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I've been an avid gamer since 4 years old, when a neighborhood kid took me to an arcade and I played who knows what. I guess the first major game that I was HOOKED on was Dune II, which is what got me addicted to RTS games. It was sad though, because I didn't have Dune II but my cousin did, and that prick wouldn't let me play it on his computer. So all I could do was watch him play, or sneak in and play some while he was away. Red Alert... wow probably the game I enjoyed the most in my life. I would spend hours just playing single player. Following games that I got hooked on and tried to play competitively were red alert 2, SC:BW (korean ladder), CS 1.6, DoW2. I guess I was most successful in DoW2, as I was able to reach 1st place in ladder for 2v2 and 3v3 for a short period of time with online friends that I had never met in real life, but made great teammates nonetheless.
Fast forward to now. I'll be 30 in a couple years. Even though I'm in a quite good PhD program that requires an intense amount of dedication and time, I still find myself with a couple hours each weeknight to spare. Just a year ago I couldn't wait to get back home to start up my computer to play some LoL, but since July of last year, I hit periods of time where I just got sick of it all. Any video game seemed like a waste of time to me. I would break these "dry spells" by encountering a new game to play, but these were far and few in between. Now it seems like nothing will ever bring that spark back. Skyrim, BF3, Batman AC, MW3, SC2 all seem boring. I was hyped about Diablo 3, but now I don't give a shit about it.
The sad thing is, I've filled that spare time my entire life mostly with video games, and now I can't find something to replace it. I'm with a great girl who I enjoy spending time with, but we're both very independent people, and we give each other plenty of space. Also having done my undergrad on the opposite coast, I don't have any of my undergrad friends here, and it's damn hard to find new friends as you age. I really have no guy friend whom I can call and head down to a bar together to get shit-faced, which I would love to do but don't want to do alone. So for the past 4 years, I haven't found a single friend that is not a sig other.
I feel lost. It's like computer games dangled a juicy carrot in front of me for the past 27 years, and now that carrot looks like a giant turd. I kind of feel resentful of myself that I devoted so much time to video games, and failed to develop my life during that time. What should I do now? Find a new hobby? Force myself to meet new people? Get back into religion? Just curious to know if anyone else feels the same way and to see how they dealt with the issue. I understand there is no one answer for every person... but I just feel incredibly lost.
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It sounds rough. I think you just need to find a new hobby perhaps. I was in a sort of similar situation a year ago. Everyone of my friends back then was a pot head (including the girl I was dating). However as time passed I guess I just grew out of it. I didn't really enjoy smoking pot anymore, to the point where I regretted it immediately after doing it. I eventually split ties with everyone I knew and that's when I came to a realization similar to yours. I realized that everything I did outside of school and family stuff involved smoking pot. I had no hobbies, no other group of friends, and I had no idea what I was going to do. However just by trying things I eventually found things to fill the time. I can't really help you on the making friends aspect, as I'm still in school, and I imagine its a lot easier to make friends in school then outside of school. If anything I would say try to find a variety of things you like to do, so you don't end up in this situation again. But I would say 30 years is way too young to have a mid life crisis.
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Definitely get back into religion. The one boon of religion is that it is highly structured and can easily shape and dictate the course of one's life. Those wandering souls needing guidance would do well to submit themselves to the church. It's a relatively benign, somewhat beneficial method of spending one's time. Although the belief itself is ludicrous, generally the ideals and atmosphere promoted by religious institutions are of value.
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On December 02 2011 13:40 MrDudeMan wrote:
It sounds rough. I think you just need to find a new hobby perhaps. I was in a sort of similar situation a year ago. Everyone of my friends back then was a pot head (including the girl I was dating). However as time passed I guess I just grew out of it. I didn't really enjoy smoking pot anymore, to the point where I regretted it immediately after doing it. I eventually split ties with everyone I knew and that's when I came to a realization similar to yours. I realized that everything I did outside of school and family stuff involved smoking pot. I had no hobbies, no other group of friends, and I had no idea what I was going to do. However just by trying things I eventually found things to fill the time. I can't really help you on the making friends aspect, as I'm still in school, and I imagine its a lot easier to make friends in school then outside of school. If anything I would say try to find a variety of things you like to do, so you don't end up in this situation again. But I would say 30 years is way too young to have a mid life crisis.
Yeah sounds similar to my situation. I do realize I need to find something else, but investing all my time into one thing is definitely something I won't do ever again, because I know how fleeting my enjoyment in it will be. Good to hear you got out of your funk.
Definitely get back into religion. The one boon of religion is that it is highly structured and can easily shape and dictate the course of one's life. Those wandering souls needing guidance would do well to submit themselves to the church. It's a relatively benign, somewhat beneficial method of spending one's time. Although the belief itself is ludicrous, generally the ideals and atmosphere promoted by religious institutions are of value.
I've pondered it, and know it can provide me with good discipline and a sense of community, but it's so suffocating. Maybe I should try giving it another shot with a more open mind.
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One word: Poker.
Okay, to be serious for a moment, it sounds more like you're missing out on real social interaction. What about BarCrafts? Pen-and-paper RPGs? Games can still be a part of your life without it isolating you. Find a hobby shop or a LAN center and strike up some conversations?
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One genre: MMORPG
Seriously, if you find a great clan or people to run with any mmorpg can be a ton of fun. Although, they're definitely one of the most time-consuming things on this planet...
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Religion wouldn't be a bad choice though I wouldn't go there if you see it as "submitting" or find the belief ludicrous. In your search for new hobbies I suggest finding something you want to get better at or something you want to try and find a way to use that skill or talent to do service for others. This is a good way to find things that you will really enjoy while still getting in touch with religion although it wouldn't be necessary as service is service regardless of cause or motivation.
Its a good way to get to know yourself better in my opinion. Might be surprised at what you learn.
On December 02 2011 14:03 Ephemerality wrote:
One genre: MMORPG
Seriously, if you find a great clan or people to run with any mmorpg can be a ton of fun. Although, they're definitely one of the most time-consuming things on this planet...
Pretty sure he wants to avoid wasting time...
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you could just try going to the gym, if not to work out at least to play a sport or something along those lines.
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My scenario was much like thedudeman.
However, in relation to your situation, I think this is an inevitable outcome for almost all 'addicted gamers'.
I'm currently in the phase of playing games to fulfill the time there's nothing fun to do (which is more often than I would like). You need to take the perspective that this is actually a positive step in your life, as you were not going to play computer games forever (or were you lol?).
The sense of loss is unavoidable. You should be grateful you've got a girl, coz I know that once I get one I'll play a lot less coz my attention will be on her.
Here's the thing with these games. We want to get better, and we know that if we spend a lot of time we will get better, and we will feel good about progressing.
Your life now: no time to commit, no time no improve/progress which means no joy. So, playing feels like and is a waste of time.
What you need is to be stimulated. Your relationship sounds fine, but the 'honeymoon phase' is probably over. So u need to think of something outside your phd thats somewhat stimulating to you, e.g, getting a job, investing in stocks (maybe not a good idea given u.s economy lol), saving and planning a holiday with u n ur gal, getting fit/gym.
It Aint easy and I don't look forward to the day I give games up. But your time has come  And I think you need to look at gaming to that extent as something you did, not something you do.
Anyhow goodluck
edit: religion won't stimulate you or benefit you in any circumstance, so I strongly advise against any sort of religious journey.
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Don't believe in religion for the sake of having direction, it honestly doesn't make sense unless you truly believe in it imo.
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I sometimes struggle with the same thing, but it goes in cycles. I lose all motivation to play games for months at a time, then I usually randomly start playing again and it's fun.
My best advice is not to force it. If you're not feeling the gaming, don't game. Apply yourself to something else: another hobby, learn a new skill, get in shape, etc. Try to find something else you're passionate about to fill the gaming hole. I know it's easier said than done; I know exactly what you mean when you say you feel lost with the sudden loss of gaming. I've been there. You just have to take a good hard look at yourself and figure out what you really want from life, and what you really enjoy.
Down the road, you might get the urge to start playing games again and you can come back feeling refreshed and ready to have fun. On the other hand, you might just forget about them completely. This is also fine, of course, it just means your interests have changed and you've moved on. Nothing wrong with that.
Best of luck.
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I'm going through something very similar. I've been a big gamer since I was a kid. Until just recently, video games have probably been the biggest part of my life. But now, nothing's doing it for me anymore. I load up a game, play it for a while... Then I stop, and say to myself "This feels completely pointless. Why on earth am I playing this?".
I'ved tried out over ~20 different titles over the past few weeks and nothing can hold my interest. It feels really shitty, especially considering the fact that I went ahead and took up a degree in game programming (graduating in a week). I WANT to play games, I really do! But none of them give me any kind of motivation to keep playing. =(
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Do you feel like sharing what you are gettin your phd in?
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Man this kind of describes me as well.......I have a group of gamer friends, we have been friends since high school and a way to keep in touch is to game. I got a good job and moved away and it is DAMN hard to find good guy friends to kick it with and get hammered with I will agree sir! I go through spells as well where games seem to get old then my friends all get on another game and we do that for a couple of months. Do you have any friends that are til online gaming, because ive found that that is the spark I need to keep going.
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I would seek to answer the question Paul raises in his letter to the Corinthians before taking on "religion." Paul explains that religion is pointless if Christ did not actually rise from the dead. If hope in Christ is only good for this life, and not for the life after, "...we are of all people most to be pitied." He is quite frank:
1 Corinthians 15:17 And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins. 18 Then those also who have fallen asleep (read: died) in Christ are lost. 19 If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied.
I hope the best for you bro. I actually know a few people going through the exact same thing, I'm 27 for reference, and it's with video games as well.
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I feel like this a lot actually. I fluctuate during the year between being able to spend days at a time focused on a game and being completely disinterested in gaming. I think you shouldn't force yourself to play if you don't want to (I think someone mentioned that already). It's your free time; you should do whatever you want. If you just can't find anything to do, just try doing nothing. You are a busy guy, so it might do you some good to chill and think about things. (it seems like you are doing that now... haha)
At some point you might get a new spark for gaming but it won't really be the same. Just enjoy it for what it is and play when you want, if you want. If you want a new hobby you could learn to cook new things, learn a musical instrument, read, draw, play sports, etc. I dunno, just think of some basic things and give 'em a shot. You might surprise yourself with how entertaining or fulfilling it might be.
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Join a sporting team, it's great for meeting people, having fun and staying fit. Either that or take up some other hobby that involves you working with your hands to create things, be it carpentry/gardening/modelling/painting or whatever. Reading can also be a good substitute for your gaming hours.
I doubt religion is the answer, especially if you're bright and open minded.
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How is the rest of your life going? Are you still enjoying the things that give/ used to give you pleasure?
(Just making sure it's a game specific problem here.)
In terms of getting to know more people I'd suggest finding a sport you like to do. It's always connected to teammates/partners, and many sports do have some element of gaming- I can recommend Squash (fast paced, very competetive, small time requirement, strong exercise). Also once you hit 30 you'll notice that you get out of shape when not doing any sports.
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Live like with no regrets man, if you had fun doing what you love. Don't ever seconds guess it <3
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EPT
