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I don't know if I'm going to post what I'm about to type. I want to read it all in one place and figure out if I'm being ridiculous or not.
There's a gal I like, she wants to date and I want an open relationship. She's a virgin but I could have her. The problem is finding a time when my room doesn't have 7 or 8 guys in it, I have 2 roommates (I live in a fraternity house) and my room is the main hangout place upstairs. The only times we can is pretty much at night, but I'm not gonna be a dick and kick my roommates out during schoolnights.
She has some weird social conditioning about sex but I know that when I'm done with her she'll realize its all bullshit and that sex is great. Thing is, she's hella busy. Its next to impossible to find time/place for it during the weekends (I've had friends in town or she's been out of town the past 4 weeks). I'm contemplating setting up blankets in the middle of a field, go out there to watch the stars with her and have champagne & other goodies. But it's getting colder so this could potentially be really uncomfortable since I'll end up drinking it off her. I wanna make it something she'll remember the rest of her life in the best way possible, not just a quickish fuck with roommates banging on the door to get their booze
Anyway, its been a week since we decided we'd be exclusive. I don't want to go official until I've fucked her, but I'm not telling her this. I don't want her to think thats all I want out of her cuz its not, but whether you fuck or not is the difference between being friends and lovers. I don't want any confusing pretenses between us, one or the other. I've stopped jackin off for a while now because...I dunno actually. I'm a total horndog right now though.
This week is homecoming week. Every day theres some event with competing teams and every night theres a party. It gets progressively bigger as the week goes on. And even though some of the events are dumb as shit (scavenger hunt?) it makes the girls really horny. There are two girls in one of the sororities I'm paired with who I'm interested in.
One of the girls has straight up told me she wants to sleep with me while she was sober ("I'm taking over your bed this week"). Last night she was drunk in my basement and raging at me to get back to the house while I was trying to do homework in the library. She was my lip sync partner (you create & choreograph a dance to a song) before I dropped out because I got paired up with this really fat girl for one of the routines (part of the routine included dipping and I value my back). I'm a dick, I know. Feel free to judge me.
The other one always texts me asking me where I am long after I've fallen asleep and I've taken her out to eat once. It was really fun. I've known her for less time otherwise I'd probably be gunning for her now
Well the problem is this weekend the girl I decided I'd go exclusive with (she isnt in the sorority I'm paired with) is on the tennis club travel team. She has a tournament this weekend she can choose to go or not. It would mean she isn't here for either night of homecoming festivities. I need to get my dick wet.
I've typed this all out, and I still don't know. I've never been in a situation like this with girls. This year I started working out a shit ton and go out every wed/fri/sat whether I feel like it or not (I never get sick and always get my hw done so I have no excuses not to). I've never liked parties through high school and they've grown on me my first two years of college, but they're still hit-and-miss with me this year.
I want the girl I'm exclusive with to stay here this weekend so we can fuck. If she doesn't, I don't know if I should tell her theres another girl who explicitly stated she would on top of the chance massive parties which are going on anyway provide. or stop being exclusive because this isn't what im looking for or need it to be. This summer I went out with 3 girls at the same time and let all of them know I was and it worked really well. they all started competing.
but I never want to pressure a girl to have sex, i feel thats not right. I just let em know I'm down and wait for them to come.
but this is a case where I do. this is the first time this year I've actively consciously thought about my relationships with women, mainly I've just been doing what I felt like and trying/saying new things i think of right there and its all been great. But now Im having a lot of conflicting feelings. I figured since every single person on TL is an expert on how to deal with women, I'd ask you guys.
And be brutally honest. I can take criticism. if this blog has only one post I take advice from that means its worth it
  
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Well if the problem is space, why don´t you just rent a room at a cheap motel somewhere close and do it there?
Other then that, good luck with everything 
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Don't worry too much, you're approaching life correctly imo: you realize the importance of clearly stating your preferences (exampled by dating 3 girls at the same time and letting them know).
Just be true to yourself, no trickery, no weasely behavior. If you're gonna fuck other girls, do it like a man.
You'll just have to decide what actual path to take, but it's not really as important as it seems.
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It seems to me you are only interested in the virgin if she wants to sleep with you in the next 7 days. If you truly want to be serious with her, have some self control (or restart driving the unicycle..) and I believe a nice opportunity for you two will come.
If having sex is a higher priority for you right now, ditch the virgin if she goes on her tennis trip, but be nice to her and dont tell her the real reason. I know it's a bit assholish and probably the easy way out, but telling her you dump her because she doesnt want to fuck you will hurt and probably damage her.
Best solution is #1 imo... If it doesnt work out with the virgin, the other two gals are still there.
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On October 13 2010 06:49 niteReloaded wrote:
If you're gonna fuck other girls, do it like a man.
Wear no condoms!
+ Show Spoiler +Jk, wear condoms to make sure you don't start getting some STD's and then transfer it around to other girls
All I have to say is, give it time. I know you might be a horn dog and want to go around fucking other girls and what not, that's cool, do what you want. But when it comes to a girl wanting her space/time, give it to her. She'll see that you're a gentleman when it comes to sexual contact and don't want to be forcing her into doing something she sees she's not fit for yet. It only makes them want you even more either way I did this with one girl, she said she wanted space and time, I gave it to her, and within a few weeks she was all over me already.
Option 2: Fuck around, while being with her. Easy.
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If you actually care about this 'virgin girl' and have no real serious interest (evidenced by the notion that you do not want to be with her unless she sleeps with you within a week); why don't you leave her alone?
Also, if she is so puritanical, don't you think she will be hurt by your desire for an open relationship?
Sounds like you have a lot of frat guy mac daddy college shit to take care of, maybe you should leave her alone, and sleep with the girls who might not be emotionally damaged by your actions?
I am sure there is plenty you omitted though, so you probably know what is best.
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I'm not sure if there is a real question in your post or if you just want comments.
As for your overall story, that's cool you have the overall attitude that is attractive to women so it's working out well no problem there.
Now about having multiple relationships, it's your own issue, I don't personaly give a fuck about ethic in relationships. I would just ask of you to actually be honest to them (try to not lie) about not being exclusive (well the easiest way is just to be evasive about it ) but this is just my feeling on this kind of matter, if you don't give a fuck about it then don't (assume moral consequences though).
About the virgin, same comment I think you are right, you should wait for it to come. About space and time well this is an issue with your life.
You can definitly tell your buddies to stand out for a night here and there to fuck your girl, they will understand as long as you keep it open the next day. If they don't want to let you they are dicks so insist.
About being in a hurry about sleeping with her I would definitly say to not wait for too long anyway, expectation grow and the first time might just go bad anyway. Give her a cute first time but don't make it wait for long and don't give her incredible expectations. Anyway, don't rush it, give her the taste of it and let it come to you, if it takes too long sleep with other women if you want to and feel okay about it.
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Hungary11300 Posts
Sex isn't that important. A fulfilling relationship is. So I like your initial plan of making it something special for both of you and I don't like your plan of endangering it due to general horniness.
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You need to communicate with the virgin girl better. Tell her what you want, what you feel, and what's been bothering you, etc. She'll let you know how's she's feeling about it all.
Of course avoid pressuring her into sex. Just talk about it; it'll help I think.
Also don't mention anything about the other girls, if you can help it. That would be bad.
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On October 13 2010 07:12 Aesop wrote:
Sex isn't that important. A fulfilling relationship is. So I like your initial plan of making it something special for both of you and I don't like your plan of endangering it due to general horniness.
I'm going to have to definitely agree with Aesop. I used to be a bit like this, and unlikely enough the girl who I couldn't get into bed for the longest time is now my beautiful wife of 6 years, with an amazing 2 year old son! It was definitely worth the wait.
Ahh how life works out, just an example for you.
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On October 13 2010 07:12 Aesop wrote:
Sex isn't that important. A fulfilling relationship is. So I like your initial plan of making it something special for both of you and I don't like your plan of endangering it due to general horniness.
To most people!
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is awesome32277 Posts
Relax. You are over-analyzing and complicating things.
Do you like the virgin girl? how much?
You shouldn't feel pressure by other girls (yeah, even the ones saying 'I want to fuck you') if you were really into the virgin one.
So, TL;DR: make up your mind, choose the thing you want the most and do it.
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so is your primary OK with you sleeping around? don't jeopardize that for one weekend or whatever unless that relationship sucks and you want to sabotage it
you can go after whatever other girls you like if you recognize the risks, and if you realize what you're doing (emotionally) to all parties involved.
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On October 13 2010 06:25 KurtistheTurtle wrote:
I dropped out because I got paired up with this really fat girl for one of the routines (part of the routine included dipping and I value my back).
Amen brudda, haha. incoming fat person anecdote. for my last first aid recert, we were doing abdominal thrusts (apparently Heimlich is trademarked or some bullshit), and i got paired with this really fat chick, and when someone is overly obese, you're supposed to do a modified thrust, almost a chest compression from behind. being the lanky bastard that i am, i decided to spare her feelings and do the it the normal way, somehow making my hands meet on the other side of her rolls. as the if instructor passed, he said good job, and then snuck me an 'i'm sorry' look. i guess i'm a dick too.
EDIT: now that i've finished reading, i love hearing about guys who's problems involve juggling multiple girls. you poor guys  . my advice is to listen to your brain rather than your penis.
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On October 13 2010 08:22 eLiE wrote:EDIT: now that i've finished reading, i love hearing about guys who's problems involve juggling multiple girls. you poor guys . my advice is to listen to your brain rather than your penis.
I find it funny that for the other way around (guys with no girl) they should listen a bit more to their penis (and balls).
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lol, fair enough. it's a fine balance. and if that was a shot at me, don't worry my balls are plenty big, but some of us don't have the looks to have girls clawing at us, so we must use our superior brains!
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On October 13 2010 07:12 Aesop wrote:
Sex isn't that important. A fulfilling relationship is. So I like your initial plan of making it something special for both of you and I don't like your plan of endangering it due to general horniness.
have to echo this, for whatever my opinion is worth.
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@ the relationship crowd: I agree. Sex becomes better the longer I'm with a partner
@ the get your dw crowd: I care about this virgin girl. But I don't want to get into a relationship which won't satisfy me. If she doesn't stay for HOMECOMING WEEKEND then that really puts me off
guess I'll find out if she is and go from there
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If virginity is something this girl values, why can't you be happy for her? What sort of sick bastard makes arbitrary demands of a girl that in order to "be exclusive" with a girl she's required to drop her pants despite not wanting to.
If she is so special to you, what could possibly make you want to sleep with these other girls?
You sound like a total man-whore. If this girl is good enough to warrant a real relationship, accept her for what she is and embrace that. If she isn't special enough for you to make the sacrifice for her, go be a horn dog else ware. Honestly though if some guy had your mentality around a friend or sister of mine he'd be dead before he touched her.
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On October 13 2010 11:43 VonLego wrote:
If virginity is something this girl values, why can't you be happy for her? What sort of sick bastard makes arbitrary demands of a girl that in order to "be exclusive" with a girl she's required to drop her pants despite not wanting to.
She told me she wants to. She's scared nervous excited so I want to make it as memorable and awesome as I can. Something she can always remember and be glad it happened. And what sort of fucked up girl would go out with a guy who doesn't want her, anyway? relationships are a two-way street. She's gotta make me happy, and I gotta make her happy. We are exclusive, just not fb official till the pants get dropped. and if I'm not happy then its over. youre acting like women don't like sex which is only true if you absolutely suck balls in bed and/or have weird unnatural judgemental attitudes about it so then you never get to have it in the first place
If she is so special to you, what could possibly make you want to sleep with these other girls?
Because I'm not having sex with anybody. One of my friends once told me a quote "Sex is like breathing. I only think about it when I'm not doing it."
ps Are you a guy? wtf lol
You sound like a total man-whore.
finally someone noticed
If this girl is good enough to warrant a real relationship, accept her for what she is and embrace that. If she isn't special enough for you to make the sacrifice for her, go be a horn dog else ware. Honestly though if some guy had your mentality around a friend or sister of mine he'd be dead before he touched her.
I don't think I'd wanna touch your gal friends if you have any but do you have a sister? How old is she?
Update: She'll be here for Friday. Parties don't become open until 12 so she's not allowed over until then. I'm making an ice luge I'll prob be setting it up ~10. I want it to last till she gets here and I also wanna see her before 12 but thats a slap to the face of the homecoming sorority im paired with and all the girls will be pissed so I haven't figured out what I'll do yet. I also have to evade mrs bed invader and keep the other girl happy but not too happy. one way or another this is gonna be a memorable friday lol
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On October 13 2010 11:43 VonLego wrote:
If virginity is something this girl values, why can't you be happy for her? What sort of sick bastard makes arbitrary demands of a girl that in order to "be exclusive" with a girl she's required to drop her pants despite not wanting to.
If she is so special to you, what could possibly make you want to sleep with these other girls?
You sound like a total man-whore. If this girl is good enough to warrant a real relationship, accept her for what she is and embrace that. If she isn't special enough for you to make the sacrifice for her, go be a horn dog else ware. Honestly though if some guy had your mentality around a friend or sister of mine he'd be dead before he touched her.
Honestly, I'm going to have to agree with this guy here.
Also, it seems like you're the one with weird social conditioning about sex
because...
I don't want to go official until I've fucked her, but I'm not telling her this. I don't want her to think thats all I want out of her cuz its not, but whether you fuck or not is the difference between being friends and lovers.
This is false on so many levels. If you want to know what I think, I'd be glad to share, but I'm not gona laundry list it here and now, I'll just say that it's not true.
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She's scared nervous excited so I want to make it as memorable and awesome as I can. Something she can always remember...
It will be memorable no matter whether she enjoys it or not. It will be her first time.
...and be glad it happened.
Now, the only way she'll be glad it happened, in the future, is if you guys end up staying together, like, as in, getting married, and staying married. Otherwise, she'll regret it. It makes absolutely no difference how pleasurable it was to her physically. Sex is way more mental than physical, no matter how much you may want to believe. It sounds like you're new to it.
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
"The reason you haven't felt it is because it doesn't exist. What you call love was invented by guys like me, to sell nylons. You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one."
-Donald Draper from the show Mad Men
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On October 13 2010 08:57 eLiE wrote:
lol, fair enough. it's a fine balance. and if that was a shot at me, don't worry my balls are plenty big, but some of us don't have the looks to have girls clawing at us, so we must use our superior brains!
Haha no wasn't aimed at someone in particular, just though it funny to think it that way. Of course this is not that simple anyway
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On October 14 2010 00:50 danl9rm wrote:Show nested quote +She's scared nervous excited so I want to make it as memorable and awesome as I can. Something she can always remember... It will be memorable no matter whether she enjoys it or not. It will be her first time.
I know "as memorable as possible"
Now, the only way she'll be glad it happened, in the future, is if you guys end up staying together, like, as in, getting married, and staying married. Otherwise, she'll regret it.
I believe I can give her an experience she's glad she had regardless of whether we stay together long-term or not. I might be wrong but I'll try everything in my power not to be
It makes absolutely no difference how pleasurable it was to her physically.
I agree it isnt terribly important, but you have to be somewhat competent..
Sex is way more mental than physical, no matter how much you may want to believe. It sounds like you're new to it.
a way into a woman's soul is through her ear. I agree with everything in this statement but being new doesn't make me wrong
On October 14 2010 00:52 Rekrul wrote:
"The reason you haven't felt it is because it doesn't exist. What you call love was invented by guys like me, to sell nylons. You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one."
-Donald Draper from the show Mad Men
how apt
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