TLDR summation, on sick leave at present, had a full mental breakdown if you will. The bad part has been in the subsequent weeks though, trying to negotiate bureaucratic imbeciles who are actively stopping you getting the help you need. Aside from money issues, the stress of having to negotiate such a web and do things correctly is the worst part. People actively refusing to cut you slack on technicalities, or just incompetent people have lead to me being physically afraid of being in certain environments without friends present. I'll sweat, shake, sometimes get headaches if noise is too loud.
Worst part is it's extremely difficult to article these to people around you without them thinking you're a maniac. You both know it's not your normal self, but sitting on the shelf awaiting somebody somewhere to answer an email is really adding to it. Can't work at the minute on my Doctor's express recommendation, awaiting assessment. Can't cover myself at work without going to extreme lengths due to a lack of assessment (and prior premature discharge).
There are positives too of course, finally a real break. Finally I feel smart again, well, as smart as I saw. Latent creativity is back, I can do silly things like I used to enjoy doing before aspects of life sucked all the joy of existence away.
I don't really have anything to add other than wishing you the best in getting the help you need! It sucks that it had to come to a breaking point but at least you have an opportunity to get better!
Broke down again, much much worse. Got so physically angry that I had a short term memory of almost nothing and was pacing around, unable to remember where I'd just set my glass down, or where I'd put my shoes.
Worst part is I am open, if I ask you to do something it's to avoid that happening because I know myself well. When I say 'I need to stay elsewhere' it's because I do, for both our sakes. My mother doesn't really 'get it' and her and her family guilted me into staying another day, my meltdown was pretty much as I'd predicted. That and fucking incompetent people who can't do simple tasks such as 'email that mentally ill person back'
We all love each other but are very different. It's crushingly sad to me that my mother actually saw me when I lost control entirely, it's intimidating. I'd tried to avoid it, explain why and her coming from a good place didn't get it.
All of this, all of this wouldn't be an issue if I could get fucking psychiatric help. I've had to write up a document of my own thoughts that was 3 pages long, just to get a referral. Fake being suicidal on a phone and then tell the lady that I just made it up, but I knew the system so next time ill lie. Sent off as many emails as I could to people, private healthcare to fast track it. They either can't fucking use an email system or are closed because of the most idiotic public holiday there has ever been.
Mental health systems are so fucking bad, SO bad. 'Hey let's discharge Wombat with a clean bill of health when he's 15 minutes late and refuse to add a note that at least said he showed up'. Some jumped-up incompetent cow can't fucking add a note saying 'showed up late, but did show up' when I request because it is SUCH A FUCKING EFFORT TO ALTER A FIELD?
That cunt, hope she dies an ironic, red-tape related death for being so incompetent. Mental health services, discharging people for punctuality and missed appointments. People who are well known for being reliable and punctual.
But no, let's discharge wombat, so he doesn't even have ANY diagnosis of any mental health problem on paper, great idea. Let's provide fucking medical care to Roma cunts, whose entire culture is based on scrounging. Know what it's like seeing the same, haggard face, hands out with the same 'how are you?' for the last 6 years in your favourite cafe, when you can see through that manipulative, guilt-tripping nonsense? when your girlfriend gets deported because some asshole promised her a reference and instead fired her? A person you would have paid to stay, not for 'us' but for her?
Fucking hell, mental health services, SORT IT FUCKING OUT.
P.S, venting, have calmed down just articulating my thoughts aloud.
Regardless of intent, it's a matter of needing trained.
All the first points of entry for people across the whole gamut of mental health issues have to deal with people who have either not been trained to deal with them, or trained properly. Basic schematic
1. Make an appointment with a GP who'll assess you for referral up the chain. The first entry point has almost no clue on how to deal with me, the second required me to luck out and have mine have a Masters in the field. 2. You get discharged from the system for far smaller infractions than you'd think because the service is so stretched. In my case for showing up late for a psychiatric evaluation by 15 minutes. 3. This forces people to rely on other sources of info to cope in the interim. Be it friends, the Internet or whatever, sometimes good advice delivered with good intent from one person, can lead to disaster. Sometimes not, but relying on self-medicating in various ways without adequate professional supervision isn't just unwise, it's dangerous
Wow, sorry to hear about your mental breakdown. If there's one thing I learned, it's that you know your self best so do what makes things easier for you. It's hard for people who aren't in the same boat to understand someone, especially when it comes to mental illnesses because you just can't put yourself in someone's shoes for it.
Sounds like the system is messed up to me. It's the same way all around the world. Medicine is used to treating physical injuries and has been making headway into mental illnesses, but, I don't expect the system to become accommodating to patients anytime soon which is sad. I think what will help things along is if society was more receptive to patients who are mentally ill. Depression is quite common yet you have a lot of people just telling someone to "feel better" or "stop being sad" as if that helps the patient etc...
Best of luck with your situation and keep us posted!
I shall, my PC is back tomorrow which is 100x easier to do it with for me than a smartphone, but I'll come back and answer whatever is in here when I have that.
Okay bud. We've been friends for close to five years now, since the "old days" of Q-Con: Genesis. And with that in mind, what I'm about to tell you may seem harsh or whatever, but I'm sure a fella' of your stature can take it.
Stop creating threads on AISC that are not SC2-related.
This isn't to say that non-SC2 related threads are not allowed. It's just that your threads come off as a bit egocentric, to echo Roberts and Ethan's concerns. It will keep the other admins of AISC off your back and will be one less thing to deal with. The humour has lost its way and has become dull.
Don't talk about your personal issues in depth, or link to such discussions, on AISC.
AISC contains a ton of people who care about you. Some care about you as a close friend. For others, you're a pleasant acquaintance and to most people, you're a hilarious SC2 caster. With that said, the entire 400 member community doesn't need to be updated on your personal condition and it needs to stop. Other members would have their posts deleted and their membership of AISC revoked if they posted like you have done.
On being lectured by "hypocrites"
Over the past few weeks, Patrick and Mark may seem like their trying to lecture you when in fact they have their own problems which gives a "hypocritical" feeling to their words. I want you to know, that both of these people talked to me before talking to you. We discussed what to say, how to say it. And I want you to know that those two men care more for you than you'll ever know. They're not lecturing you for the sake of it. They are genuinely trying to help and I can vouch for that.
Cheers bud, you'll pull through. :D
I will now read your facebook PM to me and reply via email to keep those plans confidential.
In the case of 'venting' my private shit, it's solely so I have a one-place stop for everyone's queries. I can link my family to it, I can link other people, they can see what's going on. On doctor's orders, I can channel my overly fertile brain if it's focused, but between 20-30 people individually, it stretches it. Hence I'll centralise it.
Mark and Patrick both care about me, and I get that. I know they're looking out for me and I sort my shit out and come down, I'll be there for them and vice-versa. In this instance, their 'help' is actively counter-productive to me getting better. this isn't arrogant but the manic high version of me is the smartest person I've ever encountered. I can't remain there, it's too much, I'm getting migraines from the strain and want to come down. If I specifcally ask for something, it's for that reason
As a person who despises the 'like' culture on Facebook, on the one time I demand it, it's probably for a legitimate reason.
I never got to ask you this in the guitar thread, and because you're in a little more of a creative spree in your life I think now is a good time to ask you - what do you look for in a humbucker? I'm thinking about expanding to a semi hollow like a gibson es-335 or a guild starfire or a Fender Coronado in the next several years after I get my first real amp and I remember you saying you play a gibson les paul afaik. So as a strat and single coil lover, what do you think is the most important thing to look for in humbucking tone?
On July 15 2015 04:21 BigFan wrote: Wow, sorry to hear about your mental breakdown. If there's one thing I learned, it's that you know your self best so do what makes things easier for you. It's hard for people who aren't in the same boat to understand someone, especially when it comes to mental illnesses because you just can't put yourself in someone's shoes for it.
Sounds like the system is messed up to me. It's the same way all around the world. Medicine is used to treating physical injuries and has been making headway into mental illnesses, but, I don't expect the system to become accommodating to patients anytime soon which is sad. I think what will help things along is if society was more receptive to patients who are mentally ill. Depression is quite common yet you have a lot of people just telling someone to "feel better" or "stop being sad" as if that helps the patient etc...
Best of luck with your situation and keep us posted!
I went from normal depression, that I understood to a combination of 'ASD traits' coupled with the manic high aspects of bipolar disorder, solely because people refused to assess me because I was 'normal'. The system isn't just inefficient, it's actively counter-productive. It's genuinely made me worse. Every aspect of it has fucked my brain.
On July 16 2015 08:16 docvoc wrote: I never got to ask you this in the guitar thread, and because you're in a little more of a creative spree in your life I think now is a good time to ask you - what do you look for in a humbucker? I'm thinking about expanding to a semi hollow like a gibson es-335 or a guild starfire or a Fender Coronado in the next several years after I get my first real amp and I remember you saying you play a gibson les paul afaik. So as a strat and single coil lover, what do you think is the most important thing to look for in humbucking tone?
I'm not a massive gear head, mid-range gear can sound fantastic if you work with it. In the case of your question, I'd genuinely find places with gear you have in mind, and play around with them, see what you like. That's my approach to gear for the most part. My current setup is pretty broken (needs fixed) but my main 'lead' guitar has a Bareknuckle warpig in it (sick pickup), the stock ibanez neck pickup (a lot lower output, smooth), as well as a coil splitter so you can meld the sounds.
TLDR: Actual gear is irrelevant to me, playtest and find what works for your requirements.
Thanks for the kind wishes folks, wasn't a good time for me but I am on the path to full recovery and more. May seem odd but one does get comfort from even posts on a forum when you get bad.
I was admitted to a psychiatric unit not long after last posting here, got the help I needed there. A lot of experiences there and I'm not sure if I'll share them, met a lot of interesting and lovely people, got on better with the fellow patients than some of the professionals.
Others in similar situations or those curious feel free to PM, I'm rationing my internetting so replies might be sparse.
Good to hear. You've always been one of my favorite posters. I had same experience in psych ward... the patients were a lot nicer and more humane than most of the staff.
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Happy to answer and clarify when I have a mechanical keyboard beside me once more!
