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2011 - The worst year of my entire life. At 6th of january this year, my mother died from a cardiac infarction. From one day to the other. Without the possibility to say goodbye, or to tell her that I'll always remember her.
I remember her. Everyday since her death, I see her in everything, in my clothes, on our couch. Pictures of her appear in my mind when I hear certain words and phrases. I miss her so much.
And now, when I have slowly come to realise that it's ok that she's gone to a better place, God shows me what an asshole he is, if he exists. If not then ill blame it on this fucking retarded world we live in.
Today Klaus, the father of my best friend passed away. I knew him since I was born. He was always patient, and funny, friendly, forgiving and simple. Mine and his family always went on holidays together, so i called him my 'holiday-father'.
But last year they found out he had a tumor in his brain. His chance of survival was below 3%. He should have died last year already. But he fought. He fought to the point that everyone thought he would be able to recover. He's my 2nd dad. I really loved him.
And now he's gone. Just like my mum. And my grandma. And my grandpa will follow soon.
This year is the worst of all. I'm so angry right now at all that shit that does not matter at all like school or tennis or gaming or whatever. It means nothing compared to my family. But instead of taking that shit from me, god or whatever comes and take my family? Why is this life such a pain?
What a fucked up world we live in.
 
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Yes we do unfortunately.
My condolences.
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u gotta skate
User was warned for this post
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Really sorry to hear. My condolences. 
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Time heals all wounds just try take it easy one day at a time.
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My condolences. Hoping you and your remaining family are able to find peace together.
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Sorry to hear about your losses, my condolences
Stay strong
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Stay strong, dude. I think if my mom died before I had a chance to say anything to her, I'd try to imagine what she would want for me. I would try my hardest in school. Maybe clean my room up once in a while. I don't know how old you are, but you mention school and tennis so I'm assuming you're pretty young. Losing your mother at an age like mine, (I am 16) would destroy me. I can feel what you're going through, my grandpa died in January also. The best thing you can do for yourself is to accomplish something. Get good grades, win a tennis tournament, work out and get fit. Self-confidence helps like no other. Stay strong and look forward.
My condolences.
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How do I answer this... :[
You're clearly suffering, and rightly so; your life fucking sucks and I've been there too. Nothing is going right, there's no light or right or good to cling to, and life is absolutely terrible.
So how do you get out of that, when you feel like you can't and don't want to do anything, when you feel everything is useless (speaking from my own experience here)? Do you destory yourself, hurt the people around you, mess up your future and opportunities because you just don't give a fuck anymore; it's all pointless?
Well let me tell you that it's not pointless. There really is something better out there waiting for you, ya just got to trust that it'll get better. You're hurt and we can all feel your pain, but staying in that won't get you out of it. What worked for me was love, divine love. You've felt the death of ur mum and second dad, my uptmost condolonces and respect for you and them; but what if it was your son? What if he was perfect, blameless, totally innocent, but was murdered by people he was loving and caring for? That would hurt so bad, that's a father's one and only child.
See you've got issues with faith, trying to cope, and trying to get your bearings after your world's been totally rocked. That's totally understandable, fine, and natrual, but really, who are you going to blame? There's no one to reproach, unless you start yelling at the heavens, and that'll only frustrate you. If you've got issues with God and can't understand how he could let something like this happen to you THEN TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT IT! You won't heal that wound untill you can understand it, so really talk to any priest or pastor and tell them all your problems and issues you've got with God. Get it all out man, they won't be offended, and they'll be able to explain it and console you far better than any post on the entire internet.
Take the image of your blameless son being murdered by the people he came to help. The son is Jesus; John 3:16 "for God SO LOVED the world that He GAVE his one and only son". In this fucked up fallen world people turned away from the person who made them and everything they ever knew, but instead of giving up, turning away, or letting S@an have his way, God gave us his most precious son because he loved us. And even when we fucking MURDERED him God still forgave us.
God doesn't hate you man, he loves you so much that he gave the one thing most precious to him, his one and only perfect son, so that we could be forgiven and be with him. He doesn't cause bad stuff to happen to you, he prevents worse things from going on.
You wanna know why I don't cut anymore? Why I don't daydream about suicide? Why I can do ANYTHING instead of suffer for myself? Because Jesus loves me and he loves you too man, so even after everything's burnt and gone he'll still love you, he took death on a cross for our sake.
Anyone in your local church would explain it a lot better than me, all you need to do is walk in, talk to the nearest person, and tell them " I've just lost really close people in my life and I feel God hates me, that life is just terrible." No matter who you ask they'll point you in the right way to get out of your slump
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+ Show Spoiler +On July 10 2011 01:38 bITt.mAN wrote:
How do I answer this... :[
You're clearly suffering, and rightly so; your life fucking sucks and I've been there too. Nothing is going right, there's no light or right or good to cling to, and life is absolutely terrible.
So how do you get out of that, when you feel like you can't and don't want to do anything, when you feel everything is useless (speaking from my own experience here)? Do you destory yourself, hurt the people around you, mess up your future and opportunities because you just don't give a fuck anymore; it's all pointless?
Well let me tell you that it's not pointless. There really is something better out there waiting for you, ya just got to trust that it'll get better. You're hurt and we can all feel your pain, but staying in that won't get you out of it. What worked for me was love, divine love. You've felt the death of ur mum and second dad, my uptmost condolonces and respect for you and them; but what if it was your son? What if he was perfect, blameless, totally innocent, but was murdered by people he was loving and caring for? That would hurt so bad, that's a father's one and only child.
See you've got issues with faith, trying to cope, and trying to get your bearings after your world's been totally rocked. That's totally understandable, fine, and natrual, but really, who are you going to blame? There's no one to reproach, unless you start yelling at the heavens, and that'll only frustrate you. If you've got issues with God and can't understand how he could let something like this happen to you THEN TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT IT! You won't heal that wound untill you can understand it, so really talk to any priest or pastor and tell them all your problems and issues you've got with God. Get it all out man, they won't be offended, and they'll be able to explain it and console you far better than any post on the entire internet.
Take the image of your blameless son being murdered by the people he came to help. The son is Jesus; John 3:16 "for God SO LOVED the world that He GAVE his one and only son". In this fucked up fallen world people turned away from the person who made them and everything they ever knew, but instead of giving up, turning away, or letting S@an have his way, God gave us his most precious son because he loved us. And even when we fucking MURDERED him God still forgave us.
God doesn't hate you man, he loves you so much that he gave the one thing most precious to him, his one and only perfect son, so that we could be forgiven and be with him. He doesn't cause bad stuff to happen to you, he prevents worse things from going on.
You wanna know why I don't cut anymore? Why I don't daydream about suicide? Why I can do ANYTHING instead of suffer for myself? Because Jesus loves me and he loves you too man, so even after everything's burnt and gone he'll still love you, he took death on a cross for our sake.
Anyone in your local church would explain it a lot better than me, all you need to do is walk in, talk to the nearest person, and tell them " I've just lost really close people in my life and I feel God hates me, that life is just terrible." No matter who you ask they'll point you in the right way to get out of your slump
Fucking disgusting Christians praying on people when they're at their weakest like a bunch of fucking vultures. Fuck you, you couldn't just offer help without juxtaposing your disgusting bronze aged fairytale could you?
In all likelihood I'll get banned, but well fucking worth it.
User was banned for this post.
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Northern Ireland2557 Posts
On July 10 2011 02:02 KrAzYfoOL wrote:+ Show Spoiler +On July 10 2011 01:38 bITt.mAN wrote:
How do I answer this... :[
You're clearly suffering, and rightly so; your life fucking sucks and I've been there too. Nothing is going right, there's no light or right or good to cling to, and life is absolutely terrible.
So how do you get out of that, when you feel like you can't and don't want to do anything, when you feel everything is useless (speaking from my own experience here)? Do you destory yourself, hurt the people around you, mess up your future and opportunities because you just don't give a fuck anymore; it's all pointless?
Well let me tell you that it's not pointless. There really is something better out there waiting for you, ya just got to trust that it'll get better. You're hurt and we can all feel your pain, but staying in that won't get you out of it. What worked for me was love, divine love. You've felt the death of ur mum and second dad, my uptmost condolonces and respect for you and them; but what if it was your son? What if he was perfect, blameless, totally innocent, but was murdered by people he was loving and caring for? That would hurt so bad, that's a father's one and only child.
See you've got issues with faith, trying to cope, and trying to get your bearings after your world's been totally rocked. That's totally understandable, fine, and natrual, but really, who are you going to blame? There's no one to reproach, unless you start yelling at the heavens, and that'll only frustrate you. If you've got issues with God and can't understand how he could let something like this happen to you THEN TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT IT! You won't heal that wound untill you can understand it, so really talk to any priest or pastor and tell them all your problems and issues you've got with God. Get it all out man, they won't be offended, and they'll be able to explain it and console you far better than any post on the entire internet.
Take the image of your blameless son being murdered by the people he came to help. The son is Jesus; John 3:16 "for God SO LOVED the world that He GAVE his one and only son". In this fucked up fallen world people turned away from the person who made them and everything they ever knew, but instead of giving up, turning away, or letting S@an have his way, God gave us his most precious son because he loved us. And even when we fucking MURDERED him God still forgave us.
God doesn't hate you man, he loves you so much that he gave the one thing most precious to him, his one and only perfect son, so that we could be forgiven and be with him. He doesn't cause bad stuff to happen to you, he prevents worse things from going on.
You wanna know why I don't cut anymore? Why I don't daydream about suicide? Why I can do ANYTHING instead of suffer for myself? Because Jesus loves me and he loves you too man, so even after everything's burnt and gone he'll still love you, he took death on a cross for our sake.
Anyone in your local church would explain it a lot better than me, all you need to do is walk in, talk to the nearest person, and tell them " I've just lost really close people in my life and I feel God hates me, that life is just terrible." No matter who you ask they'll point you in the right way to get out of your slump Fucking disgusting Christians praying on people when they're at their weakest like a bunch of fucking vultures. Fuck you, you couldn't just offer help without juxtaposing your disgusting bronze aged fairytale could you?
completely agree, pathetic really
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On July 10 2011 02:02 KrAzYfoOL wrote:+ Show Spoiler +On July 10 2011 01:38 bITt.mAN wrote:
How do I answer this... :[
You're clearly suffering, and rightly so; your life fucking sucks and I've been there too. Nothing is going right, there's no light or right or good to cling to, and life is absolutely terrible.
So how do you get out of that, when you feel like you can't and don't want to do anything, when you feel everything is useless (speaking from my own experience here)? Do you destory yourself, hurt the people around you, mess up your future and opportunities because you just don't give a fuck anymore; it's all pointless?
Well let me tell you that it's not pointless. There really is something better out there waiting for you, ya just got to trust that it'll get better. You're hurt and we can all feel your pain, but staying in that won't get you out of it. What worked for me was love, divine love. You've felt the death of ur mum and second dad, my uptmost condolonces and respect for you and them; but what if it was your son? What if he was perfect, blameless, totally innocent, but was murdered by people he was loving and caring for? That would hurt so bad, that's a father's one and only child.
See you've got issues with faith, trying to cope, and trying to get your bearings after your world's been totally rocked. That's totally understandable, fine, and natrual, but really, who are you going to blame? There's no one to reproach, unless you start yelling at the heavens, and that'll only frustrate you. If you've got issues with God and can't understand how he could let something like this happen to you THEN TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT IT! You won't heal that wound untill you can understand it, so really talk to any priest or pastor and tell them all your problems and issues you've got with God. Get it all out man, they won't be offended, and they'll be able to explain it and console you far better than any post on the entire internet.
Take the image of your blameless son being murdered by the people he came to help. The son is Jesus; John 3:16 "for God SO LOVED the world that He GAVE his one and only son". In this fucked up fallen world people turned away from the person who made them and everything they ever knew, but instead of giving up, turning away, or letting S@an have his way, God gave us his most precious son because he loved us. And even when we fucking MURDERED him God still forgave us.
God doesn't hate you man, he loves you so much that he gave the one thing most precious to him, his one and only perfect son, so that we could be forgiven and be with him. He doesn't cause bad stuff to happen to you, he prevents worse things from going on.
You wanna know why I don't cut anymore? Why I don't daydream about suicide? Why I can do ANYTHING instead of suffer for myself? Because Jesus loves me and he loves you too man, so even after everything's burnt and gone he'll still love you, he took death on a cross for our sake.
Anyone in your local church would explain it a lot better than me, all you need to do is walk in, talk to the nearest person, and tell them " I've just lost really close people in my life and I feel God hates me, that life is just terrible." No matter who you ask they'll point you in the right way to get out of your slump Fucking disgusting Christians praying on people when they're at their weakest like a bunch of fucking vultures. Fuck you, you couldn't just offer help without juxtaposing your disgusting bronze aged fairytale could you? In all likelihood I'll get banned, but well fucking worth it.
I like to think that you're wrong about the ban because I feel the same way you do. We're not bad people when we say don't turn to God or any kind of religion if you can help it. Fictitious beings and fairy tales are simply a bad way to find comfort in life. Definitely don't take his word when he insists that you won't feel better until you accept God or something. That's AA indoctrination bullshit. It can work just like eating a rotten sandwich can "cure" a common cold. Jesus has nothing to do with it.
You still have people whom you can turn to. You posted here because you wanted to reach real people - beings that actually exist, and that's what you should do when you need to reach out. You shouldn't do what bITt.mAN does: he simulates a loving god in his mind, no less.
Things will get better with time, with or without Jesus. And I'm sorry this turned into a theological argument, but cults get to people when they're at their weakest, and IMO they "heal the wound" all wrong.
I've lost people, I've had terrible years of mourning deaths - friends and family and you can get support from people instead of making imaginary friends. Life can be a bitch, but I'm sure you can handle the loss without sacrificing a sane and truthful outlook of the world. Stay strong, you'll get through it.
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Thank you for all your condolences and advices.
I just can't talk to anyone about it. They dont know anything about what I feel. They know who's gone and what it means, but they dont know about this feeling of nihilism creeping in my head. My Mum and Klaus left me, but what does that even matter in the vastness of the universe? It doesnt mean anything. So I should just ignore it, should I? But I can't. And if I had a good life, what did it even matter? Nothing. Can anyone that has thought about his place in life tell me what I need to know please? I'm getting more lost in the nothing than ever. And I dont want that christianity thing. I know it solves all your problems. Thanks for sharing your view bITt.mAN. But being the wannabe scientist I am, I cant believe in a friendly god, while I lose my family and seeing no hint for a god, but instead pain and cruelty all over the world.
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On July 10 2011 01:38 bITt.mAN wrote:
How do I answer this... :[
You're clearly suffering, and rightly so; your life fucking sucks and I've been there too. Nothing is going right, there's no light or right or good to cling to, and life is absolutely terrible.
So how do you get out of that, when you feel like you can't and don't want to do anything, when you feel everything is useless (speaking from my own experience here)? Do you destory yourself, hurt the people around you, mess up your future and opportunities because you just don't give a fuck anymore; it's all pointless?
Well let me tell you that it's not pointless. There really is something better out there waiting for you, ya just got to trust that it'll get better. You're hurt and we can all feel your pain, but staying in that won't get you out of it. What worked for me was love, divine love. You've felt the death of ur mum and second dad, my uptmost condolonces and respect for you and them; but what if it was your son? What if he was perfect, blameless, totally innocent, but was murdered by people he was loving and caring for? That would hurt so bad, that's a father's one and only child.
See you've got issues with faith, trying to cope, and trying to get your bearings after your world's been totally rocked. That's totally understandable, fine, and natrual, but really, who are you going to blame? There's no one to reproach, unless you start yelling at the heavens, and that'll only frustrate you. If you've got issues with God and can't understand how he could let something like this happen to you THEN TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT IT! You won't heal that wound untill you can understand it, so really talk to any priest or pastor and tell them all your problems and issues you've got with God. Get it all out man, they won't be offended, and they'll be able to explain it and console you far better than any post on the entire internet.
Take the image of your blameless son being murdered by the people he came to help. The son is Jesus; John 3:16 "for God SO LOVED the world that He GAVE his one and only son". In this fucked up fallen world people turned away from the person who made them and everything they ever knew, but instead of giving up, turning away, or letting S@an have his way, God gave us his most precious son because he loved us. And even when we fucking MURDERED him God still forgave us.
God doesn't hate you man, he loves you so much that he gave the one thing most precious to him, his one and only perfect son, so that we could be forgiven and be with him. He doesn't cause bad stuff to happen to you, he prevents worse things from going on.
You wanna know why I don't cut anymore? Why I don't daydream about suicide? Why I can do ANYTHING instead of suffer for myself? Because Jesus loves me and he loves you too man, so even after everything's burnt and gone he'll still love you, he took death on a cross for our sake.
Anyone in your local church would explain it a lot better than me, all you need to do is walk in, talk to the nearest person, and tell them " I've just lost really close people in my life and I feel God hates me, that life is just terrible." No matter who you ask they'll point you in the right way to get out of your slump
Yeah, he'll talk to his pastor asking why God did such a thing, then the pastor will say "It's all apart of gods plan my child!".
That's not an answer, thats an incorrect viewpoint.
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On July 10 2011 02:55 Xiron wrote:
Thank you for all your condolences and advices.
I just can't talk to anyone about it. They dont know anything about what I feel. They know who's gone and what it means, but they dont know about this feeling of nihilism creeping in my head. My Mum and Klaus left me, but what does that even matter in the vastness of the universe? It doesnt mean anything. So I should just ignore it, should I? But I can't. And if I had a good life, what did it even matter? Nothing. Can anyone that has thought about his place in life tell me what I need to know please? I'm getting more lost in the nothing than ever. And I dont want that christianity thing. I know it solves all your problems. Thanks for sharing your view bITt.mAN. But being the wannabe scientist I am, I cant believe in a friendly god, while I lose my family and seeing no hint for a god, but instead pain and cruelty all over the world.
Don't try to juggle with the idea that nothing matters in the grand scheme of things, it'll always come back to the same faulty conclusion. We're people - we're not the universe, so we should think as people. Our perspective is the one that matters.
You can say that life is essentially meaningless but that would be missing the point of the "human experience" (at least, that's my take). The meaning of life is what you make it out to be. Someone might say we were "put on Earth" as some kind of morbid test from an infinite being or something. However, I think that we happen to be here and we set our own goals.
My gf flirts the notion of an afterlife because it's comforting to her, but she realizes that it's probably nothing more than that: comfort.
I'm going to say something and I apologizes if you've heard it, it may sound cheesy to you but bear with me. I think that it's more productive to look at the concept of afterlife as the parts of a person truly live on after they die. Your mother, she left you in a world which may look grim to you right now, but it won't be like that forever. Your friend's dad left your friend in the world, and he left you good memories, and changed you as a person, perhaps for the better.
When good people die, the good things they brought into the world live on. If you have children or ever have them, they'll be the proof of that. And if you don't, then you'll still have positively affected people who will, and they'll pass that on to their children, and so on. It's the butterfly effect.
What does it matter if the universe doesn't care? Fuck the universe. I care.
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It's hard and I wish I could share your pain. 2007 was "that" year for me. I lost my mother and my aunt who was pretty much my second mother.
All I can say is time heals. Now when I see my mothers touch on something in my life I can smile back at fond memories whereas in the past, such things would have just been a painful reminder of what I'd lost.
I'm at a loss for clever advice at times like this. It hurts. Just know there are people out there that empathise and are pulling for you.
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