• Log InLog In
  • Register
Liquid`
Team Liquid Liquipedia
EST 03:00
CET 09:00
KST 17:00
  • Home
  • Forum
  • Calendar
  • Streams
  • Liquipedia
  • Features
  • Store
  • EPT
  • TL+
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Smash
  • Heroes
  • Counter-Strike
  • Overwatch
  • Liquibet
  • Fantasy StarCraft
  • TLPD
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Blogs
Forum Sidebar
Events/Features
News
Featured News
RSL Season 3 - Playoffs Preview0RSL Season 3 - RO16 Groups C & D Preview0RSL Season 3 - RO16 Groups A & B Preview2TL.net Map Contest #21: Winners12Intel X Team Liquid Seoul event: Showmatches and Meet the Pros10
Community News
Weekly Cups (Nov 24-30): MaxPax, Clem, herO win1BGE Stara Zagora 2026 announced14[BSL21] Ro.16 Group Stage (C->B->A->D)4Weekly Cups (Nov 17-23): Solar, MaxPax, Clem win3RSL Season 3: RO16 results & RO8 bracket13
StarCraft 2
General
SC2 Proleague Discontinued; SKT, KT, SGK, CJ disband Weekly Cups (Nov 24-30): MaxPax, Clem, herO win BGE Stara Zagora 2026 announced Information Request Regarding Chinese Ladder SC: Evo Complete - Ranked Ladder OPEN ALPHA
Tourneys
$5,000+ WardiTV 2025 Championship Constellation Cup - Main Event - Stellar Fest RSL Revival: Season 3 Tenacious Turtle Tussle [Alpha Pro Series] Nice vs Cure
Strategy
Custom Maps
Map Editor closed ?
External Content
Mutation # 502 Negative Reinforcement Mutation # 501 Price of Progress Mutation # 500 Fright night Mutation # 499 Chilling Adaptation
Brood War
General
Which season is the best in ASL? [ASL20] Ask the mapmakers — Drop your questions BGH Auto Balance -> http://bghmmr.eu/ FlaSh's Valkyrie Copium BW General Discussion
Tourneys
[Megathread] Daily Proleagues [BSL21] RO16 Group B - Sunday 21:00 CET [BSL21] RO16 Group C - Saturday 21:00 CET Small VOD Thread 2.0
Strategy
Game Theory for Starcraft How to stay on top of macro? Current Meta PvZ map balance
Other Games
General Games
Stormgate/Frost Giant Megathread Path of Exile Nintendo Switch Thread Should offensive tower rushing be viable in RTS games? The Perfect Game
Dota 2
Official 'what is Dota anymore' discussion
League of Legends
Heroes of the Storm
Simple Questions, Simple Answers Heroes of the Storm 2.0
Hearthstone
Deck construction bug Heroes of StarCraft mini-set
TL Mafia
Mafia Game Mode Feedback/Ideas TL Mafia Community Thread
Community
General
US Politics Mega-thread Things Aren’t Peaceful in Palestine Russo-Ukrainian War Thread The Big Programming Thread Artificial Intelligence Thread
Fan Clubs
White-Ra Fan Club
Media & Entertainment
[Manga] One Piece Movie Discussion! Anime Discussion Thread
Sports
2024 - 2026 Football Thread Formula 1 Discussion NBA General Discussion MLB/Baseball 2023
World Cup 2022
Tech Support
Computer Build, Upgrade & Buying Resource Thread
TL Community
Where to ask questions and add stream? The Automated Ban List
Blogs
James Bond movies ranking - pa…
Topin
Esports Earnings: Bigger Pri…
TrAiDoS
Thanks for the RSL
Hildegard
Saturation point
Uldridge
Customize Sidebar...

Website Feedback

Closed Threads



Active: 1276 users

Teaching My Girlfriend to Play Starcraft

Blogs > floor exercise
Post a Reply
1 2 Next All
floor exercise
Profile Blog Joined August 2008
Canada5847 Posts
October 25 2010 22:04 GMT
#1
"Alright, let's try again. Can you tell me what this?" I said, trying to keep the edge from my voice as I raised the first of the home-made flash cards.

We had been at this for half a day now, the sun was setting, my stomach was rumbling and my head was throbbing. I could feel the pressure in my skull rising as if my brain was seeking escape, trying to find any crack or fissure from which it could squeeze itself out of my head and escape this oppressive aura of stupidity surrounding our kitchen table where we now sat.

If she could but memorize these cards I would consider this day not entirely a waste. The lie I told myself that once we broke through this initial blockade my knowledge would flow unimpeded into this empty vessel before me was becoming less and less believable as the hours passed. How could she not have committed these cards to memory yet? There were only two, after all.

"Mouse?" her hesitant response came.

"And this one?" I asked, raising the second card, my hands trembling in anticipation. She looked at it, her head cocked to one side as she struggled to recall the name of the input device before her. Her fingers playing with a stray lock of her golden brown hair.

Please, I silently begged her, don't get distracted now. Focus, you know this. You at least posses the wits to use the process of elimination, I know you do. With each passing second I could sense the ticks of the clock above us slowing, getting louder, like tiny detonations in my frontal lobe, brilliant white flashes obscuring my vision. She's not going to get it, the experiment is a failure. I cannot open your eyes to this strange and magnificent world that you so wish to share with me. I cannot make more of you than the beautiful but vacuous, animated incubator of my offspring that you are, with your brilliant smile that springs to your adorable face at the sight of shiny objects. No dear, don't blame yourself, it's not you. I am the true failure here.

She can see the disappointment on my face. I can no longer will myself to hide it, the foundations of my stolid expression have been so thoroughly chipped away, and another of my pathetic inadequacies is exposed this day.

A determined if somewhat puerile look crosses her face, no longer playing with her hair, her small hand forming a tiny fist that she slams onto the kitchen table, knocking the salt and pepper shakers from the garish lazy susan adorning the center of the table, a house warming gift from her parents.

"Keyboard!" she shouts in triumph.

The card slips from my hands, a rogue breeze from the open window catches it, sending it gently careening to the floor, a fitting parallel to the table I have now overturned, heaving it with all my might to get to her, to embrace her. The table crashes against the counter, causing a chain reaction of pots and pans tumbling from the cupboards, a cacophony of noise as I hoist her into the air, spinning her round, both of us laughing and cheering and loving each other.

I knew when I set out to teach her how to play Starcraft 2 that it would be difficult. I knew before I even started that I might fail, I might even begin to resent myself, or even her. What I didn't know is how incredible it would feel to make even this amount of headway. As I sit and type this, my chest still swells with pride from my small accomplishment this day.

"Can you teach me" she had asked, one fall afternoon not long ago. I told her that I could, and I intend to do just that.

*****
SolHeiM
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
Sweden1264 Posts
October 25 2010 22:09 GMT
#2
Is your girlfriend by any chance a two year-old?
bakedace
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
United States672 Posts
October 25 2010 22:14 GMT
#3
Well written.. I'm really surprised that some normal people still didn't know what a mouse and keyboard is...
Rhyme
Profile Joined May 2010
United States1069 Posts
October 25 2010 22:14 GMT
#4
hahahahahahahaha 5/5 you're a really hilarious writer. love the line about the lazy susan ^^
dont ever say that
neobowman
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
Canada3324 Posts
October 25 2010 22:15 GMT
#5
Great read
Whole
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
United States6046 Posts
October 25 2010 22:15 GMT
#6
floor exercise, you're my second favorite person on TL. I love your blogs.
iNcontroL *
Profile Blog Joined July 2004
USA29055 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-10-25 22:16:56
October 25 2010 22:16 GMT
#7
Also this 2 year is apparently dating a person who wants to be Henry David Thoreau
Zergneedsfood
Profile Blog Joined September 2008
United States10671 Posts
October 25 2010 22:17 GMT
#8
lol 5/5 would read again.
/人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\ Make a contract with me and join TLADT | Onodera isn't actually a girl, she's just a doormat you walk over to get to the girl. - Numy 2015
Gummy
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
United States2180 Posts
October 25 2010 22:17 GMT
#9
Girls aren't THAT bad at starcraft... T_T
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ There are three kinds of people in the world: those who can count and those who can't.
seRapH
Profile Blog Joined April 2009
United States9776 Posts
October 25 2010 22:19 GMT
#10
lol wtf
On October 26 2010 07:16 {88}iNcontroL wrote:
Also this 2 year is apparently dating a person who wants to be Henry David Thoreau

so true
boomer hands
rei
Profile Blog Joined October 2002
United States3594 Posts
October 25 2010 22:29 GMT
#11
wow such artistic description of emotions, so much detail Teach us your secret to good writing plz !!
GET OUT OF MY BASE CHILL
SolHeiM
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
Sweden1264 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-10-25 22:34:42
October 25 2010 22:34 GMT
#12
On October 26 2010 07:29 rei wrote:
wow such artistic description of emotions, so much detail Teach us your secret to good writing plz !!


Read a lot, write a lot. Every day, 365 days a year and eventually you'll become a good writer. Whether or not you're a great storyteller however, is what separates us regular mortals from Stephen King, Rowling, etc..
Congism
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
Scotland123 Posts
October 25 2010 22:36 GMT
#13
I am surprised i enjoyed reading that, but i did.
frogmelter
Profile Blog Joined April 2009
United States971 Posts
October 25 2010 22:38 GMT
#14
Wait it took her two hours to learn what a mouse looked like and what a keyboard looked like?
TL+ Member
Crais
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
Canada2136 Posts
October 25 2010 22:43 GMT
#15
5/5 Youre a fantastic writer.
RIP MBC Game Hero
VonLego
Profile Joined June 2010
United States519 Posts
October 25 2010 22:44 GMT
#16
This was amazing and I laughed out loud heartily.
Karliath
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
United States2214 Posts
October 25 2010 23:32 GMT
#17
Unless I missed some kind of metaphor with my quick scan of the op, you need to get a new girlfriend.
Hesmyrr
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
Canada5776 Posts
October 25 2010 23:32 GMT
#18
LOLOLOL.
Now lemme quickly rummage up a phone call to police...
"If watching the MSL finals makes you a progamer, then anyone in Korea can do it." - Ha Tae Ki
floor exercise
Profile Blog Joined August 2008
Canada5847 Posts
October 26 2010 00:38 GMT
#19
On October 26 2010 08:32 Karliath wrote:
Unless I missed some kind of metaphor with my quick scan of the op, you need to get a new girlfriend.

I was attempting to satirize the "how do I teach a girl to play" threads that seem to pop up like clockwork, but apparently more people are getting Starcraft Lolita vibes from it. I guess I can see that.

Raeleigh
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
Canada902 Posts
October 26 2010 00:45 GMT
#20
On October 26 2010 07:17 Gummy wrote:
Girls aren't THAT bad at starcraft... T_T

Yeah they are.
*is an example of that*
you are perfect porcelain.
1 2 Next All
Please log in or register to reply.
Live Events Refresh
Next event in 4h
[ Submit Event ]
Live Streams
Refresh
StarCraft 2
ProTech103
StarCraft: Brood War
Jaedong 665
actioN 593
Hyuk 542
Shuttle 436
BeSt 359
Stork 290
Tasteless 236
Soma 132
Larva 126
Leta 87
[ Show more ]
ZergMaN 80
sorry 67
Killer 58
Dewaltoss 46
Backho 23
Aegong 23
ajuk12(nOOB) 19
Noble 17
Shine 14
yabsab 12
ivOry 10
zelot 8
SilentControl 8
Bale 8
Dota 2
monkeys_forever1861
XaKoH 504
XcaliburYe106
NeuroSwarm90
League of Legends
JimRising 587
C9.Mang0302
Other Games
summit1g12149
Mew2King103
Organizations
Other Games
gamesdonequick878
StarCraft: Brood War
UltimateBattle 74
StarCraft 2
Blizzard YouTube
StarCraft: Brood War
BSLTrovo
sctven
[ Show 15 non-featured ]
StarCraft 2
• practicex 26
• Sammyuel 5
• AfreecaTV YouTube
• intothetv
• Kozan
• IndyKCrew
• LaughNgamezSOOP
• Migwel
• sooper7s
StarCraft: Brood War
• iopq 1
• BSLYoutube
• STPLYoutube
• ZZZeroYoutube
League of Legends
• Rush1708
• Stunt691
Upcoming Events
Wardi Open
4h
StarCraft2.fi
9h
PiGosaur Monday
17h
Wardi Open
1d 4h
StarCraft2.fi
1d 9h
Replay Cast
1d 16h
The PondCast
2 days
Replay Cast
2 days
Korean StarCraft League
3 days
CranKy Ducklings
4 days
[ Show More ]
SC Evo League
4 days
BSL 21
4 days
Sziky vs OyAji
Gypsy vs eOnzErG
Sparkling Tuna Cup
5 days
BSL 21
5 days
Bonyth vs StRyKeR
Tarson vs Dandy
Replay Cast
6 days
Wardi Open
6 days
StarCraft2.fi
6 days
Replay Cast
6 days
Liquipedia Results

Completed

Proleague 2025-11-28
RSL Revival: Season 3
Light HT

Ongoing

C-Race Season 1
IPSL Winter 2025-26
KCM Race Survival 2025 Season 4
YSL S2
BSL Season 21
CSCL: Masked Kings S3
Slon Tour Season 2
Acropolis #4 - TS3
META Madness #9
SL Budapest Major 2025
ESL Impact League Season 8
BLAST Rivals Fall 2025
IEM Chengdu 2025
PGL Masters Bucharest 2025
Thunderpick World Champ.
CS Asia Championships 2025
ESL Pro League S22
StarSeries Fall 2025
FISSURE Playground #2

Upcoming

BSL 21 Non-Korean Championship
Acropolis #4
IPSL Spring 2026
Bellum Gens Elite Stara Zagora 2026
HSC XXVIII
RSL Offline Finals
WardiTV 2025
Kuram Kup
PGL Cluj-Napoca 2026
IEM Kraków 2026
BLAST Bounty Winter 2026
BLAST Bounty Winter Qual
eXTREMESLAND 2025
TLPD

1. ByuN
2. TY
3. Dark
4. Solar
5. Stats
6. Nerchio
7. sOs
8. soO
9. INnoVation
10. Elazer
1. Rain
2. Flash
3. EffOrt
4. Last
5. Bisu
6. Soulkey
7. Mini
8. Sharp
Sidebar Settings...

Advertising | Privacy Policy | Terms Of Use | Contact Us

Original banner artwork: Jim Warren
The contents of this webpage are copyright © 2025 TLnet. All Rights Reserved.