|
This post serves the purpose to relieve myself of some of the stress I've had lately with girls, hope people will be bored enough to read it.
I don't really have big difficulties getting to know girls, I'm past the whole insecurity act, but that isn't what bothers me right now, just so you know, it will make my story a bit clearer. I'm also 19 years old.
There is this one girl whom I've met a couple of months ago and I've liked her since we first started talking, but she was one of those tricky girls that let's you chase after them forever. After a while when we'd gotten to know each other pretty good things started feeling really great between us, it almost felt like we were toghether already.
And after a while she started losing interest, and kept some distance and even if I've had a few months getting to know her, the behavior that time was different. I simply told myself at the time that she wasn't interested in me, and I backed off.
A week passes. And I feel restless, changing the setting on my brain not to think too much about it, or what her and I could've been. Me and some friends go out clubbing downtown, and over there I meet a girl that an old aquaintance introduced to me. I started dancing with her and it went from one thing to another, there was no sex that night but we kissed quite a lot. Apparently she gets my number from one of my friends who she accidently happens to know.
I start going out with this chick, and I took notice that she was REALLY in to me, and I think she seems really cool, she was the kind of girl I needed to get past my thoughts on the one I was in love with earlier. At first things seemed pale between me and this new girl, but we grew attached really fast, and I sort of let my self go for her, because she had everything you would want in a girl, hot, very unique personality and she was also rich(maybe less relevant but fun fact).
So I start to develop feelings for this girl, and I've gotten the advice to not get em in bed early if I want it to last, naturally I want someone I can be comfortable with and stay with, I'm not really the kind of guy to sleep around. But we were drunk one weekend and I was supposed to sleep at her place, and she was really drunk and we had sex. The morning after she seems really sad because she realized what she had done, and even though she was really in love with me she didn't wanna pursue the relationship. Which makes me feel terrible.
I find out some days after that the girl whom I liked first actually liked me too, and she had a lot of insecurity reasons for doing what she did back then, and here I am ignoring her for another girl only to get my heart broken by my impatience, and girl number one is aware of this now.
Both of these women were keepers, the kind of women you want to spend years with, and I knew this, but I still managed to lose both of them.
I feel torn up inside, life really dried me out this time.
Any words of motivation, TL? If you cared to read.
TL;DR - Rant about double heartbreak
|
u must have threesome with them
only solution here imo
User was warned for this post
|
On March 21 2011 09:22 baller wrote:
u must have threesome with them
only solution here imo
Why don't you take your unfunny shit elsewhere?
Also, I don't really understand why the second girl just blew everything off cause you had drunken sex? You should at least be able to talk to her about it.
|
Thats a really screwed up situation man. But you had no way of knowing about the first one's true intentions. There really wasn't too much you could have done differently. But at the same time like any other heartbreak you can overcome them from seeking happiness from an internal source. Not an external source like another person, or money. Believe me, when you can be happy for who you are you'll be happy knowing that eventually that the right one will come around some day and until then you're happy just the way you are. When you were just a little kid you didn't need women to be happy. Youn found happiness in the simplicities of life. Revert back to that, be happy for yourself and all the things youve suceeded on in life and you'll be proud of yourself and live a happy life. It may seem hard now but it always does and I know you'll make it through it. Best of wishes to you. 
|
On March 21 2011 09:22 baller wrote:
u must have threesome with them
only solution here imo
looool baller. really tho, just talk to the insecure girl and explain that you were really drunk and thats the only reason you had sex with the first girl. you know, be like, everyone has sex before they're 18 anyways, and i dont have any stds, so no biggie right?
|
I feel your pain  Miss perfect left me 3 days ago as she is going to the states and doesn't feel like she can commit - I threw up just after she told me, never felt this bad in my life. Girls really know how to gutter you!
I hope you will get over it soon! GL!
|
I recently had a similar experience as you. Only I'm going through your 5th paragraph currently. All that you can do is remember that you gave it a shot and it was her that was turning you down because of her own insecurities. It sucks but thats just how things go sometimes. The best thing you can do is talk to the girl you feel is the one for you and just give it one last shot.
Its really strange how similar your situation with the first girl is. I would give my story but I've been trying to stay away from thinking about it because I always feel like crap whenever I do.
I would say, think about what you want and what you think is best for you and give it a shot. Down the road when you look back on this you'll at least have the comfort knowing that you tried what you could do. You'll feel like crap right now but there isn't really anything you can do right now that wont make you feel like crap unless something happens when you give it one last shot.
Probably shouldn't bother listening to me though, considering I fail at even taking my own advice.
|
Ghostcom: I feel your pain Miss perfect left me 3 days ago as she is going to the states and doesn't feel like she can commit - I threw up just after she told me, never felt this bad in my life. Girls really know how to gutter you! I hope you will get over it soon! GL!
Best of wishes to you too man. Just remember it hurts now but you both will see the light at the end of the shrouds soon enough.
|
That's too bad, but you can find consolation in the fact that girl number one does indeed like you.
So go talk to her, tell her basically everything you said in your post. If shes really that into you can make it work. If not then at least you tried considering the fact.
good luck youngling
|
Its hard to tell which ones are the keepers, in NA. They might just turn in a split-second and backstab you.
|
On March 21 2011 09:39 CheAse wrote:
That's too bad, but you can find consolation in the fact that girl number one does indeed like you.
So go talk to her, tell her basically everything you said in your post. If shes really that into you can make it work. If not then at least you tried considering the fact.
good luck youngling
This. At least try and restart from square one with girl one.
|
On March 21 2011 09:39 FODDER~ wrote:Show nested quote +Ghostcom: I feel your pain Miss perfect left me 3 days ago as she is going to the states and doesn't feel like she can commit - I threw up just after she told me, never felt this bad in my life. Girls really know how to gutter you! I hope you will get over it soon! GL! Best of wishes to you too man. Just remember it hurts now but you both will see the light at the end of the shrouds soon enough.
Thanks, and yeah the light is out there...
I think what one really needs to concider is that in case of girl #2 (and miss perfect) is that apperantly she didn't want it as much as you did, and then it is perhaps for the best that it got shot down early - it's horrible right now though.
|
I don't think you lost either one.
I don't exactly what to tell you, but I don't think you lost either one.
Take a break, have some you time, and figure out which one you like more, and then start talking to them again.
There are guys that have done worse things to me, we stopped talking for a bit, and then we would start to talk again after a few months and it felt perfectly normal, like nothing happened, like we were still good friends and still had interest in each other. I don't know if you know what I mean. o_O
"Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder" right? :>
|
Try to see if you can fix things with the girl you didn't have sex with, go out to dinner and explain what happen say you didn't the she was into you so you moved on.
If that doesn't work move on dude! There are tons more girls out there! I didn't think I could move on from my last girl friend. Then at work a beautiful girl walks in and I ask her out to coffee. It will happen just don't stress over it.
|
If you're having girl problems I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but I bitch ain't one
|
Truth be told bro, and not to sound corny, but go to church. I promise you'll find what you seek.
|
On March 21 2011 09:16 lakritzc wrote:
and she was really drunk and we had sex.
brag blog!
|
On March 21 2011 09:53 codeman305 wrote:
Truth be told bro, and not to sound corny, but go to church. I promise you'll find what you seek.
i find a lot of protoss gateway units there, specifically the type that cost no gas.
|
You seem indecisive about what you really want. Do you actually want a "woman you want to spend years with" or is it just that you've never been in a long term relationship and you're asking for help on how to start one?
If you want to date one of these girls long-term, you need to decide what traits you are really searching for in a partner. If one of them has that and you are confident that you want a relationship, go see them and tell them that you've never been in a long-term relationship but you'd like to start one with them, tell them about the 2nd girl and how the situation made you realise that you know what you want now.
|
Black Hero back in the game!!! :D
Simplest and best solution: be honest and throw it out there. Honesty is awesome, not only can you reap the benefits of chicks thinking you are honest/sensitive for telling them what you feel, but it is also that much simpler for you. You save yourself alot of tip-toeing around trying to understand what messages they send you, if its intentional, if they are just flirting or actually are interested etc, by simply asking them, telling them you need an honest answer after you tell them how you feel. Yes this might backfire on borderline cases, but I believe that if someone cannot answer you honestly after you clearly tell them your feelings, then its probable that the girl is not even worth pursuing.
So! Since girl number 2 apparently said that she did not want to pursue a relationship, that is a pretty clear answer, so try to patch things together with the first girl, by telling her that you did like her all along, and that you misunderstood her actions. Worst case is that you lose her as a friend but, having a girl you are interested in as a friend is not that great in the first place.
GL
|
What, is it really over with the second girl just because of a slight mistake? Can't you just not have sex for a while and hang out like you used to do? =S I don't really get it.
|
I'm with everyone else (intelligent), try to talk to the first girl and see where it goes. It doesn't sound like you did anything with girl #2 (the "fling" per se) to purposefully hurt #1, or even behind her back since you said she had lost interest (or seemed to) over some time, so you were just living your life.
If she holds that against you that's really harsh and could lead to problems down the road anyway (IMO). But if it's obvious that you didn't KNOW she was interested (and actually thought she wasn't) and you were just meeting other people naturally so to speak and living your life, she can't really blame you and you two could get something going.
Edit:
...try to patch things together with the first girl, by telling her that you did like her all along, and that you misunderstood her actions
This quote is pretty much worded perfectly for what I was trying to get across
|
It's rare to find a keeper at your age. It happens, but not often. 19-year-old girls don't know what they want, so you'll probably just have to wait. I had a girlfriend all through college. We were together for about 5 years. Right when college ended, she took off. It's frustrating, but college girls (and guys) are indecisive and flighty. It's a really annoying time of life for those of us who like solidarity.
|
The morning after she seems really sad because she realized what she had done, and even though she was really in love with me she didn't wanna pursue the relationship. Which makes me feel terrible.
Wait, she straight up told you she didn't wan't to pursue the relationship, or is this something you are inferring? Also, where is your relationship at right now?
|
i think girls are weird creatures. sometimes they want you to make the first move and sometimes they don't. they may seem into you but somehow, things just don't click when you actually make the first move.
for me, i always treat the subject with girls with a heart prepared to move on because that's usually almost always the case.
|
The only way out of this is to apologize and try to make things right. Chicks love sensitive dudes who admit they are wrong. Just tell em what really is up and hope for the best. You have to at least try.
|
Why do girls act not interested when they actually are? And how do you know the difference between that and really not interested?
And pretend you just ask bluntly, and they tell you they are interested, but still proceed to exhibit non-interested behavior. Why??
|
You might want to be sure that girl 2 really means she doesn't want to be with you, and that she is not just saying that as a reaction from you two doing something that was too much for her too fast. If it was just too much too fast, she may have over-reacted and not actually feel that way. If you immediately go find some other girl, and then find out as soon as you start getting involved with her that girl 2 actually does like you, that would suck. So just be sure you know how it is with her.
As for girl 1, if you are having confused feelings, don't pursue anything with her until you have made up your mind/know how girl 2 feels/know how you feel. If you lead her to believe something may happen between the two of you, and then you fix things with girl 2, or decide girl 1 is not for you, she may be really hurt.
I can sympathize, as I have been in love with my best friend for almost 2 years now, and for the majority of that time, he was screwing around with other women, asking me for dating advice, telling me about how happy they made him, etc. Another friend of mine convinced me if I gave him a chance he could make me fall out of love with my best friend and in love with him. (This is bullshit, never think someone new can make you lose interest in someone you actually love.) Eventually we broke up, because I couldn't get over my feelings for my best friend, and he hasn't spoken to me since. My best friend at that point was still telling me he didn't care for me at all and how dumb I was to leave a nice guy to pursue him. So I kinda felt like I had lost a good friend, and my best friend was being an ass/didn't care for me, and it realllllly sucked. But now my best friend and I are together after a few months of misery, and it is all working out. ^_^
Just keep your hopes up. It will work out.
|
On March 21 2011 10:47 Bronyaur wrote:Why do girls act not interested when they actually are? And how do you know the difference between that and really not interested? And pretend you just ask bluntly, and they tell you they are interested, but still proceed to exhibit non-interested behavior. Why??
because that's just who they are. too arrogant to admit their interest because it exposes a tinge of vulnerability.
|
Can you not try to fix things with both or one of them?
Or is it totally past that.
It seems like Girl 1 would be willing to, but girl 2 was a little too fresh to be too invested.
|
ahh everyone has a miss perfect in their life... i know mine i dont know whats worse... knowing you know the perfect girl for you, or waiting for her to come along
|
On March 21 2011 09:52 n3gative wrote:
If you're having girl problems I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but I bitch ain't one
I got 99 problems, and they all bitches
|
On March 21 2011 11:02 Lyzon wrote:ahh everyone has a miss perfect in their life... i know mine i dont know whats worse... knowing you know the perfect girl for you, or waiting for her to come along
knowing she's the one for you but having it to hard to come by.
|
I think you are in about the same footing with each girl. Girl 2 is a more likely candidate as you two have been together for a longer period of time and actually show mutual like for one another. Girl 1 is more likely to be a lost cause if you try to pursue her, as you had already had your way with girl 2. Think it through, and give it some time. However, girl 1 will be easier to approach and will be less awkward at first.
My advice: give it time and keeps it real.
|
On March 21 2011 10:50 JMave wrote:Show nested quote +On March 21 2011 10:47 Bronyaur wrote:Why do girls act not interested when they actually are? And how do you know the difference between that and really not interested? And pretend you just ask bluntly, and they tell you they are interested, but still proceed to exhibit non-interested behavior. Why?? because that's just who they are. too arrogant to admit their interest because it exposes a tinge of vulnerability.
I wouldn't say that's who they are. Not every girl does that, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't make it seem like they all do.
|
On March 21 2011 12:48 Raeleigh wrote:Show nested quote +On March 21 2011 10:50 JMave wrote:On March 21 2011 10:47 Bronyaur wrote:Why do girls act not interested when they actually are? And how do you know the difference between that and really not interested? And pretend you just ask bluntly, and they tell you they are interested, but still proceed to exhibit non-interested behavior. Why?? because that's just who they are. too arrogant to admit their interest because it exposes a tinge of vulnerability. I wouldn't say that's who they are. Not every girl does that, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't make it seem like they all do.
ok. sorry.
|
On March 21 2011 14:45 JMave wrote:Show nested quote +On March 21 2011 12:48 Raeleigh wrote:On March 21 2011 10:50 JMave wrote:On March 21 2011 10:47 Bronyaur wrote:Why do girls act not interested when they actually are? And how do you know the difference between that and really not interested? And pretend you just ask bluntly, and they tell you they are interested, but still proceed to exhibit non-interested behavior. Why?? because that's just who they are. too arrogant to admit their interest because it exposes a tinge of vulnerability. I wouldn't say that's who they are. Not every girl does that, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't make it seem like they all do. ok. sorry.
Actually I would say that's who they are. It refers to a subsection of girls, but SO MANY OF US DO IT.
|
yeah seriously ladies why you gotta make things difficult
|
On March 21 2011 15:52 Kyuukyuu wrote:
yeah seriously ladies why you gotta make things difficult
I suppose it's in our blood. LOL
Guys get "MY PENIS IS BIGGER THAN YOURS" in their blood.
Girls get "MAKE LIFE DIFFICULT" in theirs.
=P
|
On March 21 2011 09:22 baller wrote:
u must have threesome with them
only solution here imo
User was warned for this post
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA IM SORRY TL BUT THAT WAS HILARIOUS!
Anyway, back to the topic in question. You need to choose one or the other. You can't have both chicks.
|
You need to think about who you like more. It wouldn't be fair to either girls if you still have feelings for the other one. Once you do that, confess everything to that girl and say why you picked her.
However step 1 to me will be to fix your relationship with girl 2 so that it won't be super awkward.
Good luck
|
Thanks for all the cool replies, didn't expect such a lot of feedback, feels really good!
I'm going to start talking again with the first girl I mentioned I think, she seems a little distant to me right now but I hope I can settle things out. Me and her built quite the connection, and I'm quite sure that she has feelings for me, I think I should just follow the suggestion of telling her how I feel, because I think her indecisiveness and insecurity is kinda based upon it too, because she's afraid to comitt or get hurt. This girl is REALLY delicate, she's the typical sweetheart, the angelic smile, she doesn't drink or do drugs (opposite from me) and she has a really loving family. I wouldn't wanna break her for anything in the world.
And the other girl is kind of mysterious actually, she's more like me, parties all the time and I feel like I can go all out with her, I can hang out with her with my other friends. She's really witty too, and even though I felt that our relationship didn't get the same time to develop as the first girl I felt something going on between us.
Another weird thing that is going on with the second girl is that she's still talking to me, even though she said she didnt want to pursue a relationship. Can she really ignore such feelings?
I've been in a longtime relationship before, and I've been through having my gf cheating on me and shit, to me it feels like these girls wouldn't do anything of the kind. It kinda feels like I'm not allowed to get girls like these because I'm a bit of a retard myself sometimes. I'm really anxious.
Thanks for all the support TL! Starcraft community <3
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
