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On February 10 2011 06:53 Robstickle wrote:
If you have a legitimate reason to wish they had never been born. For example, if your son is Osama Bin Laden, Adolf Hitler or Piers Morgan.
Hah, nice one
Anyways, it's difficult to imagine a parent truly wishing they never had their child. I can understand regret for how the child turned out, or maybe some regret if you had a child before you were ready (teenage pregnancy for example) that might "ruin" your life, or at least disrupt the life you had planned, but to wish a child had never been born is pretty severe.
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Unless the argument is about you wanting to become the second Adolf Hitler or something, it's absolutely not justified. Why would you ever even consider hurting your child like that? It goes quite a bit beyond tough love because saying "I wish you were never born" and implies no love at all.
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Osaka27174 Posts
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Why does it matter? Words are words.
There are a million other things the parent could say that would make the child just as upset.
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On February 10 2011 07:28 Backpack wrote:
Why does it matter? Words are words.
There are a million other things the parent could say that would make the child just as upset.
It matters because the words a parent uses to express their thoughts and feelings to their child regarding said child carry the ability to harm said child. Parents are supposed to provide for and protect their children. Once a parent damages that bond, it can have lasting effects on the child.
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It hurt enough when my mom got drunk and called me (well in a G-rated version) a wuss. I don't want to know how bad it would hurt if one of my parents said they wished I wasn't born. Some people might be able to handle it and not be effected from it but it is never an excusable thing to say to your child unless the parent is insane or the child is insane/a huge criminal I'd say.
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I don't like using the word 'unacceptable,' but certainly is always very immature and is a poor reflection on the parent. But parents are allowed to be immature sometimes. No one is perfect. If not this exact phrase, then at least something else is always going to be said that is contrary to the image of an ideal parent.
I think it is expecting a little much to think parents can never have mean thoughts about their children, especially after they've grown up a little. Admittedly you want to be extra careful during critical years of childhood, but when your kid's a teenager and has started acting independently, it's probably okay to have your own feelings again.
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hey my mom straight up told me one day that their condom broke and was even thinking of aborting me. and somehow the doctor (i guess prolife?) convinced them that such conception is rare and "special". my parents bought it and I was born -_-
didn't phase me at all tho. it was rather an interesting fact for me.
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On February 10 2011 08:01 dkim wrote:
hey my mom straight up told me one day that their condom broke and was even thinking of aborting me. and somehow the doctor (i guess prolife?) convinced them that such conception is rare and "special". my parents bought it and I was born -_-
didn't phase me at all tho. it was rather an interesting fact for me.
There's a pretty big difference between being born when pregnancy wasn't planned and being hated for being born.
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On February 10 2011 07:39 LazyMacro wrote:Show nested quote +On February 10 2011 07:28 Backpack wrote:
Why does it matter? Words are words.
There are a million other things the parent could say that would make the child just as upset. It matters because the words a parent uses to express their thoughts and feelings to their child regarding said child carry the ability to harm said child. Parents are supposed to provide for and protect their children. Once a parent damages that bond, it can have lasting effects on the child.
My point was that no matter what the parent chooses to say, they can inflict the same harm. So there is nothing special or extra terrible about the "I wish you were never born" phrase. If it gets to the point where they think that, the relationship is already screwed up.
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On February 10 2011 08:05 LazyMacro wrote:Show nested quote +On February 10 2011 08:01 dkim wrote:
hey my mom straight up told me one day that their condom broke and was even thinking of aborting me. and somehow the doctor (i guess prolife?) convinced them that such conception is rare and "special". my parents bought it and I was born -_-
didn't phase me at all tho. it was rather an interesting fact for me. There's a pretty big difference between being born when pregnancy wasn't planned and being hated for being born.
oh yea, my post above iwas in response to
I wittnessed a parent saying The only reason his kid exist is because he did not use a condom.
That gotta hurt, knowing you were an accident
I said earlier in this thread re op's post that
its not ok to say that because it was parent's decision to have you born in the first place.
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we all say shit like this sometime in our life, unless we are lucky. if you cant relate to your kid and your kid cant relate to you, and you just think your kid is nasty and spiteful and doesnt care about you and you're stressed to fuck and feel unloved and hopeless and angry, you can easily say something malicious. women especially act on their emotions from one day to the next, so its no big deal for them to hate you one day and love you the next, given how a particular day has worked out :/
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On February 10 2011 04:46 KevinIX wrote:
No. I would lose all respect for my dad if he ever said that to me.
No you wouldn't, it takes a lot more than one harsh comment for a child truly believe that deep down.
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It's fine as a joke or if the kid does something crazy stupid like becoming a fan of kpop.
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My dad told me tons of time that I was a mistake lol but he's a drunken baffoon
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My dad said this to my mom and I overheard (not in those exact words but he implied it). But it didn't really bother me, I mean having kids is hard work. It's not really a big deal, it doesn't mean he doesn't love me or he wishes I was dead, just that kids are a pain. Every parent at some point wonders what it would have been like if they hadn't had children.
edit: ok I should point out that there's a very big difference between "I wish you didn't exist but I'm ok with your brother" and "I shouldn't have had kids", and one of those is never appropriate
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On February 10 2011 07:00 Manifesto7 wrote:
Moved to blogs.
I don't understand why this is a blog. :S
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my friend's dad breaks his son's balls by saying he should stayed home and jerked off that night. I always found that to be touching
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It is very painful when your mother tells you she hates you and that you were never born, as I know well from experience.
I believe that people like me that have experienced it, have always known their parent feels that way, whether it's said outright or not.
I am sitting here with my mother who told me that just a few months ago.
I didn't want to come visit, for that precise reason.
But, I have realized I need to forgive my mother. I have spent most of my life trying to get her to understand the damage a lifetime of hurting me as caused.
I have come to accept that she nevet will. It would be too much of an adustment for her.
So I have to believe and accept, that on some level, she doesn't, or isn't capable of doing this.
It has been excruciatingly hard, but I am finally leatning to let go of wishing she could understand. I have to do this for my own well being, as well as it's the only path to True Evolution.
I wish Everyone the Best on this site. I wish that We can all Heal our Hurts.
Blessings to Everyone Here, May U Recover.
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I agree. You have to forgive your parents and forget.
Life sucks. Deal with it.
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EPT
