• Log InLog In
  • Register
Liquid`
Team Liquid Liquipedia
EDT 06:15
CEST 12:15
KST 19:15
  • Home
  • Forum
  • Calendar
  • Streams
  • Liquipedia
  • Features
  • Store
  • EPT
  • TL+
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Smash
  • Heroes
  • Counter-Strike
  • Overwatch
  • Liquibet
  • Fantasy StarCraft
  • TLPD
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Blogs
Forum Sidebar
Events/Features
News
Featured News
Team TLMC #5 - Finalists & Open Tournaments0[ASL20] Ro16 Preview Pt2: Turbulence10Classic Games #3: Rogue vs Serral at BlizzCon9[ASL20] Ro16 Preview Pt1: Ascent10Maestros of the Game: Week 1/Play-in Preview12
Community News
BSL 2025 Warsaw LAN + Legends Showmatch0Weekly Cups (Sept 8-14): herO & MaxPax split cups4WardiTV TL Team Map Contest #5 Tournaments1SC4ALL $6,000 Open LAN in Philadelphia8Weekly Cups (Sept 1-7): MaxPax rebounds & Clem saga continues29
StarCraft 2
General
#1: Maru - Greatest Players of All Time Weekly Cups (Sept 8-14): herO & MaxPax split cups Team Liquid Map Contest #21 - Presented by Monster Energy SpeCial on The Tasteless Podcast Team TLMC #5 - Finalists & Open Tournaments
Tourneys
Maestros of The Game—$20k event w/ live finals in Paris Sparkling Tuna Cup - Weekly Open Tournament SC4ALL $6,000 Open LAN in Philadelphia WardiTV TL Team Map Contest #5 Tournaments RSL: Revival, a new crowdfunded tournament series
Strategy
Custom Maps
External Content
Mutation # 491 Night Drive Mutation # 490 Masters of Midnight Mutation # 489 Bannable Offense Mutation # 488 What Goes Around
Brood War
General
ASL TICKET LIVE help! :D Soulkey on ASL S20 BW General Discussion NaDa's Body A cwal.gg Extension - Easily keep track of anyone
Tourneys
[ASL20] Ro16 Group D [ASL20] Ro16 Group C [Megathread] Daily Proleagues BSL 2025 Warsaw LAN + Legends Showmatch
Strategy
Simple Questions, Simple Answers Muta micro map competition Fighting Spirit mining rates [G] Mineral Boosting
Other Games
General Games
Stormgate/Frost Giant Megathread Nintendo Switch Thread Path of Exile Borderlands 3 General RTS Discussion Thread
Dota 2
Official 'what is Dota anymore' discussion LiquidDota to reintegrate into TL.net
League of Legends
Heroes of the Storm
Simple Questions, Simple Answers Heroes of the Storm 2.0
Hearthstone
Heroes of StarCraft mini-set
TL Mafia
TL Mafia Community Thread
Community
General
UK Politics Mega-thread US Politics Mega-thread Canadian Politics Mega-thread Things Aren’t Peaceful in Palestine Russo-Ukrainian War Thread
Fan Clubs
The Happy Fan Club!
Media & Entertainment
Movie Discussion! [Manga] One Piece Anime Discussion Thread
Sports
2024 - 2026 Football Thread Formula 1 Discussion MLB/Baseball 2023
World Cup 2022
Tech Support
Linksys AE2500 USB WIFI keeps disconnecting Computer Build, Upgrade & Buying Resource Thread High temperatures on bridge(s)
TL Community
BarCraft in Tokyo Japan for ASL Season5 Final The Automated Ban List
Blogs
I <=> 9
KrillinFromwales
The Personality of a Spender…
TrAiDoS
A very expensive lesson on ma…
Garnet
hello world
radishsoup
Lemme tell you a thing o…
JoinTheRain
RTS Design in Hypercoven
a11
Evil Gacha Games and the…
ffswowsucks
Customize Sidebar...

Website Feedback

Closed Threads



Active: 2763 users

Teaching My Girlfriend to Play Starcraft

Blogs > floor exercise
Post a Reply
1 2 Next All
floor exercise
Profile Blog Joined August 2008
Canada5847 Posts
October 25 2010 22:04 GMT
#1
"Alright, let's try again. Can you tell me what this?" I said, trying to keep the edge from my voice as I raised the first of the home-made flash cards.

We had been at this for half a day now, the sun was setting, my stomach was rumbling and my head was throbbing. I could feel the pressure in my skull rising as if my brain was seeking escape, trying to find any crack or fissure from which it could squeeze itself out of my head and escape this oppressive aura of stupidity surrounding our kitchen table where we now sat.

If she could but memorize these cards I would consider this day not entirely a waste. The lie I told myself that once we broke through this initial blockade my knowledge would flow unimpeded into this empty vessel before me was becoming less and less believable as the hours passed. How could she not have committed these cards to memory yet? There were only two, after all.

"Mouse?" her hesitant response came.

"And this one?" I asked, raising the second card, my hands trembling in anticipation. She looked at it, her head cocked to one side as she struggled to recall the name of the input device before her. Her fingers playing with a stray lock of her golden brown hair.

Please, I silently begged her, don't get distracted now. Focus, you know this. You at least posses the wits to use the process of elimination, I know you do. With each passing second I could sense the ticks of the clock above us slowing, getting louder, like tiny detonations in my frontal lobe, brilliant white flashes obscuring my vision. She's not going to get it, the experiment is a failure. I cannot open your eyes to this strange and magnificent world that you so wish to share with me. I cannot make more of you than the beautiful but vacuous, animated incubator of my offspring that you are, with your brilliant smile that springs to your adorable face at the sight of shiny objects. No dear, don't blame yourself, it's not you. I am the true failure here.

She can see the disappointment on my face. I can no longer will myself to hide it, the foundations of my stolid expression have been so thoroughly chipped away, and another of my pathetic inadequacies is exposed this day.

A determined if somewhat puerile look crosses her face, no longer playing with her hair, her small hand forming a tiny fist that she slams onto the kitchen table, knocking the salt and pepper shakers from the garish lazy susan adorning the center of the table, a house warming gift from her parents.

"Keyboard!" she shouts in triumph.

The card slips from my hands, a rogue breeze from the open window catches it, sending it gently careening to the floor, a fitting parallel to the table I have now overturned, heaving it with all my might to get to her, to embrace her. The table crashes against the counter, causing a chain reaction of pots and pans tumbling from the cupboards, a cacophony of noise as I hoist her into the air, spinning her round, both of us laughing and cheering and loving each other.

I knew when I set out to teach her how to play Starcraft 2 that it would be difficult. I knew before I even started that I might fail, I might even begin to resent myself, or even her. What I didn't know is how incredible it would feel to make even this amount of headway. As I sit and type this, my chest still swells with pride from my small accomplishment this day.

"Can you teach me" she had asked, one fall afternoon not long ago. I told her that I could, and I intend to do just that.

*****
SolHeiM
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
Sweden1264 Posts
October 25 2010 22:09 GMT
#2
Is your girlfriend by any chance a two year-old?
bakedace
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
United States672 Posts
October 25 2010 22:14 GMT
#3
Well written.. I'm really surprised that some normal people still didn't know what a mouse and keyboard is...
Rhyme
Profile Joined May 2010
United States1069 Posts
October 25 2010 22:14 GMT
#4
hahahahahahahaha 5/5 you're a really hilarious writer. love the line about the lazy susan ^^
dont ever say that
neobowman
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
Canada3324 Posts
October 25 2010 22:15 GMT
#5
Great read
Whole
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
United States6046 Posts
October 25 2010 22:15 GMT
#6
floor exercise, you're my second favorite person on TL. I love your blogs.
iNcontroL *
Profile Blog Joined July 2004
USA29055 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-10-25 22:16:56
October 25 2010 22:16 GMT
#7
Also this 2 year is apparently dating a person who wants to be Henry David Thoreau
Zergneedsfood
Profile Blog Joined September 2008
United States10671 Posts
October 25 2010 22:17 GMT
#8
lol 5/5 would read again.
/人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\ Make a contract with me and join TLADT | Onodera isn't actually a girl, she's just a doormat you walk over to get to the girl. - Numy 2015
Gummy
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
United States2180 Posts
October 25 2010 22:17 GMT
#9
Girls aren't THAT bad at starcraft... T_T
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ There are three kinds of people in the world: those who can count and those who can't.
seRapH
Profile Blog Joined April 2009
United States9768 Posts
October 25 2010 22:19 GMT
#10
lol wtf
On October 26 2010 07:16 {88}iNcontroL wrote:
Also this 2 year is apparently dating a person who wants to be Henry David Thoreau

so true
boomer hands
rei
Profile Blog Joined October 2002
United States3594 Posts
October 25 2010 22:29 GMT
#11
wow such artistic description of emotions, so much detail Teach us your secret to good writing plz !!
GET OUT OF MY BASE CHILL
SolHeiM
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
Sweden1264 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-10-25 22:34:42
October 25 2010 22:34 GMT
#12
On October 26 2010 07:29 rei wrote:
wow such artistic description of emotions, so much detail Teach us your secret to good writing plz !!


Read a lot, write a lot. Every day, 365 days a year and eventually you'll become a good writer. Whether or not you're a great storyteller however, is what separates us regular mortals from Stephen King, Rowling, etc..
Congism
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
Scotland123 Posts
October 25 2010 22:36 GMT
#13
I am surprised i enjoyed reading that, but i did.
frogmelter
Profile Blog Joined April 2009
United States971 Posts
October 25 2010 22:38 GMT
#14
Wait it took her two hours to learn what a mouse looked like and what a keyboard looked like?
TL+ Member
Crais
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
Canada2136 Posts
October 25 2010 22:43 GMT
#15
5/5 Youre a fantastic writer.
RIP MBC Game Hero
VonLego
Profile Joined June 2010
United States519 Posts
October 25 2010 22:44 GMT
#16
This was amazing and I laughed out loud heartily.
Karliath
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
United States2214 Posts
October 25 2010 23:32 GMT
#17
Unless I missed some kind of metaphor with my quick scan of the op, you need to get a new girlfriend.
Hesmyrr
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
Canada5776 Posts
October 25 2010 23:32 GMT
#18
LOLOLOL.
Now lemme quickly rummage up a phone call to police...
"If watching the MSL finals makes you a progamer, then anyone in Korea can do it." - Ha Tae Ki
floor exercise
Profile Blog Joined August 2008
Canada5847 Posts
October 26 2010 00:38 GMT
#19
On October 26 2010 08:32 Karliath wrote:
Unless I missed some kind of metaphor with my quick scan of the op, you need to get a new girlfriend.

I was attempting to satirize the "how do I teach a girl to play" threads that seem to pop up like clockwork, but apparently more people are getting Starcraft Lolita vibes from it. I guess I can see that.

Raeleigh
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
Canada902 Posts
October 26 2010 00:45 GMT
#20
On October 26 2010 07:17 Gummy wrote:
Girls aren't THAT bad at starcraft... T_T

Yeah they are.
*is an example of that*
you are perfect porcelain.
1 2 Next All
Please log in or register to reply.
Live Events Refresh
RSL Revival
10:00
Season 2: Playoffs Day 5
Maru vs ReynorLIVE!
Cure vs TriGGeR
Tasteless351
Crank 323
IndyStarCraft 60
Rex47
CranKy Ducklings41
3DClanTV 35
IntoTheiNu 13
LiquipediaDiscussion
[ Submit Event ]
Live Streams
Refresh
StarCraft 2
Tasteless 351
Crank 323
IndyStarCraft 60
Rex 47
StarCraft: Brood War
Calm 6790
Bisu 861
Horang2 325
Hyuk 276
Stork 271
actioN 258
Pusan 159
Mini 118
ZerO 101
Hyun 100
[ Show more ]
Light 89
HiyA 88
ToSsGirL 76
Soma 75
Dewaltoss 72
sorry 64
Snow 64
EffOrt 56
Liquid`Ret 44
Last 29
Sharp 26
Free 26
Rush 22
SilentControl 13
Mind 12
scan(afreeca) 12
Sexy 9
Terrorterran 2
Dota 2
singsing1977
XcaliburYe208
League of Legends
JimRising 332
Counter-Strike
olofmeister1539
shoxiejesuss602
allub199
x6flipin163
Other Games
XaKoH 144
NeuroSwarm61
Trikslyr13
Organizations
Other Games
gamesdonequick511
StarCraft: Brood War
lovetv 433
Kim Chul Min (afreeca) 397
StarCraft 2
Blizzard YouTube
StarCraft: Brood War
BSLTrovo
sctven
[ Show 14 non-featured ]
StarCraft 2
• AfreecaTV YouTube
• intothetv
• Kozan
• IndyKCrew
• LaughNgamezSOOP
• Migwel
• sooper7s
StarCraft: Brood War
• iopq 1
• BSLYoutube
• STPLYoutube
• ZZZeroYoutube
League of Legends
• Jankos1414
• Stunt624
Other Games
• WagamamaTV135
Upcoming Events
Map Test Tournament
45m
The PondCast
2h 45m
RSL Revival
23h 45m
Zoun vs Classic
Korean StarCraft League
1d 16h
BSL Open LAN 2025 - War…
1d 21h
RSL Revival
1d 23h
BSL Open LAN 2025 - War…
2 days
RSL Revival
2 days
Online Event
3 days
Wardi Open
4 days
[ Show More ]
Monday Night Weeklies
4 days
Sparkling Tuna Cup
4 days
LiuLi Cup
6 days
The PondCast
6 days
Liquipedia Results

Completed

Proleague 2025-09-10
Chzzk MurlocKing SC1 vs SC2 Cup #2
HCC Europe

Ongoing

BSL 20 Team Wars
KCM Race Survival 2025 Season 3
BSL 21 Points
ASL Season 20
CSL 2025 AUTUMN (S18)
LASL Season 20
RSL Revival: Season 2
Maestros of the Game
StarSeries Fall 2025
FISSURE Playground #2
BLAST Open Fall 2025
BLAST Open Fall Qual
Esports World Cup 2025
BLAST Bounty Fall 2025
BLAST Bounty Fall Qual
IEM Cologne 2025
FISSURE Playground #1

Upcoming

2025 Chongqing Offline CUP
BSL World Championship of Poland 2025
IPSL Winter 2025-26
BSL Season 21
SC4ALL: Brood War
BSL 21 Team A
Stellar Fest
SC4ALL: StarCraft II
EC S1
ESL Impact League Season 8
SL Budapest Major 2025
BLAST Rivals Fall 2025
IEM Chengdu 2025
PGL Masters Bucharest 2025
MESA Nomadic Masters Fall
Thunderpick World Champ.
CS Asia Championships 2025
ESL Pro League S22
TLPD

1. ByuN
2. TY
3. Dark
4. Solar
5. Stats
6. Nerchio
7. sOs
8. soO
9. INnoVation
10. Elazer
1. Rain
2. Flash
3. EffOrt
4. Last
5. Bisu
6. Soulkey
7. Mini
8. Sharp
Sidebar Settings...

Advertising | Privacy Policy | Terms Of Use | Contact Us

Original banner artwork: Jim Warren
The contents of this webpage are copyright © 2025 TLnet. All Rights Reserved.