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Good little blog.
I don't necessarily see it as a problem of not fitting in. You seem like you want to change into something known as the "girly-girl", but you're not willing to do any work for yourself. If it's something that you naturally don't feel fine it, it's just not your scene. There will be plenty other people that you can hang out with that share the same interests with you, even other females.
Personally, I commend you though, because you do something that not a lot of people do, and that's going out of your comfort area and trying new things out. You at least went out and tried to see how hanging out with these girls would be like, and the fact that you guys couldn't talk about shared interests just means that maybe you aren't meant to be friends. I hope people that are commenting on this blog saying that they also have hard times going out and finding new friends that they can relate to actually try. You'll be surprised how many people you wouldn't expect to actually share the same hobbies/beliefs as you. I used to be a homebody for my whole high school and even though I was known as loud and an "extrovert", I always felt out of my element talking people so I would try and do funny, stupid things for people to relate to me better.
Now that I am in college, though, I feel like I can actually talk to people about anything without feeling that sense of insecurity, because if all else fails with someone, especially a girl, you can say you tried and you will still get the same output as if you never tried before so nothing is hurt.
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On November 19 2010 11:34 LSB wrote:
This remineds me of a few discussion areas not to breach with girls.
I've learned not to talk about cramps. Do not talk about cramps. Even if you're screaming in pain because your foot just cramped up, do not talk about it.
OH GOD!!! I stepped on this land mine back in college I will never forget this.
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Valhalla18444 Posts
why do you attribute this social awkwardness to your (their) gender? there are also millions of men out there who don't give two licks about the things you're interested in. while it's certainly true it's a more common set of interests for a gentleman, your own gender has nothing to do with whether or not you find the topic of conversation interesting. there are lots of girls like you and lots of guys like the other girls. claiming it's "gender related" is short-sighted and kinda ignorant
i really don't buy into your intended message. i get the distinct impression that you think your interests combined with your gender make you unique and special and your inability to carry on a pleasant conversation about something outside your personal scope of interest is a product of that. it isn't. if this is a relatively common thing, why hasn't it occurred to you that maybe your own horizons need to be broadened, rather than wishing "other girls" could take an interest in starcraft?
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This op almost reads like peanut is having an identity crisis. Like she's trying to say she wants to be a guy because she feels like shes been one all along inside.
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On November 19 2010 16:10 Rekrul wrote:
3 of us talking, i just met guy
guy talking to my roommate: yeah man i dont understand how u play that starcraft game so much like doesn't it dull your mind? like i'd rather have a life to be honest
(i stay silent on this subject cuz whats the point)
roommate: yeah i'm trying to cut down
few mins later same guy: so dan where r u from?
me: ohio but i've been living in korea for a few years
guy: oh really? doing what?
me as if i oblivious to what he just said, happily: oh i was a professional starcraft player
guy: .....oh....wow
i win
Was this convo in korea or SD? cause if in korea lol wtf idiot guy
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
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this is general social behaviour(dont know if its actually written that way), the fact that there are generally a larger number of guys interested in gaming doesnt mean that its THAT easy to find someone that has even one or two interests in common with you, most are just casual gamers that when in public look down upon video games or other gamers
i personally live in a very retarded country, its like ages behind world time, i personally had to introduce ALL my friends into gaming in order to find someone to game/talk about it with, and all of them stopped gaming when we got off highschool, with a couple of them coming back at it during vacations time, i periodically meet other gamers in the area through gaming, but most are again, casual gamers and end up leaving after a couple of months
even my family thinks im anti-social because i rather stay at home enjoying myself while gaming or watching anime/movies that go out with people to get drunk and smoke weed(because seriously, thats the only thing they do when they go out), the curious fact is, im actually very good at meeting people/making friends, i just dont give a shit about it because i know none of them is interesting to talk to, its funny, that when i go out with my friends, its random gossip about what other people has been doing for about 10 minutes, then its just drinking and smoking and getting wasted, even when we do poker nights, when the poker its over its "hey lets go for a drink", and bam, back at getting wasted, conversations never last between them because there is never something to talk about, on the other hand put 2 nerds/geeks/otakus/whatever socially looked down people and we can talk for hours about a single theme because its interesting and there is a lot of stuff to talk about it
but is very hard to find people with common interests, because although in the big picture of the world there are many, IRL we are very spread, and a lot of them give up upon social pressure when in public, in my town, the only 2 hardcore gamers i knew, 1 gave upon it when he took a job, and the other one is desperate to enter university because he fells he "wasted" his life and he thinks entering college is the only way to socialize and going back to being "normal"
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I feel that way about living in the deep south sometimes (jsut moved in three months ago from Michigan). It feels like everyone's cut from the same cloth and there's not much room for a huge nerd well-read in internet memes, online gaming, and quick wit. The more I settle in the more I find people similar to me.
If you want to find more people like you, you need to put yourself in a lot of different rooms.
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Thanks especially to spinn, haemonculus, ellerina, hazel, overlordfatty, and sunrise - but also to everyone else who sympathizes - for adding your stories to the mix. I really appreciate it.
FakeSteve: I'm glad you found my story thought-provoking, and thanks for the feedback  .
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Omg peanut you're a girl? I honestly hadn't noticed. That's so cute, a girl playing SC, I have to admit I've never met one in real life.
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personally... for me well... I'm in college right now...but it's a community college so.yea
----
Elementary school - only one guy as my friend, hung around, blah (was into yugioh for some reason *shrug*)
Middle school - still that only guy as my friend for awhile, got out of yugioh, got into mtg, TRIED to get into the "in" crowd (or popular groups) the last year of Middle School... since I liked a girl named Jocelyn. people from that group TRIED to make me try to fit. didn't really fit much, and I could never confess (doesn't matter much now.)
High school~
freshman year: all that hard work of trying to get into the popular crowd. wasted. went back to MTG for awhile with a group again (side note: that Jocelyn girl wanted help on a paper, and then apparently copied my whole answer and then submitted it, we got caught apparently (I was just...wow) and then...well.. lolwtf), crap happened when I tried to make a website for my class of 2010, __backstabbed_ and the forum got spammed to hell and nobody says any sort of thank you....got diagnosed with ADD and Autism/Asperger's
sophmore year: the guys for mtg stopped playing it. I went into fansubbing anime, and semi got out of my depression ish, (crap happened there, but...asdf)
Junior year: started excessively bringing computer. almost also failed high school cause I suck at studying. still subbing, I think I _re_ picked up SC1:BW here
Senior year: played HoN, still subbed, found some friends, started talking a bit more, but 90% of the time I'm on the computer, mainly cared about my youth group at church
Note that the only time I went to a rally was my first year. I stopped giving a crap about my class (even now...) after I got "Backstabbed" (which I don't want to talk about much)
after senior year (ish): SC2 comes out, I start playing that + HoN, retired from fansubbing, all my "friends" from my HS move away, I'm staying around for community college and here I am
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well I consider my life shitty, though I can see how it's hard for you as a female, playing SC2/SC when you don't really have any (girl) friends in real life to sympathize with you.
I think I'm _somewhat_ the same since I was stuck on technology to the point of (+ autism + ADD I guess) that I pretty much don't really have friends... as well as even though I mainly use english, my english/speaking/writing/etc fail so hard and I have trouble actually communicating with others in person usually (unless we're talking about games = =) rather than the internet...
All my friends (except for like one or two) are either: from my church, from the internet (old fansubbing partners, guys I work with on it/etc) + I guess anyone from TL, but I haven't been here long enough to establish any relationships whatsoever...
<sorry for hijacking the thread if this post is perceived as such, it just reminds me about my own troubles that were...well bothering me>
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Wow, that's nothing compared to the social awkwardness guys have to go through. There's so much pressure to perform amongst your peers, and if you make any mistakes they can haunt you for a long time.
In high school my parents were trying to get me to be more social and athletic. My dad played college football and I always liked watching football on tv so I decided to go out for the highschool team in my Sophmore year. It started out pretty well. I wasn't very good so I only ever played in the closing minutes of a blow-out game. There was no real pressure for me to be good, I just had to work hard in practice and act like I cared (I didn't really). Playing real football wasn't nearly as fun as watching or playing Madden, but my parents were happy and so I kept it up. We got to the state semi-finals and one of our players, a running back named Dougray, made this incredible run in the fourth quarter to give us a come-from-behind victory. The whole school was there and it was just a great atmosphere, everyone was ecstatic.
After the game we all hit the showers to clean up and it was great, everyone was cracking jokes and palling around. In football there's this kind of custom where it's acceptable to pat another guy on the butt as either a congratulatory gesture or a motivational expression. Like, if you made a nice play a guy might pat you on the ass really fast (and hard) and say something like "nice hustle!" It was pretty common and so I felt comfortable trying it out a couple of times, with moderate success. Unfortunately, this particular instance didn't work out.
Dougray was peacocking around the open shower area getting high fives and fist pounds and butt-taps from the team and everyone was in really excellent spirits. Dougray came by me and grinned and was like "good work, buddy" and as he passed I went in for a butt-slap. I totally misjudged it, and, thanks to the fact that he was wet from the shower, my hand missed and sort of slipped between his butt cheeks. It stuck for a fraction of a second, but it was a fraction too long and he certainly noticed it. He jumped back and freaked out and started saying stuff like, "hey yo this kid just tried to put his hand up my butt" and everyone looked at me with pure disgust. I was horrified and tried to explain but it just snowballed too fast and there was nothing I could do.
Soon the story was being passed around and it evolved from a simple mistake to a story about where I tried to fist rape the star running back or that I was some sort of sexual deviant. My guidance councellor got wind of it and gave me all these pamphlets about sexual harassment and talked to me about how being gay was fine but I couldn't just act on my impulses with any guy. I wanted to be like WTF I like girls you idiot, but there was no use. Being a guy is so tough, you girls have it easy.
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I think people turn into conversation snobs when they need a way to protect their egos and make up for their own awkwardness. If I felt awkward in a social setting I can imagine thinking the conversation is "below" my level as an easy escape to justify my insecurity. "Intellectual" topics are usually the worst.
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
On November 20 2010 09:20 FakeSteve[TPR] wrote:
why do you attribute this social awkwardness to your (their) gender? there are also millions of men out there who don't give two licks about the things you're interested in. while it's certainly true it's a more common set of interests for a gentleman, your own gender has nothing to do with whether or not you find the topic of conversation interesting. there are lots of girls like you and lots of guys like the other girls. claiming it's "gender related" is short-sighted and kinda ignorant
i really don't buy into your intended message. i get the distinct impression that you think your interests combined with your gender make you unique and special and your inability to carry on a pleasant conversation about something outside your personal scope of interest is a product of that. it isn't. if this is a relatively common thing, why hasn't it occurred to you that maybe your own horizons need to be broadened, rather than wishing "other girls" could take an interest in starcraft?
lol QF goddamn T
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It's ok, you should've known from the food alone where the conversation would steer. Feminists... and their hummus... Red tent and menstruation.... Sounds awful, but I'm sure it's just cause they are boors and are only look to get their F-peen bigger. Yes the female-peen....
But I can't say anytihng, cause my friend and I don't talk, like hardly ever. nothing to say.
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Aren't those rosemary and olive-oil Triscuits the fucking bomb?
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On November 20 2010 09:20 FakeSteve[TPR] wrote:
why do you attribute this social awkwardness to your (their) gender? there are also millions of men out there who don't give two licks about the things you're interested in. while it's certainly true it's a more common set of interests for a gentleman, your own gender has nothing to do with whether or not you find the topic of conversation interesting. there are lots of girls like you and lots of guys like the other girls. claiming it's "gender related" is short-sighted and kinda ignorant
i really don't buy into your intended message. i get the distinct impression that you think your interests combined with your gender make you unique and special and your inability to carry on a pleasant conversation about something outside your personal scope of interest is a product of that. it isn't. if this is a relatively common thing, why hasn't it occurred to you that maybe your own horizons need to be broadened, rather than wishing "other girls" could take an interest in starcraft?
I realise Rekrul already quoted this, but it is pretty important. Earlier in the replies it was mentioned that there doesn't seem to be many guys who have more girl friends than guy friends "unless they are gay or something." I'm a guy who tends to be friends with slightly more girls than guys at any given time and girls rank among some of my best friends. I'm living with two girls at the moment. I don't think I've ever really discussed periods, cramps, engagement rings, Bridezilla or placentas. I admit I have a natural advantage in that it is probably assumed I am not interested in these things, but we have an entire world of other things to talk about. Most of these things are not gaming related. Since moving to Germany I haven't really made any "gaming friends", I had quite a few back in New Zealand, but it just isn't something I have an opportunity to talk about much in a social context these days.
Much like guys, there are interesting girls out there with a range of interests.
This story about hanging out with the "girly girls" and talking about placentas and periods is one that I have heard quite often from girls on the internet into gaming or internet culture, but the parallels drawn between this and stories about guys finding themselves stuck in boring conversations about sport or cars are pretty relevant. It is the same thing and comes purely from an obligation people feel to act "normal" and trying to interact with the wrong people. If you feel like, as a guy, you need to like sports and beer and talk about these things to be normal and go and seek out other guys who like this stuff to try and be normal for a while, that is what you are going to find and if you are not into it, it is going to be awkward and it is going to suck.
The key is to find people that you like and like to hang out with, not find people that you think you should like and like to hang out with.
If the only things you want to talk about involve gaming culture, those are probably the people you should be hanging out with. This is gender irrelevant. In the current social climate, this will probably mean most of your friends are guys, whether you are a girl or a guy yourself.
I don't talk about computers and games with all my friends, this isn't because I am hiding who I am or something, this is because I realise that for some of my friends talking about how awesome that one TvT was last night would be the equivalent of them telling me how painful their cramps were last month. I did however send an IM off to Joe immediately after, I knew he would appreciate the beauty of me triple expanding just after getting my natural sacked.
If you have other things you want to talk about with people, do so, but don't do so because you feel it is what you are supposed to do. Do it because you want to. Don't expect everyone else to care about the same stuff you want to talk about either. Sometimes you may just be in the wrong crowd. Doesn't mean you can't try to expose people to Starcraft, but don't be that friend who is always trying to get everyone to go to the theatre because you guys need some more culture and the new piece by Klachonski is just amazing.
It won't hurt to suck it up for an evening if you made a mistake and went to the wrong party or whatever, but if you find yourself constantly in this situation, you are doing something wrong.
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Alot of people suck, but when it comes down to gender.... its just dicks and cunts
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I really like your writing style, so +1 for that.
Also, interesting. As a straight guy who hangs out with a lot of girls and a number of guy friends who came out as gay in high school this does partly apply to me. I don't have any problems hanging out with other people, but there's definitely that shift that I can feel between it all (I feel like I have a distinct "bro" switch that flips depending on my company, lol).
Mind you, I've also been around those girls for so long that talk about PMS, cramps and all of that doesn't even cause me to bat an eye any more. I can't tell if that's impressive or sad. 
Edit: Also, I totally agree with FakeSteve. I mention that "switch," but that isn't so much me forcing it as another part of my personality that I also enjoy/actually am (just because I hang out with girls a lot doesn't make me completely different from the next guy). It really is about interests (and, no, almost none of my friends are technology/gaming geeks except for one or two of that group, so maybe this isn't entirely relevant, lol).
On the other hand, I'm totally not a frat guy, which is why I've pretty much avoided most of that scene in college. I know some people in frats and stuff, but it just isn't really the person I am (I'd rather know a good amount of the people I'm partying with, basically). Lots of people think the stereotypical "college guy" is equivalent to "frat boy," but I don't feel like a total outlier of my gender for not being in it.
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Ooh i liked this read, makes me feel not so alone! :D <3
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EPT
