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going to try to keep this short
my parents immigrated from vietnam to america in 1996, when i was 2 years old. their whole life they always had big dreams for me. my mom came from a poor family, and my dad's family was also poor but he was a genius student and was able to come to america because of his brains
we lived in a tiny 1 bedroom apartment in new york city for a few years until i started going to 1st grade, when they moved into a tiny 1 bedroom apartment in new jersey. my parents always tried to make me happy while at the same time trying to give me a sense of discipline and work ethic. in 4th grade i was the smartest kid in my class but i had no friends. i was lonely so my parents gave me the gift of a baby brother when i was 9 years old
that is, until i met this cambodian kid who was also in 4th grade but in a class down the hall. we instantly became friends. he was basically the one who told me to follow my dreams, and he was the one who listened to my voice and what i had to say when no one else in school cared. we did everything together, from sleepovers to watching dragonballz to playing ping pong on his dining room table with some cups or bowls as the net
in high school i was very confused. partly because (as i lated realized) i'm gay. and partly because i couldn't connect. with anyone. not with teachers, not with kids. i tried to work hard, as hard as i could, but i never worked smart. i never took 5 or 10 or 15 minutes of my day to think about my life, about what i was really doing, where i was really going
now i realize, as a senior in high school, now i realize that throughout all of my high school years, i was basically still a stupid misguided 8th grade kid. all of my years in high school were spent being immature and thoughtless, doing what people expected me to do, not realizing that without good grades i will get nowhere
i love my parents, i really do, but i never got the feeling that they really loved me, yes they told me to get good grades just like any asian kid, but where was the personal touch? where was the love that other parents gave their kids? we never went to disneyland or anywhere special, except for the jersey shore and niagara falls
but i realize now how much i frustrated my parents. education isn't about learning stuff for an exam, or learning how to write a paper, it's about learning how to think, and part of process of thinking comes from maturity. as a high school i was just not mature enough to handle it. i let everything else get in the way of my grades, even though when my parents came to new york from vietnam and saw snow for the first time in their lives on a cold winter day in 1996, when they basically had no life and did everything to make me happy and support me in a 1 bedroom apartment, i failed them
their only ONLY dream for me was to get good grades in high school, so i could go to a good univeristy, so i could eventually get a good job. that was the only dream they ever had for me. my mom stayed at home for 17 years and never worked and never did anything for herself, just so she could see me live this dream. my dad worked all these years in an unknown country and learned how to speak english and how to pay taxes and how to be an american, just for me to live this dream and get more opportunities than kids get back in vietnam
all this time i thought i was being "cool", being a rebel, not listening to my parents, trying to break every stereotype out there about asians, but i left myself alone in the cold. despite my best efforts to not be that stereotypcial asian kid, i'm still shy, a virgin, and i basically have no friends (or everyone i thought was my friend has alienated me). left myself alone on the cold winter streets of new york city in 1996, surrounded by nothing but snow. i failed myself, and i failed them, and i set a bad example for my brother who is now in 3rd grade
every ivy league turned me down, even though it was my parents dream for me to go to one. they sacrificed their life, their time and energy and blood and sweat JUST FOR ME. and i blew it
that's why from fall of 2012 i'll be going to rutgers
(no offense to anyone who's a scarlet knight)
User was temp banned for this post.
 
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I go to Rutgers, and so do many other TL'ers, It has quite an active SC2 scene from what I hear (not too familiar with that, to be honest).
Don't think of failing your parents just because ivy league schools turned you down. No, you're not even close. You aren't even in college yet. There is so much to explore throughout these four years. This is the problem with Asians and their delusional thoughts regarding Ivy schools. Don't get me wrong, Ivy Leagues are indeed prestigious, but ask yourself WHY you want to go there. And then you work towards that by getting good grades and then transferring over after the end of your second year.
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Poor Rutgers kids can't afford any more than 13 capital letters 
(I don't know anything about Rutgers...)
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You can always just buckle up and get serious in your first two years of college and transfer your 3rd year. My math could be off but I think you're maybe 17 years old? You're very far from being unable to make drastic changes in your life. If you really feel like you want to make your parents proud then get serious and start making changes/start being a better student, it's far from being too late.
EDIT:
On February 26 2012 13:37 canucks12 wrote:Poor Rutgers kids can't afford any more than 13 capital letters (I don't know anything about Rutgers...)
that shift key is expensive and quite fragile, you gotta be careful and only use it during "VERY IMPORTANT" parts.
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Rutgers is not a bad school by any means.
Don't be so hard on yourself man. Trust me, I have seen kids with wealthy parents who had everything handed to them slowly succumb to the temptations of drugs and completely ruined their lives. I have seen kids who just stopped "learning" in school and putting any effort, drop out, and now they work fulltime at the local fast food joint, where their only likely path is to become store manager one day.
Going to Rutgers is a good step forward. The Ivy League schools are overrated anyway. They are nice, but never base your life's success on the decision of some college acceptance board.
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I think the important thing is not just the school's name itself, but also the program you are pursuing.
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Don't kill yourself over your sudden mass of realiztions dude. Good luck on your school >:D
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Don't worry man.
Doing (semi) badly in high school and doing well in university is much much better than doing well in high school and fucking up in university. Unfortunately, I did exactly the latter and I am regretting it.
Just make sure you get your act together in university and you will be fine.
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You can always transfer to a med school somewhere else.
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If you want sympathy and are bragging because you're going to Rutgers, you need to sort your priorities out lmfao.
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Why do we see this so much in the Asian culture.. its always " I FAILED MY PARENTS" or "DISHONORED MY FAMILY" i dont understand your growing up in a different time a TOTALLY different place then Vietnam and your becoming your own person.. dont you think that is just how life is? that you are you and cant live up to every expectation that is given to you? The fact is your parents love you no matter what.. till you have kids I dont think people understand the undying love parents have.. even if they throw you out .. there is still a love in the heart.
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Ivy Leagues are not the be-all and end-all. I wouldn't worry too much.
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On February 26 2012 13:56 k1mjee wrote:
If you want sympathy and are bragging because you're going to Rutgers, you need to sort your priorities out lmfao.
I don't even think he's bragging lol...what?
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On February 26 2012 13:57 SeizeTheDay wrote:
Why do we see this so much in the Asian culture.. its always " I FAILED MY PARENTS" or "DISHONORED MY FAMILY" i dont understand your growing up in a different time a TOTALLY different place then Vietnam and your becoming your own person.. dont you think that is just how life is? that you are you and cant live up to every expectation that is given to you? The fact is your parents love you no matter what.. till you have kids I dont think people understand the undying love parents have.. even if they throw you out .. there is still a love in the heart.
I'm pretty sure he's trolling  Disguised brag blog?
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Did you put that you were homosexual in the applications? I'm sure the colleges look at you more if your not the same as everyone else.
Don't worry bro, it's good that you've realized it now and you can make it up to your parents now.
And having no friend thing, just try to be open minded and find out what you like so you can find people who are in the similar interests with you
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thedeadhaji
39489 Posts
The United States is a country where we're given second, third, etc chances, even after small failures, in order to climb back and fight for what you want in life. You can't say the same in many Asian countries, where you "fall off the train" once, and you're essentially never going to get back on the proverbial railroad to success. If you're now convinced of the things you want, the next four years will allow you to seize it with your two hands.
But at the same time, the country is unforgiving to those without the drive and commitment to succeed. If you waste the next four years, then you should expect to be ever further setback from where you want to be 20 years from now.
Godspeed.
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On February 26 2012 13:57 SeizeTheDay wrote:
Why do we see this so much in the Asian culture.. its always " I FAILED MY PARENTS" or "DISHONORED MY FAMILY" i dont understand your growing up in a different time a TOTALLY different place then Vietnam and your becoming your own person.. dont you think that is just how life is? that you are you and cant live up to every expectation that is given to you? The fact is your parents love you no matter what.. till you have kids I dont think people understand the undying love parents have.. even if they throw you out .. there is still a love in the heart.
I've had little educational pressure from my family throughout life compared to your stereotypical Asian, yet I often feel like I've failed them because I haven't done what they wanted (even though they often remind me to do what makes me happy in life.) It doesn't matter who you are or what standards are set, you're always living up to your parents.
Which is good, as long as you don't have sociopath parents! Gives you something to work towards and above, right?
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Don't worry about what you did in the past, just make the future count.
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Blogs like these make me shake my head. You focus on the things you don't have, but not many people have the same opportunity as you. Stop feeling guilty over stupid shit and live your own life, and if your parents really possess unconditional love for their son then they will support whatever you do in life. How they raised you was their choice. You shouldn't feel like you owe anything to them, but if you do become successful later in life, treat them to a nice dinner 
You're 18. Do stupid things.
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Luckily for you screwing up in high school isn't nearly as bad as screwing up in college. Get good grades at Rutgers, then transfer to the school of your dreams or get into them for grad school. I personally know a few fellas who only went to their local state college but then got their act together and eventually graduated from top 10 universities. Be glad you had this realization now, instead of 5 years from now when it'll almost be too late.
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Don't worry about it... you have four more years to get your shit together if that's really what you want. I'm in my junior year now and what I did or didn't accomplish during high school barely has an impact on my life these days. No matter where you go for college (past a certain minimum level of course, but Rutgers definitely satisfies that), hard work and dedication will get you figuratively anywhere you want. As other people said, if you truly feel as if the name of your college matters, you can always transfer next year or the year after.
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Rutgers is still a good school. Work hard during those four years and get a good job or enrol in a better grad school. That'll restore honour to your family.
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Dude you got time to study ...
When i was 14 years old i got what my doctors said was a stomach disease. This screwed up my social life and school(i was at school maybe 2-3 days out of max at max per week). This resulted in that i failed pretty much my whole education. I didn't see any point in studying when i was sick, i just wanted to escape the reality through MMO's and drugs. On top of that i attended a program that didn't suite me at all. I chose it because my friends was there and they said it was easy.
I didn't graduate with a diploma, i got a piece of paper spammed with F's and some D's. This wouldn't take me anywhere.
Then one day i fainted and my mum found me laying on the bathroom floor. This time my doctors scratched their heads and then realised that they had treated me for the wrong thing ... for 6 years. It turned out that i've had a infection during this whole time, this had drained my energy and i just couldn't go out and socialize or study because of exhaustion from my body fighting the infection. I get so mad when people say that Sweden has the best health care in the world ...
After i got home 1-2 weeks after i started with antibiotics i was feeling physicly good for the first time in 6 years. My whole teenage had passed by and i never got to experience it. This got me into a depression. I had no education and no life experience other then from my illness that now was gone.
It took me some time to gather strength to start looking for ways to sort out my life. It turned out that you get a second chance in life, you even get a third and a fourth chance it you need it.
I'm now in my first year in a university and i'm 23 years old.
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this is the story of my life. failing to meet their only expectation of grades..
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No, you learned that the entirety of life is not about living for other people, but living for yourself. You also learned that education is overrated (and ivy leagues are just pretentious douche magnets so don't worry about not getting into one, the education is very rarely better). You're capable of being introspective.
That's more than most people amount to in their life. That's certainly more than most people realize by the time they're out of high school.
Don't worry about other people. Worry about doing what you want to do, and be the best you can at it. I still struggle with my own demons regarding the same thing, but I've become more self-aware the last few years. You're already quite self-aware, so you have all the tools you need to make a better life for yourself.
And remember, if your parents are good parents, they will care that you have passion for doing whatever you decide to do well and with integrity. If they are simply trying to coerce or guilt you into a life they've picked out for you, then they're not worth listening to in the first place.
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"You went to Rutgers for your undergrad degree? I can't hire you!!" -Literally no one ever.
Trust me, you've got nothing to worry about Your parents may be sweating and bleeding for you but they should be so proud of you for going to college at all. Hell, compared to their lives as you describe them, it's a step up for you to attend community college. Rutgers is several steps up further. Just focus on your grades in college and you'll see the gates of opportunity swing further open then your parents had hoped for 
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I expected you to be on drugs and the verge of suicide or some shit.
Ivy league is super overrated. Rutgers is an amazing University and super affordable. You will get a great education and experience, especially if you continue with the right attitude and dont party like a dickhead. Keep your chin up.
I graduated from Rutgers New Brunswick. Lemme know if you have any questions; PM any time.
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Honestly I don't think a good education does that much for you anyways. It may open opportunities but the amount you learn designing circuits and calculating inverter parameters just feels so useless.
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Rutgers is a great school. I have a couple friends who really want to go there. One got accepted into brown and went... I think the point that needs to be made is I might be going to northeastern, even if I do get accepted to Rice. Anyways, chill out. I"m a terrible person to say this, but you're in a great position.
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On February 26 2012 14:42 Cambium wrote:
Rutgers is still a good school. Work hard during those four years and get a good job or enrol in a better grad school. That'll restore honour to your family.
honor was never lost well done on being accepted to Rutgers, just keep up the good work!
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Big dichotomy between Asians and non-Asians.
Asian parenting is terrible, truth be told.
On February 26 2012 14:59 EternaLLegacy wrote:
(and ivy leagues are just pretentious douche magnets so don't worry about not getting into one, the education is very rarely better)
That's not very nice =/
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How about "Ivy leagues tend to attract people who care nothing more than name. Many of these individuals are unhappy with these experiences, and oftentimes can be quite pretentious about the naming. However, many people look beyond name when selecting an ivy league, and find success in this way. There are many ways to find success, but going to an Ivy League is to say the very least, not the only way.
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Hey, I Read most of your blog, it's all crap. Don't worry bout it, you've been programmed a bit poorly maybe, your parents haven't done "all that for you". If they be busting your ballz acting like what you do will ruin their life, that's on them.
Go experience, pursue whatever, don't listen to them, make new friends, feel, see as much as you can, and leave the haters. Not dissing, but you're parents are probably noobs following old traditions, culture and their parents programming, so they're not suited to tell you what you should do. Not saying go hating them, love them, but lol when they tell you what to do.
Yay
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On February 26 2012 14:13 MiStAh wrote:
Don't worry about what you did in the past, just make the future count.
Crap, made me spill my coffe, thought for a split second your last word was cunt.
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So when almost everyone tries to be the biggest "badass" and "different" your just like everyone else right? Why is striving to meet parental expectations such an awful thing if (in itself) is a good thing?
When you are a parent who wants the best for your child, and sacrifice everything to make a better future for your child possible, maybe you will understand.
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On February 26 2012 13:57 SeizeTheDay wrote:
Why do we see this so much in the Asian culture.. its always " I FAILED MY PARENTS" or "DISHONORED MY FAMILY" i dont understand your growing up in a different time a TOTALLY different place then Vietnam and your becoming your own person.. dont you think that is just how life is? that you are you and cant live up to every expectation that is given to you? The fact is your parents love you no matter what.. till you have kids I dont think people understand the undying love parents have.. even if they throw you out .. there is still a love in the heart.
Because we feel guitly that we didn't achieve what our parents want us to unlike some people who don't give a shit about how our parents think. But of course, Like some people above said, you still have time to make up for your mistake bro, keep at it.
Edit: That said, It doesn't mean we have to do whatever our parents told us to even though all they want is for us to be happy.
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On February 26 2012 14:47 Weson wrote:
Dude you got time to study ...
When i was 14 years old i got what my doctors said was a stomach disease. This screwed up my social life and school(i was at school maybe 2-3 days out of max at max per week). This resulted in that i failed pretty much my whole education. I didn't see any point in studying when i was sick, i just wanted to escape the reality through MMO's and drugs. On top of that i attended a program that didn't suite me at all. I chose it because my friends was there and they said it was easy.
I didn't graduate with a diploma, i got a piece of paper spammed with F's and some D's. This wouldn't take me anywhere.
Then one day i fainted and my mum found me laying on the bathroom floor. This time my doctors scratched their heads and then realised that they had treated me for the wrong thing ... for 6 years. It turned out that i've had a infection during this whole time, this had drained my energy and i just couldn't go out and socialize or study because of exhaustion from my body fighting the infection. I get so mad when people say that Sweden has the best health care in the world ...
After i got home 1-2 weeks after i started with antibiotics i was feeling physicly good for the first time in 6 years. My whole teenage had passed by and i never got to experience it. This got me into a depression. I had no education and no life experience other then from my illness that now was gone.
It took me some time to gather strength to start looking for ways to sort out my life. It turned out that you get a second chance in life, you even get a third and a fourth chance it you need it.
I'm now in my first year in a university and i'm 23 years old.
Wow, that REALLY sucks...
@OP
I don't think you need to worry that much, idk about american schools and job requirements but since america is a lot bigger and different than norway I'll just guess that you can get a decent/good job even if your grades aren't top notch. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you need top notch grades to get a decent job in norway. You can just live on welfare your whole life and never work at all and still have a pretty ok lifestyle, or go to prison and have access to computer, tv, your own "apartment" etc. But most people that don't do too well at school here has a pretty good life anyway
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Your parents want you to go to an Ivy League school because that will nearly guarantee a good job right off the bat. Rutgers is not a bad college at all, but you still have to work hard regardless of what school you go to (maybe you can transfer to a better school 1-2 years in if it really matters that much to you, but transfers are REALLY tough).
On February 26 2012 15:15 Bigtony wrote:
I expected you to be on drugs and the verge of suicide or some shit.
Ivy league is super overrated. Rutgers is an amazing University and super affordable. You will get a great education and experience, especially if you continue with the right attitude and dont party like a dickhead. Keep your chin up.
I graduated from Rutgers New Brunswick. Lemme know if you have any questions; PM any time.
@OP: Just make sure you don't go to Rutgers Newark
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dude,
you are definitely worrying too much! In the end it doesn't really matter where you go for an undergrad degree, but rather what you accomplish there and who you meet! And Rutgers NB has over 30,000 people... sure there are some snookie-loving retards who just party 24/7 but you can find a lot of brilliant students and professors as well.
It's not like you're a lazy bum on the street, and it's likely that your parents overrated the importance of having excellent grades coming from such humble beginnings. What's most important is your ambition and your ability to network with other people -- that's what will ultimately land you a successful and fulfilling career.
And btw, Rutgers is a great school and best of all we have a thriving sc2 community. I am the captain of our team, and I can confidently say that we crush most of the Ivys when it comes to sc2 ability and overall coolness. In fact those Princeton guys are so jealous that they're always asking us to hang out with them so maybe some of our uber micro skills will rub off on them
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Don't beat yourself up, you still have plenty of chances.
You go to Rutgers (which is a pretty damn good school) and you get good grades.
You capitalize on this, maybe go for a masters at a prestigious university.
Hell man, just do whatever it is that makes you happy, your parents will understand.
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in 10 years you'll look back at these feelings and likely look at them the same way you currently see your "trying to be cool rebellious 8th grade self." you won't even be able to believe that you are thinking this way right now. it's an endless cycle that only you are able to break.
and that was only 4 years ago; you're already having a new introspective on life. if you live a life of being unsatisfied by your actions, you'll only find yourself down a path of constant dissapointment.
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On February 26 2012 16:37 DyEnasTy wrote:
So when almost everyone tries to be the biggest "badass" and "different" your just like everyone else right? Why is striving to meet parental expectations such an awful thing if (in itself) is a good thing?
When you are a parent who wants the best for your child, and sacrifice everything to make a better future for your child possible, maybe you will understand.
There aren't many parents who want the best for their child 100% of the time, sacrifices or not.
You think it's difficult being a parent but it can be just as difficult to be a son. I've experienced nothing worse than that sinking feeling when you realize your parents are simply treating you like a malfunctioning robot without emotions because you can't do exactly what they ask you to do and follow some absurdly grandiose plan they have in their head. Asian parents live to instill terrible guilt trips in their children, and it's shitty parenting.
Don't live to impress your parents. Do yourself proud first. Be confident in your abilities. Your parents will come around later.
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Honestly I feel often the same way as you. It's something we asians have to suffer and I think our need to be perfect scares us, causes us to disappoint ourselves. There are those who are conditioned in a way that they can handle the pressure. But that's not all of us.
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typical asian blog.so pathetic,have a life bro
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undergrad degrees don't mean jack anyways. Just be good at whatever you're trying to do and you'll go far.
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Whether or not you dissapointed your parents is seperate from whether you can speak with authority on you own life...
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On February 26 2012 14:14 matiK23 wrote:
You're 18. Do stupid things.
the right phrasing is "take outrageous risks and learn from failures"
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sorry, but I have to be harsh about this [ and not in the way you might think]
you need to confront your parents and tell them to grow up because:
1) Not everyone can go to Ivy, if most people can go to Ivy then Ivy would be worthless. It's by definition hard to get in, even if you work hard.
2) And not all investments pay off, they made an investment in you, and it didn't turn out how they expected. When investments fail, investors should only blame themselves, if they blame you, then its basically like a trader blaming a stock for not making them any $, instead of blaming themselves for having made the wrong investment strategy in the first place.
and I would also go as so far as to argue that the investment they made was a STUPID one, think about it from an objective stand point: if you were an investor, and someone came to you telling you that you should give up 10+ years of your income [eg your mom not working for 17 years] and invest all that cash in some kid so they might chance to get into an Ivy League school, and then get a "good job" and pay your investment back, would you ever take this investment?!!? this is basically betting money on horse racing.
3) Just because your parents have made some mistakes doesn't mean you are doing any good. I am speculating, it seems like that you don't care whether if you go to Ivy or have a good job [but you may have changed your mind, in which case you can ignore this point]. You need to ask yourself some questions: do I want a good job? do I want MONEY and POWER? if the answer is no, then you need ask yourself: why not? if you have a way to get MONEY and POWER and yet you actively choose not to take it, then I would contend that you are also ST***PID [unless you have some serious spiritual/religious reasons].
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We've all been there. I just had a moment like this.
If getting into an ivy league college is the pinnacle of your parents goals for you, then do it out of your love and appreciation for them. Make it your own goal.
But I think your parents goal wasn't the ivy league college, but more the indication you're a person of value and, therefore, wealth & success. Only you know their standards for "success" but I think this is clear enough for me to say. Getting into an ivy league college is AN indicator of that, but say you start your own business and become wildly wealthy and successful -- you pay them back all the investment they put into you through pride in yourself, material freedom, give them vacations, show them your VIP status and actively try to forge a stronger connection between parents & child, its the same thing. They can still brag to their friends or w/e they want to do.
Your goal is making your parents proud and proving their love and effort wasn't wasted. You've felt the sting of failure. The game is not over, this defeat is only temporary. Take the lessons it gives you and let go of the guilt. Keep looking forward, keep fighting. You are so close to having the moment, the snap in perception, the total 100% commitment.
I've got two quotes written about this:
"I had learned, from years of experience with men, that when a man really DESIRES a thing so deeply that he is willing to stake his entire future on a single turn of the wheel in order to get it, he is sure to win." -- Napoleon Hill, Think and Grow Rich p. 19-20
"When you want something more than you want to breathe, that's when you'll be successful." -- Some awesome youtube video.
Get away from everybody and everything. Sit, meditate, think, reflect. Take this failure and bask in it, let it intensify your desire and resolve. Then define your goal and make everything else in your life subservient to this single obsession. You've already indicated you know the habits and reasons for your failure, so you already have the checklist to become better.
That's your path.
My first goal was happiness and freedom from depression and addiction. I had the moment I described, and time is a formality. I'm still working on defining my life-purpose oriented goal, so let me know what you figure out yours and how it came to you haha :D
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yo kaling, just read your post, and right now op needs a pep talk. He fucked up and he knows it. I think your advice is reasonable and relevant to defining personal boundaries and op does need work on that, but I feel you're coming from the wrong frame. OP needs somebody to kick his ass and get him where he needs to be. This is an opportunity for growth and fire, not acceptance and stagnation. So I'm gonna respond with my responses from the mindset I earnestly believe will help him most, and I'll be using harsh language. So I apologize in advance if I fire up any harsh feelings in you, I hope you don't take it like that! ^^
On February 27 2012 05:38 Kalingingsong wrote:
sorry, but I have to be harsh about this [ and not in the way you might think]
you need to confront your parents and tell them to grow up because:
1) Not everyone can go to Ivy, if most people can go to Ivy then Ivy would be worthless. It's by definition hard to get in, even if you work hard.
@ op: bullshit. erase this limitation from your perception. if your goal becomes ivy, you will make it even if it means you have to apply every year, every semester, for the rest of your life. there is a way in and you will find it.
2) And not all investments pay off, they made an investment in you, and it didn't turn out how they expected. When investments fail, investors should only blame themselves, if they blame you, then its basically like a trader blaming a stock for not making them any $, instead of blaming themselves for having made the wrong investment strategy in the first place.
don't rationalize failure. accept, learn, try again.
and I would also go as so far as to argue that the investment they made was a STUPID one, think about it from an objective stand point: if you were an investor, and someone came to you telling you that you should give up 10+ years of your income [eg your mom not working for 17 years] and invest all that cash in some kid so they might chance to get into an Ivy League school, and then get a "good job" and pay your investment back, would you ever take this investment?!!? this is basically betting money on horse racing.
Again, no. There is wisdom in every wound, the deeper the wound, the more wisdom. It's good this happened. It's good you feel the way you do. Use it, fucking do it. Don't rationalize or accept less. this is a moment in your life where more than any other you can step it up
3) Just because your parents have made some mistakes doesn't mean you are doing any good. I am speculating, it seems like that you don't care whether if you go to Ivy or have a good job [but you may have changed your mind, in which case you can ignore this point]. You need to ask yourself some questions: do I want a good job? do I want MONEY and POWER? if the answer is no, then you need ask yourself: why not? if you have a way to get MONEY and POWER and yet you actively choose not to take it, then I would contend that you are also ST***PID [unless you have some serious spiritual/religious reasons].
acknowledge your current level of success and appreciate it and what you did that got you there. then figure out the differences between your current level and the level you want to be at and work on those. your emphasis I feel is making your parents proud. you can internalize their goal and make it yours, or you can say fuck it and do it your way until they accept and understand. getting caught up in money, power & status is a tricky thing; they're an indication of your own personal value and character. money indicates value, but value is not money. same with power. money and power are a means
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fair enough, there are always multiple ways of getting things out of an experience. Different people find different interpretations more motivating, so I thought I'd try a hard one.
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Wasn't the first person to ever win Who Wants to be a Millionaire from Rutgers? =D
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It seems like you're implying that it is not?
Rutgers is a public university and very large. So while they have many very strong programs, they also have some weaker ones. While they have many exceptional students, they also accept a large number of average/below average students. The numbers will only tell you so much about this kind of school. If you are dedicated and work hard you will get an exceptional education and have lots of opportunity. If you are a toolbag you can get drunk all day and take stupid classes if you want too.
As a graduate I can tell you there are good and bad aspects to it. However they have many resources, tons of options in terms of areas of study, and the fact that it is so affordable (remember that university in the USA is proportionally much more expensive than other areas; I assume in the Netherlands it's pretty cheap) makes it a great option.
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For most people college will be what they make of it. As cliche as it sounds it is true. There are hundreds of colleges you can go to in the USA and become successful. Rutgers is certainly one of them. DO NOT use not getting into and Ivy league college or what you did the last 4 years as an excuse.
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No shame in rutgers, your football team on the other hand...
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lawl well... it's good you are aware of things and is actively thinking about it.
enjoy life
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On February 26 2012 18:05 Newbistic wrote:Show nested quote +On February 26 2012 16:37 DyEnasTy wrote:
So when almost everyone tries to be the biggest "badass" and "different" your just like everyone else right? Why is striving to meet parental expectations such an awful thing if (in itself) is a good thing?
When you are a parent who wants the best for your child, and sacrifice everything to make a better future for your child possible, maybe you will understand. There aren't many parents who want the best for their child 100% of the time, sacrifices or not. You think it's difficult being a parent but it can be just as difficult to be a son. I've experienced nothing worse than that sinking feeling when you realize your parents are simply treating you like a malfunctioning robot without emotions because you can't do exactly what they ask you to do and follow some absurdly grandiose plan they have in their head. Asian parents live to instill terrible guilt trips in their children, and it's shitty parenting. Don't live to impress your parents. Do yourself proud first. Be confident in your abilities. Your parents will come around later.
Sorry, its difficult being a son, but its twice as hard being a parent (now that ive seen the flip side of the coin). Im not saying to live life to impress your parents at all. You can still be an individual without being a rebel.
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Just go to a nice graduate school.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 26 2012 14:08 thedeadhaji wrote:
The United States is a country where we're given second, third, etc chances, even after small failures, in order to climb back and fight for what you want in life. You can't say the same in many Asian countries, where you "fall off the train" once, and you're essentially never going to get back on the proverbial railroad to success. If you're now convinced of the things you want, the next four years will allow you to seize it with your two hands.
But at the same time, the country is unforgiving to those without the drive and commitment to succeed. If you waste the next four years, then you should expect to be ever further setback from where you want to be 20 years from now.
Godspeed.
+1 except for the the fact, even if you fuck up the next 4 years, it doesn't matter, it only matters when you decide to be as great as you want to be. Earlier is usually better, but not always if you decide to be focused when you really know what you truly want.
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Sounds like typical guilt that parents (especially immigrant parents) dump on poor kids. It causes them to stress out and sometimes kill themselves. Rutgers is a great school you should be happy to be going there. For a 1st generation immigrant to go to Rutgers, that's actually quite an accomplishment. My parents spent 30k/yr on my highschool (Army Navy Academy in Carlsbad, CA.). I didn't appreciate is and instead goofed off and got bad grades. The best college I got in was San Diego State Univ. I went to college and decided to straiten up. Not for my parents, but for me. I wanted to prove to myself that I'm more than my party school. I ended up with a 3.89 in college then went on to earn my Ph.D. in genetics from University of Texas Southwestern, a top 10 school in the country for molecular genetics. Kick ass at Rutgers, get a 4.0 and impress em' with a law degree from Harvard. How does that plan sound?
Chin up.
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Ivy League schools are nothing special. It's not like you're learning anything different. It is however about the people you meet.
Don't sweat it. Just enjoy college.
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EPT
