Trouble with my girlfriend - Page 2

I'm sorry but when dealing with girls this is terrible advice and will only get you dumped or housebroken. When women are in charge of a relationship, as is the case with OP, the only possible way to fix it or swing the tide in your favor is to ignore them and act independent and carefree until they show some interest.

Stating your (obvious) feelings when you are the underdog = being needy = being uninteresting.

Yeah I agree. Redjustice gave you good advice for handling a disagreement with a coworker. Usually doesn't work too well in the situation you are in though.

Probe1

United States17920 Posts

July 31 2011 12:14 GMT

#23

On July 31 2011 16:29 EvilTeletubby wrote:

Show nested quote +

Just to reinforce, this is the only good advice that has been given so far.

Once upon a time I took that advice and ended up getting cheated on. If someones disrespecting you backing off in my experience will make things worse. I'd do what RedJustice said.

(And on that note)

On July 31 2011 17:57 Kickboxer wrote:

Show nested quote +

Housebroken? lol. I dig women that take charge and I'm not whipped. Don't give frat house advice bro. + Show Spoiler +

Get out.

Khenra

Netherlands885 Posts

July 31 2011 12:47 GMT

#24

On July 31 2011 15:40 Temporarykid wrote:
Hey TL, I asked all of my friends and it seems nobody has an answer for me on what to do here.
Im new to blogging, but I hope you can help!

So im in a relationship with a beautiful girl who ive known for 4 years now,together only the past 6 months.
Now Im happy, don't get me wrong, but there's something that bothers me enough to wonder if this relationship is worth continuing.
Every time I talk to her I end up feeling mad because im undervalued and underappreciated. She'd rather go to a bbq with her friends than to a midnight firework show with me, to name one example.
I honestly feel like im putting my best foot forward; Im doing for her the best I can but its almost like she isn't as committed as I am. Clearly, my efforts aren't being noticed and are almost being taken for granted.

Now my question TL, is,
How do I fix my situation without breaking up with her- is a direct confrontation the only way?
Also, am I over reacting? Is this relationship even worth continuing.. Can I change the way I feel about how she treats me?
And lastly; is it worth it to be serious about this girl even though we've only been together for 6 months?

Thanks for your help, please no trolls!

I've been in a similar situation. I'm not gonna explain exactly what my situation was like, but I can give you some advice. The way I see it you have two options here:

- Lower your expectations of her commitment to the relationship
This is hard when you're in love, but it is the only way you will be happy together in the long run. If you expect full commitment and you don't get it, you will be unhappy. Just mind your own business, call her when you like to get together, if not then continue your own business. Don't put too much weight on the relationship. Look at it as a fun passtime, not a full-time job.

- Break up
If you can't be happy without her full commitment, break up. It's VERY hard to break up with a girl you still love, but you will be so much happier when you do. Believe me. I've been in a relationship for 4 years, and looking back I wish I had ended it after a year.

I wish you the best of luck. Relationships are hard.

zeru

8156 Posts

July 31 2011 13:04 GMT

#25

--- Nuked ---

JMave

Singapore1803 Posts

July 31 2011 13:08 GMT

#26

On July 31 2011 16:05 MrBitter wrote:
Give her some space.

Chicks hate clingy, needy guys.

If its meant to be, backing off a little bit will fire her up a little, and make her all the more eager to spend time with you.

If not, fuck it. Move on.

I think you could spend lots of time thinking it through. But at the end of the day, it could be this simple.

Mortality

United States4790 Posts

July 31 2011 13:16 GMT

#27

I'm sorry, but you're the one who needs to "get out" (your words, not mine). Nobody is saying to act like an aloof "jerk jock" or anything like that. It's a simple fact of human nature that people tend to take for granted what they have in front of them and if you're always the one coming to her then she's taking you for granted. There doesn't need to be 50/50 balance, but she needs to be coming to you at least part of the time. At least 40% is healthy, IMO, and usually the dynamic favors men, so more like 60-70% would be considered ideal, lower down to 50-60% if she's particularly strong willed. (For the record: strong willed and bitchy are totally different but often confused -- standing up to "authority" does not necessarily make you strong willed. For example, a girl who gets pulled over by the cops and then argues has not proven she has a strong will; it may be that she takes the officer for granted and/or thinks very little of him.)

If you're going to your girl all the time and she's not recipricating then there is a problem that a simple conversation will not fix. Couldn't she have invited him to the BBQ? Couldn't she propose an alternative date for going out together?

Leave her be for a few days. Find something to do. Don't pretend to find something to do (which amounts to a childish tantrum of sorts, the same as a kid excluding himself from recess because his feelings are hurt), actually FIND something to do (serves multiple purposes: opens up the space for her to either realize she cares or decide she doesn't + gives you a breather, after which you can think more rationally about what's going on). If she's interested she should call within 2-3 days. If she takes longer then your relationship is totally on the rocks. If she cheats after only 2-3 days, then she would have cheated anyway and you need to move on. I do not understand this submissive mentality. It's a sure-fire way to get cuckolded.

Malgrif

Canada1095 Posts

July 31 2011 14:31 GMT

#28

it's only been six months dude, chill she's got more than just you she has to take care of. welcome to adulthood

StorkHwaiting

United States3465 Posts

July 31 2011 14:50 GMT

#29

How often do you see her aside from these special events?

LaSt)ChAnCe

United States2179 Posts

July 31 2011 15:23 GMT

#30

don't talk to her about it, it sounds like something you would want to talk to her about, but don't - that's a trap

some of the simplest rules of the game is that the person who cares the least about the relationship is the one in control (don't misunderstand this, you don't want her to think you don't care.. just that she cares more, and she will)

take a step back, give her room, go spend time with your friends.. if you don't have friends, go spend time alone and if she asks, tell her that you're with your friends (but only if she asks, don't volunteer it)

do NOT be clingy - that's what you are doing right now. people say that nice guys finish last. it's because nice guys are clingy and not willing to play the game. bitches hate clingy guys

listen to what the guy ETT quoted said and just back off, find something else to do, and have HER asking for YOUR time

remember this for the rest of your life, you will ALWAYS need this

mesohawny

Canada193 Posts

July 31 2011 16:01 GMT

#31

Just stop giving it your all, stop putting her above everything and start putting yourself first.

It seems like thats what she is doing. You have made her your #1 priority while she is still her #1 priority. You're trying really hard to be the best boyfriend you can be but she is not returning the favor. Stop now or you will become emotionally drained and start to resent her.

When I say stop - i mean stop putting her first all the time - stay with her, continue loving her, just give her some space, go hang out with your friends and turn things down a notch... Maybe in a years time she'll be choosing you over her friends.

Thrill

2599 Posts

July 31 2011 16:54 GMT

#32

Sounds like you got together when she was pretty young eh?

obesechicken13

United States10467 Posts

July 31 2011 18:20 GMT

#33

Definitely talk about it tho

Temporarykid

Canada362 Posts

July 31 2011 19:10 GMT

#34

On July 31 2011 21:47 Khenra wrote:

- Break up
If you can't be happy without her full commitment, break up. It's VERY hard to break up with a girl you still love, but you will be so much happier when you do. Believe me. I've been in a relationship for 4 years, and looking back I wish I had ended it after a year.

I wish you the best of luck. Relationships are hard.

That sounds brutal, sorry to hear it.

On July 31 2011 23:50 StorkHwaiting wrote:
How often do you see her aside from these special events?

Well hardly, actually. Aside from me suggesting we should see each other she doesn't make an effort to and about half of the time she declines my offer(s).

To everyone else who says I should be less clingy, thank you- I think that's the clear choice to what I should do.
I should have also taken the time to explain my example more; I had asked her days before if she would go to the fireworks with me and she had said "Okay." (Like that, with hardly any emphasis.)
So morning-of I ask my girlfriend when and where I should pick her up, and she surprises me with her change of plans to say she'd rather go to this barbecue with her friends.

Thank you all, again. ^^

StorkHwaiting

United States3465 Posts

July 31 2011 19:30 GMT

#35

Oh wow, yeah, if you guys aren't seeing each other much and she's turning u down as her BF, def a problem. Everyone is right. Don't be clingy. And def start talking to other girls. Not to cheat, but just to get back in the game and remember what it's like to get proper attention. She needs to know you can't be taken for granted and you're not married.

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