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Resume Critique - Page 2

Blogs > decafchicken
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Neo27
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
United States154 Posts
October 06 2011 08:11 GMT
#21
Take what you will, friend. I've never been a warehouse employee or an intern for XXXXXX P.C. so I don't know exactly what it entails.

Skills:
- Accustomed to operating in a fact-paced environment requiring little supervision.
(add, if applicable)

-Assisted with budgeting etc etc -->
- Coordinate Team Travel Arrangements and On-field decisions, Apportioned available budget for respective events.

-Organizational work around office -->
- Enhanced office efficiency by restructuring organization of process documents and records.

Personal preference, but I would say "Expected Graduation May 2012"
Eventually change to "Graduated May 2012"


Try to fill out some of that white space:
-Trained 5 new employees --> Trained new employees on proper operating procedures and safety requirements

Bottom line is, start each line with an "Action" word, and use big words, even if you have to look them all up (like I do.)
Good Luck.
"I was born too damn early! Where were these games when I was a kid?" - Angry Video Game Nerd
MisterD
Profile Blog Joined June 2010
Germany1338 Posts
October 06 2011 08:12 GMT
#22
Do you speak any languages besides english? if so, you should put that in there (and state why/from where you learned it).

Also, i would write "Other skills" instead of just skills, somewhat makes the impression that these three programs are all you've learned x)

at your bachelor degree you state may 2012, the text gives the impression that you already have that degree. Did you mistype the date or are you currently studying towards that degree? if so, i'd change the text to actually state your current highest finished education and change what is there to "currently studying towards bachelor of Arts supply chain management". That's at least what people expect over here, they always only ask for the latest completed degree.

and i dare you to put a "playing starcraft as a hobby, thus trained in general resource management and multitasking" on there haha
Gold isn't everything in life... you need wood, too!
emperorchampion
Profile Blog Joined December 2008
Canada9496 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-10-06 12:04:41
October 06 2011 11:46 GMT
#23
As a basic resume it look ok, at a higher level it needs a ton of work.

You never want them to actually sound like job descriptions, don't just list what you did. List what you have accomplished, and the outcomes. You always want to be "demonstrating" not "claiming", this is how you build credibility. Credibility makes you seems legit, and being legit gets you interviews. Neo27 has the right idea. Include words specific to the activity to demonstrate your level of mastery over a particular topic. Imo the arrows look like unnecessary clutter. School date should be from when you started to expected year of graduation. If you can I would advise making it two pages. If you can't/don't want to, I would take out the computer skills because as you pointed out everyone can do that (if they are really concerned they will ask in interview). Use the extra space that makes to fill in the descriptions with more useful stuff. As a personal example, I worked fast food, I don't put "served coffee, got bitched at by customers", I put "worked with team to achieve fastest drive-thru times in the region, faced paced environment, communication skills, ect, ect". Any chump can serve donuts or throw boxes around in a warehouse, demonstrate why you are different. Another somewhat personal taste thing, I prefer to have the activity description, then the location, because what you actually did is more important that where you did it.

Rugby Player
      MSU ect...
      -Studied strategy and coached nubs therefore developed teamwork and communication skills

WHERE THE FUCK IS OLY LIFTING? Don't you pretty much train yourself, and won a medal in a recent competition! Stick that shit on there, it shows dedication and "self-starting". If you are limited on space, take out the reference part because you don't really need it (it's pretty much like writing "The End").

Anyways, gl!
TRUEESPORTS || your days as a respected member of team liquid are over
decafchicken
Profile Blog Joined January 2005
United States20068 Posts
October 06 2011 12:18 GMT
#24
Thanks for the help so far guys, gonna run to class then update it again!
how reasonable is it to eat off wood instead of your tummy?
OpticalShot
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
Canada6330 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-10-06 13:39:33
October 06 2011 13:37 GMT
#25
1. Nice resume, I can see you have quite a bit to say about your experience.
2. I assume your contact info is in the blacked out section below your name.
3. You may want to include "fluent in English" or "native English speaker" and if you have any second/third/more proficient languages, don't hesitate to add them in (as MisterD suggested above). This would all probably go under the Skills section in your resume. More languages = more power.
4. In my resume I have a one-liner purpose at the top of the page (below name and contact info) saying like "Purpose: to be employed as a x working for y, for a career in z." Probably stating the obvious, but I like to tell them exactly what my goal is.

--- More detailed things I'd recommend: ---

5. I understand that you're still working at the warehouse (-Present) but I'd just put every single verb in past tense anyway.
6. "Organizational work around the office" <--- what did you do exactly here?
7. Assisted in preparing and closing down of serving stations. Besides the little edit, this sentence needs more glitter. Make it sound more epic without becoming a flamboyant liar.
8. Developed strong teamwork and leadership skills. Leader > Teacher, at least in resume language.
9. Placed in high pressure situations to make quick decisions on field ---> Made quick and sound decisions in high pressure situations on the field.

--- and my last advice: ---

10. If you can afford a little more space... squeeze in what you do in your afternoons, evenings, and weekends. Even Starcraft could give you an edge here, as long as you mix it in with other things like sports, political debates, latest market trends, etc. Show you have a diverse interest, can tolerate working with people of different personalities, and that you're basically the most interesting man in the world. I put "urban simulation games" in my resume (last paragraph of my 2-page version) and that came up as a pretty cool conversation in two of my interviews (one of which led to my current job as a transportation engineer).

Along with what cz said, there are probably 200+ people with similar education as you, applying for the same position. Every single one of them will say Bachelor of x, probably a 3+ GPA, proficient in MS Office, and some sort of work experience. How will you make yours stand out and above the others?
[TLMS] REBOOT
Deleted User 101379
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
4849 Posts
October 06 2011 13:39 GMT
#26
For what type of job are you applying?

IMHO resumes should always highlight the experiences that are relevant to the job you are applying to while keeping info on the other stuff to the minimum.

How exactly do the jobs you put on there relate to the job you want to have?
DrArmature
Profile Joined August 2011
21 Posts
October 06 2011 13:45 GMT
#27
If your major gpa is higher than your overall put that. Also, depending on where you apply it might be good to put specific courses that obtain to that job (i.e. if your applying for a manufacturing firm list your operations management courses, or if you are trying a finance firm list your accounting hours), I would take the skills completely off as word and excel are almost expected (especially from college students) and access is becoming more common. I'd also include some activities you do on campus, major clubs, and awards. I got my resume torn apart by 4 professors 2 weeks ago and the biggest point they kept referencing is to include personality, not just work experience. I agree with ^ its about you.


GL mate!
Slam the Career Fair!!

oh, p.s. most campuses have a career services department, eat that stuff up. They will do mock interviews, resume critiques, and all types of seminars. These are an added buffer if you are trying to pad that bad boy.
Trust me, I'm a Doctor
decafchicken
Profile Blog Joined January 2005
United States20068 Posts
October 06 2011 14:27 GMT
#28
@Morfildur - It is for a supply chain management internship, (logistics, operations management, etc.)

Thoughts on whether or not to keep Skills - microsoft bullshit and References available upon request on there?

Current draft:
[image loading]
how reasonable is it to eat off wood instead of your tummy?
Masamune
Profile Joined January 2007
Canada3401 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-10-06 15:13:43
October 06 2011 15:12 GMT
#29
Miscellaneous
- Sex idol



Oh and don't mention anything about being a Red Wings fan... that's generally frowned upon.
bonifaceviii
Profile Joined May 2010
Canada2890 Posts
October 06 2011 15:18 GMT
#30
The first two bullet points of the court intern position are pretty meaningless, as is the fourth bullet of the restaurant job.

But hey, I'm no HR person.
Stay a while and listen || http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=354018
emperorchampion
Profile Blog Joined December 2008
Canada9496 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-10-06 15:32:54
October 06 2011 15:23 GMT
#31
-One thing I forgot was that you need an objective at the beginning of the resume

-Having both GPA's seems a little redundant...

-Have you done anything in your shipping job outside of just "doing the job"? ie, anything that lead to increased efficiency or lead to an understanding of supply chain/logistics ect? If so you want to work that into the description, just putting "picking orders and loading/unloading shipments" doesn't tell them anything that you have learned from the job. Cut out the points, make fewer, longer points about what you learned by doing the activities.

I would say that in general, unless previous work you have done is specific to what you are applying for, they will genuinely not give a fuck about what you did previously. They want to know what you put in, and what you took out of previous job/activities. You can move move shit around, good for you, they probably aren't hiring a janitor.

-Again, outcomes!! You observed court proceedings, good for you. Next.

Seriously though, add how your internship added some sort of skill or knowledge that makes you a better candidate for what you are applying for.

-Again, outcomes. Washing dishes != supply chain and logistics.

-Supply Chain Managment Association??? What have you done, what is your position? Why are you adding this, then saying nothing about it? It seems extremely relevant, but there is nothing there...


The most important thing is to demonstrate, not claim. Anybody can claim anything. Anybody can claim that they "attained good leadership skills from captaining a team," demonstrate how you attained the said skills by being a captain.



Things I think are good:
-A lot of useful skills gained in the packing job, just make them work for you
-Intern experience
-"Interacted with co-staff and customers to reach optimal service times", good but how? Maybe more specific. Can describe more by cutting the other crap.
-Familiar with large scale operations ect...
-Budget management for rugby team
-Oly stuff

You already know my stance on References, Skills ect, don't need that crap.

Edit:

To clarify on demonstrating, look at the rugby part. You say it gave you leadership skills, then two bullets later you talk about on field leardership. Imo those points should be together. You gained leadership, communication, ect, BY or THROUGH the experience of being an on-field leader, integral part of the team or whatever. Now instead of saying "yeah I just have this skill" you are saying "I developed this skill by doing this _____" Oh, also you should include any results from your rugby team, ie winning anything, quarterfinalists, player of the year, ect.
TRUEESPORTS || your days as a respected member of team liquid are over
LosingID8
Profile Blog Joined December 2006
CA10828 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-10-06 15:32:43
October 06 2011 15:31 GMT
#32
avoid putting passive things on there, like your court internship. "observed court proceedings" doesn't mean anything, same with with "became accustomed" in your dining hall experience.
ModeratorResident K-POP Elitist
Charger
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
United States2405 Posts
October 06 2011 15:32 GMT
#33
On October 07 2011 00:23 emperorchampion wrote:
-Supply Chain Managment Association??? What have you done, what is your position? Why are you adding this, then saying nothing about it? It seems extremely relevant, but there is nothing there...


This is bothering me as well, it seems like perhaps the most relevant part of your resume for the job you are after but there isn't anything here. If possible, there should be a ton of details here because it actually applies to the position.
It's easy to be a Monday morning quarterback.
decafchicken
Profile Blog Joined January 2005
United States20068 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-10-06 15:58:39
October 06 2011 15:45 GMT
#34
On October 07 2011 00:23 emperorchampion wrote:
-One thing I forgot was that you need an objective at the beginning of the resume

-Having both GPA's seems a little redundant...

-Have you done anything in your shipping job outside of just "doing the job"? ie, anything that lead to increased efficiency or lead to an understanding of supply chain/logistics ect? If so you want to work that into the description, just putting "picking orders and loading/unloading shipments" doesn't tell them anything that you have learned from the job. Cut out the points, make fewer, longer points about what you learned by doing the activities.

I would say that in general, unless previous work you have done is specific to what you are applying for, they will genuinely not give a fuck about what you did previously. They want to know what you put in, and what you took out of previous job/activities. You can move move shit around, good for you, they probably aren't hiring a janitor.

-Again, outcomes!! You observed court proceedings, good for you. Next.

Seriously though, add how your internship added some sort of skill or knowledge that makes you a better candidate for what you are applying for.

-Again, outcomes. Washing dishes != supply chain and logistics.

-Supply Chain Managment Association??? What have you done, what is your position? Why are you adding this, then saying nothing about it? It seems extremely relevant, but there is nothing there...


The most important thing is to demonstrate, not claim. Anybody can claim anything. Anybody can claim that they "attained good leadership skills from captaining a team," demonstrate how you attained the said skills by being a captain.



Things I think are good:
-A lot of useful skills gained in the packing job, just make them work for you
-Intern experience
-"Interacted with co-staff and customers to reach optimal service times", good but how? Maybe more specific. Can describe more by cutting the other crap.
-Familiar with large scale operations ect...
-Budget management for rugby team
-Oly stuff

You already know my stance on References, Skills ect, don't need that crap.

Edit:

To clarify on demonstrating, look at the rugby part. You say it gave you leadership skills, then two bullets later you talk about on field leardership. Imo those points should be together. You gained leadership, communication, ect, BY or THROUGH the experience of being an on-field leader, integral part of the team or whatever. Now instead of saying "yeah I just have this skill" you are saying "I developed this skill by doing this _____" Oh, also you should include any results from your rugby team, ie winning anything, quarterfinalists, player of the year, ect.


-For the SCMA, i literally JUST joined so i don't have much to say about it, by the end of the year i will though. Should i just remove this for now?

-Warehouse experience, even at a laboring level, i feel is relevant to applying for any sort of internship as you just get a "feel" for who/what/when/where/how shit as to get done as warehousing is a pretty large part of logistics.

-Dining services job - again i mostly want to get across that i was part of a large scale operation - a lot of supply chain managing goes into serving thousands of people a day

-Lawyer internship - I mostly have this because i used to be pre-law and switched to supply chain. If nothing my boss will give me a great referral/recommendation because he's smart, successful, a top lawyer in the state, and a friend. Just trying to make it sound like i'm either a) well-rounded or b) somehow relevant to SCM. Should i just remove the part about court?

Keep in mind i am applying for an internship...which is what i will be using to gather truly relevant experience in my field to THEN apply for a job.
how reasonable is it to eat off wood instead of your tummy?
Deleted User 101379
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
4849 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-10-06 15:56:17
October 06 2011 15:54 GMT
#35
On October 07 2011 00:45 decafchicken wrote:
-Dining services job - again i mostly want to get across that i was part of a large scale operation - a lot of supply chain managing goes into serving thousands of people a day


You didn't make it clear (at least to me) that it's something large scale. To me it sounds more like "Fried Burgers for McDonalds". Highlight the work you did that was important to supply chain management stuff and everything else should be done in 2-3 words.

EDIT: Didn't see that you updated that part, but still i don't see how supply chain management comes into it.
bonifaceviii
Profile Joined May 2010
Canada2890 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-10-06 15:55:39
October 06 2011 15:55 GMT
#36
On October 07 2011 00:45 decafchicken wrote:
-For the SCMA, i literally JUST joined so i don't have much to say about it, by the end of the year i will though.

Then, for the love of God, don't include it. There's no shittier way to bomb an interview (and to waste people's time) than your potential employwer asking you to elaborate on an item they think is very relevant and you flubbering because you don't actually know anything about it.
On October 07 2011 00:45 decafchicken wrote:
-Warehouse experience, even at a laboring level, i feel is relevant to applying for any sort of internship as you just get a "feel" for who/what/when/where/how shit as to get done as warehousing is a pretty large part of logistics.

I completely agree. I have no problem with this section.
On October 07 2011 00:45 decafchicken wrote:
-Dining services job - again i mostly want to get across that i was part of a large scale operation - a lot of supply chain managing goes into serving thousands of people a day

The problem is that those two things don't necessarily follow. Unless you were actually doing supply chain management for the dining services company it really doesn't matter how big the company was that you worked for. It's not the size of the company, it's the size of the job.
On October 07 2011 00:45 decafchicken wrote:
-Lawyer internship - I mostly have this because i used to be pre-law and switched to supply chain. If nothing my boss will give me a great referral/recommendation because he's smart, successful, and a friend. Just trying to make it sound like i'm either a) well-rounded or b) somehow relevant to SCM

Include it as an activity, then. It's great to have character references from stuff you do on the side (charity and volunteering work is a great example), but you're making it seem like this position was part of your working history and then not backing it up.
On October 07 2011 00:45 decafchicken wrote:
Keep in mind i am applying for an internship...which is what i will be using to gather truly relevant experience in my field to THEN apply for a job.

That's fine, but you need to be able to back up what little experience you do have. This resume is writing huge cheques that you can't possibly cash.
Stay a while and listen || http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=354018
decafchicken
Profile Blog Joined January 2005
United States20068 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-10-06 16:27:06
October 06 2011 16:02 GMT
#37
Perhaps shift interning at law firm from Experience to activity?

newest:
[image loading]
how reasonable is it to eat off wood instead of your tummy?
Orpheos
Profile Joined April 2010
United States1663 Posts
October 06 2011 16:35 GMT
#38
you want more of your statements to be like the first one of your rugby club. tell what you did but also say what skills you learned or demonstrated(unless its super obvious but even then consider doing it).
try to tailor these statements to the kind of qualities the internship is looking for. be it analytical skills, organizational skills etc.
also some stuff is extraneous. like "served thousands of customers daily".
emperorchampion
Profile Blog Joined December 2008
Canada9496 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-10-06 17:25:19
October 06 2011 17:11 GMT
#39
On October 07 2011 00:45 decafchicken wrote:
Show nested quote +
On October 07 2011 00:23 emperorchampion wrote:
-One thing I forgot was that you need an objective at the beginning of the resume

-Having both GPA's seems a little redundant...

-Have you done anything in your shipping job outside of just "doing the job"? ie, anything that lead to increased efficiency or lead to an understanding of supply chain/logistics ect? If so you want to work that into the description, just putting "picking orders and loading/unloading shipments" doesn't tell them anything that you have learned from the job. Cut out the points, make fewer, longer points about what you learned by doing the activities.

I would say that in general, unless previous work you have done is specific to what you are applying for, they will genuinely not give a fuck about what you did previously. They want to know what you put in, and what you took out of previous job/activities. You can move move shit around, good for you, they probably aren't hiring a janitor.

-Again, outcomes!! You observed court proceedings, good for you. Next.

Seriously though, add how your internship added some sort of skill or knowledge that makes you a better candidate for what you are applying for.

-Again, outcomes. Washing dishes != supply chain and logistics.

-Supply Chain Managment Association??? What have you done, what is your position? Why are you adding this, then saying nothing about it? It seems extremely relevant, but there is nothing there...


The most important thing is to demonstrate, not claim. Anybody can claim anything. Anybody can claim that they "attained good leadership skills from captaining a team," demonstrate how you attained the said skills by being a captain.



Things I think are good:
-A lot of useful skills gained in the packing job, just make them work for you
-Intern experience
-"Interacted with co-staff and customers to reach optimal service times", good but how? Maybe more specific. Can describe more by cutting the other crap.
-Familiar with large scale operations ect...
-Budget management for rugby team
-Oly stuff

You already know my stance on References, Skills ect, don't need that crap.

Edit:

To clarify on demonstrating, look at the rugby part. You say it gave you leadership skills, then two bullets later you talk about on field leardership. Imo those points should be together. You gained leadership, communication, ect, BY or THROUGH the experience of being an on-field leader, integral part of the team or whatever. Now instead of saying "yeah I just have this skill" you are saying "I developed this skill by doing this _____" Oh, also you should include any results from your rugby team, ie winning anything, quarterfinalists, player of the year, ect.


-Warehouse experience, even at a laboring level, i feel is relevant to applying for any sort of internship as you just get a "feel" for who/what/when/where/how shit as to get done as warehousing is a pretty large part of logistics.

-Dining services job - again i mostly want to get across that i was part of a large scale operation - a lot of supply chain managing goes into serving thousands of people a day


Ok, now explain how working in a warehouse contributes to your knowledge of logistics. No one gives a shit if you can pack boxes if you can't apply that knowledge to the field. BUT if you can convince your employer that it is an applicable skill, and that you have gained a mastery over it, then you have a huge advantage over other applicants.

Don't write "packed 1-1000 boxes/day", write "gained understanding of the basis of logistics and supply through first hand warehouse experience" or something of the like.

Under the Packing job, probably all the points except for the one about training can be combined into a single, informative, effective point. Similarly with the dining service. Use the extra lines to space things out a bit more, it looks pretty cluttered right now.

Edit: Actually the spacing is pretty decent lol, nvm about that.
and a few wording edits.
TRUEESPORTS || your days as a respected member of team liquid are over
UrASofty
Profile Blog Joined January 2004
Canada772 Posts
October 06 2011 17:40 GMT
#40
On October 07 2011 01:35 Orpheos wrote:
you want more of your statements to be like the first one of your rugby club. tell what you did but also say what skills you learned or demonstrated(unless its super obvious but even then consider doing it).
try to tailor these statements to the kind of qualities the internship is looking for. be it analytical skills, organizational skills etc.
also some stuff is extraneous. like "served thousands of customers daily".


this.

instead of just saying what you did tie it into a skill. served thousands of customers daily, try and relate it to time management skills or multitasking or some other skill.

also i'm not sure how other people do their resumes but my university taught us to usually include a summary of skills/qualifications at the very top.
i.e. ability to multiask in fast paced environment (you worked at a restaurant)
- good team work skills (rugby), organized, proven leader etc etc (don't just say it though tell them where and how you developed the skill)

if you don't want to include a skills summary that's fine but just fine tune some of the stuff you've said in the work experience section. as someone earlier in the thread mentioned follow this guideline, your task(what you did), anything you overcame, and the skills you developed (what you learned).
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