EPTSo I have rethought what my posting should consist of on tl, and it leads me to begin a blog.
The wall of the text you if you would to take the time to read it a prerequisite to a question that was asked in a thread for a prize. Rather try and go for the the prize I figured I would share my experience and also my answer to that question. "
If you could go back into the future and change one thing what would it be?"
My travel back into time would lead me to when I was around 14. Broodwar, Baseball, and Wrestling were the heart of my life. My curiosity began to get me into trouble. I started from one drug to the next. Soon I had been addicted to heroin. Had dropped out of school at 16, and still my parents stood by me. As much as they opposed my decisions, and as bright as future as they knew I was capable of they stood by me. I was sent to rehab, where even there I had been getting high. During my time there I collected 0 sobriety time, and even managed to get kicked out for fighting.
After this I returned home, still with my parents by my side. Stealing every dollar they had. I remember one time I went to stole my mother's bank card and I knew cracked the code for it and withdrew 300 dollars to take a trip to the city for heroin. I knew what I did was wrong, but I didn't know that while I was withdrawing 300 dollars from my mother's bank account, she was writing checks to buy me Christmas presents. Checks, all of which bounced putting her out over well over 1000 dollars including the 300 plus fines and costs. I admitted what I had did and still they stood by me.
I moved to my aunt's house where we arranged a deal. She was having her tongue removed from cancer and was going to help me with my addiction, while I helped her with her recovery. It was great at first. I had 2 months sober. Still my mind wasn't free from addiction. So I road the light rail into North Avenue of Baltimore City. Where I spent her money that I stole while she was in the hospital to buy thousands of dollars worth of drugs. Soon I needed to get home, it was way to late for me to be at the pool hall I had claimed to be going to, so I devised a plan. I banged my fucking skull off of the concrete, called my uncle and told him I had been kidnapped and mugged. They believed it initially, but it wasn't long before my drug use was completely blatant. My aunt although she loved me couldn't stand by, so home I went where my parents still stood by.
When I got there, rules were set and sacrifice had to be made. It went accordingly for 2 or so weeks until the drugs I had been having dropped off at my house unbeknownst to my family started to deteriorate my integrity to the point where I just said fuck it. I'll come and go as I please, as much as it hurt my parents they still stood by. Kicking me out and giving up on me wasn't an option.
Years go by. I'm still the same drug addicted lack of son as ever. I've been to jail 5 more rehabs and am entering one soon. This time after the rehab I will be going to a halfway house. I walked off the rehab, and arrived at the halfway house where I was required to find a job and do 90 meetings in 90 days. All of which, for the most part I had done so. Except for the few times I said I had work and spent time with a girl. Nearing the end of my 90 day stay at the gatehouse I arranged a cozy 1 room apartment in the cleaner area of Lancaster which was quite nice.
I'm away from home, but still my parents stood by my side. I'd kept in touch almost everyday. It went well, I had a beautiful girlfriend and a job. No license or car yet still suspended for all of the underages I had received as a teenager, but still doing damn better than before. The story could end here but that would be too happy of an ending, and it would also be a lie. I started making ties running heroin from where I was at the to my original town. Soon enough I started using as well.
While I couldn't pay the rent I had money for my heroin. So my father picked up the tab, paying around 800 dollars a month. Greedy as I was I was making enough money selling the heroin to support my habit and well over. That caught up quick. As I refused to go sick, I began burning small time bock star drug dealers with multiple maneuver's I've learned along the way. Then I began getting fronted several bricks of heroin to sell. While my emotion had priority over my intellect once again so did my habit over my revenue.
Months have gone by and I've come up from on the front several times now. So I decided I was just going to get one more front and take them under. I got 5 bricks on the front and told them I would come up on top with cover the tax. Although that wasn't the plan they were down for it. You see greed and pride are the two biggest weaknesses of a drug dealer, and for the most part any business man. They see it as they're going to make out smoother than any other drug dealer in the area, and this 160 lb white boy wouldn't burn me, BECAUSE I'M ME. Well they were wrong.
Eventually I use all of the heroin and its about damn near time I start paying what I owe for the 5. After weeks of nagging my parents to let me come home I barely escape by the skin of my teeth, and come back to my home town to live with my parents. This time, with MORE SERIOUS RULES, AND MORE SERIOUS REGULATIONS. But it didn't matter because I'm still me and I'm and me and don't take orders from anyone.
I will save my recovery stories for another time, but now I am clean. I have been for a short while now. The difference is now I want to be sober. I haven't felt the desire to be sober ever.
But to answer the question that began this. Knowing everything I do now, It would not been me that I would change because that would change who I am today and who I will become. But I would change my families' decisions. I would have them remove me from my life, so they could have some existence of a life. A love for each other, and not to sacrifice so much for me.
tl;dr Too bad
