EPTYour gf might be understanding, but I think it would be the manly thing on your end to not be hiding her like you are ashamed or something. Don't think they'd mind the white gf that much tbh- Bruce Lee did it! lol.
Telling my parents about her... - Page 4
| Blogs > AppleTart |
|
ironchef
Canada1350 Posts
Your gf might be understanding, but I think it would be the manly thing on your end to not be hiding her like you are ashamed or something. Don't think they'd mind the white gf that much tbh- Bruce Lee did it! lol. | ||
|
huyNh
Canada366 Posts
All I have to say to you OP is GL. | ||
|
Cedstick
Canada3336 Posts
| ||
|
CuteSmallHydra
Canada120 Posts
On October 02 2010 10:15 AppleTart wrote: I already went against my parents will because I love her I didn't let them control me and her dating at all. After this long I want them to accept her even if they don't I will still date her and hide it even if they forbid me, but they are my parents and I still want their acceptance. The girl you dated left you because she didn't have the courage to stand up after her parents forbade her, but I know my parents can't control me. I'm scared because if they don't accept it then I won't be on good terms with them and through thick and thin my parents have been there for me even though they disagree on certain things, they are my parents. In addition, I'm sure she wants to be accepted by my parents as well and I just wanted advice from people who may have been in similar situations. Depending on how I present this issue can change a lot. Yeah, that's pretty much exactly what happened. There was nothing I could do to change her family's perspective of me, and before we could even decide on anything she chickened out and ran away from the problem. So it all comes down to what you do. Stand up or run. You've gotta have the courage to stand up to your parents if you truly want to be with this girl. Don't let their narrow-minded view have such a dramatic impact on your life. I'm still bitter about what happened on my end, so when I saw your post I went all "this guy BETTER not be ditching his girl just because his parents say so..." so I really do hope things work out for the two of you. Best of luck. | ||
|
AssuredVacancy
United States1167 Posts
On October 02 2010 10:01 CuteSmallHydra wrote: Please grow a spine. I'm white and was seeing an Asian girl this summer. She was terrified to tell her family about me. Four months into it she finally did. They told her to break off all contact with me. What did she do?Well, she broke off all contact with me. We haven't spoken since late August. That's worse case scenario right there. Tell your parents, but be man enough to make your own decision on who you want to be with in your life. If they tell you to break it off with this girl, and you actually listen to them, then I hope you get run over by a semi-truck. I'll never understand why some people just can't seem to stand up to their parents. It's your life you're living, not theirs. Wait I don't understand this.. you tell him to grow a spine, then you recount how much it failed when your girlfriend grew a spine and told her parents.. and you expect him to do it? | ||
|
Never.Die
Japan189 Posts
| ||
|
haduken
Australia8267 Posts
YOU: But Dad, She's white! Dad: ... He might not saying anything now but he is secretly calculating the awesomeness of his son who does well at school AND scores a white chick. Explains to your dad that Asians with good grades are plenty but baller who bang whites are not. | ||
|
ATeddyBear
Canada2843 Posts
| ||
|
YejinYejin
United States1053 Posts
On October 03 2010 05:02 AssuredVacancy wrote: Wait I don't understand this.. you tell him to grow a spine, then you recount how much it failed when your girlfriend grew a spine and told her parents.. and you expect him to do it? Lol, yeah, that worst case scenario is pretty damn bad. Usually, you try to say, "That's the worst case scenario, but see how it's still alright? Everything will be fine!" That was more along the lines of, "That's the worst case scenario. Wow, is it awful..." | ||
|
Kennelie
United States2296 Posts
Or did you end up like this? The girl you dated left you because she didn't have the courage to stand up after her parents forbade her Grab life by the horns, not by your balls. | ||
|
CuteSmallHydra
Canada120 Posts
On October 03 2010 05:02 AssuredVacancy wrote: Wait I don't understand this.. you tell him to grow a spine, then you recount how much it failed when your girlfriend grew a spine and told her parents.. and you expect him to do it? She never did grow a spine. That was the problem. On October 03 2010 06:38 DTK-m2 wrote: Lol, yeah, that worst case scenario is pretty damn bad. Usually, you try to say, "That's the worst case scenario, but see how it's still alright? Everything will be fine!" That was more along the lines of, "That's the worst case scenario. Wow, is it awful..." Well, yeah, what I was going for was "this is worst case scenario. If you want to avoid it you need to stand up to your parents and not let them run your life." | ||
|
Urth
United States1252 Posts
| ||
|
zoLo
United States5896 Posts
Though all Asian kids are driven by their parents to be geniuses, of course, only a few of them are actually capable of being geniuses. Those that aren't live constantly under the vague impression that their parents wish their kids were better, while those who ARE, of course, live constantly under the vague impression that their parents believe they COULD be doing better. Obviously such academic pressure leaves no time for a social life. Dating isn't mentioned in the Asian household, and girls only come up as a topic of discussion if they're horrifically smart and if your parents want to compare you to them. If dating is allowed, of course, the girlfriend must be Asian and must be smart (though not as smart as you, of course, as that would hurt the Family Honor). The end result is that Asian kids are disproportionately Book Smart over Street Smart. They can explain to you the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus but never grasp the fundamental rules of dating. Of course, there are Asian kids who don't listen to these parents. They might go out, switch girlfriends monthly like they're football players, and never study and always party. These kids are disowned and never mentioned to the relatives. This trend continues into college somewhat, until about the age of 21 or so. By this point the Asian child's path in life is relatively clear, and the Asian parents begin the OTHER inevitable lines that every Asian child hears in their lifetime: "Why haven't you met a nice Chinese/Japanese/Korean/Vietnamese/ etc girl yet and given us grandchildren?" Asian parents are usually oblivious to the fact that they've systematically destroyed the social competence of their children, yet they expect them to be smooth maverick playboys as young adults, charming women all around. An Asian son who fails to maintain a steady girlfriend and fiancee faces increasingly irritating 'advice' on how to find women and insinuations that he might be gay. This vicious one-two punch of social emasculation and later social expectation pretty much means that the Asian son is under constant pressure from the time he enters grade school to the time he's produced grandchildren. My advice is to tell them and since you have been hiding it for 2 years, they might get pissed off by that. Their anger might or might not last too long, but who knows. Hopefully, they will be a little chill about it since you have been doing well in school while being in a relationship. I know that there are the stereotypes of Asian families, but not all of them are like that. | ||
|
Tazza
Korea (South)1678 Posts
| ||
|
Garnet
Vietnam9033 Posts
| ||
|
igotmyown
United States4291 Posts
Here's a worst case scenario, my parents didn't want me dating, hated my girlfriend, would badmouth her constantly her to everyone they could talk to, go on rants about how much they hated her every time the subject came up, and whenever they visited/called, would say, "I bet SHE's around!". And this was because she was the wrong ethnicity of Asian. But then again, they're the sort of parents who would be happier if I did things their way and was miserable/unsuccessful versus the other way around. So the question is do your parents care more about you or their ideas on parenting? If they care most about you, everything will be fine. | ||
|
Loanshark
China3094 Posts
Sit your parents down and tell them: Hey, I've had a girlfriend for the past two years and I want you guys to know. It's important that you only say this for the time being or else you might sound confrontational. If they get mad and rant about schoolwork, point out your good grades. If they're still mad, then either politely remind them that you are 22 and do not need to listen to them anymore, nor have you had to listen to them for some time, or talk about how your girlfriend is a great person and you want them to meet her so they can see for themselves and give approval. Don't get defensive or be directly confrontational and I think your parents will take it pretty well. If they don't ask to see her then I think you should bring it up yourself (better in the long run). Now, I'm assuming your girlfriend isn't trashy or slutty or whatever. | ||
|
pred470r
Bulgaria3265 Posts
| ||
|
PhatCop
Australia70 Posts
An important thing to know: You can have many partners in life, but you only have two parents. If you hurt them/disappoint your parents in anyway, you carry that for life. This is a big deal for Asians. This is what the OP is going through, he doesn't want to cause his parents to react negatively and have a big argument or fight. It is SO disrespectful to do so. People think oh, stop being spineless and just tell them and let them yell, what can they do. Have you no regards for your parent's feelings? Gaining family acceptance for your partner is a big deal for Asians. Sure, the parent's can't do anything about it, but without family acceptance, it really sucks, since the extended family concept is deeply ingrained in Asian culture. Caucasians are not as easily accepted into Asian families due to cultural differences. It is normal for white girls to hug and kiss their guy friends as a greeting, but it may be seen as unacceptable for Asian families. Remember that "face" is important for Asian parents too. Also, guess what happens when things don't work out? Asians parents will have to pick up the scraps for you, because they are your parents and they care for you. For an (exaggerated) example, if you end up having a kid and your marriage fails when you are still very young, they will have to look after your kid for you and let you continue studies rather then let you drop out of college and give up your lifelong dreams. Because they are your parents. Caucasian parents are usually less likely to do so, since their culture is more individual-independence based rather than the extended family. Now obviously this does not mean you must always do as your parents wish without any regards to yourself and grow up to be the perfect specimen of what they have been molding you towards for your entire life. However it does mean more consideration should be undertaken. Which is why OP is asking here. My advice is to fully identify and understand where the stigma is coming from via multiple conversations and discussions, then attempting to change their views slowly. I wish all the best with OP's plans though. | ||
|
sob3k
United States7572 Posts
On October 03 2010 20:33 pred470r wrote: Put her in bikini and make her go inside a cake | ||
| ||
