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Hi, this is an attempt at stracraft fiction. Mainly meant as practice because I'd love to write a screenplay or something one day. English is not my first langauge, so I probably messed up pretty badly without even noticing it. Sorry!
I'm gonna wait and see how people react to this, and then I'll maybe continue it.
This is the prologue, thanks for reading 
Prologue
The night was dark and cold. The reign of shadows had begun. Nathan could feel them haunting the forest, night after night again. Even after all this time on Xian, the planet’s dark spirit made him shiver. He was a marine; trained to fight, trained to kill, trained to die. But there’s no fighting or killing the shadows in the dark, only dying.
The jungle must have been beautiful before it was scarred by war. Now the landscape had been infested by the Zerg, but its soul remained. The planet fights back, some of his comrades claimed. His eyes had never been able to prove their claims, but their stories stalked his mind nonetheless. The daggers in the dark. Death himself, and he’s coming for us all they say.
Madness, there’s no death here other than the one our guns bring.
“Nathan, time for bed, princess. I’ll take your shift!’ a deep, roaring voice said.
Alistair was no man to argue with, that was about the only thing Nathan, or anyone for that matter, really knew about him. Four campaigns, forty years of endless war. No one better, no one deadlier. His grey hair instantly betrayed that it hadn’t seen a scissors since the dominion got here three months ago. His beard was thick and wooly, a shield against the cold of night.
Although he hadn’t known peace for decades, he was always cheerful. Maybe the booze had something to do with it.
“Why so early, hoping to jerk off first?” Comments like this were the best way to talk to him, Nathan knew.
“Hah, hope yes. Must be one crazy son of a bitch to take out his cock, all these shadows with knives ya know? Reminds me of a story. We were all at some planet, and winter was fucking us up good. This guy Ramires decides to take a piss, comes back to us with his cock in his hands, frozen instantly and chopped off by the force of his hand wanting to put it back in his pants hahaha!”
“Yep, definitely the booze.”
“What’s that?”
“Nothing.”
The deserted cabin they called a camp was surprisingly comfortable. Nathan always looked forward to sleeping in the cozy warmth of the hearth fire. His hand gently pushed the wooden door open; he could already feel the warm air reaching up his nose.
And then his eyes proved the stories. Blood everywhere. Six dead men lying on the ground, completely bled empty. Arteries severed. Blood everywhere. A sudden gash of pain forced him to his knees. He was bleeding, bleeding from everywhere. He was stabbed, but it wasn’t an ordinary knife. One stab, and yet he bled like if it were a hundred. As he turned his head, his eyes found Alistair. “Help me!”
As Alsitair approached, the sound of his heavy boots thundering on the ground was the only sound Nathan heard in an otherwise silent world. “Help me!" Nathan cried out.
And as Alistair approached, his face faded away, and then his body did the same, until there was nothing but shadow.
And in his hand the dagger.
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I like it, already action and it is a prologue. I bet I know what stabbed Nathan. 
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neural parasite perhaps
Do you plan on writing more?
was pretty good
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yup, liked it as well. Would read if u decide to write more. gj
Also, happy birthday guys
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Good excerpt. I'd like to give you some tips too! I used to write short stories before SC2 grabbed that hobby and sat on it like a school-yard bully. Anyway:
Use the active voice more and less of the passive voice. Minimize the use of "was," "had" and "had been." These delays the action is sometimes called lazy writing. Rather than saying "The night was dark and cold. The reign of shadows had begun." you could re-write this to "The night chilled the air and covered the land in shadow." Not a good revision, but creativity can turn this to something better.
And the reason why active voice is better than passive voice is because of action. You did this pretty well on the last paragraph: "And then his eyes proved the stories. Blood everywhere. Six dead men lying on the ground, completely bled empty. Arteries severed. Blood everywhere. A sudden gash of pain forced him to his knees." Something is happening and we're glued to the action.
Another tip is to minimize or stop using adverbs. Adverbs are adjectives with the "-lys." Why? It is easier to throw in an adverb and finish the description, but it's better if you give a little suspense or action to the story. Also, -lys clutter up the story. So instead of "Six dead men lying on the ground, completely bled empty," do this, "Six dead men lay on the ground and drained of blood."
Hope the tips help. Keep writing and work that imagination out!
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On November 14 2011 04:04 jayman wrote:
Good excerpt. I'd like to give you some tips too! I used to write short stories before SC2 grabbed that hobby and sat on it like a school-yard bully. Anyway:
Use the active voice more and less of the passive voice. Minimize the use of "was," "had" and "had been." These delays the action is sometimes called lazy writing. Rather than saying "The night was dark and cold. The reign of shadows had begun." you could re-write this to "The night chilled the air and covered the land in shadow." Not a good revision, but creativity can turn this to something better.
And the reason why active voice is better than passive voice is because of action. You did this pretty well on the last paragraph: "And then his eyes proved the stories. Blood everywhere. Six dead men lying on the ground, completely bled empty. Arteries severed. Blood everywhere. A sudden gash of pain forced him to his knees." Something is happening and we're glued to the action.
Another tip is to minimize or stop using adverbs. Adverbs are adjectives with the "-lys." Why? It is easier to throw in an adverb and finish the description, but it's better if you give a little suspense or action to the story. Also, -lys clutter up the story. So instead of "Six dead men lying on the ground, completely bled empty," do this, "Six dead men lay on the ground and drained of blood."
Hope the tips help. Keep writing and work that imagination out!
Wow thanks, this is awesome
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Hey, another sc2 fanfic writer.
Not a bad start, I can't really judge based on just the prologue. But do far so good I guess.
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EPT
