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Jayve
155 Posts
It's basically a case of: "Is it EVER okay or acceptable for a parent to tell their child that they wish the child was never born.?" Personally I don't think so. But arguements for it could be: If you're having a heated arguement with your child, if they've deliberately hurt you, if they've said themselves that they wish they were never born, etc. Any scenario you can think of that makes it acceptable? | ||
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TriumpHisme
United States97 Posts
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Megaliskuu
United States5123 Posts
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ecDIESEL
United States132 Posts
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TSM
Great Britain584 Posts
this is kinda creepy..... | ||
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LazyMacro
976 Posts
Telling your child you wish they'd never been born, in my opinion, falls under abuse. Psychologically, I think kids implicitly listen to what their parents say because instinctually, kids should be able to trust their parents. | ||
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bonifaceviii
Canada2890 Posts
Didn't do any long-term damage, so it's all cool. | ||
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Creation85
51 Posts
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Sorkoas
549 Posts
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MrBob
93 Posts
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KevinIX
United States2472 Posts
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Kakera
United States419 Posts
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Punkstar
Slovakia522 Posts
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HaRuHi
1220 Posts
or ... no i think thats it...otherwise never ever ok to say. | ||
ZeromuS
Canada13389 Posts
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crumunch
United States54 Posts
If a kid says, "I wish I were never born," it's just the kid being a brat imo. But if you're old enough to have a child, you should know better. | ||
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jinorazi
Korea (South)4948 Posts
my brother and my sister is 3 years apart. i'm 9 years and 6 years apart from my siblings. supposedly, they only planned on 2 kids but they had me after 6 years :/ | ||
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afk4lifez
United States44 Posts
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enzym
Germany1034 Posts
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bubblegumbo
Taiwan1296 Posts
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Clearout
Norway1060 Posts
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Pandonetho
Canada321 Posts
But arguements for it could be: If you're having a heated arguement with your child, if they've deliberately hurt you, if they've said themselves that they wish they were never born, etc. What? WTF kind of arguments are these? | ||
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Hamster
United Kingdom156 Posts
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XsebT
Denmark2980 Posts
The kid is already born. No matter how old/young, stupid, agressive, violent or annoying this kid is, there is no turning back. The kid is out, the point of no return is long gone, and thus nothing good can ever come from a comment like that from a parent. If there are any problems, they should of course be solved somehow, but saying that denifitely isn't the way of doing so. Also, if the parents ever say that, they should really just wish they, themselves, were never born in the first place. | ||
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FlopTurnReaver
Switzerland1980 Posts
This is the last thing a parent should ever say to it's child. | ||
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Jayve
155 Posts
On February 10 2011 04:45 Sorkoas wrote: I'm curious about the reason why you even start this thread, because the answer seems obvious. It's hardly something you can use as a joke, of course. OP you can talk to us, it's ok. I suppose I'd say this even if it wasn't the case, but no it's not me I'm talking about. I have a set of completely different complicated issues with my parents. ^^ On February 10 2011 05:02 Pandonetho wrote: What? WTF kind of arguments are these? The ones I've heard. As I said, I don't believe there is ANY scenario in which this is okay, but I've heard these. Thanks for the feedback so far guys. <3 | ||
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compscidude
176 Posts
I still remember some bad things my parents said to me when i was 5 or 6. still hold grudge againts them for it. | ||
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Fraidnot
United States824 Posts
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distant_voice
Germany2521 Posts
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StewKer
United States301 Posts
A parent should have nothing but love for their children and want the best for them. | ||
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RickOrShay
New Zealand132 Posts
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Sewi
Germany1697 Posts
I hope I expressed what I wanted to say... :p | ||
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ktp
United States797 Posts
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dbosworld
United States317 Posts
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danl9rm
United States3111 Posts
On February 10 2011 04:37 MidasMulligan wrote: I think if it were said jokingly, that would be an acceptable scenario. I can't think of a time where that "joke" would ever be funny. Still unacceptable imo. | ||
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Crushgroove
United States793 Posts
If My kid was caught trying to fly a plane into a building screaming "F*ck the USA" I'd tell him that and never think twice about it. | ||
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Freyr
United States500 Posts
One quick comment I'd like to make is regarding this idea that parents are solely responsible for how their kid turns out - this is obviously not true at all. After the first few years of a child's life, children are exposed to a dramatically increasing number of external influences, all of which have the potential to impact the maturing process. Even assuming the parents are omniscient with regard to child raising (which is a ludicrous proposition), they still won't have complete control over their children's surroundings/influences (which we can all be thankful for since they are never omniscient), so how could parents possibly be solely, or even largely (except presumably in clear cases of abuse) responsible for how their children turn out? | ||
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Crushgroove
United States793 Posts
On February 10 2011 05:41 Freyr wrote: Ideally no one would say mean things at all. Still don't understand why its not ok to be honest. | ||
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Enervate
United States1769 Posts
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Freyr
United States500 Posts
On February 10 2011 05:42 Crushgroove wrote: Still don't understand why its not ok to be honest. I think it can be okay - like I qualified after that excerpt, in the context of carefully considered "tough love". I think it does have to be carefully considered, though. For example, if you just tell an obese adult he/she's fat, it is probably not going to help, because the individual is probably already painfully aware of the issue (this may be different for children, who knows). If you agree with that logic, then being honest in that case is just indulging some silly desire to be mean, which in my opinion is not okay. (Or at least, to avoid arbitrary definitions of what is "okay" and why, I just don't like it). | ||
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MadNeSs
Denmark1507 Posts
On February 10 2011 05:47 Enervate wrote: It's never acceptable, but people make unacceptable actions all the time. That still doesnt make it right! | ||
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yamtaro
Australia14 Posts
What I do think this question outlines is the over sensetivity of todays parenting where children are wrapped in cotton wool, houses are made of soft rubber, doors are kept firmly locked to keep away evil people and comments like this are always taken in the worst light possible and people making these comments are pretty much crucified. I grew up playing on rusty old play equipment and the local park, running out of the house at 8am and not coming home untill dinner time covered in cuts, bruises, bike chain grease from yet another pushbike crash... and occasionaly I had fights with my parents. I'm not in an institution, im not roaming the streets preying on people and I'm so damn happy when I look at parenting now days that my parents let me have a childhood. Stop being so damn sensetive people! | ||
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floor exercise
Canada5847 Posts
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xZiGGY
United Kingdom801 Posts
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dkim
United States255 Posts
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Mastermind
Canada7096 Posts
On February 10 2011 04:37 Megaliskuu wrote: If the kid tries to kill his parent..maybe they might say that..otherwise maybe not lol. I think this is probably one of the only acceptable situations to say it. Or if the kid does kill one parent I think it would be acceptable for the other parent to say it. | ||
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Epsilon8
Canada173 Posts
Children aren't somehow deserving of less respect.. they should be treated as how everyone else is treated. You wouldn't say to another human being "I wish you were never born." It's the same thing. | ||
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ToxNub
Canada805 Posts
If your parents are cruel enough to say something like that, then why do you care what they think? God, people need to grow some balls. Anyone can say anything to me, and yes, I will be ok. | ||
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JadeFist
United States1225 Posts
On February 10 2011 06:11 ToxNub wrote: Who cares? If your parents are cruel enough to say something like that, then why do you care what they think? God, people need to grow some balls. Anyone can say anything to me, and yes, I will be ok. You contradict yourself in your own argument. You describe the parents' actions as cruel but then say it's no big deal? That kids need to grow balls? Sure, a lot of kids could become more confident amongst their peers but relationship between parents and children is another story. | ||
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Cyber_Cheese
Australia3615 Posts
that said, i accidentally voted no | ||
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KangaRuthless
United States304 Posts
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Mafs
Canada458 Posts
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Mawi
Sweden4365 Posts
come to think of it, it actually made me a better human disciplined kid i was the most respected kid on the block after months and years of beating.I wittnessed a parent saying The only reason his kid exist is because he did not use a condom. That gotta hurt, knowing you were an accident. | ||
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Disregard
China10252 Posts
It may sound outrageous for the Westerners but its nothing, just something you were say when you get upset or angry. | ||
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SweeTLemonS[TPR]
11739 Posts
On February 10 2011 06:11 ToxNub wrote: Who cares? If your parents are cruel enough to say something like that, then why do you care what they think? God, people need to grow some balls. Anyone can say anything to me, and yes, I will be ok. Someone's parents didn't love him very much. ^ | ||
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smokeyhoodoo
United States1021 Posts
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SigmaoctanusIV
United States3313 Posts
I was outraged we tried to just pack up some cloths for him and leave. Though she said that she was going to call the police that we were stealing from her. Just trying to get his cloths packed up... So she does she called the police and we were almost arrested for burglary and trespassing. I had to talk to the cops and explain the entire situation and eventually we were let go. My friend is doing alright now living with some friends of ours. So OP to answer your question. Under no circumstance would it be alright to even mutter it. The entire situation had a profound effect on me, I will never be able to think of that woman the same way again. Hope this sums it up for you. | ||
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Dagobert
Netherlands1858 Posts
But that aside... my answer is: usually when that phrase is uttered, it is meant to convey not "I wish you had never been born", but "I feel bad. Right now, you don't meet my expectations. I wish you did, because I think that would make me feel better." so parents aren't aware their children might interpret this as way more 'honest' than it should be given credit for. When it is actually meant and felt and honest,... the question is still if the reason for the parent saying it is somewhat legitimate. Say Mao's father realized what a major dick his son turned out to be. First thing would be to realize he probably failed as a father, second he could tell his son he wished he'd never been born. I would say... that would be both honest and hence legitimate.Final question is if it makes things better if they say it, but that's more a matter of insight rather than moral choice. | ||
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Robstickle
Great Britain406 Posts
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smokeyhoodoo
United States1021 Posts
On February 10 2011 05:54 floor exercise wrote: Hitler had parents Maybe they said that to him and set the ball rolling... | ||
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Elegy
United States1629 Posts
On February 10 2011 06:53 Robstickle wrote: If you have a legitimate reason to wish they had never been born. For example, if your son is Osama Bin Laden, Adolf Hitler or Piers Morgan. Hah, nice one Anyways, it's difficult to imagine a parent truly wishing they never had their child. I can understand regret for how the child turned out, or maybe some regret if you had a child before you were ready (teenage pregnancy for example) that might "ruin" your life, or at least disrupt the life you had planned, but to wish a child had never been born is pretty severe. | ||
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redoxx
United States333 Posts
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Manifesto7
Osaka27149 Posts
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Backpack
United States1776 Posts
There are a million other things the parent could say that would make the child just as upset. | ||
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LazyMacro
976 Posts
On February 10 2011 07:28 Backpack wrote: Why does it matter? Words are words. There are a million other things the parent could say that would make the child just as upset. It matters because the words a parent uses to express their thoughts and feelings to their child regarding said child carry the ability to harm said child. Parents are supposed to provide for and protect their children. Once a parent damages that bond, it can have lasting effects on the child. | ||
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zergnewb
United States816 Posts
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Chef
10810 Posts
I think it is expecting a little much to think parents can never have mean thoughts about their children, especially after they've grown up a little. Admittedly you want to be extra careful during critical years of childhood, but when your kid's a teenager and has started acting independently, it's probably okay to have your own feelings again. | ||
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dkim
United States255 Posts
didn't phase me at all tho. it was rather an interesting fact for me. | ||
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LazyMacro
976 Posts
On February 10 2011 08:01 dkim wrote: hey my mom straight up told me one day that their condom broke and was even thinking of aborting me. and somehow the doctor (i guess prolife?) convinced them that such conception is rare and "special". my parents bought it and I was born -_- didn't phase me at all tho. it was rather an interesting fact for me. There's a pretty big difference between being born when pregnancy wasn't planned and being hated for being born. | ||
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Backpack
United States1776 Posts
On February 10 2011 07:39 LazyMacro wrote: It matters because the words a parent uses to express their thoughts and feelings to their child regarding said child carry the ability to harm said child. Parents are supposed to provide for and protect their children. Once a parent damages that bond, it can have lasting effects on the child. My point was that no matter what the parent chooses to say, they can inflict the same harm. So there is nothing special or extra terrible about the "I wish you were never born" phrase. If it gets to the point where they think that, the relationship is already screwed up. | ||
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dkim
United States255 Posts
On February 10 2011 08:05 LazyMacro wrote: There's a pretty big difference between being born when pregnancy wasn't planned and being hated for being born. oh yea, my post above iwas in response to I wittnessed a parent saying The only reason his kid exist is because he did not use a condom. That gotta hurt, knowing you were an accident I said earlier in this thread re op's post that its not ok to say that because it was parent's decision to have you born in the first place. | ||
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luckyseven
179 Posts
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Scaramanga
Australia8090 Posts
On February 10 2011 04:46 KevinIX wrote: No. I would lose all respect for my dad if he ever said that to me. No you wouldn't, it takes a lot more than one harsh comment for a child truly believe that deep down. | ||
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Zim23
United States1681 Posts
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Fallen33
United States596 Posts
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starfries
Canada3508 Posts
edit: ok I should point out that there's a very big difference between "I wish you didn't exist but I'm ok with your brother" and "I shouldn't have had kids", and one of those is never appropriate | ||
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Jayve
155 Posts
On February 10 2011 07:00 Manifesto7 wrote: Moved to blogs. I don't understand why this is a blog. :S | ||
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QuanticHawk
United States32058 Posts
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QSUSA
1 Post
I believe that people like me that have experienced it, have always known their parent feels that way, whether it's said outright or not. I am sitting here with my mother who told me that just a few months ago. I didn't want to come visit, for that precise reason. But, I have realized I need to forgive my mother. I have spent most of my life trying to get her to understand the damage a lifetime of hurting me as caused. I have come to accept that she nevet will. It would be too much of an adustment for her. So I have to believe and accept, that on some level, she doesn't, or isn't capable of doing this. It has been excruciatingly hard, but I am finally leatning to let go of wishing she could understand. I have to do this for my own well being, as well as it's the only path to True Evolution. I wish Everyone the Best on this site. I wish that We can all Heal our Hurts. Blessings to Everyone Here, May U Recover. | ||
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somebody
1 Post
Life sucks. Deal with it. | ||
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