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So basically I want to practice writing so I though I would do reviews of other games I try out other than sc2 and get practice that way. Though it also might be intresting for people who have not played the game to see what they are like.
So today I will review Dungeon Siege 3. The newest title in the Dungeon series. The game has been highly anticpated from fans of the previous games and from some rpg gamers in general. So lets take a look on how it fares with the current crop of rpg games in 2011.
STORY: The game basically lays everything out for you. You are one of a dying order that is on the hunt by a evil queen. The evil queen basically has been possesed by wierd and strange things and has a unnatural power that is beyond your mystical order's power.
So this game basically has you running around trying to recclaim your order and keep it alive.
The story is intresting with some solid foundations. I have not played the previous games so I do not know if the story's relate, but it seems like they do not. Otherwise its pretty simple story and for any lore junkies that love games with a deep story and lore. They should not play this game for the lore.
Story 6/10 decent but could have done with a lot more work.
Graphics: The graphics are rather good. very clear and crisp. Soemtimes when your in dark places, you tend to not see a lot if the characters are wearing dark clothing. The graphics look a little like a mix of realistic and more animated. There were some scenes where I kept thinking i was playing torchlight. similar style for sure between the two games.
I wasn't playing on max but the graphics were pretty good still. solid fps with a decent computer. passed the minimum requirements fairly well and it worked without any problems.
Graphics: 8/10 Great graphics. But not on the level as Withcer 2 or the most graphically intensive games. Still pleases the eyes though.
Gameplay: the game is titled as an "action" rpg. So in that vein we are getting the standard hack and slash gameplay we usually see from that sub genre. Basically you hack and slash you way through more instanced levels of the game and through opponents.
Herein lies the game play problems. The camera is hard to control, I didn't go in and mess with the setting so I hope you can change that but the camera was fustrating to work with. It changes randomly and makes you miss your target over half the time.
that as you imagine leads to death even on casual mode. When you're getting 10 mobs surronding you. you don't want to have your camera mess up and die cause of it.
There is also problems with staying alive in this game. I may just suck or whatnot. But always when I am low health I go over to grab a health orb from a dead enemy. These spawn like money and are auto used when you get close. In this case whenever i would do that i would get shoot at by range mobs wielding guns or arrows. So almost always I would die. Thats never fun, so either I suck or thats a tiny big that needs to be fixed.
Gameplay: 4/10 Poor combat and camera makes this game a headache to play and just leaves you spamming left click button in hopes of killing something. Sometimes I couldn't even hit a barrel because of the camera.
Other notes: The game was decent to play. There are a number of issue that need ot be fixed in time for release, and I hope they don't plague the release version of the game. Things like the camera and the health orbs are things that are required of a game to be good with. Something simple like a bad camera will destroy immersion in the simple story, and will make people not want to play the game.
Overall though the game is not a bad game. Its not a game that does anything lrage very wrongly. but it does a lot of small things that will fustrate you.
So I rate the game as a whole a 6/10.
Thanks for reading my review and hope it was decent to read.
 
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So first of all I suggest you stop using "so" so often. In fact I would urge you to stop using it at all, unless there's no way of avoiding it. It's one of those bad habits people tend to fall into - similar to using "uhm" in a speech. It's easier to eliminate this though - always review your texts and get rid of these.
Second of all, there's a lot of grammatical mistakes that I won't mention, not being a native speaker. Just make sure to polish your English as much as possible since if I notice these mistakes, chances are a lot of people will also.
Last but not least, just a few opinions on your style...
"The evil queen basically has been possesed by wierd and strange things"
That's just not satisfactory. You need to find more appealing words to describe these "things". It doesn't matter if it's 100% accurate and although it's easy to read for an unskilled foreigner, to anyone that's used to reading quality articles this where one of the main differences between a casual writer and a good writer is found.
"Story 6/10 decent but could have done with a lot more work."
Don't do this. Always paraphrase whatever you're writing as if you were to say it to another person. Surely you wouldn't say to your friend: "Hey this game's story 6 out of 10 decent...". If it's supposed to be presented somewhat more graphically, for instance: "Storyline (6/10): The storyline blablabla..." it's okay.
There are many more examples and mistakes I can see, this is just to give you an idea on what you should be concerned with. In general, focus on avoiding usage of the same words over and over again - e.g. "but" "so" "things" "for example", polish your english and make sure to re-read your work or hand it over to someone for corrections (that's actually way more effective).
Good luck, sorry if I'm being a bit harsh. You're not a lost case IMO.
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I've edited your review with minor fixes, I hope it suits you and doesn't alter your intentions:
So basically I want to practice writing so I though I would do reviews of other games I try out other than sc2 and get practice that way. Though it also might be intresting for people who have not played the game to see what they are like.
Today, I will be reviewing Dungeon Siege 3, the newest title in the Dungeon series. The game has been highly anticipated from fan of the Dungeon series as well as RPG-genre gamers. So lets take a look on how it fares with the current crop of RPG games in 2011.
STORY: The game basically lays everything out for you. You are a part of a dying order that is on the hunt by an evil queen. This queen basically has been possessed by a strange and bizarre being and has an unnatural power that is beyond your mystical order's strength
So the game has you running around trying to reclaim your order and keep it alive.
The story is interesting with some solid foundations: I have not played the previous games so I do not know if the stories relate, but it appears that they are completely separate. Otherwise it is a pretty simple narrative and for any lore junkies that love games with a deep story and lore. They should avoid this game at all costs
Story - 6/10: decent but could have done with a lot more work.
Graphics: The graphics are rather swell; very clear and crisp. Sometimes, when you are in dark places, you tend to not see a lot if the characters are wearing dark clothing. The graphics are a mix of realistic and more animated. There were some scenes where I kept thinking i was playing Torchlight, a similar style to Dungeon Siege 3.
I wasn't playing on maximum but the graphics were pretty solid. Amazing FPS (state what it was -ed) with a decent computer. I passed the minimum requirements fairly well and it worked without any hitches or issues.
Graphics - 8/10: Great graphics. But not on the same level as Withcer 2 or most graphically intensive games. However, it still pleases the eyes though.
Gameplay: the game has been classified as an "action" RPG. So in that vein we are getting the standard hack and slash gameplay we usually see from that sub-genre where you repetitively fight your way through more instanced levels of the game and through opponents.
Herein lies the gameplay problems: the camera is hard to control and frustrating the camera was frustrating to work with because it changes randomly and makes you miss your target over half the time.
That as you imagine leads to many deaths even on casual mode. When you're getting 10 mobs surrounding you, you don't want to have your camera mess up and die cause of it.
There is also problems with staying alive in this game. I may just be terrible or whatnot. But always when I am low health I go over to grab a health orb from a dead enemy (these spawn like money and are automatically used when you get close). In this case whenever I would get near, I would get shot at by long-range enemies wielding guns or arrows. It was never pleasant and thus either I am still terrible or these coincidences are irritating.
Gameplay - 4/10: Poor combat and camera makes this game a headache to play and just leaves you spamming left mouse button in hopes of killing something. Sometimes I couldn't even hit a barrel because of the camera.
Other notes: The game was decent to play. There are a number of issue that need to be fixed in time for release, and I hope they don't plague the release version of the game. Things like the camera and the health orbs are things that are required of a game to be good with. Something simple like a bad camera will destroy immersion in the simple story, and will make people not want to play the game.
Overall though the game is not a bad game. Its not a game that does anything lrage very wrongly. but it does a lot of small things that will frustrate you.
So I rate the game as a whole a 6/10.
Thanks for reading my review and hope it was decent to read.
Final notes: avoid repeating the same words. Use absolutes, not "some" "a little" etc. You have to be firm in your review, not two-sided.
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You lack punctuation, which gives more flair and depth to a sentence. Without punctuation -- commas, semi-colons, em-dashes, etc. -- sentences can be pretty boring.
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What exactly about your writing are you trying to improve?? Day to day stuff, or you want to write reviews?? Either way, you're probably best suited to reading good writers and trying to understand why they do things, look for tendencies and stuff. It will also give you a better grasp on the fundamentals. You've got a lot of basic errors (stories, not story's, etc) that aren't going to go away by just writing more. You need to see how it's done properly first.
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Thanks for all the advice so far. Going to look at this thread when I do another one.
In terms of what I want it for. Just general writing skills, for whenever I need it.
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Fabricando fit faber
Also, you may want to read a lot, getting vocabulary and syntax in the process (not speaking of this particular text, just as a general rule).
I used to work for lawyers and wrote a lot of pleadings for them. Well I guess I just got better at it with time, and by reading a lot of pleadings from other lawyers.
Sorry if this sounds just plain, I still believe it's as true as simple...
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On June 08 2011 03:04 masterbreti wrote:
Thanks for all the advice so far. Going to look at this thread when I do another one.
In terms of what I want it for. Just general writing skills, for whenever I need it.
definitely just read stuff by good writers in whatever form. Any hemmingway book is a good example of how to be slick without doing too much.
Hell, just reading the paper or SI or any generally well regarded publication will help. You can't really write better til you can recognize good writing
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In line with Hawk, the purpose of your improvement is a pivotal piece to helping specifically.
The number one thing you can do is read a slew of material in the area you're interested in writing for, whether short stories, novels, reviews, or news. Given that you've said "general writing skills," I would pick a variety of each of the aforementioned.
Over time, you'll become far more accustomed to different vocabulary, (it never hurts to continually look up words, even for those you already think you know), structures and formats associated across those different forms of writing.
There are also some pretty comprehensive English/grammar books out there that are pretty invaluable in terms of imparting knowledge across a wide spectrum of usages.
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EPT
