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How I destroyed my own life by tryin to b progamer - Page 2
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Skynx
Turkey7150 Posts
User was warned for this post | ||
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Jealous
10088 Posts
On September 07 2014 20:04 DarkPlasmaBall wrote: I agree with everyone here. It's good you've finally realized how much time you've wasted (better late than never), and don't think that the rest of your life is futile. Show how sorry you really are by compensating for the time you've wasted. Delete the games you're addicted to, find a job or internship, and bring your family some honor  Go do something with your life! Best of luck! Listen to this man. I met DPB in real life and he is someone to be respected and looked up to. He is around your (and my) age and is probably one of the busiest and most driven people I ever met. Jumperer, I will elaborate further in a PM, but by no means should suicide be an option. If you kill yourself, then all the suffering you have gone through, all the remorse you feel, all the sacrifices your family has made would truly be for nothing. Use the pain of this depression to motivate yourself. You need to want success in order to attain it. You are a psychology major like I am, you should know that as well as I do. I will be sending you a more personal PM shortly. Stay strong. | ||
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Nirel
Israel1526 Posts
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FFGenerations
7088 Posts
if you like thinking/challenging stuff with proper career option then look at computer programming. delete LoL/dota go to gym+start eating properly = you wont miss gaming after you've been without it for a few weeks u need to decide on a plan for your future, pretty much everything is viable for you (especially since you have a degree certificate already!!!). maybe do what i done and jump into 2nd or 3rd year of a computer programming university course, and get on a career pathway pm me for advice o/c since i have been thru the worst of it all | ||
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LuckyFool
United States9015 Posts
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Dohko
10 Posts
You need to grasp that flow in order to better yourself. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flow_(psychology)). What do you want to do ? Accept you are a piece of shit or look at what made you feel that way ? Sure people will resist you if you try to change and be the change in the world, but maybe you got no choices anymore, maybe you never had any. “It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” -Krishnamurti What you need is what is the hardest for you to get the more you become immerse in this world and its "rules": you need dissociation, detachment, perspective in regards to your own life and parameters. You have to be strong and confident inside; look everywhere for ideas which make you feel that way. That's an ever-going process. Realize you are not alone. "I hope that whoever you are, you escape this place. I hope that the worlds turns, and that things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you." -Valerie's letter, V for Vendetta. That's the first and most important part, where you are psychologically strong; enough to try and venture this world vertically rather than horizontally. Now about the less important more practical approach, in my experience I have identify only three or so degrees that will give you easy clearance in the market. Those are Med school, Engineering and Computer Sciences. The first two might be a drag here, and you might have more affinities with Cpt Sci since you tried to be a progamer, on the top of my head I know of a few pro who were actually doing it and SC2 at the same time (Lucifron, Vortix, Feast, ...) its not too late for you to look into that since its 3 to 5 years and its just a degree that fit in the time you're living in and not too far away from the things you're interested in. People can spend like 50 years trying to accomplish their dreams in other domains, you only spent like 10 or less and you're saying you're giving up, well even If I don't have a degree in psych: I say this is not you giving up this is you trying to keep going. Your dream is not trying to be a progamer, everyone's dream is doing the things that one loves. So this is you trying to be around the progaming dream, the games, the chills, the adrenaline, ... Maybe you'll never be a "progamer" but at the end of the day it's the process that matters, you just have to make it work for you and whatever situation you're in. When you try to be a professional gamer, sure there is the mechanical aspect of the game where you try to fine tune your hand dexterity, but there is also the creative part of it when you create, improve or use build orders, design strategy or just thinking about your decision making. You're saying you have mechanical difficulties when it comes to the game and now your hands are hurting; I would advice you to look into stretching your hands, improving your range of motions with your fingers, work on your finger independence. To keep it fun, after those stretches, you can always get into guitar, piano, typeracer, or even a few games of SC1/SC2 where you try to use ALL your left hand fingers instead of trying to win. Pressure is very detrimental psychologically when trying to do something as competitive as progamer and there is a huge amount of obstacle you need not to be obsessed with or have tunnel vision to resolve. Like having better mechanics, it doesnt come with practicing mindlessly games after games, if you have poor hands habits; you'll only repeat your errors endlessly. You have to be able to pause, explore things outside the spectrum of your problems. You currently have this cool thing called Internet where there is a huge amount of sharing ideas and experience, this is just me sharing a bit of mine. | ||
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Kalingingsong
Canada633 Posts
The OP needs to either: 1) build up his skills starting from lower-end jobs so he can eventually get a job with a better income; 2) go back to school and train in something more useful so he can get a better job when he comes out; or 3) some combination of the above All of the above takes time/motivation/money. The OP seems to have plenty of the first two, so the only real question for him right now is: does he have enough money to transition into something better. Not sure if the OP is gonna read this but here are some questions to get started: 1) where in the US are you currently living? (maybe you can get some government assistance?) 2) what other kinds of jobs have you tried applying for? did you get any interviews? what happened? (perhaps all you need to do is work on your interview skills) 3) what financial situation is your family in exactly? (how much money are each of your other family members pulling in? do you still have a significant amount of debt?) (relevant for determining if you can still 'borrow' money from them) *) how were your grades in university? (relevant to determine if you can get some other kind of degree, could also be a selling point in job interviews) | ||
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Ctone23
United States1839 Posts
On September 07 2014 22:17 QuanticHawk wrote: hate to break it to you, but with a psych degree, you either become a social worker, or you go back to school if you wanna do any of the cool stuff you can do in psychology. i mean maybe youll luckj out somewhere but that's usually how it goes That's not true. Some professions call for specific degrees, and of course major corporations require impeccable credentials, but a huge chunk of people out there have jobs that have literally no correlation to the degree they have. It really comes down to effort, networking, even getting lucky. I've seen it time and time again. | ||
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JieXian
Malaysia4677 Posts
The next step is to continue fighting! And your English is fine, ignore that guy | ||
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Raziers
56 Posts
I dont know if you are just some teen trying to seek attention, but with those thoughts id suggest visiting a psychiatrist. That kind of problems with yourself is not something you should expect people on a e-sports site to be able to help you with. get some real help, its what they are there for. | ||
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Dohko
10 Posts
He's in psych and gaming, if he's clever he knows that's just bullshit and mainstream propaganda. "You have little money and a special personality or special interests that doesn't fit in the norm, let me take that money, in exchanges I'll explain to you how you have to fit in a mold you clearly hate". Its like he last place he needs to be at, except if the psychiatrist is like his own man, with his own ideas. Which scarcely happens. | ||
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ninazerg
United States7291 Posts
Also, I blame the Patriarchy for your situation 100%. | ||
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Scarecrow
Korea (South)9172 Posts
You've got a degree, which is a great start. You're not dumb, you're still young and you only seem to lack motivation. Maybe in the meantime just up your workload, get busier, talk to people and things will start to turn around. Good luck! On September 08 2014 02:00 Dohko wrote: He's in psych and gaming, if he's clever he knows that's just bullshit and mainstream propaganda. If he's clever he'll have outgrown your stage as well. Mental health is not 'mainstream propaganda'. Therapy can be helpful and has nothing to do with forcing you into a mold. | ||
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hp.Shell
United States2527 Posts
Do something other than gaming that brings you confidence. It's bad to put all of your Confidence Eggs in one basket, or one thing, because if that basket is destroyed (progaming career future?) then your Confidence Eggs will be broken. And nobody likes broken eggs! So, you want multiple baskets. Exercise can bring you confidence. Basket #1. Writing / poetry can bring you confidence. Basket #2. Meditation can bring confidence. Basket #3.... The point is, if you are very strong and fit, and you get all your confidence from that, and then suddenly one day you lose your legs or something, your confidence will be gone, probably like it is now. But! If you are also extremely good at writing or poetry, art or something... then when you lose your legs, you won't feel as bad because you're still a badass writer. (Of course, losing legs sucks but hey, still got the pen and paper. It's not like you then "have nothing to live for.") There is always something to live for. For example, repaying your parents. One day you will be making enough money to support yourself and live on your own or with a roommate. Eventually you might start helping your parents out with money because they are getting old and can't work so much anymore. If you want to grow financially, here is what I suggest. Get multiple part time jobs and work 30-60 hrs per week. I'm not sure what it's like out there for illegals and work, but if you can't get more jobs, then ask neighbors if you can mow their lawn or do odd jobs like pet sitting or walk dogs. There is probably someone out there who would love the help. There are typically very old ladies out there who want someone to go buy groceries for them, drive them around town, etc. See Driving Miss Daisy as an example. That's the type of job you probably wouldn't need to be a citizen for. Personal help. The other thing you could do is make a plan for a psychology business, where you help others get a strong mental state. You mentioned that you have a strong mind, maybe you can make money helping other people acquire strength. There are far more opportunities out there than you can imagine. Get out, make some friends in town if you can. You might try art stores as a potential job place - people who own art stores are typically more progressive. Time WILL heal whether you believe it or not. Ok good luck, remember I can talk via PM if you need someone to talk to. | ||
BigFan
TLADT24920 Posts
Sit down and consider what you want to do. What will it take to achieve it? Find places to volunteer to get experience and keep looking for other jobs while you work towards that goal. There's so many opportunities out there but you're so focused on how badly things have been. Also, I think it would help you to feel better if you apologize to your parents, both of them especially your father. Tell them how you feel, how sorry you are for avoiding responsibilities etc... then start considering everything from the perspective of helping yourself and your family. Your family will be the key to helping you in the end. One last comments: But seriously though I still don't really give a fuck. I never liked my own family. Is there a reason for this? | ||
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[sc1f]eonzerg
Belgium6463 Posts
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Capped
United Kingdom7236 Posts
On September 08 2014 02:54 BigFan wrote: One last comments: Is there a reason for this? I wouldn't look down on him for saying something like this, i feel the same about mine and once i explain the shit ive been put through people just say "...fair enough" because theres nothing else to say lol. Although alot of people can say things like this and have very bad reasons for it, though its usually pre-teen drama queens. "Zomg my parents took awey my internets and ipad!" | ||
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BigFan
TLADT24920 Posts
On September 08 2014 03:03 Capped wrote: I wouldn't look down on him for saying something like this, i feel the same about mine and once i explain the shit ive been put through people just say "...fair enough" because theres nothing else to say lol. Although alot of people can say things like this and have very bad reasons for it, though its usually pre-teen drama queens. "Zomg my parents took awey my internets and ipad!" I wasn't looking down on him lol. I just wanted to know if there were any legit reasons for it (parents bugging to do x or y doesn't count lol). | ||
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Dohko
10 Posts
On September 08 2014 02:27 Scarecrow wrote: Sad but we need more of these blogs and less "Road to Progaming $$$." You've got a degree, which is a great start. You're not dumb, you're still young and you only seem to lack motivation. Maybe in the meantime just up your workload, get busier, talk to people and things will start to turn around. Good luck! If he's clever he'll have outgrown your stage as well. Mental health is not 'mainstream propaganda'. Therapy can be helpful and has nothing to do with forcing you into a mold. Yeah, well, that's like, your opinion, man :D. Also wow you're really good at ascertaining your view is the superior one with that juvenile amalgam thingy. I was saying it can be helpful if it has nothing to do with forcing you into a mold, which scarcely happens. Have you had any experience with psychiatry ? Please elaborate. Not to make this thread about that but since I already gave my opinion, something other than ''yo man you only lack motivation duh". | ||
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Poo
Canada536 Posts
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