Hello fellow team liquid members. recent events in my life have occurred, along with some big changes, and I for some reason i feel compelled to share with you a few chapters of life if anyone is willing to listen. This is my story of growing up being gay, and hope you enjoy
When i was a kid, I realized that I was different from other boys. as i grew older, and became more aware of the world around me, it became clear that it was because i was attracted to them. as in attracted...to boys. it took me a long time to admit this to myself. at the time, it wasn't something that i wanted, and i hated myself because of it.
My family is Chinese. While they aren't christian, they are old-fashioned, and somewhat conservative. Since I was the only child, the only male heir, I was expected to carry on the family bloodline and what not, have a family and grand children and the whole seven yards. the crushing disappointment that i had somehow failed them, and all their dreams and hopes, weighed heavily on my shoulders all my years of highschool, and i remained deeply in the closet.
I had thought to myself that i would somehow be able to change who i was, that there were programs out there that could make me normal and whatnot, and i could be the success that my parents wanted me to be. I could marry a women, have kids, and take over the family business. but during my senior year, after much introspection, i knew that this wasn't possible.
Of course i went through a few of the gay trials that most kids are probably familiar with...the unrequited crush on the straight friend (that lasted sophomore to senior year), and the frantic hiding of search terms and history for gay porn.
When i moved to college, i wanted to have a fresh start. so i decided to move almost halfway across the country to a university that, while it wouldn't have been my first choice, it was far enough.
My freshmen year of college, i was still unable to admit to others. it was a wholly new experience for me. i made many friends, male and female, but i'd always pretend that i like women. when people asked me, i'd detail the imaginary girlfriends i had back in highscool. the truth was that i never had a girlfriend, even though many girls had liked me, i felt that it wasn't fair to them, and i remained what you can call a kissless virgin.
even after moving, i wasn't able to find the courage to tell others about who i really was, even though deep down i knew that almost all my friends would have no problems whatsoever with my sexual orientation. the fear still haunted me, and i'd always tell myself. 'tomorrow i will come clean', but tomorrow would always be the next day, and in the hustle and bustle of college work, suddenly it was sophomore year, and all my plans to have a fresh start and admit who i was were pushed back.
and then, came the biggest change in my life. his name was christian.
christian was a junior. it was strange that we ever met, we had separate majors, mine being biology and his being law, so probably we might not have ever seen each other, if somehow fate hadn't decided that we would both be bored and take some into sociology course.
so, it was the first day of class, and there was only ten minutes of to get to my next class. however i forgot to look up the location of the building, and when i finally arrived, i was late. luckily, there was an empty seat near the back that i could sit down in, and not be embaressed on being late the first day.
the first i noticed, on my right, was christian. a very cute boy. i could admire from afar, but it would remain window shopping. halfway through the first class, our professor told us to turn to the person next to us, and discuss a topic. so that was when christian and i first talked.
he brought up some interesting points, and i was intrigued by him. he had intelligent comments and a great depreciative smile and these hazel eyes that sort of crinkled up whenever he laughed. i had to turn my eyes elsewhere a few time so he wouldn't catch me staring at him.
after class ended, we said goodbye to each other, and i spent the rest of the day daydreaming about him. the next day, i had thought he would have changed seats, but to my surprise he called my name when i arrived, on time, and pointed to the empty seat next to him. so i sat down.
for the next few weeks that followed, we talked, and i increasingly came to like him. of course, i knew where this was going. another unrequited crush on a straight guy, not to mention how deeply in the closet i still was. but i didn't want it to end. i figured, what the hell. what's the worse that could happen? in the meantime i horded information about my forbidden crush. his e-mail, cell number, favorite color, favorite basketball team (Portland Blazers, go figure), and other stalkery info.
during the midterm, we decided have a study session so we could go over the class notes together. as we were studying, i started to talk about this great burrito place just off campus that me and my friend samantha had gone to. (great wet burritos by the way) and then the question came up.
"your girlfriend?" he asked
i didn't know what to say for a few seconds. i could feel my heart palpitating, even as the generic excuses i had used before were about to spill from my lips. but then something inside me snapped. i said , simply "nope."
then he asked, "she hot?"
i said yes, and then he insisted on hooking me up with one of his friends, who was on the market and looking.
i declined. he asked me "why not?"
and i had had enough. i just told him. "i'm gay."
it was the first time i had ever told someone. my cheeks were flushed red with embaressment, and he mouthed an "oh.", that made my stomach go into freefall. I wasn't able to look him in the eyes, so i kept my eyes glued to the paperclip on my notes. i didn't want to see his reaction. if it would be disgust, confusion, or maybe nothing at all.
and then he told me, "me too."
he said it as if it was no big deal, as if he were talking about the weather. but to me it was a life-changing moment for me. I had never had a conversation with another gay man where the other party knew i also batted for the same team.
we continued to study, a titanic task for me, since my mind was scattered. when we both felt we had the material down and were ready to leave, i wanted to just sit him down and ask him an endless stream of questions, about how he came out, or what his experiences were, but i acted nonchalant and went back to my apartment where i stayed in bed and stared at the ceiling until morning came.
the next day in class, it was as if nothing had changed, we continued to talk. a week later though, he asked me if i wanted to go watch a harry potter with him, since none of his friends wanted to go. i quickly agreed.
i remember i spent over three hours showering, doing my hair, and finding a combination of clothes that looked good but didn't appear as if i was some tryhard.
i met him at the theater, and we went in. i loved harry potter of course, i was able to forget that christian was sitting to my side while i watched snape kill dumbledore. afterwards, we had dinner at the burrito place i talked about (24 hour service).
as we sat at a table bench outside, he kinda looked me in the eyes, and asked me if i wanted to go out with him. i was in shock for a good 30 seconds, though i tried my damndest to appear as if i wasn't.
'oh. yah, sure.'
it was a miserable answer, to which he responded, 'cool!'
when we were doing eating and talking about stupid we thought prof. Crane was, we left. but before i drove back to my apartment, as i faced him in the parking lot, he turned his head and kissed me on the cheek. i nearly fell over, as such personal contact was something i hadn't experienced much.
when i was in bed last night, it took awhile for everything to settle in. i was seeing someone. and not just someone. he was a boy. i had my first kiss (on the cheek). my first date. it was all very overwhelming, and i was somewhat afraid. what if my parents found out? what if i did something wrong? what do i do next? my closeted self had no idea what to expect. i watched enough television series and movies and shows to know what to do, but real life was different that the screen, and i didn't want my ineptitude to show.
the rest of my sophomore year was great. it was more than great. it was a happiness i hadn't imagined i could ever experience.
I gave him all my firsts.
my first time holding hands. my first real kiss with tongue and everything, my first time getting a back massage after staying up all night to study, and many other nc-17 things that shall not be discussed. (and they made me regret why i did not discover them earlier)
More than the act of sex, to me it was knowing that someone was there for you. I was all into the cuddling. I didn't like parties much and I was more of a home body, probably from all those years being sheltered as a kid.
of course we had our problems. he kept trying to teach me to play ultimate frisbee (a sport every white guy loves for some reason) though I could not catch a frisbee if my life depended on it. i tried to teach him how to play starcraft , though he concluded that he would be forever bad.
I hated how he never capped his tooth paste, and he hated how i littered my clothes all over. he refused to play scrabble with me because he always lost, and i hated to play smash brothers against him because he was much better than me. we were both overly competitive. there was much give and take in our relationship, but i wouldn't have traded it for anything in the world.
gradually i was able to come out to my friends. to my shock some of them already knew it. and most didn't care. suprise, surprise.
there were some bad experiences. sometimes people would call us fags when we kissed (a chaste one of course) in public or held hands, though eventually i learned to ignore their weak taunts. after all, i had a boyfriend, and life was great.
Come my senior year, and we had already been together for two years. We had even been living together since my junior year. There wasn't much he didn't know about me. He knew he was my first boyfriend. He knew about my experiences in highschool, and how my parents didn't know I was gay.
He encouraged me to come clean to my parents. Of course my parents still thought I was straight, but I just didn't have a girlfriend because I was occupied with school, and education was most important. I decided that I would tell them everything when I went back for winter vacation. And Christian would be by my side.
When I arrived at my childhood home, and saw my parents, the fear came back to me again. I wasn't able to say anything. I introduced Christian as my best friend from college, and for the rest of month until the day we left, I never found an opportunity to tell them. I felt miserable, not only because I had failed, but because Christian deserved to be more than some dirty secret in the back of my closet. Thank god he was understanding.
And then two months after that, an accident happened that changed my mind about everything. My mom died from a stroke.
When I first heard the news, I broke down. How could she die? How could she leave me like this? How could she do this to me? She was my mom. I loved, and will always love her. I didn't know why it happened, and I was lost for the next few days, but Christian was patient at my side, and always ready to lend a shoulder.
I returned for the funeral, with Christian. When I saw her again in her casket, I broke down in tears once more. She was the woman that gave me life. I remembered grabbing her leg as a kid when she was leaving for her waitering job because i didn't want her to leave. I remember her helping me shower, washing my clothes, cooking me dinner, talking to me about my life, making sure I had orange juice when I was sick, and all these little details that flooded back to me. She had worried about me, she had loved me, nursed me, and made me who I was.
And she would never know that I was gay. She would never know of Christian, or how much I loved him, or all the things I had done or would do.
The last I had seen her, we had a little fight. She would die not hearing me say I love her. At that moment I realized I would do anything to have her back. Even if she knew my sexual orientation and hated me for it, I would not mind fighting her at all, if it would mean she was safe and alive. And I didn't want my father to be the same.
The day after the funeral, I approached my dad as he woke up every morning and told him. He stared at me for awhile. For a moment I was scared I had shocked him into a heart attack. I told him I loved him, and that I was gay. That I had a boyfriend, and he was that man that you met. He turned around without saying a word drove off to work.
I decided that he needed time.
This all happened to me earlier this year. My dad just called me last week and told me to come visit him with Christian once the term is over.
I just want to send a message to every gay person out there, that sometimes you parents can be more understanding than you think, and that there is always a chance for a better future. That there are worse things than if your parents kicked you out, and that most would probably just need some time to think about it. theres always solutions to problems.
You know, at first I couldn't be bothered reading this. But after the first paragraph I was quite intrigued. This story of yours is interesting and I am glad to of read it. It's great that your life has worked out for you so well and I am glad that you met Christian. He sounds like a fantastic person. Best of luck to you and your future.
I'm just wondering ... How good were the relationship between you and your mother ? Because... I know a couple of gay guys and they all said that their mothers already knew that they were gay when they told them. They always said something like "Thats nice, but it's nothing new to me." Maybe it was the same with your mother?
Anyway, I'm sorry for your loss, and hope that everything will work out for you in the future. Enjoy life!
Amazing story. I'm so, so glad things worked out for you... I'm sorry about your mother's passing... but i'm so glad you also experienced a moment like your father accepting your coming out. Truly beautiful. <3
i like reading stories like these, i envy people who can feel or have felt as youve described it. it is still magical to me as if only found in fiction. gay love is much more rare and so perhaps more beautiful.
I was never able to come clean to my mother about a lot of things just like you (she also died very suddenly of a stroke). Your story was touching and I am so happy for you that you are able to find such a wonderful partner and share that love with your family. Best of luck to you! <3
Really good story. I'm sorry about your mom, I teared up at that part, but I'm glad you found the courage to tell your dad. I hope anyone in the closet gets the opportunity to read this, I haven't been on that side of the fence but I'd imagine this story would inspire other gay people.
;; made me cry T_T Im so glad you found your freedom. Always remember that loves sets you free and even though its hard, it is usually worth it in the end.
My friend came out recently, I always wondered what it was like for a gay guy growing up. Your dad leaving without a word is fairly understandable, his world was just smashed apart partially glued together then put into a blender. I'm glad everything is good now.
Congratulations. I'm glad you found the courage to open up to your friends and your dad. Bottom line is if they love you they'll accept you. I'm sure your mother is happy in heaven.
Glad to hear things are all coming together for you. I know a few people with similar stories an d while its been hard for them, they've persevered and are much happier now because of it. I hope everything works out with your family, and am very happy for you!
Sorry about your mum. I must say though it's pretty random to want to tell your dad you're gay the day after. You could've waited a bit 'til he had his grief sorted out first. Anyhow, hope it goes well.
That was a captivating story. While I'm not gay, I have very conservative parents as well (Christian, in this case), and it took me 2 months to tell them I had a girlfriend at age 17 because I was afraid they wouldn't approve. I can't imagine telling them I'm not Christian. What you went through/are going through, is infinitely harder, and I have a lot of respect for you.
I always hope that if one of my future kids turn out to be gay, they won't be afraid to come out to me. Hiding it probably sucks way more than having to deal with the occasional, ignorant gay bashers.
Ohh, and i don't like ultimate frisbee. And i'm about as white as they come.
Great blog. My father died just a few days before we were to announce that he was to become a grandfather so I sort of now the feeling of not being able to tell someone you love something very important. As previous poster said I also hope that if any of my two sons turn out to be gay they wont be afraid to tell me. Best of luck to you!
On September 05 2011 20:36 Aeropunk wrote: Good to hear your story
I'm a christian but I totally support anyone who's gay speaking out about who they are. You're an inspiration man!
It's a shame that your God doesn't support them:
Genesis 19:23 By the time Lot reached Zoar, the sun had risen over the land. 24 Then the LORD rained down burning sulfur on Sodom and Gomorrah—from the LORD out of the heavens. 25 Thus he overthrew those cities and the entire plain, destroying all those living in the cities—and also the vegetation in the land.
1 Corinthians 6: 9 Do you not know that the unrighteous and the wrongdoers will not inherit or have any share in the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the impure and immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor those who participate in homosexuality, 10 Nor cheats, nor greedy graspers, nor drunkards, nor foulmouthed revilers and slanderers, nor extortioners and robbers will inherit or have any share in the kingdom of God.
Well I won't give my opinion on this since it will get me banned for sure, but I don't think such a sensitive topic should be featured on the main page...
Are we really going to turn this into a religion thread? Let's save that for somewhere else. As others said, I can't really relate to the loss of your mother but it must have been awful.
Incredibly touching story. I found myself smiling as you started talking about Christian and how things started clearing up for you. Sad to hear about your mother, though.
On September 05 2011 20:44 Carny wrote: Well I won't give my opinion on this since it will get me banned for sure, but I don't think such a sensitive topic should be featured on the main page...
we are all responsible for the betterment of the world. in the opinion of teamliquid.net staff, a world more accepting of homosexuals, one that rids itself of stupid, medieval prejudice, is a better world. this blog does a great job conveying the fact that differences in sexual preference do not constitute differences in humanity, as the OP expresses feelings we can all relate to - and it gives us valuable insight into a homosexual adolescent's mind - and this can only contribute to reducing prejudice and stupidity.
Gotta say I was surprised at how well written/interesting this blog was... Thank you for sharing, and Im sorry for your loss, but happy things seem to be looking up with your father.
I'm bisexual and this story has encouraged me to tell my best friend who is gay and my best girlfriend, thank you! They were really cool anout it (fcourse, one is gay and my best grilfriend is awesome) but to my parents I will never reveal my secret for I can hide it. Thank you for this inspring blog ^^
A nice love story always brings a smile to my face. Big hearts to you and Christian, may your futures be as bright as your love is for each other. Sorry about your mother, losing a parent is very tough.
It's a shame that sexual gender preference is still a topic in our world. It is good that it worked out for you.
I believe that your mother did in fact knew that your friend was more than just a friend. You don't need to tell her, she just needed to look at you while you look at him.
On September 05 2011 21:39 Liquid`Jinro wrote: Gotta say I was surprised at how well written/interesting this blog was... Thank you for sharing, and Im sorry for your loss, but happy things seem to be looking up with your father.
I wonder if Jinro can personally relate to this story?
Sad story, I'm sorry about the orientation you chose but I'm glad you're making the best of it. It's very unfortunate that your mother has passed on, she may or may not have accepted you but either way it sucks that she's dead. Bad luck on that one.
On September 05 2011 21:39 Liquid`Jinro wrote: Gotta say I was surprised at how well written/interesting this blog was... Thank you for sharing, and Im sorry for your loss, but happy things seem to be looking up with your father.
I wonder if Jinro can personally relate to this story?
Sad story, I'm sorry about the orientation you chose but I'm glad you're making the best of it. It's very unfortunate that your mother has passed on, she may or may not have accepted you but either way it sucks that she's dead. Bad luck on that one.
I have no idea what to make of this, even without the fact that one does not choose their sexual orientation...
On September 05 2011 22:02 Surili wrote: Very touching, thanks for telling us, and i am glad that people can be happy regardless of the problems that life throws in front of them.
On September 05 2011 21:39 Liquid`Jinro wrote: Gotta say I was surprised at how well written/interesting this blog was... Thank you for sharing, and Im sorry for your loss, but happy things seem to be looking up with your father.
I wonder if Jinro can personally relate to this story?
Sad story, I'm sorry about the orientation you chose but I'm glad you're making the best of it. It's very unfortunate that your mother has passed on, she may or may not have accepted you but either way it sucks that she's dead. Bad luck on that one.
I have no idea what to make of this, even without the fact that one does not choose their sexual orientation...
Just don't go there or this will turn into something nasty real fast.
Amazing blog! As people have mentioned earlier, we can all still relate to much of this regardless of sexual orientation. I'm sorry for your loss, and wish you the best in the future!
Very moving and inspiring. Thank you for the good read, and I'm terribly sorry to hear about your loss. I hope your father can come to terms with you. Apart from the sexual orientation, I can indeed relate to this story quite a lot. : /
Sorry about your mom dying, I kinda felt the same when my dad died, but without the gay part. The important thing is that know you learned the lesson, that you shouldn't hold back on sharing important things with people you love and care about.
P.S. You should add a spoiler somewhere in there: + Show Spoiler +
I am touched so deeply. I have goosebumps all over. I'm not even sure how to respond to this. I'm glad you managed to get over your obstacles and sad for your losses. I want to thank you for sharing such a personal experience with the world. GLHF man
Only 6 pages for such a touching blog post? I just want to show my support for you man, I can't even imagine how hard growing up for you must've been OP. Much respect!
Gl in the future.... One thing though: I'll never understand why gay people feel the need to proclaim their coming out story to the world. I really don't understand why this blog is spotlighted to be perfectly honest. This is a pretty standard coming out story (except for your mother dying which I have to say is incredibly sad). I have been through hard times with regards to my family and I've also had life changing decisions to make, but I've never felt the need to proclaim it to the entire world. Can someone explain why we're still trying to promote awareness for homosexual rights when everyone is already aware? All this attention feels so forced.
On September 06 2011 01:47 Canadium wrote: Gl in the future.... One thing though: I'll never understand why gay people feel the need to proclaim their coming out story to the world. I really don't understand why this blog is spotlighted to be perfectly honest. This is a pretty standard coming out story (except for your mother dying which I have to say is incredibly sad). I have been through hard times with regards to my family and I've also had life changing decisions to make, but I've never felt the need to proclaim it to the entire world. Can someone explain why we're still trying to promote awareness for homosexual rights when everyone is already aware? All this attention feels so forced.
Because people may be aware of the concept but there's still huge amounts of prejudice out there? And don't be one of those guys who says "hey I've been through hard times too". You don't get to comment on how easy or hard it is being a minority if you're not of that group. It'd be like a white middle-class guy saying how he doesn't think racism is so tough.
I never understand why gays always feel the need to come out with some large "inspirational" story.. hey you're gay, you're just like everyone else, congratulations, get back to work.
On September 06 2011 01:51 simmion wrote: I never understand why gays always feel the need to come out with some large "inspirational" story.. hey you're gay, you're just like everyone else, congratulations, get back to work.
Yeah I guess you don't understand, what with that whole not being gay thing. Perhaps, given it's a blog, which are all about people's personal stories (and the title was something of a give-away) you shouldn't have read his coming out story if you feel that way.
On September 05 2011 21:39 Liquid`Jinro wrote: Gotta say I was surprised at how well written/interesting this blog was... Thank you for sharing, and Im sorry for your loss, but happy things seem to be looking up with your father.
I wonder if Jinro can personally relate to this story?
Sad story, I'm sorry about the orientation you chose but I'm glad you're making the best of it. It's very unfortunate that your mother has passed on, she may or may not have accepted you but either way it sucks that she's dead. Bad luck on that one.
...what? Do you know that you can't choose your sexual orientation?
On September 06 2011 01:51 simmion wrote: I never understand why gays always feel the need to come out with some large "inspirational" story.. hey you're gay, you're just like everyone else, congratulations, get back to work.
If you were gay, you'd understand. Coming out of the closet is pretty much one of the defining moments of a gay person's life.
When you've spent much of your life trying to cover this aspect of yourself up, and then you finally get the courage to tell it to people and be proud of it, it's a really great feeling that you want to tell people about. This rings true for me when it comes to both my being gay and earlier than that, my being an atheist. (I grew up in a very conservative Christian family, so the latter was a bigger deal than I think it was for most people.)
In addition, sharing your coming out story is a great motivator/instructor for anyone who's still closeted.
Great blog, OP. I imagine it must be tough as hell coming out in an Asian family, because Asian cultures as I understand them are pretty much all quite homophobic. I'm very sorry for your loss, but I'm glad things seem to be working out for you.
This is what blogs are made for in my opinion. Sharing information with people in the hopes that they can learn from it instead of learning it the hard way like you have.
Sorry for your loss and congratulations on taking the first step.
This is the first blog on teamliquid that i've actually been moved by, all I want to say is good for you, being proud of who you are. I hope other people in similar situations can read this story, and realize that they should publicly be who they are.
As a straight guy, I can't say that I understand the perspective of a gay person too clearly at times. But this absolutely was one of the most inspirational passages I've ever read anywhere. I can relate in every way to the give and take aspect of your relationship, right down to the nitpicky details like StarCraft (My girlfriend will not play it at all xD) and Super Smash Bros. (She kicks my ass so bad). We both love Harry Potter and our first kiss was so shocking to me that I spilled her ice cold coffee all over the front of my pants. This definitely gave me some simple insight to that and I love that the two worlds are actually not that far apart.
As for coming here and posting your story, you have some serious guts, sir. I respect that immensely.
I am sorry for you loss and i wish you the best. This was an inspiring read and i almost cried, but the end of you story made me smile. I love happy endings even though, technicly this is just the end before a new beginning. Keep your head high!
Your story reminds me of a poem a read some time ago.
"When things go wrong as they sometimes will, When the road you're trudging seems all up hill, When the funds are low and the debts are high And you want to smile, but you have to sigh, When care is pressing you down a bit, Rest if you must, but don't you quit. Life is queer with its twists and turns, As every one of us sometimes learns, And many a failure turns about When he might have won had he stuck it out; Don't give up though the pace seems slow-- You may succeed with another blow, Success is failure turned inside out-- The silver tint of the clouds of doubt, And you never can tell how close you are, It may be near when it seems so far; So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-- It's when things seem worst that you must not quit."
I try not to curse on team liquid cause I'm not sure the exact rules on it and normally have no need to use them, but I must make an exception. That story was fucking touching. It didn't just touch me, it touched the shit out of me. I mean in all seriousness and with complete respect. Thank you.
On September 06 2011 03:02 Saiwa wrote: I shed a little tear ... I wish thebestfou.
i wish THEBEST...THEBEST..THEBESTfOu!!! *insert jingle here*
:D also, so sad for your loss, but from what it seemed you needed a shock to get yourself to open up to your parents...and that just happened to be that shock
Great story. I had death of family close to me as well, and developed a serious drug addiction. So, your story, particularly about your mother, is touching.
What I really want to know, is about how your country listed is Spain. Reading this, I could swear this happened in America, but your country is listed as Spain, and I have actually spent quite a bit of time in Spain. I know they are quite tolerant of homosexuality (right?), and quite a 'party' place, so I'm wondering how tolerance went over there. Unless you just happen to live in Spain now? In which case, how is it being gay there?
I mean I can maybe, maybe see someone yelling "fags!" in the south of the US, or outside metro areas in the country, but it's a bit harder to imagine in cities (unless your in a black/hispanic neighborhood) and some of the larger states out of the south, and I can't imagine that occuring in Spain.
On September 06 2011 01:47 Canadium wrote: Gl in the future.... One thing though: I'll never understand why gay people feel the need to proclaim their coming out story to the world. I really don't understand why this blog is spotlighted to be perfectly honest. This is a pretty standard coming out story (except for your mother dying which I have to say is incredibly sad). I have been through hard times with regards to my family and I've also had life changing decisions to make, but I've never felt the need to proclaim it to the entire world. Can someone explain why we're still trying to promote awareness for homosexual rights when everyone is already aware? All this attention feels so forced.
you obviously dont understand because you are not gay and thus you cannot comprehend what they have gone through to get to this point (the point of proclamation).
My english isn´t that good, so I´m not sure if I understand the story right. But it looks like a very surprising story. Many thanks to you for sharing story. I just want to ask 3 things:
Are you a homosexual or the bisexual? What is "kissless virgin"? Does that mean you never got to be kissed as a virgin? That is quite confusing to me, please explain what is difference from kissless virgin and just virgin Do you maybe think you can abort a baby from other parents that don´t want them and keep your family tree alive, homosexual people and bisexual people do it around here.
On September 06 2011 04:04 n0btozz wrote: Do you maybe think you can abort a baby from other parents that don´t want them and keep your family tree alive, homosexual people and bisexual people do it around here.
Excellent blog, hope everything works out perfectly and wish you the best of luck in all of your future endeavors. Sorry to hear about your mother though.
Wow very inspirational. Im very sorry for your loss but things will look up considering whats gone on mate.
But harry potter? Please, consider getting some taste in movies :D
To be honest, most gays do their utmost to hide it but are usually (in my experience) very obvious about it. My mate came out to me walking home at 2am one night after a skinful of booze (probably not the best time to come out if im honest).I told him i'd known for about 3 years and offered him a fag (eh...ciggarete, lol i wont remove that because i find the play on words funny and i didnt intentionally do it, its english terminology.)
He had tried to sit there and do all the usual, comment on women, have a girlfriend (bastard got hotter girls then i did. -_-) and the rest, but it always came across forced.
Phew. I think this is one of the few times in my life that I read something and a tear came to my eye. Really inspiring, sorry for your loss, and congratulations on your gains.
I feel a little bit weird now. It was a great read really inspiring, but, all i could think about through the entire thing was that damn wet burrito....the hunger, it calls me.
On September 05 2011 17:46 Plexa wrote: I came into this expecting you to be a troll. Determined to prove you were a troll, I went through your post history.
To my amazement, you have a really really good post history.
Sir, I am very sorry for doubting you.
Good read btw, sorry for your loss but you have a good message for everyone - gay or straight.
Thank you for this beautiful post. It was very bold of you to trust our community and put up something so personal like this. I enjoyed reading it and I hope you can come back with a happy update
That was such a cute story. I giggle all the way through the Christian section. I'm sorry about your mother and thank you for sharing this. Wonderful writeup.
On September 05 2011 17:46 Plexa wrote: I came into this expecting you to be a troll. Determined to prove you were a troll, I went through your post history.
To my amazement, you have a really really good post history.
Sir, I am very sorry for doubting you.
Good read btw, sorry for your loss but you have a good message for everyone - gay or straight.
Spotlighted!!
My thoughts exactly. For some reason I just couldn't believe it. Everything seemed so surreal.
Incredible story and a thoughtful message. Your experience is truly compelling. Best of luck to you, Christian and your family.
I can't say I understand why you didn't tell anyone you were gay for so long. Things seemed to work out for you in the end though. They almost always seem to in the first world
On September 06 2011 13:14 Hidden_MotiveS wrote: I can't say I understand why you didn't tell anyone you were gay for so long. Things seemed to work out for you in the end though. They almost always seem to in the first world
I have parents who would without a doubt understand. A brother who would do nothing, but laugh and tell me he hates me for being better at StarCraft without making an effort. Straight friends who would probably drag me to a gay bar on my 19th birthday, and not leave me alone till I flirted with at least ten guys and I was swooped off my feat.
Yet I still haven't told a soul. I have joked, played with the thought, but I just haven't been able to. It is such a, hard, hard, thing to come out and say. Regardless of the circumstances I would find trouble with it.
Maybe that is just me though? I'm super shy, and care a lot about appearances.
The earth turned to bring us closer, it spun on itself and within us, and finally joined us together in this dream as written in the Symposium. Nights passed by, snowfalls and solstices; time passed in minutes and millennia. An ox cart that was on its way to Nineveh arrived in Nebraska. A rooster was singing some distance from the world, in one of the thousand pre–lives of our fathers. The earth was spinning with its music carrying us on board; it didn’t stop turning a single moment as if so much love, so much that’s miraculous was only an adagio written long ago in the Symposium’s score.
i kind of feel you too -- except that i'm straight. but i know how you feel when you're looking at your mom's casket and regretting that you never told her you loved her, and how she died not knowing so much. i feel that same regret everyday when i remember my dad.
this is a truly uplifting story. thanks for sharing.
Thank you for taking the time to write and share this story with us. I'm glad that your father is accepting of your sexuality, and I hope all goes well with you and Christian.
This blog is happy and sad at the same time. Happy for OP's courageous decision, yet sad that in the modern day world, it is actually difficult for people to reveal something perfectly normal about themselves. Just says a lot about the society we live in.
Just today I was thinking about how sad it is that none of our prominent community members have come out. This made me feel a lot better. Sorry for your loss, I lost my mother suddenly few years ago too and know how much pain you're in. It's good to have someone by your side in times like that. Take care of each other bros.
Ah, I'm glad this was spotlighted because I missed it before. This is a wonderful blog, I really enjoyed reading this, and after just having watched a really depressing movie, this was a nice thing to read.
Hi I have been reading TL for a while but I just registered to give my support and kudos to you. It's so touching it's like a chick flick. It reminds me of a movie where the dad is a retired taiwanese army officer. gl hf
Mad respect. One of the best things I've read on this site. My brother's gay and I've watched him struggle for years trying to tell those around him. Defs gonna pass this along for him to read.
I am gay, I came out to my mom and dad late in life also,
I did not allow my self to act on my attractions when in high school and in part I was uncertain . My friends hooked me up with a girl with out me knowing in my junior year. It lasted 2 months before she broke it off. She was the aggressor as far as kissing but did not do much for me. She said that I never wanted to "do stuff". I though we did things all the time, movies and the like. I never knew what the meant by "stuff" but it was not just hanging out.
I joined the National Guard right out of high school, I needed money for collage and it was the best way. I while studding to be a Intelligence analyst I met a guy in my class who took interest in me. When walking back for the PX (post - exchange aka store) he told me. " you know I am gay right? well, you're cute for a "strait" guy". I did not know what to say, I was blushed, yet did not admit any thing.
Later that day I was getting ready for bed and I jumped in the shower. He lived on a different floor in the barracks. I herd the door open then close again. I thought it was my room mate, I spoke out "I am in the shower"
But the voice that responded back was the gay guy. He had a towel on which he dropped as he stepped in the shower with me. I kept trying to lie even then, I told him "What are you doing!" but "anatomy" contradicted what I said. We dated for 6 months until our training ended.
When I went back home I was ready to come out to my family and go to college. My parents had divorced wile I was gone. I came out to my mom who thought it was a false faze. She thought it best if I was forced through hardship I would tell the truth and find a nice girl. So with only a part time job as a week end warrior I was kicked out of the house. I had to take a full time job and never could attend collage. My dad became a different person after the divorce. He was all was distance yet he became a person I would not other wise associate my self with.
I meet my boy friend 3 years ago, Tyler. His mom and dad love him and we all are very close.
Tyler and I wanted to move in together but he was still in collage. So Tyler's dad helped us buy a foreclosed home. The house was a wreck but we got it for $56K. Tyler and I spent our nights and weekends making repairs over the course of 2 months. We moved in but still had money issues. I put the house up for sale through a realtor. Ir sold in 3 weeks for $107K. We paid Tyler's mom and dad back and moved in to a apartment.
I am going to school to get a realtor's license and use the profits form the sell to flip houses. I hope soon that I can provide Tyler with the life he deserves.
I know being gay and coming out of the closet is a big deal to you - and of course it is, it's your life ..
... but you should know that there are plenty of straight people out here that it is "no big deal" to.
ie. plenty of us don't give it a second thought. We are going to like you/not like you - be friends/not be friends with you - for who you are and could care less whether you are straight or not.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I don't really have any gay friends so reading something like this is very insightful. I'm sorry for your loss and I hope you and Christian are doing well. Also, write more blogs!!
I have never had anything against people oriented towards the opposite sex because I assume it must already be overly hard for you to live in a world like this with said "condition," for lack of a better term.
Wow. Thank you for taking the time to write all that down and share it with us. I'm so very sorry for your loss, but really can't thank you enough for putting all this out there. I wish you the best of luck with your Dad, and it sounds like he wants you in his life, and wants to be in yours, which is so important.
You've given me some much needed perspective on life. Thanks for that too. Best of luck going forward.
Absolutely touching story. Almost brought me to tears. I sincerely hope things work out between you and your dad, and remember not to blame yourself with what happened with you and your mom. Thanks for sharing man.
Great touching blog post... I will not lie, I read it all the way through expecting to get bel-air'd, instead I got a tug at my heart strings! Thank you!
This was a really well written, moving story. I am sorry for your loss, but I am encouraged to know that there is such courage out there. Good luck with everything in the future!
What an inspirational and emotional story, man. Stay strong, man. Things are getting better all the time (for gay people in this country, anyway). I am straight, and when I was in middle school, I was deeply homophobic, and it took until college for me to start being comfortable around gay guys. Now I'm a major proponent of gay rights and follow the gay marriage fight very closely. People are coming around all the time. Gay marriage will be legal nationwide in ten years!
Wow. My heart goes out to you sir, there's nothing more that I can say other than I'm sorry for your loss and your story is very moving. I'm glad you were able to come out and (more importantly) accept who you are, as a fellow gay person I know the kinds of struggles you can go through (though luckily I've managed to avoid most of them).
Keep in there. Stay close to those who are important to you. I'm sure you'll come out of this with a stronger heart, and a stronger relationship with your father.
I came very close to losing my mother to breast cancer several years ago; your story really hit home, though I wont pretend to be able to comprehend your loss. You're clearly a very strong individual, and very generous for sharing this. I have no doubt that it will help others come to terms with who they are.
Can't believe I didn't see this until now... so well-written and touching, good to hear that things are working out for you and best of luck for you in the future man.
On September 07 2011 17:42 Ausfailia wrote: Can't believe I didn't see this until now... so well-written and touching, good to hear that things are working out for you and best of luck for you in the future man.
Basically this. Your blog was sad but very inspiring. Best of luck to you.
Wow, you are a fantastic writer! I am really sorry for your loss, but I am very happy that you have accepted your sexuality. I hope that all goes well for you, Christian, and your dad.
That made me cry, but also cheer and clap in happiness. You deserve all the happiness life brings you. You are brave and an inspiration for every person out there who thinks they are less than human, 'This is proof to never be ashamed of who you are!!!!
I can't believe the harry potter spoilers in this thing. UNBELIEVABLE!
The rest of it though, was a really great read. The whole carrying on the family genes and whatnot, Lots of gay couples have kids. Though it may well be quite a ways in the future for you, don't consider it an impossibility, more an annoying inconvinience of reproductive happenstance. Having spent 6 months with my wife doing a course of IVF I can tell you first hand that for lots of straight couples the process isn't straight forward either. Though of course you should have a child because you want a child, not because your family expects it.
i'm sorry for your loss. i know this isn't the main point but the part on your mother just made me cry a bit. i remember as a child i'd cry thinking "what if i was in this exact situation" and that part just moved me. thanks for this.
i had tears in my eyes reading this, im completely serious. maybe because my relationship to my parents difficult as well.
as im thinking about this again i admit how awesome TL is. Such a thing, posted in the INTERNET after all, is not constantly trolled but instead spotlighted and read by thousands of people who write positive comments about it. wow.
WOW that was some real shit lol, but really this was a touching blog. I feel like i know a piece of you and your life. Its something i think everyone can learn from
In the words of the great Sean Plott, "There's nothing cooler than being passionate about the things you love." I think this exemplifies that concept extremely well.
I am not going to lie. After reading your first paragraph...I seriously thought this blog was an attempt to troll gay people. After reading it......I could not have expressed what you just did in better words.
Moral of this blog: Never be afraid to express what you love.
wow, that was a really good read, I'm glad you shared it with us.
one of my closest friends from undergrad turned out to be gay actually, and he only told me recently (so five years after). I never suspected it, but of course, I couldn't care less. It was funny because he told it so casually. We were talking about whether the bartender was gay, then he said, "yes", and I asked him how he knew, he said he was too. LoL.
Anyway, good luck with your life; I'm glad your dad finally accepted your sexuality, props to him too, it's not an easy thing to do for an asian parent.
Sry about your loss, but i am happy that your dad will accept you like you are since you are after all and whatever comes, his son and he loves you. I am glad that ppl are not affraid to post about their life and fears. TL was always a good place to get help, friends and fun.
An aside --> I've always wondered how much closet people who are the minority try to blend in with the majority. Where does it snap for them? Is there a certain under-the-radar signal that closet homosexuals send to potential partners?
Wow. Just wow. This is the most moving article I've read in a long time. Props to you man, that's ridiculously brave of you. A couple of friends of mine came out as gay over the last couple of years, and they're just as good friends now, if not more so, than ever
Everything's already been said, but I feel I have to tell you how much I loved reading this post. I am so sorry you lost your mother so early, but your father's reaction in the end made me tear up. I'm glad his love for his son won out and I'm very happy for you and Christian.
I really want to copy this OP, and to make it read to anyone showing the slightest intolerance toward gay people.
How can you not understand that attirance and love are incredibly powerful feeling, and that no one one earth should be denied the right to love and being love, may it be a man or a woman, by anyone?
EPT
or 
