EPTI never had to make "new" friends since I never moved. Maybe it is hard but with alcohol it sure is easier :D
Early Mid-life crisis of an Ex-gamer - Page 2
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REDBLUEGREEN
Germany1903 Posts
I never had to make "new" friends since I never moved. Maybe it is hard but with alcohol it sure is easier :D | ||
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hp.Shell
United States2527 Posts
Book club seems to be one of the hobbies that could be more open about social awkwardness caused by intense passion for one hobby. I know a guy for example who wanted to become a professional jazz saxophonist. He played and played from the age of 5 all the way into college. Then in college his mind started to open up, and he started to realize how much he hated the competition side of things and decided that it wasn't for him. Now all the time with the reed in his mouth has cost him in the social area. Even though he's a pretty cool guy, you can notice his awkwardness and the fact that even I can notice that about him makes me shiver to think what others notice about me, because I'm sure I'm worse off. You don't have to join a book club, just find a group with a similar interest and make a commitment. I think your generation is the first to deal with social awkwardness due to gaming addiction and mine is like the 1.5 generation. But we're not the first people on Earth that have had to deal with it at an "older" age than most people figure it out. Idk if I would even say "most" people because how can you know how far behind you and I really are? We're probably in Diamond league and all we need to do is break into Masters and we'll be fine. All that takes is a small bit of practice and a commitment. Find books that deal with this topic and read them. Then put into practice what they teach. Good luck. Let us know what happens down the line. If you succeed in your endeavors and you have documented what the major turning points for you were to get past the hump so to speak, I'm sure it would benefit a lot of people. Maybe you could even write a book about it and make a lot of money. | ||
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scruffeh
England196 Posts
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Theleech
United States31 Posts
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Shaetan
United States1175 Posts
On December 02 2011 13:20 spacemonkey4eve wrote: I've been an avid gamer since 4 years old, when a neighborhood kid took me to an arcade and I played who knows what. I guess the first major game that I was HOOKED on was Dune II, which is what got me addicted to RTS games. It was sad though, because I didn't have Dune II but my cousin did, and that prick wouldn't let me play it on his computer. So all I could do was watch him play, or sneak in and play some while he was away. Red Alert... wow probably the game I enjoyed the most in my life. I would spend hours just playing single player. Following games that I got hooked on and tried to play competitively were red alert 2, SC:BW (korean ladder), CS 1.6, DoW2. I guess I was most successful in DoW2, as I was able to reach 1st place in ladder for 2v2 and 3v3 for a short period of time with online friends that I had never met in real life, but made great teammates nonetheless. Fast forward to now. I'll be 30 in a couple years. Even though I'm in a quite good PhD program that requires an intense amount of dedication and time, I still find myself with a couple hours each weeknight to spare. Just a year ago I couldn't wait to get back home to start up my computer to play some LoL, but since July of last year, I hit periods of time where I just got sick of it all. Any video game seemed like a waste of time to me. I would break these "dry spells" by encountering a new game to play, but these were far and few in between. Now it seems like nothing will ever bring that spark back. Skyrim, BF3, Batman AC, MW3, SC2 all seem boring. I was hyped about Diablo 3, but now I don't give a shit about it. The sad thing is, I've filled that spare time my entire life mostly with video games, and now I can't find something to replace it. I'm with a great girl who I enjoy spending time with, but we're both very independent people, and we give each other plenty of space. Also having done my undergrad on the opposite coast, I don't have any of my undergrad friends here, and it's damn hard to find new friends as you age. I really have no guy friend whom I can call and head down to a bar together to get shit-faced, which I would love to do but don't want to do alone. So for the past 4 years, I haven't found a single friend that is not a sig other. I feel lost. It's like computer games dangled a juicy carrot in front of me for the past 27 years, and now that carrot looks like a giant turd. I kind of feel resentful of myself that I devoted so much time to video games, and failed to develop my life during that time. What should I do now? Find a new hobby? Force myself to meet new people? Get back into religion? Just curious to know if anyone else feels the same way and to see how they dealt with the issue. I understand there is no one answer for every person... but I just feel incredibly lost. End rant Barcrafts. Also aren't there like-minded people in your Ph.D program as potential friends? | ||
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spacemonkey4eve
United States267 Posts
Some have mentioned playing video games in a social setting, and honestly I don't want to play video games anymore. Jemesatui couldn't have put it better: + Show Spoiler + My scenario was much like thedudeman. However, in relation to your situation, I think this is an inevitable outcome for almost all 'addicted gamers'. I'm currently in the phase of playing games to fulfill the time there's nothing fun to do (which is more often than I would like). You need to take the perspective that this is actually a positive step in your life, as you were not going to play computer games forever (or were you lol?). The sense of loss is unavoidable. You should be grateful you've got a girl, coz I know that once I get one I'll play a lot less coz my attention will be on her. Here's the thing with these games. We want to get better, and we know that if we spend a lot of time we will get better, and we will feel good about progressing. Your life now: no time to commit, no time no improve/progress which means no joy. So, playing feels like and is a waste of time. What you need is to be stimulated. Your relationship sounds fine, but the 'honeymoon phase' is probably over. So u need to think of something outside your phd thats somewhat stimulating to you, e.g, getting a job, investing in stocks (maybe not a good idea given u.s economy lol), saving and planning a holiday with u n ur gal, getting fit/gym. It Aint easy and I don't look forward to the day I give games up. But your time has come And I think you need to look at gaming to that extent as something you did, not something you do. Anyhow goodluck edit: religion won't stimulate you or benefit you in any circumstance, so I strongly advise against any sort of religious journey. I think with the loss of time to dedicate myself to get better at a game, there's no reason for me to play competitively anymore. That puts all the fun out of games for me, and at my age I think it's time to move on to another hobby that involves more social interactions. However, Barcrafts do sound fun, and I do watch progaming once in a while by stream, so it will be nice to watch some good games with new people and hopefully make new friends that way. Barcrafts. Also aren't there like-minded people in your Ph.D program as potential friends? Sadly most of the people in my Ph.D program are female, and I don't click with any of them. Also I realized I tend to befriend koreans more because I'm korean, and so all my past friends have been koreans with few exceptions. I obviously need to broaden that and stop limiting myself to korean people. I like the suggestions to go to a gym or join a book/sports club. I think those are fine things to pursue that build me up as a person in many ways. I've also seriously thought of volunteering. I love to eat out at restaurants, but I don't know how to cook, and my GF always tells me to start learning to cook, so that's probably another thing I'll pursue. And yes, I'm incredibly lucky to have her- I would probably be even more lost without her, as she provides a goal in my life- to make her happy (which I enjoy doing). Do you feel like sharing what you are gettin your phd in? I'm in a biomedical research phd program, specifically focusing on cancer biology. My prof expects 80 hours a week, I usually put in only around 55 hours in the lab lol. I guess as I near the endpoint, I can spend more time working (which I've grown to despise too... but that's a whole new can of worms). I just want to get out and find a decent office job and spend more time with new hobbies. | ||
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Zocat
Germany2229 Posts
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krisss
Luxembourg305 Posts
it seems like the only thing you need is a good friend u can get drunk with. A lot of us realize that someting we did for a long time is not that fun anymore. Thats a normal process in life. It feels like a "mini-divorce". You try to get the good old feeling back, but it wont come. Like u said, you were feelind not great: exactly here you need a buddy to help you get over it. Then you wont feel so depressed, because let's be honest: It's only videos games, theres so much more in life to experience. When you dont have a buddy to hang out with, just lay down. And think. Thats what i did. And most importantly : think positive. I mean most of us went/or will go through hard times and a change needs time. You wont find new friends when you force it too hard. Just relax and lay down. Get to know yourself, what you like and what you want. Realize that its a time in you life where the task is to live and be satisfied on ur own. And suddenly theres a dude sitting next to you whos going to be your drinking buddy and best friend. Thats what happened to me, and yes, it took some time. But hey, you get a PhD, you got a girlfirend.. i'll bet that you figure this out aswell  | ||
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fire_brand
Canada1123 Posts
The hardest part is just following through and making sure you actually try or do these activities. GL. | ||
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Mothra
United States1448 Posts
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