Stupid comparison of Starcraft and Football

kazansky

Germany931 Posts

December 03 2010 11:55 GMT

Warning: This is meant for entertaining and not for rant. And you should understand starcraft and football a bit aswell :-)

I've discovered a mindblowing analogy between sports and gaming, and of course will never hesitate to share with my beloved TL.net community.
This approach is of course highly scientific, backed up by tons of statistics, facts, and even pictures (in colours!).
I found out that it is possible to compare the races of starcraft to the three biggest football leagues in the world, which are the Premier League in England, Primera Division in Spain, and Seria A in Italy. Is he mad, you might think? But lets dive into it:

Terran and Primera Divison - fancy stuff that might work

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I can do fancy stuff that mostly is just visual entertainment. And i dress like a girl.

Terran used to be a bit different in Broodwar, but nowadays Terran seems to end up as a concept of doing just as much fancy staff as possible with as less tech as possible. Dropping here, harassing there, buggy run-by here, changing climatical environment in between (read: nuke), all that cutsie funny fancy stuff all over the place that might work. If it doesnt, you are screwed. Because you don't have a back up plan. Who needs macro.
Like a spanish football team. You try some funny stepover on the outer wing, a lobbing passes for 5 metres in midfield and defending with concepts like clearing balls via bycycle kicks or just dribble a bit with the ball in the central backs with 2 strikers pressure. Then you lose the ball, the enemy scores, you do some deer-like looking to your team mates for not helping you out of the situation, and really really don't know how that could happen.
Defence and severe tactical approaches are clearly overrated, just bring the futsal and beach football to the pitch will carry us to sacred land.
Maybe next year.

Zerg and Premier League - cowardness and counter attacks

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Like twins. Same hair, same brains, same face expression. But how on earth did they get that Hydra in the Manchester Jersey

As we all might now, playing zerg basically revolves around defending, waiting, droning, and waiting for the stuff the other races throw at you.
Then, when he comes along with the stuff he choses to throw into the tube, you blow up, spit at, slaughter and acid out all his stuff, and we are where we were before, with 2 bases more. Like in English football, where you attack, get your legs broken because of that one stepover too much you tried, or get body checked right into the crowd for trying to run by the flanks, end up shooting from huge ranges at pityful goal keepers (hey, there is a tank reference) to do some damage, but it hurts and you end up losing patience. Then you get your legs slide-tackled off ground, and while your flight through the air is still underways, the ricochet is picked up by 3 guys with about 100 pounds of weight but capable of running with the ball for 100 metres in 11 seconds, and the pouch in the ball after their counter attack they pull off after you attacked them nonstop.
But if you score in the first 10 minutes, they are just stunned and very sad. Like a zerg dying from the first attack because he droned to greedy and 2 sunkens weren't enough.
And in the end, when you miss the moment, when the ball is turned over to you, you end up with 90 minutes of mindless high pace losing the ball.

Protoss and Seria A - ancient expensive guys

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The ressemblance is stunning, isn't it?

Seria A and Protoss seem comparable aswell. Protoss is the noble race. The ancient race. Wisdom and endurance. Or boredom, depends of the point of view.
Been around there for millenia and millenia, way after their prime, they finally try to stand up against the young upcoming. Oh, we are still talking about starcraft, right? All the Ronaldinhos, Adrianos, Tottis, Tonis hop into mind and push the protoss buddies aside.
But compare them, they have parallels: being super-expensive, they don't seem to meet the expectations and appear not very cost-effective. Most of the time they stand around and wait, and after the one deciding battle or goal, depending on the case, the match is over. You feel kind of like a women when the guy comes first and fades away asleep. You kind of missed the whole thing.
After 90 minutes of tactical meta-gaming and counter-counter-counter one another, and one final clash, the game is over, one scored, the other didn't.

Summary and Disclaimer
Some truth maybe lies within this.
I just was awake at night and made this up, so I wanted to share it.
Hope no one feels offended.
But you can crucify me by poll.

Poll: Does this strike you right?

I am American and never leave my country. 'Football' is 'Soccer'! (10)

31%

I hate Sports without an 'e'. (9)

28%

This is the dumpest thing I ever read. So I could giggle. (7)

22%

Please don't do that again. (6)

19%

32 total votes

Your vote: Does this strike you right?

(Vote): This is the dumpest thing I ever read. So I could giggle.
(Vote): Please don't do that again.
(Vote): I am American and never leave my country. 'Football' is 'Soccer'!
(Vote): I hate Sports without an 'e'.