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So this blog is asking for some advice and opinions on some issues I'm currently having.
Brief History. (There are 2 girls involved they will be known as ex.1 and ex.2)
Ok So ex.1 was my "first love" we were very close for about 7 years, fooling around but never actually committing to each other but in January of 2009 we made the leap and eventually moved in with each other. We had a very rocky relationship, like everyone we had our issues. On a sidenote, we knew each other better than anyone. I could look at her and know if something was wrong, or if something was bugging her. I could tell if she was annoyed,angry,upset,depressed and 100% of the time I could cheer her up. She could do the same for me.
We had a very bad breakup which lead to us blocking each other on facebook, not contacting each other at all and since the breakup (which occured in jan 2010) we have not talked. There has been no contact of any kind what so ever.
So in my depression from this breakup ex.2 came around and definatly helped me get into the stages of "being happy" again. She was more of less of a rebound but I did like her. We broke up about a month ago and we talk every now and then. She tells me how much she misses me and she simply doesn't understand why we cant be together. I've never told her that its because whenever I sleep/touch/kiss her I think of ex.1 and I will not tell her because it would break her heart. She has (ex.2) been into me since highschool and I was never really interested but over the years she has become very attractice and shes a very "good girl". Unfortunatly I think shes a bit too much of a "good girl" for me. The sex is standard at best, I cant talk to her like I could ex.1 and I dont really feel like I can just be myself.
Thats why I ended things with ex.2 it gets a bit annoying how she will keep msging me or texting/calling saying how much she misses me and why she doesn't understand why we cant be together and I just keep saying its me not her and all that blah blah shit.
ANYWAYS heres my issue..
I've noticed that over the last week, I've had dreams of seeing ex.1. Like, I'll be at a party with friends and she'll show up. Or Ill be watching TV in my house and she'll walk in and be like I've missed you so much. Basically every dream ends with me being utterly shocked and amazed that shes actually there in front of me and the emotions run wild and I feel like finally the world has meaning again.
I know what my issue is... obviously I'm still in love with ex.1. Since contacting her is out of the question (because I'm too nervous to actually make the leap to do it and also my friends would hate me for it) She was a bit of a control freak and I can admit, I lived for her, if she wasn't happy I wasn't happy. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this girl.
Anyways... How do I get over her? What can I do to make me stop thinking of her, obviously getting a rebound girl did nothing except hurt someone else's feelings and I dont want to do that again.
Advice?Opinions? What has helped you guys get over "the one"... If theres any question about it thats what this is... This was "the one" and she got away... Help?
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She's not the one. And you weren't for her.
The one is _the one_ . The one that got away , isn't the one.
TAHT DEFEATS THE WHOLE POTN!!
but, you have to do the things that give you strength and what you feel define you as a person. These things are probably difficult. For me, practicing music or going for a walk by myself at a leisurely pace while trying to clear my mind are the two biggest.
Talk amongst friends, and laugh often with them.
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I would contact ReSpOnSe and ask him for advice.
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+ Show Spoiler +
If you were truly happy with ex. 1 then fuck what your friends say (I mean listen to their opinions with respect but make your own decision).
Also I find your name really fitting in this situation.
edit: i realize i didnt answer your question of how to get over a girl. I guess i'm innocent enough that i've never had to 'get over' anyone I loved.
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Austin10833 Posts
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As ella_guru said,
Just chill out with your friends and don't think about relationships for a while.
Do whatever you really want to do because you don't have any commitments at the moment.
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I'm not going to pretend I have the answers for you, but I'll help you with what I know.
It's hard to really tell what kind of relationship you and ex.1 had because you discuss it so briefly and don't go into very much detail about it. My main curiosity is what happened between the two of you that caused such a horrible consequence. If you two were truly in a loving relationship, I do not understand how it would simply fall to the eventuality of completely shutting each other out. When you really love someone, you don't stop caring about them. Loving someone is more than a feeling, it's a choice.
Obviously you still care about ex.1. But you have brought it upon yourself to try to get over her instead of back with her, meaning the breakup probably shook things up pretty badly (even to the point of your friends becoming involved or affected).
If you really want to try and see if there's any possibility of another chance between you two, you should really just sum up the courage to go through with contacting her. Again, I stress my misunderstanding of how you two managed to get in such a bad spot with each other, to the point of not even being able to speak to one another. But yes, if it's something you'd really want, you have to just push yourself.
But this isn't what you're asking, right? You want to get over her. Something terrible has happened and it's not worth going back to for you. One thing that really helps is the break of communication, which you two have already established. Not being constantly reminded of their presence will work wonders for getting over a person. Another thing that can probably help is to disallow yourself to be around certain things that remind you of her.
Aside from these though, it might be best to actually go back and re-evaluate the relationship you two had. This will help for multiple reasons: it will decide whether or not it would be worth pursuing again, and it will help establish whether or not she's as great as you once thought of her.
The key to any relationship is balance, and it's really a dominating aspect of the success. Both people need to mutually care for one another, be willing to understand from their partner's viewpoints, and be willing to compromise. If she were unable to do any of these things, a healthy relationship was not in the making. She needs to have cared for you as much as you have for her. She needs to have considered you before herself, just as you should have been doing as well. You two should have been wanting the same things out of the relationship. If she hasn't been able to do these things for you, then it is for the best that the relationship did not last.
I'm not some expert on these things, really, but I hope these kind of help a bit. After you think about what kind of person she was, it would be good to think a bit about what kind of person you are too I think. If you still find yourself in the same position, then just try to keep her out of your everyday life as much as you can. The feelings will fade eventually, because in the end, we all need someone to love us, and we eventually realize how pointless it is to be chasing something that cannot be caught. And the mentality that these girls remind you of her is temporary, because in reality, she was probably just the first to arrive. These girls are independent of each other. They are unique, and in my opinion, should be treated as such. There's always going to be something special about each of them. What that something is just needs to be found out in time.
I really hope the best for you man. Good luck and best wishes.
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Get over her (ex1) , evaluate(your feelings) if a relationship with ex2 would be enyojable, act on it. Do sports/weights, always helps :p.
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Smix
United States4549 Posts
LOL BROOD.
But on a related matter, do you mind going into why you and ex. 1 broke up? It seems like what you guys had was pretty substantial... what happened to tear that apart?
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Canada8035 Posts
I suggest you submit a sample of your handwriting to Chef for analysis. You'll be surprised at what he finds.
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On April 23 2010 10:17 Smix wrote:
LOL BROOD.
But on a related matter, do you mind going into why you and ex. 1 broke up? It seems like what you guys had was pretty substantial... what happened to tear that apart?
Well she ended up moving to away to college (3 hours away) and that made things a bit difficult. On top of that there was some jealousy issues on both of our parts. I was 100% faithful but I cant say the same for her. It was only once, and she was drunk. But trust was a big issue, and that on top of being 3 hours away made things very very difficult
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deep down, u already know what u want/should do..
perhaps you just needed someone to give u that little push, so yea, go for it..
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On April 23 2010 11:32 MrStorkie wrote:
deep down, u already know what u want/should do..
perhaps you just needed someone to give u that little push, so yea, go for it..
I know exactly what I want to do, I just cant do that. Contact with her is not ok. I cant/wont do it. I need to get over her... Shes hazardous to my health
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Man I'm about to be in the same situation as you are... well maybe... I'll find out on april 30th... except my gf did not cheat on me...
However in all honesty if I were in that situation (being cheated on) as much as it hurted and however difficult it could be to get over someone with whom I believe to be truly in love... I'm pretty sure you talked about the consequences of such acts and drunk or not a person is still somewhat conscious of their actions. If I were in that situation I'd say fuck her, because when it comes to something that big/important for a relationship there shouldn't be second chances. She cheats -> she's out. But then again it's ultimately your decision and where you stand on those issues.
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On April 23 2010 16:00 TheComeback wrote:Show nested quote +On April 23 2010 11:32 MrStorkie wrote:
deep down, u already know what u want/should do..
perhaps you just needed someone to give u that little push, so yea, go for it.. I know exactly what I want to do, I just cant do that. Contact with her is not ok. I cant/wont do it. I need to get over her... Shes hazardous to my health
Good choice man. I'm still struggling myself after a year! But it gets better, things are way easier now than they were. You just have to realize that you don't need her.
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