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Back in high school, I competed on the state math team with a bunch of strangers from other schools. There was one girl on the team who was wholly unremarkable but for the fact that a few years later (right now), I started a summer internship at the same company as her. I was pleasantly surprised upon seeing her name, and added her as a friend on FB while exchanging some virtual small talk. Because the company was providing room and board, we would even be living in the same apartment along with two other interns.
I've gotten to know her better over the past month. And all I can say is simply...mother of god, this is one of the most annoying human beings I have ever met. One morning I was disturbed from my work by none other than a nasal version of Dolores Umbridge's simpering voice inquiring, "why didn't you walk me home yesterday, Are You A Fish?" Wait, what? Apparently her parents want her to always have an escort for the ten-minute walk to the bus stop, and it's my responsibility because she stayed after all the other interns left. Well ok...I agree to take her to the bus stop. Then one day she decides she doesn't want to carry her ten-pound computer anymore, and tells me, "Are You A Fish, you have to take my laptop because it's too heavy for me". Well I'm a pussy so I say yes, and end up hauling twenty pounds of crap as she struts down the street empty-handed while spouting inanities like "at least you don't have to take Jewish Intern's fourteen-pound computer".
The penultimate straw comes when my mother arrives in town for business, and says she'll come visit me at X o'clock pm. By X+6 o'clock I still can't contact her phone and start to get seriously worried. The other interns, especially Jewish Intern, reassure me that her phone probably ran out of batteries or got stuck in a conference. The subject of this blog then very helpfully suggests (pinch your nose and read this out loud to get an idea of how it sounded), "maybe she couldn't figure out the directions to the office...LOL". It turns out that my mother is perfectly fine. My rage levels are not.
Right now, I'm very close to just telling her how I really feel but that could have some repercussions because our parents are friends. So instead I'm trying to show her how little her presence is appreciated. Phase one, cutting off all conversation, has already been initiated. Even though I try to slip out of the workplace undetected, she always (literally) gets a foot in the door of the elevator. Damn it. So instead I've been trying to scrape her away from my peripheral vision like gum off a shoe, by walking so close to passerby that she has to break off from my side as if she were a girlfriend (dear god no). The best parts are where I can sandwich myself between a building and people walking in the same direction, which chokes off both passing lanes and keeps me ahead in this perverse race of deliberate avoidance. If this doesn't work, I'll just start coming to work at 6:00 am and leave as early as possible.
Well TeamLiquid, this was my delightful experience with the unrequited love unfathomable hair-tear-inducing experience that girls can provide. If you want a girl-related moral from this story, just remember that unwanted persistence is not stoic and admirable; it's just plain infuriating. Have a nice day 
 
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why didn't you walk me home yesterday, Are You A Fish?"
This was confusing, in a totally unexpected way 
Yeah, she sounds like she needs to grow up. Perhaps reminding her that she hasn't made your sandwich yet will do the trick...
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Just be a man and tell her how you feel
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Very much not what I expected, but I like it. Also, telling someone they're a dick is alright, just make sure you do it when you're not red hot angry, but when you are in a calm, assertive state.
+ Show Spoiler +
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Until you irreparably offend this woman, she will continue to leech the happiness from your life.
Once you offend her, she will constantly attempt to remind you of it by a) being a completely bitch to you b) constantly guilt tripping you and playing pity party to others c) seeking a more subtle revenge such as feeding you a slow working poison that drives you insane and eventually leaves you spouting gibberish in a hospital.
Given what you say about her, I feel strongly about b. If you can handle it, tell her she is a needy little bitch who wouldn't ask a man she barely knows to walk her home from the bus stop if she had friends, and who would have a boyfriend to carry her laptop bag if she weren't fat and ugly. It is best to say this in front of as many other people as possible to maximize the chance that she will not try to reconcile with you to serve her own needs. Most likely her pride will prevent that if done properly.
Then prepare to endure the reproachfulness of your audience over the next few weeks, and enjoy the 10 foot bubble of disdain she is sure to grace you with.
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Hahahahaha, I almost lol'ed (i'm at work too!) while reading this blog. As typical of all girl blogs, I thought you were going to say that slowly, her mannerisms endeared you to her and you're wondering how to make the next move, lolol. Now, I don't want to sound too sexist but guys don't usually blog about how they find a girl annoying...
Are You A Fish?
Man up and deal with the situation instead of plotting moves!
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dude, from what you described it looks like this chick is into you (or she's spoiled)... so don't be too harsh lol
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I would not do anything, some people are obnoxious but its those same people that are infinitely more unbearable the moment you wrong them. Seeing as you have to live with this person I think it'd be better to try and pawn her off on Jewish/Asian/Indian intern or hang around them so she can't single you out for punishment.
On July 19 2011 15:01 Scarecrow wrote:
Just be a man and tell her how you feel
Whatever you do, for the love of god don't do this
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Lol! can someone please elaborate on the "Are you a Fish?" Is there some sort of meaning behind this? Never heard that before.
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This is my kind of girl blog.
Show her who's alpha dude and u ain't fuckin interested
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On July 19 2011 15:52 cha0 wrote:
Lol! can someone please elaborate on the "Are you a Fish?" Is there some sort of meaning behind this? Never heard that before.
Haha I was confused too, it's the OP's name!
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What the hell sounds like you got a 6 year old on your case lmao :p
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im sorry i cant get behind the "are you a fish?" question.
what the fuck. xD
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On July 19 2011 16:39 Revolt wrote:
im sorry i cant get behind the "are you a fish?" question.
what the fuck. xD
It's because OP's username is "Are you a fish?" I was tricked too - I thought she actually said that line, and thought it would have been damned cool if she did.
SO OP< ARE YOU A FISH AN DGOING TO ALLOW UR SELF TO GET CONROLLED BY SOME WERIDASS FUNKYTOWN GURL?
Choice is yours, brotha.
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Why are men such girls these days?
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It is nice to see a blog where there isn't a cliche situation (maybe even the opposite)? The first idea that comes to mind when I think about how you can end this without personally offending her is to just GET A GIRLFRIEND. Bring her to the workplace for a bit one day. Show her you're taken.
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United States22883 Posts
This blog was so much more interesting when I thought she was saying "Are You A Fish?" I thought it was some quirky weird girl with a crush on you.
Now I just don't care. :O
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United States5210 Posts
"at least you don't have to take Jewish Intern's fourteen-pound computer"
If she said that to me I would've given it straight back to her. If she didn't take it I would put it down on the sidewalk and keep walking.
Seriously though.. stop being so passive aggressive.
Just say something along the lines of
"Sorry, I can't walk you to the bus, nor carry your possessions anymore. You insulted my mom and keep taking digs at me when I help you so I'm done with helping. Find someone else to bother.
On July 19 2011 17:04 KoveN- wrote:
Why are men such girls these days?
Indeed sir...
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Netherlands45349 Posts
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This girl sounds like a total Tsundere.
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On July 19 2011 17:17 Loser777 wrote:
It is nice to see a blog where there isn't a cliche situation (maybe even the opposite)? The first idea that comes to mind when I think about how you can end this without personally offending her is to just GET A GIRLFRIEND. Bring her to the workplace for a bit one day. Show her you're taken.
Bingo.
You need to show her the alpha male you are and that you shall, yes you SHALL, be treated like one. Doesn't even have to be a hot chick. Get (or hire, who cares!) a girl, have her visit you at work (with a home-made sammich, yum yum) and deliberately show intimacy to piss that math girl off.
I was JUST about to suggest + Show Spoiler +fucking the living brains out of a girl/gf in your apartment while the math girl is present
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On July 19 2011 14:51 Are You A Fish wrote:
Right now, I'm very close to just telling her how I really feel but that could have some repercussions because our parents are friends. So instead I'm trying to show her how little her presence is appreciated. Phase one, cutting off all conversation, has already been initiated.
So, instead of calming down and communicating like an adult you're taking the passive aggressive route? That's going to get you nowhere fast, especially if this person is thick-headed.
You really can't stop her from following you home, but you can tell her to carry her own things. You can also tell her that her attitude is upsetting you and it's stressful to be around you. Yeah, the truth hurts, but it's possible she doesn't even know. It's also possible she's just a terrible person. In that case, the direct approach (without yelling or blowing up) would be best.
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You have to man up, you don;t have to be particularly mean, just tell her clearly that you cannot think any less of her, and you will not do her any favours.
Right now, she is making your life shitty, and you are a little complicit in that.
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On July 19 2011 14:51 Are You A Fish wrote:
[Standard girl blog fare...]
I've gotten to know her better over the past month. And all I can say is simply...mother of god, this is one of the most annoying human beings I have ever met.
This alone makes the blog five stars! But I love to read girl blogs either way, they're always up their with the fun. Regarding your situation, the only real problem I see with passive aggressive (besides being juvenile) is that you live with her... Why not go ask the other two interns how they feel about her and if they have any suggestions on how to go about this. You could just straight up tell her, but based on how you've described her, it's going to require some tact (again only problematic cause you live with her).
Also...Stop carrying and doing stuff for her just because she says so...just casually (without being a prick) joke off and say no. Right now you have assumed the role of the ball-less man in an abusive relationship. Reclaim those balls, now.
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loooooooooooooooool
BEST BLOG EVER
Your writing is amazing.
As a lonely boy who can only get women to giggle incessantly at my Woody Allen babbling, I will show you how to get rid of this annoying young dame.
- You can't cut-off all contact with her. Sorry, you just can't, but you can easily make it difficult for her to keep the ball rolling. When she asks you a question, answer "yes" or "no". Not yeah, uh-huh, you betcha, nope, nun-uh. Yes or fucking no. Nothing more, nothing less. By doing this, you are remaining on formal levels, showing your lack of pursuit of a conversation and asking her to put more effort in chit-chat. Most people won't bother.
- Avoid eye contact. Easy shit, whenever she looks at you and your giving your bullet replies, make sure you are doing something else. Even tying your shoes, combing your hair or playing with your zipper will sure repel her in boredom that you aren't gazing in her dull eyes and thin lips
- Monotone. Be monotone as possible. She asks you to carry her stuff? Apologize slowly, claim you can't be lifting other people's things due to the fact that you are indeed a limbless fish and a very prestige experiment to UCLA researchers. If she persists, tell her the antidote to your humanly return is through coitus or oral physicality. If she agrees, tell her mermen don't have any genitalia and you, too, require others to carry your things and achieve levels of stereotypical masculinity.
- Do not give her pride When she walks up to you and tell her your day. Be general and quiet with your responses: "That's nice, good for you, okay". She'll see she can't leech a spotlight from you and move on for another gazelle hapless man
If this doesn't work, go for the throat: spread rumors and lies. If all else fucking really fails the next time she asks you to carry her things. Carry them all the way to bus and just drop them either by accident or on purpose, depending on how irritated you feel Remember, if Bart Simpson can have butterfingers, you can feign it too!
*Bonus* Talking about your massive schlong is a good way to repel a woman. Making comparisons to how it is so hard it can be used to pick door locks is a good start! Telling people that in the morning, it is like an elephant trunk that you have to sling over your shoulders is bound to either make the girl laugh, be instantly repulsed by some vortex of civility or curious.
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i agree with that, also ask her if she think it will fit
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On July 20 2011 02:00 FFGenerations wrote:
i agree with that, also ask her if she think it will fit
No. Not suave enough.
Ask her if she'd like to dance. On occasion, thrust into her either through the back or front. If she inquires, just tell her it is a reactionary impulse. If she tells you to stop, tell her that she needs to stop bumping into you.
If she slaps you, slap her back with what I hope you molded with your constant "impulses"
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I think its fun when you read the girl blogs from the perspective of watching a one man show with lots of emotion.
After this;Well TeamLiquid, this was my delightful experience with the unrequited love unfathomable hair-tear-inducing experience that girls can provide. If you want a girl-related moral from this story, just remember that unwanted persistence is not stoic and admirable; it's just plain infuriating. Have a nice day I almost applauded at my desk and walked out.
Cool story
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As much as I hate to contradict the opinions of others, I must disagree with Torte de Lini. This kind of un-approachable aura that you will create with his suggested behavior will only serve to make you more desirable. Why? Because when a parent tells a kid that they can't have any cookies, the thing that the kid wants the most in the world is instantly cookies. Similarly, when a man acts 'too cool' for the girl who is pursuing him, she wants him even more. This is actually a solid strategy for getting girls to try harder for you... So I think that Torte was in fact intentionally misleading you to hear you write another blog about how it didn't work.
I am very much a fan of your insidious and somewhat mind-fuck approach of using spacing to your advantage when walking and etc., but like others have said, it might be a little too heavy on the 'passive' in the 'passive-aggressive' duet to send a message.
Here are some more direct approaches that I think would have instant results, and would be fun to do! Let's put the 'aggressive' back in 'passive-aggressive' :
- Take pictures of her all day with a camera or your cell phone. Either way, it should have some sort of sound feedback to let the people around you know that you are taking a picture. When approached by either her or others as to why you are so obsessed with her, say that you are trying to write a novel/paint a piece about the most undesirable woman in existence and you are using her for inspiration and Cruella De Ville as an alternate. Bonus - upload the most unsightly pictures to Facebook and tag her and every one of your mutual friends in the album, and make the album title something like "LOLOLOLOL xD." If you want to be less obvious, make it "Case Study: prep work for my novel!"
- Get a voice recorder (you can definitely find one for $10). Then, use the age-old technique of entrapment. Ask her questions in such a way that no matter what she answers, it could be uploaded to YouTube/Facebook and made into a compilation reminiscent of a sadistic neo-Nazi. Tell her that it is for a project or study on bigotry or something. For example, you ask questions like
"Who would you rather kill, a Jew or a Muslim, and why?"
"If a man raped a young girl but then cured cancer while in prison, does he deserve to go free?"
"If your mom killed your husband and child right in front of you, would you defend her in court?"
I'm sure with your dark mind you can come up with some better ones. Here's where the smart bit comes in : you cut out her answers, then record yourself asking relatively docile questions like "What do you think about the Muslim people?" instead of the first question on the above list, and combine the two into the final product. Then make a plain black video and post it on youtube, post it on your wall (tag her in it), post it on her wall, and PM it to people who you both know. Boom. Neither of your parents would give you too much shit, she's the racist and bigot in this situation.
- Pretend to injure your back while carrying both of your bags (yank them both up quickly, then buckle over in fake pain), and tell her that because you have carried her shit this whole time, the least she could do is help you now that you are injured by carrying all of YOUR shit, AND she must protect you if you guys get mugged. This is the modern age, and you two are in equal positions in society - why should she not be able to do for you what you did for her? Insinuate that she is sexist until she gives in. If she refuses, I think you see the general pattern in this, tag on Facebook and post on her wall. If she accepts, pretend to have back pains until she finally does refuse, at which point she should be sick of you.
Alternately, pretend to get a concussion and get her to help you do all your work.
- Do little things that make you seem like a creep/loser/annoying to the point where she will leave of her own accord. For example, get a set of really girly Hello Kitty stickers and start putting them on everything she owns, telling her that you do this for all your bestest friends. Send her mass e-mails of those "Send this to 10 people or you will die!" and tell her that you only feel comfortable sending these to your bestest friends because you don't want to bother anyone else, but you are too superstitious to NOT send it to 10 people. Talk about anime or some other geekism incessantly, really anything that she has no clue about. Then whenever she talks about ANYTHING, you make a parallel to the anime/Battlestar/StarCraft. Examples:
Her: "Man I had so much work today, I can't wait to go home."
You: "Me too, but neither of us will ever have as much work as Ash did when he had to get his Pikachu in the Pokeball, he always got zapped!"
Her: "Hey do you want to get lunch together?"
You: "Ever since I watched Dragonball, I have been eating only beans in hopes of finding a Sensu bean."
Her: "How do you think I should approach this problem?"
You: "Well if you think about it in StarCraft terms, you should always be prepared for the four gate, but if your micro is strong enough you can do a macro-expand build and transition into a heavily-upgraded late-game army with a timing attack at the point where he gets his 4th base up. Wait, what did you ask me?"
Pretty much you can make up whatever bullshit you want, as long as it destroys the original subject of the conversation and doesn't make any sense to her, and makes you look nerdy/retarded.
I hope this gave you some ideas.
Best of luck! FIGHTING!
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DAMN YOU ILOVEKITTENS.
IF IT WAS FOR YOU MEDDLING KITTEN-LOVER, I'D HAVE ANOTHER BLOG INCESSANTLY OBSESS ABOUT.
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Complete Edit: sorry in a fit of laughter at torts post my entire post became a quote of his.
this kitten lover is on a role today. le link
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To be honest, the more you treat her like dirt the more she's going to want you. I feel bad for you brah, you're in a pickle.
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I just realized that "Are You A Fish" is his handle and he was just putting that in the entry instead of his real name -___-
I thought she was literally saying "are you a fish?" as some sort of weird insult >__>
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On July 20 2011 03:04 Z3kk wrote:
I just realized that "Are You A Fish" is his handle and he was just putting that in the entry instead of this real name -___-
I thought she was literally saying "are you a fish?" as some sort of weird insult >__>
I didn't realize that until now too O_O
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Maybe his nick is inspired by this odd insult and he's cap's'ing it for emphasis
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On July 20 2011 02:32 ILOVEKITTENS wrote:
Talk about anime or some other geekism incessantly, really anything that she has no clue about. Then whenever she talks about ANYTHING, you make a parallel to the anime/Battlestar/StarCraft. Examples:
Be careful with this because in the event that she likes some of your niche interests, she will REALLY start to pester you. After all, you guys have like so much in common (ohemgee)!
On July 20 2011 02:32 ILOVEKITTENS wrote:
[*] For example, get a set of really girly Hello Kitty stickers and start putting them on everything she owns, telling her that you do this for all your bestest friends.
Most solid piece of advice. Nothing drives a girl off faster than the implication that your best friends are 10-year-old girls. Do this.
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EPT
