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sc4k
United Kingdom5454 Posts
Also, she's involved in retarded student protests and underground activity, something I think very low of, but I discussed her politics and she really has no good reasons for doing it, she's not an idiot. She'll probably have stopped it in a year's time anyway. So sorry there isn't a pokemon related punchline 'cos this is an actual question, but I'll leave you with this funny picture to make up for it: + Show Spoiler + ![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/CMwsd.jpg)  | ||
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Wolf
Korea (South)3290 Posts
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Tony Campolo
New Zealand364 Posts
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aidnai
United States1159 Posts
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underscore
252 Posts
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anatem
Romania1369 Posts
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Divinek
Canada4045 Posts
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sc4k
United Kingdom5454 Posts
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amd098
Korea (North)1366 Posts
But if you are, and things work out for you, she would stick with you for a very long time. She might be more willing to stay and make things work instead of giving up as it would have an effect on her son, so she might be more committed to the relationship than some other women. My friend had a kid with a girl at 18. Now he is 33 and married to that girl. I've never seen anyone so happy as the two of them, he realized that he is now responsible, and he went through school and got his CPA & MBA and makes a TON of money. He's a great dad, but he would never have gone through college he said if he did not have a daughter to support. I guess, its just a difference of what the two of you want in a relationship. If you just want someone temporarily, and she wants someone to settle down with, then its best you rethink it through. | ||
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Silentness
United States2821 Posts
It might of been 3 girls, but I'm not 100% sure the 3rd girl had a kid or not... she was probably hiding him/her from me. Trust me the kid will come first over you. This may not seem like a bad thing, but eventually it might become tedious. | ||
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legatus legionis
Netherlands559 Posts
I don't understand this: "she really has no good reasons for doing it, she's not an idiot". Isn't she an idiot because she doesn't have any good reasons? Anyway, if you keep it minor for now, are sure you won't get sucked in and become accountable for anything, then I would atleast test the waters. glhf | ||
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Jathin
United States3505 Posts
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meegrean
Thailand7699 Posts
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nttea
Sweden4353 Posts
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Servius_Fulvius
United States947 Posts
On February 16 2011 21:09 Silentness wrote: Trust me the kid will come first over you. This may not seem like a bad thing, but eventually it might become tedious. This is the only downside to the situation IF you consider it a downside. You could view it one of two ways: she was/is irresponsible enough to get pregnant from an old relationship/hookup OR having a child forces her to grow up in many ways and you could date a girl who's years beyond the typical 20-25-year-old age group. But hey, if you like her go for it and see how it works out  | ||
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quirinus
Croatia2489 Posts
Kids are huge thing. Parents don't have time for anything else, and the kid is the first thing over everything. If you don't have any experience with kids, don't do it. Hell, even if you do, stay away. xD | ||
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JoFu
United States25 Posts
"Also, she's involved in retarded student protests and underground activity, something I think very low of, but I discussed her politics and she really has no good reasons for doing it, she's not an idiot. She'll probably have stopped it in a year's time anyway." Loving how much "stay the fuck away from women with kids" I'm seeing. I guess if you really need "all of her attention all of the time", then this is a bad call. Really, I don't see a problem with it. Yeah, it may get complicated having to get a babysitter, but it makes that time seem more special. I dated a girl who had to take care of her 3 sisters and little brother every Friday and Saturday night because her parents were more social than she was, apparently. It was actually kind of fun, and you wind up looking like a pro every night when they all get put to bed having dealt with all of that. And needless to say, that pays off very well for you. | ||
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Catch]22
Sweden2683 Posts
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Sephy90
United States1785 Posts
On February 16 2011 22:21 JoFu wrote: I'm surprised you're not more turned off by this: "Also, she's involved in retarded student protests and underground activity, something I think very low of, but I discussed her politics and she really has no good reasons for doing it, she's not an idiot. She'll probably have stopped it in a year's time anyway." Loving how much "stay the fuck away from women with kids" I'm seeing. I guess if you really need "all of her attention all of the time", then this is a bad call. Really, I don't see a problem with it. Yeah, it may get complicated having to get a babysitter, but it makes that time seem more special. I dated a girl who had to take care of her 3 sisters and little brother every Friday and Saturday night because her parents were more social than she was, apparently. It was actually kind of fun, and you wind up looking like a pro every night when they all get put to bed having dealt with all of that. And needless to say, that pays off very well for you. Dating a single mom is way different than dating a girl who had to take care of her siblings only 2 times out of the week yo. That might've seemed like nothing to you but being a single parent is full-time job and it might get annoying that you don't get as much time with her as you want. Sure at first you don't mind but over the course of time you'll probably get tired of it. OP Since you sound kind of hesitant you should forget about her. You say she's awesome but come on you should know there are other awesome girls out there ^_^. Also I said you sound hesitant but it seems like you want to give this a shot so if you feel like you should then do it but just don't get yourself hurt ^_^. Again my advice is stay away. | ||
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DoubleZee
Canada556 Posts
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bonifaceviii
Canada2890 Posts
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telfire
United States415 Posts
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mucker
United States1120 Posts
I dated her for about 5 months a couple years ago. I liked her quite a bit but the situation got tiresome really fast. If the kid isn't her top priority then she's a shitty person and you're not going to want to be with her anyways. It was tough, however, dating someone and being low on her priority list. I basically couldn't be spontaneous, I had to call at certain times, I couldn't just show up or spring plans on her on a whim, little weekend getaways were usually out of the question, we couldn't stay out all night when we did go out, etc. After the inital 'wow we like each other!' getting to know one another funtimes it started to feel a little one sided. I was basically on call in the event that a situation would arise where we could spend some time together and started to restrict my social life, rarely making plans in advance with my friends. I had to make her a super high priority for it to work. It became clear that our lives just didn't fit together. I started feeling bad anytime I was out having fun or doing something interesting because next time I'd talk to her and she would never have any fun stories to share. In the end she made it clear that the next progression for the relationship would be for the kid to become a bigger part of it. The three of us doing things together on the weekend, me hanging out there and playing with the kid for an evening rather than her and I going out, etc. The kid was cute and all but that was totally not what I wanted my life to be like. It was over pretty quickly after that. | ||
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StorkHwaiting
United States3465 Posts
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sc4k
United Kingdom5454 Posts
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Thrill
2599 Posts
Dream come true! Then again, if you step in; you might be raising the offspring of one of your metal idols, never know! | ||
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QuanticHawk
United States32045 Posts
More retarded: Student protests and 'underground activities' (whatever the fuck that is) or ![[image loading]](http://mybirthdaycompatibility.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/stockxpertcom_id4028021_jpg_a8f594bce3d89126423045e049ba4450.jpg) decisions, decisions | ||
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xarthaz
1704 Posts
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amd098
Korea (North)1366 Posts
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thehorsebecomesking
189 Posts
On February 16 2011 20:19 Tony Campolo wrote: If she's into feminist stuff you're fucked (financially) - you don't want to be paying child support somewhere down the line for one that's not yours. Watch the movie Blue Valentine. She'll always have the kid as a reminder of the alpha male who fucked her, and as time wears on she'll grow disinterested in you and long for the one who got away. this has to be the funniest thing ive read all day. if you wish to use queer terms then 'alpha male' would actually be the guy who isnt afraid to get with her even though she has a kid On February 16 2011 20:33 underscore wrote: Don't do it, for her sake. She already got a child doesn't need a 2nd (you). ahaha well played sir, well played i am dating someone who has a child, its a different situation because her kid isnt with her right now. but to be honest with you this relationship is the best and deepest i've ever had. so by all means dont let her kid discourage you | ||
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NuKedUFirst
Canada3139 Posts
No but seriously, I hate kids so I probably wouldn't but if you don't mind kids and like responsibility go for it, I mean, you said she is pretty awesome right? As for politics, I don't see why people need to get involved in other peoples politics. | ||
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D10
Brazil3409 Posts
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SpoR
United States1542 Posts
On February 16 2011 20:22 aidnai wrote: it takes a lot of maturity man. If she's got a kid and she's dating, she (hopefully) is looking for a more serious relationship, possibly someone to be a father type figure or something. If that's not what you're looking for, I'd say don't string her along. Just man up, initiate conversation about what you both are looking for, if it doesn't line up or make sense for you to be dating, don't do it. not always true actually. I know lots of girls that have kids and they don't know what the fuck they want. I mean they had a kid and their life was unstable, what makes you think that would change them? No offense to OP girl or women in general, but I think you have to be pretty stupid to have a kid when you don't want one to begin with/or do want one but are not stable (with a guy you're not 150% sure is going to stay and be a good relationship/father). I may just be an asshole though because I am biased. | ||
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FakePlasticLove
United States357 Posts
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Sleight
2471 Posts
Don't let it be a dilemma. Just decide what you feel comfortable with. | ||
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palanq
United States761 Posts
sounds like a bad deal. | ||
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lastmotion
368 Posts
On February 17 2011 07:18 FakePlasticLove wrote: Yeah go watch Blue Valentine with her. This. lol | ||
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Hidden_MotiveS
Canada2562 Posts
On February 16 2011 20:15 sc4k wrote: I met a girl who's pretty awesome, she's pretty good-looking, pretty intelligent, she has a great music taste and has even toured with some of my favourite metal bands like Nile and Decapitated. But she has a 2 year old kid. She can't be that intelligent if she listens to metal, goes to tours(first thing that came to my mind is she got knocked up at one), and is a single mother(imagery of her doing douchebag men). You make her into an idealization. In our country you get supported immensely by the government, and she has a pretty good money situation. Cool, but money shouldn't be the big issue if you know you love this girl. I just don't know if I should be getting involved with a girl who if I want to take her out she needs to arrange a babysitter... If you really are bothered with this girl getting a babysitter, you're not ready for this commitment. Also, she's involved in retarded student protests and underground activity, something I think very low of, but I discussed her politics and she really has no good reasons for doing it, she's not an idiot. She'll probably have stopped it in a year's time anyway. How can you be sure she'll have stopped in a year? Were I in your situation, I'd have a tough time making the decision too. I may sound critical of the relationship, but that's only because I'm an outsider, I don't love this girl, and I'm making objective comments. | ||
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thehorsebecomesking
189 Posts
believe it or not this thread made me watch it. great movie, made my gf sad for a bit. i think shes really worried about the future of our relationship so it was actually great for us to watch together | ||
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Zim23
United States1681 Posts
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DoctorHelvetica
United States15034 Posts
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Firereaver
India1701 Posts
And please dont hit it and quit it like the majority of idiots will suggest here... Shes already probably got enuff shit in her past and present life to handle without more from you. My 2 cents. | ||
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Fen
Australia1848 Posts
If no, then don't bother. If yes, then consider how you feel about raising someone elses child. Single mothers are either looking for a random hookup or a father for their child. Seeing as you're considering dating her, then its obviously not a random hookup. So by dating her, you are also accepting the role of being the father to that child, because as you get more and more involved with each other, that is what you will be expected to do. | ||
Rekrul
Korea (South)17174 Posts
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Kickboxer
Slovenia1308 Posts
I might sound like a total prick, but that's the one situation in life I'd never, ever get into. Hell, for the bohemian twenty-something nerd it sucks enough to have your own kid! A friend of mine had his not long ago and he's basically disappeared off the face of the world. | ||
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jacen
Austria3644 Posts
On February 17 2011 18:39 Rekrul wrote: DON'T Spokem like a boss! And true too. | ||
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thesideshow
930 Posts
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Never.Die
Japan189 Posts
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tonight
United States11130 Posts
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kellymilkies
Singapore1393 Posts
Good luck with whatever you decide. Unless you are ready to go for a long term relationship I suggest you guys just stay as friend. Think of the kid. | ||
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Torenhire
United States11681 Posts
On February 17 2011 18:39 Rekrul wrote: DON'T This should be the only reply you read in the thread, sc4k :D also welcome back  | ||
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AlphaWhale
Australia328 Posts
On February 16 2011 21:09 Silentness wrote: Trust me the kid will come first over you. This may not seem like a bad thing, but eventually it might become tedious. Unless the woman is a bronze league mother, the child will always come first - even if it's both of yours. | ||
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MetalMarine
United States1559 Posts
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CapnAmerica
United States508 Posts
You never want to take a huge step like that without thinking it through first. Having a girlfriend is one thing, having a kid is another (and if you are committed to the relationship, they will become your kid). If you don't feel comfortable, give yourself more time to do your own thing. It's better to discover someone who fits perfectly for you somewhere down the line than to be sitting in your bedroom wanting to kill yourself because you're fed up with the kid's nagging. | ||
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kNightLite
United States408 Posts
As long as you're cool with the surrogate father thing, I say give it a chance. Who knows, you may end up loving the kid just as much as the girl. You won't know until you try. However if you're not comfortable with the surrogate father thing, then you need to be up-front about that with the mother and establish some boundaries. The last thing you want to do is set up false expectations. | ||
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Rabbitmaster
1357 Posts
On February 16 2011 20:33 underscore wrote: Don't do it, for her sake. She already got a child doesn't need a 2nd (you). This, and no offense. | ||
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sc4k
United Kingdom5454 Posts
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Torte de Lini
Germany38463 Posts
To be honest... it wasn't that hard of a decision for others to make. You guys were clearly on different stages of experience, life and baby-making. | ||
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sc4k
United Kingdom5454 Posts
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