag you down.
On April 09 2012 00:45 caradoc wrote: EDIT: WOAH... WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A GODDAMNED MINUTE. HATES STARCRAFT? Deal breaker. Gad, you should have put that as the first line of your post.
IKR? Why even have this discussion in the first place? She doesn't support your hobbies.
On April 09 2012 01:28 Kilocide wrote: You should take this as a lesson learned. I'm 32 now and didn't really figure this shit out till my mid 20s. Women like assholes. Not massive over the top assholes, but just enough. It's telling that she gravitates towards the man who treats her badly. Like for instance my girlfriend is outside my bathroom door right now basically begging me to come deal with her case, and I just laugh and keep messing around on the internet. It gives them something to work towards or something. I don't pretend to understand it but it's just the way it is.
Kick the bitch out on her head and salvage whatever pride you have left and take that confidence into your next relationship. you need to walk away at the slightest hint that your Gf isn't completely ride or die. Girls can ruin your entire life bro and men get better looking as they age. You don't have the same time constraints on you that a woman does as time is not their friend.
Man up.
About the asshole part, it still stuns me. I know allot of "nice" guys that never gotten a girl, ever. Then I know real fucking idiots, they don't care about their appearance, have no job or future cause of their "fuck you" atlitude, I would never socialize with this people. Yet they get girlfriends fairly easy, and some of the time, for some odd reason the women won't leave them even if they get physically or mentally abused they make up all kinds of excuses "it's not his fault, he just has it bad right now, he needs me" and so forth, ya he needs you alright, as a punching bag! It blows my mind, seriously.
Accept her back but PLEASE don't beg for conditions like " plz now tell me everything, i want know where you eat what when, with whom " . And for the love of god why would you ask for theh guy's address and phone number, it's not like he threatened her to cheat on him, she wanted it to.As a matter of fact she did him in any ways possible so " no tongue" is her way of saying "i did it all, what difference does it makes now" .
If you ever want her to "change" and stop trashing around with other guys, you need to have a cold attitude and don't make promises, neither ask her to promise things. And if ever you get the chance to get laid with someone else, do it and don't regret it. Your GF will not stop cheating on you no matter how much you love her and buy her cute things but at least you will not be affected that much anymore.
GL& check this link it helps greatly with relationships like yours
You have a queer notion of what an "imperfect" woman is my friend, or what kind is for that matter. A woman who cheats then lies to your face is not a "kind person." I wouldn't call her imperfect either, I would call that a character flaw. She sounds like a user and an abuser. I know love is blind and all but in this case it has bleached your eyes. She is not worth the effort, she will probably cheat and lie again and I wouldn't be surprised if she started contacting the other guy again as soon as she whiffed trouble brewing between you two. You like her since she's asian? A billion more where that came from.
a strong relationship should be based around mutual respect, if she lied to you that much in the past, I don't think she deserves any 2nd chance. Also I doubt that she'll never lie to you again in the future.
She cheated on you once, she will do it again. You will never be happy with her unless you can accept her fucking guys when she's bored, and then blaming you (job, lifestyle, whatever excuse she can find to justify herself). You love her, and want to not see this. But the fact does not change. She is a cheater with you. That will never, ever change. That is in the most basic dynamic of your relationship.
I was just watching how i met your mother season 1 and two and the main character LIlly was afraid of relationship and wanted to be free for a bit to find herself.
your situation really sucks dude and you gotta make your decision yourself. But maybe after all shes been through she now realizes what she likes and it was you and that's why shes with you now
You say screw that and move on because there are more fish in the sea.
Honestly, she sounds like she has some emotional problems. She can't handle being alone and needs a rebound-man if she is. Think about it, whenever you were in czech republic she was seeing someone else and when that someone else didn't treat her right she came back to you. She lied about him, slept with him, defended him when you asked for his information, deleted his information from her phone hiding it from you and ONLY came back to YOU whenever HE didn't treat her right. Also, you mentioned a whole bunch of traits that she "didn't" have so when you combine all of it there's no reason for you to stay with her. You already see that she can't be faithful or trustworthy. Let it go, find somebody worth your time because obviously she clearly isn't.
Bro your just her backup bitch. Her plan B. It didn't work out with the guy she obviously thought was better than you and that's the only reason why came back. If that other guy wasn't "bad" to her then they'd be married right now. If she's consciously capable of flat-out lying to you like the way she did, than there's pretty much no way she's ever going to completely stop. Hell, she won't even show you the deleted messages in her phone! She fucked you over for some other dude, it didn't work out, so she ran back to you. She didn't even tell you about him after you broke up. She waited until you two got back together!! WTF is up that?...
The best thing to do if you want to avoid more of this BS is kick her out of your life and get on with yours.
She doesn't like what you do and she, as another poster before me so eloquently put it, "kissed you with another man's cum still on her lips". Worse, she refuses to come clean and tell the truth and is STILL lying to you. Why are you in a relationship with her? It's not going to last, considering how shitty her behavior is and the lack of compatibility. Honestly, you should throw her out and find someone who has less issues.
detach emotionally and get out asap... all flags say shes gonna cheat again and shes using you. it's only good times now so all is well temporarily, but when bad times hit you'll want to have exited by then. or made it not a serious relationship at all. but you dont want to live with those people...
Anyone who tries to cheat should be left imo. One time is too many times. Your feelings are clouding your thoughts, it's normal. But get over her, find someone else, move on. Later, you won't regret it.
I would definitely not be with anyone who has lied to be that much.
On April 09 2012 01:07 ~ava wrote: this was a learning experience. If your girlfriend isn't spending time with you when she could be, she doesn't like you enough to stay - find one that does, life is short.
This. Do not waste your time on this one. There are plenty others out there who will treat you with th respect you deserve for whatever you do.
My wife married me when I had no job. Totally 100% unemployed. Because she loved and loves me. We have been living together for over 12 years now, and married for 8 of that. We both have full time jobs, own a house, no kids, and see eye to eye on just about everything. I've never cheated, and I would bet my life that she hasn't either.
Don't. Waste. Your. Time. I saw my brother waste about 2 years going back and forth, with the same girl, the whole time I knew it wasn't going to work out. And you know what? It didn't. Once this shit starts happening, it is never the same. I'm sorry and I hear how you feel about her, but this is the most practical way to look at it.
On April 09 2012 01:07 ~ava wrote: this was a learning experience. If your girlfriend isn't spending time with you when she could be, she doesn't like you enough to stay - find one that does, life is short.
This. Do not waste your time on this one. There are plenty others out there who will treat you with th respect you deserve for whatever you do.
My wife married me when I had no job. Totally 100% unemployed. Because she loved and loves me. We have been living together for over 12 years now, and married for 8 of that. We both have full time jobs, own a house, no kids, and see eye to eye on just about everything. I've never cheated, and I would bet my life that she hasn't either.
Don't. Waste. Your. Time. I saw my brother waste about 2 years going back and forth, with the same girl, the whole time I knew it wasn't going to work out. And you know what? It didn't. Once this shit starts happening, it is never the same. I'm sorry and I hear how you feel about her, but this is the most practical way to look at it.
I agree, once she cheated it's hard to not second guess her. That kind of relationship is particularly unhealthy for both parties. Beyond trust issues there's also the problem of her craziness.
As a side note, re-read the conclusion to your post, it seems pretty obvious that you already achieved a decision and you are just procastrinating. You don't stay with a girl because she's "kind".
Wow are you actually actively blocking out what an awful fucking person she is? Because I dont see how else you arent running like crazy from her. She clearly doesnt actually give two shits about you, and will be nowhere in sight when the going gets tough and you actually need someone there for you, emotionally or otherwise. I've dealt with a cheating bitch before, gave her a second chance when I found out, she still left me later, and kept giving her 'second chances' whenever her boyfriend was mean to her and she wanted to come back, because i was a desperate sad-sack, only to have her leave me again whenever the other guy was being nice to her. Looking back now I want to gouge out my eyes at how embarrassingly stupid I was to not just completely cut off contact with her. If you do not end it now, you will do the same one day, and hate yourself for the time and effort you wasted on this subhuman.
I would throw her ass under the buss. there are plenty of girls who are honest that you can find. fuck her 1 more time for good measure before you dump her out with the rest of the trash.
anyway if your dumb and stay with her shes clearly just gonna keep fucking dudes behind your back...... dont be that guy.
She was lying to you and she was comfortable doing that for an extended period of time. It's over, even if you were to stay together for a while longer, you would most likely split up again and the source would be this untruthfulness.
Edit: Also, what Coagulation said. If you stay with her she just knows she can get away with way more shit than is healthy for you.
On April 09 2012 01:48 BlazeFury01 wrote: What do you do?
You say screw that and move on because there are more fish in the sea.
Honestly, she sounds like she has some emotional problems. She can't handle being alone and needs a rebound-man if she is. Think about it, whenever you were in czech republic she was seeing someone else and when that someone else didn't treat her right she came back to you. She lied about him, slept with him, defended him when you asked for his information, deleted his information from her phone hiding it from you and ONLY came back to YOU whenever HE didn't treat her right. Also, you mentioned a whole bunch of traits that she "didn't" have so when you combine all of it there's no reason for you to stay with her. You already see that she can't be faithful or trustworthy. Let it go, find somebody worth your time because obviously she clearly isn't.
^Ye. She doesn't love you. You're the backup plan for when the rest of her life goes wrong; you're that dumb chump that will take her in anyway. Left you for other dudes as soon as you weren't making money. Fakes a whole vacation just so that she can be away with you, yet still spend your cash.
Run for the hills, man. Run run run run run run run away.
In the event you do break up with her (which I agree with most of the posters), before you get into another relationship, make sure your life is completely in order (which it seems like you've done already). Having a girlfriend is nice and all, but if you can't even take care of yourself, how can you expect to take care of your relationship? Not saying that it's the reason for her infidelity, but it can contribute to it.
Oh, and "cause she's Asian" isn't exactly valid when listing reasons why you love her.
Oh wait i missed the part where you said she got fat. Why is this even in doubt then? I mean I'd understand being reluctant to let her cheating ass go if it was also a fine ass... but what the hell man
I was thinking why you didn't create this blog on LP, but now I know lol, they would roast you alive after your previous blog.
On topic - everyone who didn't go through something like this will tell you she's an untrusty whore and that you should dump her immediately, I'd have probably told you the same haven't I been in somewhat similar situation right now. So I kinda understand. I think it comes down to finding a cause of what she did and believing if she's able to erase it from her behaviour so it never occures again. Because if you aren't able to trust her 100% then the relationship is doomed.
I envy most of the people at TL who were obiously able to find a girl who's perfect fit to them and perfect human being.
Sounds to me like you are trying to hold onto something that is no longer there. The relationship you once had is definitely not the one you currently have, and probably never will be. IMO I would break up for good, and just go your seperate ways. If someone cheated on you, and then proceeded to lie to you over and over and dodge questions and act shady, then its not worth it to be with this person. If she fucked up 1 time, and cheated, but then came clean right after it happened and felt really bad / guilty then maybe you could of worked through it, but her sheer attitude towards what happened only leads me to believe that she doesnt really give a fuck.
I would just move on, and find someone else, instead of dealing with all this bullshit, and never being able to fully trust her in the future. Next time she tells you she is spending the night at a friends, are you really gonna sit there and blindly trust her?
On April 09 2012 03:00 ondik wrote: I was thinking why you didn't create this blog on LP, but now I know lol, they would roast you alive after your previous blog.
On topic - everyone who didn't go through something like this will tell you she's an untrusty whore and that you should dump her immediately, I'd have probably told you the same haven't I been in somewhat similar situation right now. So I kinda understand. I think it comes down to finding a cause of what she did and believing if she's able to erase it from her behaviour so it never occures again. Because if you aren't able to trust her 100% then the relationship is doomed.
I envy most of the people at TL who were obiously able to find a girl who's perfect fit to them and perfect human being.
So wait, to make sure I'm not getting anything wrong here... You actually think something good could come of this relationship where one side constantly lies to, and keeps many secrets from the other side? What the fuck man, thats so far from 'perfect human being'. Yes, everyone has flaws, but not this severe, not this many. I would (and still might) die alone before I decide that its a good idea to live the rest of my life with someone that lies to me, doesnt respect me, and dislikes me doing things I'm passionate about.
On April 09 2012 03:00 ondik wrote: I was thinking why you didn't create this blog on LP, but now I know lol, they would roast you alive after your previous blog.
On topic - everyone who didn't go through something like this will tell you she's an untrusty whore and that you should dump her immediately, I'd have probably told you the same haven't I been in somewhat similar situation right now. So I kinda understand. I think it comes down to finding a cause of what she did and believing if she's able to erase it from her behaviour so it never occures again. Because if you aren't able to trust her 100% then the relationship is doomed.
I envy most of the people at TL who were obiously able to find a girl who's perfect fit to them and perfect human being.
So wait, to make sure I'm not getting anything wrong here... You actually think something good could come of this relationship where one side constantly lies to, and keeps many secrets from the other side? What the fuck man, thats so far from 'perfect human being'. Yes, everyone has flaws, but not this severe, not this many. I would (and still might) die alone before I decide that its a good idea to live the rest of my life with someone that lies to me, doesnt respect me, and dislikes me doing things I'm passionate about.
I love how you need to find a "perfect human being" if you want to find a girl that doesn't constantly cheat on you, lie, lives with another guy while you are trying to patch things up then only comes back to you after she's tired of the other guy.
Seriously dude, the fact that the OP even is considering going back with her... wow; she would need to run the fuck away from me if she pulled that shit on me.
I'd be totally willing to bet she cheated a lot more times than what she stated. Seriously, unless you're desperate and have zero esteem, fucking get rid of her and move on.
There is a slip of the judgement that results in one night of cheating, and there is a habitual choice to lie and engage in a lifestyle of cheating.
The bigger problem is not the cheating itself so much as the fact that she clearly has no problem lying to you about all sorts of things. You cannot have a relationship with someone who won't tell you the truth.
Sorry man, sounds like you really love her, but if you don't move on, it will happen again. Lying is like any other habit-- hard to break.
stop being pussy whipped and remove her from your life. she is way too volatile and inconsistent. she does not know what she wants, can't say no, and instead wants everything because that's the easy decision for her.
if you were able to change the path of your life and commit yourself from poker to something more "normal," then continue on changing your life and cut off relations with your girlfriend. It will hurt and feel empty for a while but you will get over it. time heals everything.
It seems that you are pretty into improving yourself and skills as a salesperson, so you will be able to focus a lot more energy into your sales craft.
just please realize you are being manipulated so badly by the girl
You deserve something better. A friend of a friend had a girlfriend that cheated on him with my friend for a while, when my friend didnt want to keep doing that due to guilt she went after me within hours. Shell keep on cheating and I dont really count not telling your boyfriend that you are living with another man as being kind.
I read your playing for cheeseburgers blog a while back and wished you luck. Holy shit you run bad in life man. :S It seems you put a lot of effort into your poker and I could never see a serious relationship with anyone who can't support you in that. Obviously TL girl blogs aren't really the epitome of wisdom though.
Been in this situation but you are doing way better than me. Cheating on me was like the hardest blow my gf ever did to me and I fucking hated her for at least a year or so.
Just good luck, maybe just go find yourself a chick to hangout with (as friend of course) just to take the distance and makes your gf understand that you can live without her and that she must make a choice.
so much pain comes from going on in a relationship if the other has cheated (wether you know it or highsly suspect it doesnt even matter that much at that point)... I made that mistake myself once, and if you do not have a real life built up with her (like marriage/kids) I think it's smarter to just bail all together... gl man I know the pain
I would never be able to trust someone like that. Not being able to say what is wrong and avoiding the whole issue, it seems obvious that she would never tell you any of this if you didn't put a great effort into finding it out yourself. What else wouldn't she say. Has to suck. Also seems she went back to you because the other guy pretty much didn't put up with her... sounds pretty bad..
Oh young "love". The hardest trick in any relationship is to be able to zoom out and look at it in third person. Any sane person has read your story and thought "holy crap, this is not worth it at all" and would agree you need to find someone much more stable. To give it to you in a sales analogy, you are pitching a sale where the customer is demanding 20x more worth in product than what they're willing to pay.
i think you'll both have crossed some boundary that can't be returned from. it'll be an uphill battle for both of you. it's hard but i think the best thing to do is to part ways and move on.
If you have some dignity, an if you still are in possession of your testicles, you should leave this creature right now. Backstabbing partners who dislike what you like the most in your life just isn't a good thing.
However, you could become her pet and forgive her everything.
Do not get back with her, all confidence and trust is destroyed. If you are going to be together your best bet is to actually be apart for a bit, clear both your heads, and talk like adults.
Personally, I wouldn't get back with her in a million years, I would never be able to trust her again. Forgive her, sure, trust her enough to be her couple, never.
I don't even get why you took her back. You were on a good path to something better. Not that it's that hard to find something better than a girl that cheats and constantly lies to you. I don't like all the vengeful advice, but still- get the fuck away from that.
Honestly when she was cheating on you and blaming it all on you was lying to the most extreme and never telling the truth, she honestly doesn't look like a very good person to be in a relationship with.
She is a major liar and will lie straight to your face which is terrible and even tried to hurt you to keep the blame off of her self for what she did, you honestly should just not get back with her and stay away from her she will hurt you.
You deserve someone better, you honestly thought it was your fault so you tried so hard to better yourself in the future it will be very easy for you to find another girl eventually, there are plenty of people in this amazing world.
Just my 2 cents but you really should not get back with her, the most important part is that she cheated lied for so long and still has not told you everything. It is obvious she has lied A LOT and has no intentions of ever telling you the truth, you can never be able to fully trust her and she will most likely never tell you the truth. She is a cheater/liar and she obviously never learned her lesson from it from what it seems so she will just do it again and hurt you.
Shes been lying to you, dump her. Trust is #1, if she's clearly not trustworthy - move on to the next one. You may ask a lot of 'what ifs' to how she might change her behaviour, but if its been happening long term and shes aware of her decisions and is repeating them.. it probably won't change significantly.
You should not ask yourself if you still love her, but you should ask yourself if you still trust her.
I would say that you should let her go, because if you constantly have to look over your shoulder to see if your women is still home then thats not a very good basis for a relationship.
the answer to me is obvious. she doesnt show you her phone...she is still hiding things from you. my advice is to leave her. i know you love her and i dont want to sound harsh, but shes a leech. she wants someone to take care of her, and to me it seems like the only reason she wants it to be you is because she lost her other option. you dont need a woman like that in your life.
When the trust is lost, it's over. To forgive is noble, to dismiss/forget is idiotic:
Blog title should read: "Cheating EX-GF"
That's my 2 cents.
And no, regardless of circumstance, relationships should never continue after cheating has occurred. I suppose if you're married and have children, you can keep the sham going for them, but that just leads to miserable, ineffective parents, and a very unstable household.
In my honest opinion, if you are even a little suspicious of her being disloyal you should fully prepared to break off the relationship as soon as possible, trust is EVERYTHING
On April 09 2012 13:31 MountainDewJunkie wrote: When the trust is lost, it's over. To forgive is noble, to dismiss/forget is idiotic:
Blog title should read: "Cheating EX-GF"
That's my 2 cents.
And no, regardless of circumstance, relationships should never continue after cheating has occurred. I suppose if you're married and have children, you can keep the sham going for them, but that just leads to miserable, ineffective parents, and a very unstable household.
Even better would be Cheating CHINESE GF (Soon to be ex.. maybe.. not sure still :\.. )
On April 09 2012 19:21 darkness wrote: "And she is Asian". What does this mean? White girls are still hot.
It means she is an exotic minx, not like those humdrum white girls. Therefore, this type of sexually deviant behavior is somewhat understandable. It is part of her erotic Oriental nature.
The way you wrote it out, I know you still have immense feelings for her, so it might be disheartening to read the overwhelming consensus so far in your blog (dump her). In the end it is your decision, I believe you should take some time to reflect, ask parents, close friends have an open discussion about it.
From what you posted, that doesn't seem to be what I would consider "healthy relationship" material. Make a choice and live with it, don't go middle of the road.
Lying and cheating, then seeing him after you give her another shot is just... gtfo. You are her safety net, she wants the other guy but if he treats her like shit from time to time she is unsure if she should remain with him. Hence you come in, the safety, the second choice that is always available and would lead to a decent future at the very least. It's a bit like this sexist joke: http://www.funnyandjokes.com/pleasing-a-women.html you will never come first and she will always be looking for something better. Dump her, it will suck for a while but after some time you will see things more clearly and understand it was the right thing to do. good luck man.
I still obviously love her, and I would forgive her - but this seems just too much. Can I be with a person who lied to me like that? She is by no means perfect, she gained quite a bit of weight recently, hates starcraft, poker or dota and is no brainiac or extremely hot, but is very kind, people like her and we click so well and I know she would be awesome with a family. And she is Asian. What would you do?
See, I've made a GB (girl blog) or two in my life on a few forums. The funny thing is that you'll notice most aren't made for the purpose of generating meaningful advice; they're usually looking to vent and/or seeking sympathy. As we all know, people in love tend to not look at things rationally. The OP, who's obviously sick to his stomach over this, knows he can't trust her. You can tell from the tone, the pain, the small list of marginally redeeming qualities of his lady. He wants so much for it all to just sort of go away, go back to the good times (however long ago those apparently were). He knows, but it's hard to act on it. If this lady had anything remaining of his soul, if she's gonna break his heart, she should accelerate his healing by dumping him herself, because he's having so much trouble really standing up for himself.
On April 11 2012 06:58 MountainDewJunkie wrote: See, I've made a GB (girl blog) or two in my life on a few forums. The funny thing is that you'll notice most aren't made for the purpose of generating meaningful advice; they're usually looking to vent and/or seeking sympathy. As we all know, people in love tend to not look at things rationally. The OP, who's obviously sick to his stomach over this, knows he can't trust her. You can tell from the tone, the pain, the small list of marginally redeeming qualities of his lady. He wants so much for it all to just sort of go away, go back to the good times (however long ago those apparently were). He knows, but it's hard to act on it. If this lady had anything remaining of his soul, if she's gonna break his heart, she should accelerate his healing by dumping him herself, because he's having so much trouble really standing up for himself.
She's not going to dump him, he provides security and a shoulder to cry on while she can walk all over him easily. I doubt she'd want to give it up. If she truly was a kind person, she wouldn't be doing this sort of shit.
On April 11 2012 06:58 MountainDewJunkie wrote: See, I've made a GB (girl blog) or two in my life on a few forums. The funny thing is that you'll notice most aren't made for the purpose of generating meaningful advice; they're usually looking to vent and/or seeking sympathy. As we all know, people in love tend to not look at things rationally. The OP, who's obviously sick to his stomach over this, knows he can't trust her. You can tell from the tone, the pain, the small list of marginally redeeming qualities of his lady. He wants so much for it all to just sort of go away, go back to the good times (however long ago those apparently were). He knows, but it's hard to act on it. If this lady had anything remaining of his soul, if she's gonna break his heart, she should accelerate his healing by dumping him herself, because he's having so much trouble really standing up for himself.
Not at all. That's just plain stupid. If she indeed betrayed him, he has to dump her for his ego. If she dump her, it means she prefer someone else, and that is really HARD to accept and will certainly not heal him.
that you didnt post this on lp is pretty telling that you know how easy of a punt this is
unless you genuinely dont mind being cheated on or being lied to, dont mind her not liking things you are passionate about, and dont mind the possibility that she'll just randomly leave you. but if you dont mind those things im sure you could at least find a hotter girl with those traits
and small aside, that you didnt clear up where she went MIA to when she said she was off in poland or china or wherever when she wanted to get back together is pretty not so good. that she didnt voluntarily tell you any of that is pretty bad too. she seems like the sort of person that will only react to something if cornered. that in mind, her saying that she would marry you asaply should carry no value because its her reaction to knowing that you should never trust her again
Guys thanks for your input. I didn't post this on LP simply because she knows about the blog there.
You guys are right that I realized what I have to do when I read it back once, but you made it much easier. When she came back on Sunday, I told her I wanted her to leave and we did. And told her I don't need to think things over the second time around.
I will try to realise what I did wrong in the relationship and try to be a better person, but it also taught me that you shouldn't compromise on some traits of your partner, i.e. ability to respect your hobbies and interests no matter how stupid they seem, or honesty
I think you made a better decision for yourself ultimately. I cannot imagine marrying or being in a relationship with someone you have hard time trusting. That is too much mental stress. Also.. I don't think being Asian has any merit over not being Asian other than the looks that you might favor.. lol
wow that's rough man. IMO if she was sleeping and living with this other guy, and refused to tell u his name and details, then she's not 100% committed to working it out with u. And if she's so keen on marrying you now that u've found a job and sorting out your life, then maybe she's just after the security and not you.
Just be careful Man. My thoughts are get out while u can... Especially if she hates SC2 and DotA
EDIT: just saw your reply. Good on u man. Don't be too hard on yourself either. Put your next lady high on your priority list, and a few sacrifices of a dota game or some poker here or there may be necessary, but don't throw them away. They're part of what u love doing. All the best mate
On April 12 2012 02:46 LemOn wrote: Guys thanks for your input. I didn't post this on LP simply because she knows about the blog there.
You guys are right that I realized what I have to do when I read it back once, but you made it much easier. When she came back on Sunday, I told her I wanted her to leave and we did. And told her I don't need to think things over the second time around.
I will try to realise what I did wrong in the relationship and try to be a better person, but it also taught me that you shouldn't compromise on some traits of your partner, i.e. ability to respect your hobbies and interests no matter how stupid they seem, or honesty
Good for you buddy, but don't stress yourself about a failed relationship. Make it clear for you that she is at fault for betraying you, even if you did made mystakes as her boyfriend. Don't take it all on your shoulders, and starts by making her guilty of the failure, it will be way more easier for you to rise above all of that and continue on living.
Just wanted to tell you that because when I broke up some time ago with a cheating gf (2 years), she made it so that I made myself guilty of the failure, while it was obvious she was the bitch.
EPT
