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I've been an avid gamer since 4 years old, when a neighborhood kid took me to an arcade and I played who knows what. I guess the first major game that I was HOOKED on was Dune II, which is what got me addicted to RTS games. It was sad though, because I didn't have Dune II but my cousin did, and that prick wouldn't let me play it on his computer. So all I could do was watch him play, or sneak in and play some while he was away. Red Alert... wow probably the game I enjoyed the most in my life. I would spend hours just playing single player. Following games that I got hooked on and tried to play competitively were red alert 2, SC:BW (korean ladder), CS 1.6, DoW2. I guess I was most successful in DoW2, as I was able to reach 1st place in ladder for 2v2 and 3v3 for a short period of time with online friends that I had never met in real life, but made great teammates nonetheless.
Fast forward to now. I'll be 30 in a couple years. Even though I'm in a quite good PhD program that requires an intense amount of dedication and time, I still find myself with a couple hours each weeknight to spare. Just a year ago I couldn't wait to get back home to start up my computer to play some LoL, but since July of last year, I hit periods of time where I just got sick of it all. Any video game seemed like a waste of time to me. I would break these "dry spells" by encountering a new game to play, but these were far and few in between. Now it seems like nothing will ever bring that spark back. Skyrim, BF3, Batman AC, MW3, SC2 all seem boring. I was hyped about Diablo 3, but now I don't give a shit about it.
The sad thing is, I've filled that spare time my entire life mostly with video games, and now I can't find something to replace it. I'm with a great girl who I enjoy spending time with, but we're both very independent people, and we give each other plenty of space. Also having done my undergrad on the opposite coast, I don't have any of my undergrad friends here, and it's damn hard to find new friends as you age. I really have no guy friend whom I can call and head down to a bar together to get shit-faced, which I would love to do but don't want to do alone. So for the past 4 years, I haven't found a single friend that is not a sig other.
I feel lost. It's like computer games dangled a juicy carrot in front of me for the past 27 years, and now that carrot looks like a giant turd. I kind of feel resentful of myself that I devoted so much time to video games, and failed to develop my life during that time. What should I do now? Find a new hobby? Force myself to meet new people? Get back into religion? Just curious to know if anyone else feels the same way and to see how they dealt with the issue. I understand there is no one answer for every person... but I just feel incredibly lost.
End rant
 
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It sounds rough. I think you just need to find a new hobby perhaps. I was in a sort of similar situation a year ago. Everyone of my friends back then was a pot head (including the girl I was dating). However as time passed I guess I just grew out of it. I didn't really enjoy smoking pot anymore, to the point where I regretted it immediately after doing it. I eventually split ties with everyone I knew and that's when I came to a realization similar to yours. I realized that everything I did outside of school and family stuff involved smoking pot. I had no hobbies, no other group of friends, and I had no idea what I was going to do. However just by trying things I eventually found things to fill the time. I can't really help you on the making friends aspect, as I'm still in school, and I imagine its a lot easier to make friends in school then outside of school. If anything I would say try to find a variety of things you like to do, so you don't end up in this situation again. But I would say 30 years is way too young to have a mid life crisis.
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Definitely get back into religion. The one boon of religion is that it is highly structured and can easily shape and dictate the course of one's life. Those wandering souls needing guidance would do well to submit themselves to the church. It's a relatively benign, somewhat beneficial method of spending one's time. Although the belief itself is ludicrous, generally the ideals and atmosphere promoted by religious institutions are of value.
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On December 02 2011 13:40 MrDudeMan wrote:
It sounds rough. I think you just need to find a new hobby perhaps. I was in a sort of similar situation a year ago. Everyone of my friends back then was a pot head (including the girl I was dating). However as time passed I guess I just grew out of it. I didn't really enjoy smoking pot anymore, to the point where I regretted it immediately after doing it. I eventually split ties with everyone I knew and that's when I came to a realization similar to yours. I realized that everything I did outside of school and family stuff involved smoking pot. I had no hobbies, no other group of friends, and I had no idea what I was going to do. However just by trying things I eventually found things to fill the time. I can't really help you on the making friends aspect, as I'm still in school, and I imagine its a lot easier to make friends in school then outside of school. If anything I would say try to find a variety of things you like to do, so you don't end up in this situation again. But I would say 30 years is way too young to have a mid life crisis.
Yeah sounds similar to my situation. I do realize I need to find something else, but investing all my time into one thing is definitely something I won't do ever again, because I know how fleeting my enjoyment in it will be. Good to hear you got out of your funk.
Definitely get back into religion. The one boon of religion is that it is highly structured and can easily shape and dictate the course of one's life. Those wandering souls needing guidance would do well to submit themselves to the church. It's a relatively benign, somewhat beneficial method of spending one's time. Although the belief itself is ludicrous, generally the ideals and atmosphere promoted by religious institutions are of value.
I've pondered it, and know it can provide me with good discipline and a sense of community, but it's so suffocating. Maybe I should try giving it another shot with a more open mind.
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One word: Poker.
Okay, to be serious for a moment, it sounds more like you're missing out on real social interaction. What about BarCrafts? Pen-and-paper RPGs? Games can still be a part of your life without it isolating you. Find a hobby shop or a LAN center and strike up some conversations?
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One genre: MMORPG
Seriously, if you find a great clan or people to run with any mmorpg can be a ton of fun. Although, they're definitely one of the most time-consuming things on this planet...
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Religion wouldn't be a bad choice though I wouldn't go there if you see it as "submitting" or find the belief ludicrous. In your search for new hobbies I suggest finding something you want to get better at or something you want to try and find a way to use that skill or talent to do service for others. This is a good way to find things that you will really enjoy while still getting in touch with religion although it wouldn't be necessary as service is service regardless of cause or motivation.
Its a good way to get to know yourself better in my opinion. Might be surprised at what you learn.
On December 02 2011 14:03 Ephemerality wrote:
One genre: MMORPG
Seriously, if you find a great clan or people to run with any mmorpg can be a ton of fun. Although, they're definitely one of the most time-consuming things on this planet...
Pretty sure he wants to avoid wasting time...
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you could just try going to the gym, if not to work out at least to play a sport or something along those lines.
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My scenario was much like thedudeman.
However, in relation to your situation, I think this is an inevitable outcome for almost all 'addicted gamers'.
I'm currently in the phase of playing games to fulfill the time there's nothing fun to do (which is more often than I would like). You need to take the perspective that this is actually a positive step in your life, as you were not going to play computer games forever (or were you lol?).
The sense of loss is unavoidable. You should be grateful you've got a girl, coz I know that once I get one I'll play a lot less coz my attention will be on her.
Here's the thing with these games. We want to get better, and we know that if we spend a lot of time we will get better, and we will feel good about progressing.
Your life now: no time to commit, no time no improve/progress which means no joy. So, playing feels like and is a waste of time.
What you need is to be stimulated. Your relationship sounds fine, but the 'honeymoon phase' is probably over. So u need to think of something outside your phd thats somewhat stimulating to you, e.g, getting a job, investing in stocks (maybe not a good idea given u.s economy lol), saving and planning a holiday with u n ur gal, getting fit/gym.
It Aint easy and I don't look forward to the day I give games up. But your time has come  And I think you need to look at gaming to that extent as something you did, not something you do.
Anyhow goodluck
edit: religion won't stimulate you or benefit you in any circumstance, so I strongly advise against any sort of religious journey.
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Don't believe in religion for the sake of having direction, it honestly doesn't make sense unless you truly believe in it imo.
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I sometimes struggle with the same thing, but it goes in cycles. I lose all motivation to play games for months at a time, then I usually randomly start playing again and it's fun.
My best advice is not to force it. If you're not feeling the gaming, don't game. Apply yourself to something else: another hobby, learn a new skill, get in shape, etc. Try to find something else you're passionate about to fill the gaming hole. I know it's easier said than done; I know exactly what you mean when you say you feel lost with the sudden loss of gaming. I've been there. You just have to take a good hard look at yourself and figure out what you really want from life, and what you really enjoy.
Down the road, you might get the urge to start playing games again and you can come back feeling refreshed and ready to have fun. On the other hand, you might just forget about them completely. This is also fine, of course, it just means your interests have changed and you've moved on. Nothing wrong with that.
Best of luck.
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I'm going through something very similar. I've been a big gamer since I was a kid. Until just recently, video games have probably been the biggest part of my life. But now, nothing's doing it for me anymore. I load up a game, play it for a while... Then I stop, and say to myself "This feels completely pointless. Why on earth am I playing this?".
I'ved tried out over ~20 different titles over the past few weeks and nothing can hold my interest. It feels really shitty, especially considering the fact that I went ahead and took up a degree in game programming (graduating in a week). I WANT to play games, I really do! But none of them give me any kind of motivation to keep playing. =(
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Do you feel like sharing what you are gettin your phd in?
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Man this kind of describes me as well.......I have a group of gamer friends, we have been friends since high school and a way to keep in touch is to game. I got a good job and moved away and it is DAMN hard to find good guy friends to kick it with and get hammered with I will agree sir! I go through spells as well where games seem to get old then my friends all get on another game and we do that for a couple of months. Do you have any friends that are til online gaming, because ive found that that is the spark I need to keep going.
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I would seek to answer the question Paul raises in his letter to the Corinthians before taking on "religion." Paul explains that religion is pointless if Christ did not actually rise from the dead. If hope in Christ is only good for this life, and not for the life after, "...we are of all people most to be pitied." He is quite frank:
1 Corinthians 15:17 And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins. 18 Then those also who have fallen asleep (read: died) in Christ are lost. 19 If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied.
I hope the best for you bro. I actually know a few people going through the exact same thing, I'm 27 for reference, and it's with video games as well.
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I feel like this a lot actually. I fluctuate during the year between being able to spend days at a time focused on a game and being completely disinterested in gaming. I think you shouldn't force yourself to play if you don't want to (I think someone mentioned that already). It's your free time; you should do whatever you want. If you just can't find anything to do, just try doing nothing. You are a busy guy, so it might do you some good to chill and think about things. (it seems like you are doing that now... haha)
At some point you might get a new spark for gaming but it won't really be the same. Just enjoy it for what it is and play when you want, if you want. If you want a new hobby you could learn to cook new things, learn a musical instrument, read, draw, play sports, etc. I dunno, just think of some basic things and give 'em a shot. You might surprise yourself with how entertaining or fulfilling it might be.
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Join a sporting team, it's great for meeting people, having fun and staying fit. Either that or take up some other hobby that involves you working with your hands to create things, be it carpentry/gardening/modelling/painting or whatever. Reading can also be a good substitute for your gaming hours.
I doubt religion is the answer, especially if you're bright and open minded.
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How is the rest of your life going? Are you still enjoying the things that give/ used to give you pleasure?
(Just making sure it's a game specific problem here.)
In terms of getting to know more people I'd suggest finding a sport you like to do. It's always connected to teammates/partners, and many sports do have some element of gaming- I can recommend Squash (fast paced, very competetive, small time requirement, strong exercise). Also once you hit 30 you'll notice that you get out of shape when not doing any sports.
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Live like with no regrets man, if you had fun doing what you love. Don't ever seconds guess it <3
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Why not go to a bar alone, get shitfaced and make some friends in the process?
I never had to make "new" friends since I never moved. Maybe it is hard but with alcohol it sure is easier :D
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Maybe reading is a route you could take out of this hole. I'm going through a similar situation myself, though I'm about 10 years younger so the feelings that I need to quit or I want to quit aren't as urgent. Anyway I'm thinking I will start reading a book a month and then join a book club in 3 months or so and read whatever book they decide to read. Book clubs are kinda like English class in high school I guess. You share your opinions with each other in a circle and most of the interested parties are women.
Book club seems to be one of the hobbies that could be more open about social awkwardness caused by intense passion for one hobby. I know a guy for example who wanted to become a professional jazz saxophonist. He played and played from the age of 5 all the way into college. Then in college his mind started to open up, and he started to realize how much he hated the competition side of things and decided that it wasn't for him. Now all the time with the reed in his mouth has cost him in the social area. Even though he's a pretty cool guy, you can notice his awkwardness and the fact that even I can notice that about him makes me shiver to think what others notice about me, because I'm sure I'm worse off.
You don't have to join a book club, just find a group with a similar interest and make a commitment. I think your generation is the first to deal with social awkwardness due to gaming addiction and mine is like the 1.5 generation. But we're not the first people on Earth that have had to deal with it at an "older" age than most people figure it out. Idk if I would even say "most" people because how can you know how far behind you and I really are? We're probably in Diamond league and all we need to do is break into Masters and we'll be fine. All that takes is a small bit of practice and a commitment.
Find books that deal with this topic and read them. Then put into practice what they teach. Good luck. Let us know what happens down the line. If you succeed in your endeavors and you have documented what the major turning points for you were to get past the hump so to speak, I'm sure it would benefit a lot of people. Maybe you could even write a book about it and make a lot of money.
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I'm really fussy about the games I play, and tend to get fairly grumpy and give up on games that I'm not enjoying. Only a few single player games have really captivated me in recent years (Bioshock, Arkham Asylum, Uncharted 2/3, Deus-Ex 3 and a few others). I've grown up playing games pretty much constantly, so it was weird to not be interested in what was around, despite having a decent PC and a PS3. Before I got into Starcraft 2, when there weren't any games that I was enjoying, I just went to the gym a lot and did loads of reading, and that worked out well. This was a direct response to coming back from work and feeling bored. It was great, I felt really healthy and felt like I was spending my time more productively.
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I've been through similar stages at different points in my life. I always had to go back a play a game I used to enjoy. I found myself returning to Halo, Super Mario and many other oldie but goodies!
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On December 02 2011 13:20 spacemonkey4eve wrote:
I've been an avid gamer since 4 years old, when a neighborhood kid took me to an arcade and I played who knows what. I guess the first major game that I was HOOKED on was Dune II, which is what got me addicted to RTS games. It was sad though, because I didn't have Dune II but my cousin did, and that prick wouldn't let me play it on his computer. So all I could do was watch him play, or sneak in and play some while he was away. Red Alert... wow probably the game I enjoyed the most in my life. I would spend hours just playing single player. Following games that I got hooked on and tried to play competitively were red alert 2, SC:BW (korean ladder), CS 1.6, DoW2. I guess I was most successful in DoW2, as I was able to reach 1st place in ladder for 2v2 and 3v3 for a short period of time with online friends that I had never met in real life, but made great teammates nonetheless.
Fast forward to now. I'll be 30 in a couple years. Even though I'm in a quite good PhD program that requires an intense amount of dedication and time, I still find myself with a couple hours each weeknight to spare. Just a year ago I couldn't wait to get back home to start up my computer to play some LoL, but since July of last year, I hit periods of time where I just got sick of it all. Any video game seemed like a waste of time to me. I would break these "dry spells" by encountering a new game to play, but these were far and few in between. Now it seems like nothing will ever bring that spark back. Skyrim, BF3, Batman AC, MW3, SC2 all seem boring. I was hyped about Diablo 3, but now I don't give a shit about it.
The sad thing is, I've filled that spare time my entire life mostly with video games, and now I can't find something to replace it. I'm with a great girl who I enjoy spending time with, but we're both very independent people, and we give each other plenty of space. Also having done my undergrad on the opposite coast, I don't have any of my undergrad friends here, and it's damn hard to find new friends as you age. I really have no guy friend whom I can call and head down to a bar together to get shit-faced, which I would love to do but don't want to do alone. So for the past 4 years, I haven't found a single friend that is not a sig other.
I feel lost. It's like computer games dangled a juicy carrot in front of me for the past 27 years, and now that carrot looks like a giant turd. I kind of feel resentful of myself that I devoted so much time to video games, and failed to develop my life during that time. What should I do now? Find a new hobby? Force myself to meet new people? Get back into religion? Just curious to know if anyone else feels the same way and to see how they dealt with the issue. I understand there is no one answer for every person... but I just feel incredibly lost.
End rant
Barcrafts.
Also aren't there like-minded people in your Ph.D program as potential friends?
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Wow, I didn't think there would be so many people who felt the same way, or cared about my issue. I'm really pleasantly surprised to wake up and read all the responses, so thank you guys :D I also forgot to mention I get mood swings, and I definitely wasn't feeling great when I wrote that, so now that I read my OP I feel a bit like a whiny little girl, but it still represents my true feelings.
Some have mentioned playing video games in a social setting, and honestly I don't want to play video games anymore. Jemesatui couldn't have put it better:
+ Show Spoiler +My scenario was much like thedudeman.
However, in relation to your situation, I think this is an inevitable outcome for almost all 'addicted gamers'.
I'm currently in the phase of playing games to fulfill the time there's nothing fun to do (which is more often than I would like). You need to take the perspective that this is actually a positive step in your life, as you were not going to play computer games forever (or were you lol?).
The sense of loss is unavoidable. You should be grateful you've got a girl, coz I know that once I get one I'll play a lot less coz my attention will be on her.
Here's the thing with these games. We want to get better, and we know that if we spend a lot of time we will get better, and we will feel good about progressing.
Your life now: no time to commit, no time no improve/progress which means no joy. So, playing feels like and is a waste of time.
What you need is to be stimulated. Your relationship sounds fine, but the 'honeymoon phase' is probably over. So u need to think of something outside your phd thats somewhat stimulating to you, e.g, getting a job, investing in stocks (maybe not a good idea given u.s economy lol), saving and planning a holiday with u n ur gal, getting fit/gym.
It Aint easy and I don't look forward to the day I give games up. But your time has come And I think you need to look at gaming to that extent as something you did, not something you do.
Anyhow goodluck
edit: religion won't stimulate you or benefit you in any circumstance, so I strongly advise against any sort of religious journey.
I think with the loss of time to dedicate myself to get better at a game, there's no reason for me to play competitively anymore. That puts all the fun out of games for me, and at my age I think it's time to move on to another hobby that involves more social interactions. However, Barcrafts do sound fun, and I do watch progaming once in a while by stream, so it will be nice to watch some good games with new people and hopefully make new friends that way.
Barcrafts.
Also aren't there like-minded people in your Ph.D program as potential friends?
Sadly most of the people in my Ph.D program are female, and I don't click with any of them. Also I realized I tend to befriend koreans more because I'm korean, and so all my past friends have been koreans with few exceptions. I obviously need to broaden that and stop limiting myself to korean people.
I like the suggestions to go to a gym or join a book/sports club. I think those are fine things to pursue that build me up as a person in many ways. I've also seriously thought of volunteering. I love to eat out at restaurants, but I don't know how to cook, and my GF always tells me to start learning to cook, so that's probably another thing I'll pursue. And yes, I'm incredibly lucky to have her- I would probably be even more lost without her, as she provides a goal in my life- to make her happy (which I enjoy doing).
Do you feel like sharing what you are gettin your phd in?
I'm in a biomedical research phd program, specifically focusing on cancer biology. My prof expects 80 hours a week, I usually put in only around 55 hours in the lab lol. I guess as I near the endpoint, I can spend more time working (which I've grown to despise too... but that's a whole new can of worms). I just want to get out and find a decent office job and spend more time with new hobbies.
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Suggestion: Maybe learn a new language. Preferable in a course and no self-study. You will meet new people there.
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Hey spacemonkey4eve,
it seems like the only thing you need is a good friend u can get drunk with.
A lot of us realize that someting we did for a long time is not that fun anymore. Thats a normal process in life. It feels like a "mini-divorce". You try to get the good old feeling back, but it wont come. Like u said, you were feelind not great: exactly here you need a buddy to help you get over it. Then you wont feel so depressed, because let's be honest: It's only videos games, theres so much more in life to experience.
When you dont have a buddy to hang out with, just lay down. And think. Thats what i did. And most importantly : think positive. I mean most of us went/or will go through hard times and a change needs time. You wont find new friends when you force it too hard. Just relax and lay down. Get to know yourself, what you like and what you want. Realize that its a time in you life where the task is to live and be satisfied on ur own. And suddenly theres a dude sitting next to you whos going to be your drinking buddy and best friend. Thats what happened to me, and yes, it took some time. But hey, you get a PhD, you got a girlfirend.. i'll bet that you figure this out aswell
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You'd be surprised by how easy it is to get into something really passionately as an ex-gamer. Just try some new stuff, cooking, ping pong, knitting, drawing, whatever it is you wanna try. I think with our gaming background we can adapt and pick up new skills a little faster than most people. It's kind of like being athletic for non-sports related stuff. And then the natural passion of a gamer should be more than adequate to make sure that thing becomes part of your life.
The hardest part is just following through and making sure you actually try or do these activities. GL.
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I feel the same way as you (around the same age too). I think multiplayer games present the biggest "dangling carrot" and subsequent time investment/letdown. Aside from the occasional SC2 binge, I just stick to single player games now and watch the professionals do their thing. This way I still enjoy games but don't feel that obsession to chase the carrot.
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EPT
