EPT
How I destroyed my own life by tryin to b progamer
| Blogs > Jumperer |
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NotJumperer
United States1371 Posts
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Motlu
Australia884 Posts
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GodOfWarAReS
Germany105 Posts
You are 26 years old.. and made alot of mistakes in your life. But you finally seem to realize your mistakes and thats the first step. My older brother is about 40 years old he doesnt have a job, but a kid, whose mother doesnt want to live any longer with him. He was on university and had a really really good job but... he just didnt want to work. Still he blames my dad for everything.. ofc everything that went wrong in his life was his fault but he doesnt realize. You are living in the country of endless possibilities, in the country of life, liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. With 26 years you are defenitly Not old.. If you are willed to change something in your life you can easily find a job, gain weight, find a girlfriend and show your family that you love them. But keep in mind.. you was making the wrong decisions for more than a decade. It will take time to completly change your mindset. Approach your goals step by step. Good Luck. | ||
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Passion
Netherlands1486 Posts
You're 26 years old, you have a degree, you're healthy and based on your story, you haven't even made any big mistakes so far. What's stopping you from starting life? | ||
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Capped
United Kingdom7236 Posts
But with a degree @ 26 you're in a great position to do something about your life and start being successful. If you feel like you've screwed opportunities / your family / people in the past, now is the time to start making up for that. If you honestly have a degree, you aren't anywhere close to a screw up, you could have done better, like most people, but you didnt fail. | ||
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SoSexy
Italy3725 Posts
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ETisME
12449 Posts
It's a damn useful major that is applicable for many jobs out there, all you need is to figure a way to link it to the position you are applying. I got an economics major and it's an even broader subject | ||
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States44388 Posts
 Go do something with your life! Best of luck! | ||
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MoonfireSpam
United Kingdom1153 Posts
You still have a degree though, which probably won't land you megadollars overnight (neither does being a doctor either) but should help make you more employable. If you cant make something work then thats in you. Good luck, but you dont really have my sympathy. | ||
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States44388 Posts
On September 07 2014 20:36 MoonfireSpam wrote: Post like this make me glad my parents never bought ne anything beyond basic pocket money. Making kid work since 13 doing random shit to buy cool things turns out to have secretly instilled a sense of responsibility. You still have a degree though, which probably won't land you megadollars overnight (neither does being a doctor either) but should help make you more employable. If you cant make something work then thats in you. Good luck, but you dont really have my sympathy. It totally can, but you actually need a ton more education and a much better degree(s)... of course, not everyone only cares about making megadollars | ||
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LaNague
Germany9118 Posts
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States44388 Posts
On September 07 2014 21:25 LaNague wrote: Its a bit unfair of your family to leave everything behind and just go to america with the plan that 12 year old you will just have to earn 100K a year in 10 years. I don't see any of that in what he posted o.O | ||
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brickrd
United States4894 Posts
On September 07 2014 19:09 Passion wrote: It seems a bit unlikely you'd manage to get a university degree with the language skills you display here... but whatever. one of the dumbest things i've read on the internet all year. | ||
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pebble444
Italy2497 Posts
I am one with nature. I bend to the wind, the branches dance and sing; I sing like a bird, open to the hole world to be heard; I bathe in the sun, since the first day the world begun; My hearth glows with fire, like the inner core of the world, to the stars i am faithfull, like an ant to the world. | ||
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QuanticHawk
United States32066 Posts
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nunez
Norway4003 Posts
You are living in the country of endless possibilities, in the country of life, liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. ROFL! User was warned for this post | ||
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XsebT
Denmark2980 Posts
1. Regret is stupid - and I'm not stupid (at least I do not want to be). 2. I would not be the same person without this chapter in my life. For better or for worse does not matter. I am who I am. We are all products of our past, but do not let that past determine your entire future. | ||
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docvoc
United States5491 Posts
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sertas
Sweden887 Posts
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PanN
United States2828 Posts
wake up man, fucking wake up! Board the train of happiness or the one of fear, its your choice and your choice alone! "On September 07 2014 19:09 Passion wrote: It seems a bit unlikely you'd manage to get a university degree with the language skills you display here... but whatever. one of the dumbest things i've read on the internet all year." Just saw that tidbit, yeah, got to agree, Passion that was an incredibly stupid statement, got a little more dumb reading that jesus christ. | ||
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Skynx
Turkey7150 Posts
User was warned for this post | ||
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Jealous
10163 Posts
On September 07 2014 20:04 DarkPlasmaBall wrote: I agree with everyone here. It's good you've finally realized how much time you've wasted (better late than never), and don't think that the rest of your life is futile. Show how sorry you really are by compensating for the time you've wasted. Delete the games you're addicted to, find a job or internship, and bring your family some honor Go do something with your life! Best of luck! Listen to this man. I met DPB in real life and he is someone to be respected and looked up to. He is around your (and my) age and is probably one of the busiest and most driven people I ever met. Jumperer, I will elaborate further in a PM, but by no means should suicide be an option. If you kill yourself, then all the suffering you have gone through, all the remorse you feel, all the sacrifices your family has made would truly be for nothing. Use the pain of this depression to motivate yourself. You need to want success in order to attain it. You are a psychology major like I am, you should know that as well as I do. I will be sending you a more personal PM shortly. Stay strong. | ||
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Nirel
Israel1526 Posts
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FFGenerations
7088 Posts
if you like thinking/challenging stuff with proper career option then look at computer programming. delete LoL/dota go to gym+start eating properly = you wont miss gaming after you've been without it for a few weeks u need to decide on a plan for your future, pretty much everything is viable for you (especially since you have a degree certificate already!!!). maybe do what i done and jump into 2nd or 3rd year of a computer programming university course, and get on a career pathway pm me for advice o/c since i have been thru the worst of it all | ||
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LuckyFool
United States9015 Posts
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Dohko
10 Posts
You need to grasp that flow in order to better yourself. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flow_(psychology)). What do you want to do ? Accept you are a piece of shit or look at what made you feel that way ? Sure people will resist you if you try to change and be the change in the world, but maybe you got no choices anymore, maybe you never had any. “It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” -Krishnamurti What you need is what is the hardest for you to get the more you become immerse in this world and its "rules": you need dissociation, detachment, perspective in regards to your own life and parameters. You have to be strong and confident inside; look everywhere for ideas which make you feel that way. That's an ever-going process. Realize you are not alone. "I hope that whoever you are, you escape this place. I hope that the worlds turns, and that things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you." -Valerie's letter, V for Vendetta. That's the first and most important part, where you are psychologically strong; enough to try and venture this world vertically rather than horizontally. Now about the less important more practical approach, in my experience I have identify only three or so degrees that will give you easy clearance in the market. Those are Med school, Engineering and Computer Sciences. The first two might be a drag here, and you might have more affinities with Cpt Sci since you tried to be a progamer, on the top of my head I know of a few pro who were actually doing it and SC2 at the same time (Lucifron, Vortix, Feast, ...) its not too late for you to look into that since its 3 to 5 years and its just a degree that fit in the time you're living in and not too far away from the things you're interested in. People can spend like 50 years trying to accomplish their dreams in other domains, you only spent like 10 or less and you're saying you're giving up, well even If I don't have a degree in psych: I say this is not you giving up this is you trying to keep going. Your dream is not trying to be a progamer, everyone's dream is doing the things that one loves. So this is you trying to be around the progaming dream, the games, the chills, the adrenaline, ... Maybe you'll never be a "progamer" but at the end of the day it's the process that matters, you just have to make it work for you and whatever situation you're in. When you try to be a professional gamer, sure there is the mechanical aspect of the game where you try to fine tune your hand dexterity, but there is also the creative part of it when you create, improve or use build orders, design strategy or just thinking about your decision making. You're saying you have mechanical difficulties when it comes to the game and now your hands are hurting; I would advice you to look into stretching your hands, improving your range of motions with your fingers, work on your finger independence. To keep it fun, after those stretches, you can always get into guitar, piano, typeracer, or even a few games of SC1/SC2 where you try to use ALL your left hand fingers instead of trying to win. Pressure is very detrimental psychologically when trying to do something as competitive as progamer and there is a huge amount of obstacle you need not to be obsessed with or have tunnel vision to resolve. Like having better mechanics, it doesnt come with practicing mindlessly games after games, if you have poor hands habits; you'll only repeat your errors endlessly. You have to be able to pause, explore things outside the spectrum of your problems. You currently have this cool thing called Internet where there is a huge amount of sharing ideas and experience, this is just me sharing a bit of mine. | ||
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Kalingingsong
Canada633 Posts
The OP needs to either: 1) build up his skills starting from lower-end jobs so he can eventually get a job with a better income; 2) go back to school and train in something more useful so he can get a better job when he comes out; or 3) some combination of the above All of the above takes time/motivation/money. The OP seems to have plenty of the first two, so the only real question for him right now is: does he have enough money to transition into something better. Not sure if the OP is gonna read this but here are some questions to get started: 1) where in the US are you currently living? (maybe you can get some government assistance?) 2) what other kinds of jobs have you tried applying for? did you get any interviews? what happened? (perhaps all you need to do is work on your interview skills) 3) what financial situation is your family in exactly? (how much money are each of your other family members pulling in? do you still have a significant amount of debt?) (relevant for determining if you can still 'borrow' money from them) *) how were your grades in university? (relevant to determine if you can get some other kind of degree, could also be a selling point in job interviews) | ||
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Ctone23
United States1839 Posts
On September 07 2014 22:17 QuanticHawk wrote: hate to break it to you, but with a psych degree, you either become a social worker, or you go back to school if you wanna do any of the cool stuff you can do in psychology. i mean maybe youll luckj out somewhere but that's usually how it goes That's not true. Some professions call for specific degrees, and of course major corporations require impeccable credentials, but a huge chunk of people out there have jobs that have literally no correlation to the degree they have. It really comes down to effort, networking, even getting lucky. I've seen it time and time again. | ||
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JieXian
Malaysia4677 Posts
The next step is to continue fighting! And your English is fine, ignore that guy | ||
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Raziers
56 Posts
I dont know if you are just some teen trying to seek attention, but with those thoughts id suggest visiting a psychiatrist. That kind of problems with yourself is not something you should expect people on a e-sports site to be able to help you with. get some real help, its what they are there for. | ||
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Dohko
10 Posts
He's in psych and gaming, if he's clever he knows that's just bullshit and mainstream propaganda. "You have little money and a special personality or special interests that doesn't fit in the norm, let me take that money, in exchanges I'll explain to you how you have to fit in a mold you clearly hate". Its like he last place he needs to be at, except if the psychiatrist is like his own man, with his own ideas. Which scarcely happens. | ||
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ninazerg
United States7291 Posts
Also, I blame the Patriarchy for your situation 100%. | ||
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Scarecrow
Korea (South)9172 Posts
You've got a degree, which is a great start. You're not dumb, you're still young and you only seem to lack motivation. Maybe in the meantime just up your workload, get busier, talk to people and things will start to turn around. Good luck! On September 08 2014 02:00 Dohko wrote: He's in psych and gaming, if he's clever he knows that's just bullshit and mainstream propaganda. If he's clever he'll have outgrown your stage as well. Mental health is not 'mainstream propaganda'. Therapy can be helpful and has nothing to do with forcing you into a mold. | ||
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hp.Shell
United States2527 Posts
Do something other than gaming that brings you confidence. It's bad to put all of your Confidence Eggs in one basket, or one thing, because if that basket is destroyed (progaming career future?) then your Confidence Eggs will be broken. And nobody likes broken eggs! So, you want multiple baskets. Exercise can bring you confidence. Basket #1. Writing / poetry can bring you confidence. Basket #2. Meditation can bring confidence. Basket #3.... The point is, if you are very strong and fit, and you get all your confidence from that, and then suddenly one day you lose your legs or something, your confidence will be gone, probably like it is now. But! If you are also extremely good at writing or poetry, art or something... then when you lose your legs, you won't feel as bad because you're still a badass writer. (Of course, losing legs sucks but hey, still got the pen and paper. It's not like you then "have nothing to live for.") There is always something to live for. For example, repaying your parents. One day you will be making enough money to support yourself and live on your own or with a roommate. Eventually you might start helping your parents out with money because they are getting old and can't work so much anymore. If you want to grow financially, here is what I suggest. Get multiple part time jobs and work 30-60 hrs per week. I'm not sure what it's like out there for illegals and work, but if you can't get more jobs, then ask neighbors if you can mow their lawn or do odd jobs like pet sitting or walk dogs. There is probably someone out there who would love the help. There are typically very old ladies out there who want someone to go buy groceries for them, drive them around town, etc. See Driving Miss Daisy as an example. That's the type of job you probably wouldn't need to be a citizen for. Personal help. The other thing you could do is make a plan for a psychology business, where you help others get a strong mental state. You mentioned that you have a strong mind, maybe you can make money helping other people acquire strength. There are far more opportunities out there than you can imagine. Get out, make some friends in town if you can. You might try art stores as a potential job place - people who own art stores are typically more progressive. Time WILL heal whether you believe it or not. Ok good luck, remember I can talk via PM if you need someone to talk to. | ||
BigFan
TLADT24920 Posts
Sit down and consider what you want to do. What will it take to achieve it? Find places to volunteer to get experience and keep looking for other jobs while you work towards that goal. There's so many opportunities out there but you're so focused on how badly things have been. Also, I think it would help you to feel better if you apologize to your parents, both of them especially your father. Tell them how you feel, how sorry you are for avoiding responsibilities etc... then start considering everything from the perspective of helping yourself and your family. Your family will be the key to helping you in the end. One last comments: But seriously though I still don't really give a fuck. I never liked my own family. Is there a reason for this? | ||
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[sc1f]eonzerg
Belgium6600 Posts
))) | ||
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Capped
United Kingdom7236 Posts
On September 08 2014 02:54 BigFan wrote: One last comments: Is there a reason for this? I wouldn't look down on him for saying something like this, i feel the same about mine and once i explain the shit ive been put through people just say "...fair enough" because theres nothing else to say lol. Although alot of people can say things like this and have very bad reasons for it, though its usually pre-teen drama queens. "Zomg my parents took awey my internets and ipad!" | ||
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BigFan
TLADT24920 Posts
On September 08 2014 03:03 Capped wrote: I wouldn't look down on him for saying something like this, i feel the same about mine and once i explain the shit ive been put through people just say "...fair enough" because theres nothing else to say lol. Although alot of people can say things like this and have very bad reasons for it, though its usually pre-teen drama queens. "Zomg my parents took awey my internets and ipad!" I wasn't looking down on him lol. I just wanted to know if there were any legit reasons for it (parents bugging to do x or y doesn't count lol). | ||
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Dohko
10 Posts
On September 08 2014 02:27 Scarecrow wrote: Sad but we need more of these blogs and less "Road to Progaming $$$." You've got a degree, which is a great start. You're not dumb, you're still young and you only seem to lack motivation. Maybe in the meantime just up your workload, get busier, talk to people and things will start to turn around. Good luck! If he's clever he'll have outgrown your stage as well. Mental health is not 'mainstream propaganda'. Therapy can be helpful and has nothing to do with forcing you into a mold. Yeah, well, that's like, your opinion, man :D. Also wow you're really good at ascertaining your view is the superior one with that juvenile amalgam thingy. I was saying it can be helpful if it has nothing to do with forcing you into a mold, which scarcely happens. Have you had any experience with psychiatry ? Please elaborate. Not to make this thread about that but since I already gave my opinion, something other than ''yo man you only lack motivation duh". | ||
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Poo
Canada536 Posts
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CaucasianAsian
Korea (South)11582 Posts
just don't give up! | ||
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States44388 Posts
On September 08 2014 03:35 Poo wrote: Tittle seems a little over-dramatic. You're just 26 years old; you have a long road ahead of you. Calling everything you've done to be a waste is overdoing it. Graduating and having a college degree is great - it's a step in the right direction. Think positively. I've had friends who were in the same boat as him, and some of them had complete meltdowns. It appears that Jumperer is lacking direction, doesn't know how or where to focus his attention, and just feels like he's been wasting his family's time and money and potential by just going through the motions of getting an easy (for him) degree and playing games instead of doing something more constructive (long-term). Fortunately, he recognized that he's in an unfortunate situation. Now he just needs the motivation to make an effort to get out of it. He's definitely young enough that his life isn't over, or that all hope is lost. He just needs to wake up and get his shit together. That's easier said than done, so I think finding mature friends that already have their shit together would be a great way to get personal feedback and assistance. Even better would be if those friends had jobs that interested him, so he could learn a bit about them and maybe get a position working. Jumperer, get out there and network, and also find something you're passionate about (regardless of whether or not it's related to psychology). Even if you don't land a psych-specific job, a psych degree should still help you with your social skills and understanding the minds of people/ groups of people. Psych was one of my minors, and it's helped me communicate and collaborate with different groups of people. On September 08 2014 00:13 Jealous wrote: Listen to this man. I met DPB in real life and he is someone to be respected and looked up to. He is around your (and my) age and is probably one of the busiest and most driven people I ever met. Haha thanks ^^ | ||
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Integra
Sweden5626 Posts
Regarding work, you should be able to get some well payed jobs considering your education, maybe open up your own practice at some point? Problem is the economy but its getting better and the unemployment rate of academics is predicted to drastically go down within the next couple of years. Personally my top 3 university educations that are worth investing in are IT/systems development, Engineering and Psychology, and I can't really see how your investment has been a waste, unless you don't try to profit from it by looking for jobs and so forth, once the economy has gotten more stable. | ||
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Enki
United States2548 Posts
Like others have said you are still young, and as bad as you feel about your situation there are tons people who are far worse off. It's hard to stay positive but I think it's a must right now. The worst thing to do is constantly think about how bad things are and let it consume you. On September 08 2014 04:15 Integra wrote: It sounds more like the recent downfall of the economy "destroyed" your life and not Esports. It fucked over a lot of young people. My town lost many businesses during the recession and never really recovered from it. Much of the country is the same way, it's just harder these days. Keep your chin up man. | ||
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PassionFruit
294 Posts
I work pretty heavily in the criminal justice system, so my view of "destroyed my life" tends to skew very heavily to those who have jumped into an endless chasm of despair. Drug abuse, criminal convictions, etc... You're young, healthy, and have a college education. You've also identified your problem and want to change. You're well above ground zero. I've seen people below ground zero turn their lives around for the better. It's not easy, and it takes a lot of hard work and grit. But it can be done. And it's all up to you. I'm not going to give you specific advice on what you should do because...well because it's fucking dumb to do so. Plus you're not even asking for advice in your blog, so I won't be an asshat and give you unsolicited advice. I don't know anything about you, where you're from, what you want to do, what you can do, etc... Just be methodical, driven, and smart in your approach and you'll be above 90% of your competition that just goes with the flow or does what is traditionally accepted. But like I said before, it's all up to you. Sink or swim, the only thing you can rely upon is yourself. | ||
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QuanticHawk
United States32066 Posts
On September 08 2014 01:46 Ctone23 wrote: That's not true. Some professions call for specific degrees, and of course major corporations require impeccable credentials, but a huge chunk of people out there have jobs that have literally no correlation to the degree they have. It really comes down to effort, networking, even getting lucky. I've seen it time and time again. that's what i mean by getting lucky. by his own admission he has done zero networking | ||
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REDBLUEGREEN
Germany1903 Posts
It makes no sense. To fail at something you first need to have a set goal. It makes no sense to set the goal only afterwards and judge your performance then. When you were younger you didn't care about a good job or 100k income. You can't call yourself a failure and pathetic when you had no motivation and in fact not even this goal in the past. Now you have this goal. Good. You can start now to achieve it but it is counterproductive and even illogical to blame your past self for this situation(which btw is still very good compared to the majority of humanity). | ||
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hp.Shell
United States2527 Posts
Every time they mention that they would like to do something, they are met with hostility from parents / family / friends, people who want to keep them in the place of failure so that they don't feel bad about their OWN failure to reach whatever goal they wanted to achieve. For example, say you wanted to be a writer, and you told your mom one day that you wanted to write science fiction books for a living. If she said something like "that's not you," or "that's a bullshit career" etc, anything negative without really giving reasons for it and just abusing you and bullying you, then this could be a source of the problem with motivation. Only if this happens continually and almost every time, does this apply. In this situation, the person with dreams eventually has enough of it and just closes up, their mind shuts off, no internal monologue, etc because "to think is to be abused; to express a preference is to be savagely attacked." So, it becomes easier for the person to defeat himself before opening his mouth, and he forgets that he even HAS thoughts, and it becomes debilitating in this way. Then, when the person wants to achieve a goal, he will start toward that direction, and then feel a great lack of motivation towards achievement - this lack of motivation has been found to be linked to past abuse and attacking of preferences when that person mentioned his goals to others. It's like the saying when you blow out birthday candles. Don't tell anybody your wish, because then it won't come true! | ||
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hellokitty[hk]
United States1309 Posts
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L1ghtning
Sweden353 Posts
The future is only terrifying for those who are not living in the present. What I mean with that is that if you have a clear purpose and direction in life, and you're happy with where that will lead you, that you will feel content, even if your current life situation is miserable. I'm saying this, because I don't want you to focus on the rough path ahead of you and give up, either by stop trying or taking your own life. You may be a long way from accomplishing something that you would be proud of, but accomplishments doesn't make you happy, it's the journey there that does. It's only through the pursuit of happiness that we can be happy. Happiness is not something that you achieve as the fruit of your labour. Sure, you can get temporary relief when accomplishing something, but it's only temporary. Does it make an actor happy to win an Oscar? Only temporarily, and if he was depressed to begin with, it will only make him more depressed. Happiness can't be achieved, it's something you feel when you're working towards your goals. So, don't get too caught up in your thoughts about how hard it would be to turn your life around. Think really hard and figure out something worthwhile to focus on, and then do it. And if you can't figure it out now, settle for a while on something that is atleast somewhat productive, but bearable, and engage with other ppl to try and spark an interest. What you need is motivation. It is probably a good idea to tell your family about the things that you just shared here. If they know about your gaming dreams, it can help them understand you more, and they can help you in the right direction. At the very least I hope you have a real life friend to turn to. | ||
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2primenumbers
United States144 Posts
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Redrot
United States446 Posts
edit: oh shit its my birthday | ||
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GoTuNk!
Chile4591 Posts
About your hands, your muscles are prolly just chronically tight from lack of stretching trough the years. A good chiro should be able to loosen the muscles trough massage and re allign the joints completely if they got misplaced. Do NOT go to a doctor, find a chiro. Hands have small muscles and tendons so they can be completely fixed trough external manipulation by someone competent. Also, wathever you do, lift weights and read books. | ||
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States44388 Posts
2 more: + Show Spoiler + | ||
Liquid`Jinro
Sweden33719 Posts
There's people who get out of a warzone at that age and still manage to lead a productive life after it. (Yeah I've heard this is the kind of shit you shouldn't tell someone who's depressed but, I personally the times I've felt really down and shitty about where I was at in life, thinking about how people have overcome worse situations than mine tended to help me realize I can do something) And you have a degree, there's no possible way you are as big of a fuck up as you think if you managed to get that. Just swallow your pride and knuckle down and get to work. Your life is nowhere near as fucked as you think it is... Someone close to me missed out on way more of their life b/c of various circumstances (illness, some school problems etc) and is only a couple of years younger than you and starting university now basically. I recognize some of what you've said here, and I'm not trying to trivialize your feelings but man you've done better for yourself than you think and so what if you made mistakes, all you can do is try to do right by yourself and your family from this day on. | ||
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Stratos
Czech Republic6104 Posts
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iPlaY.NettleS
Australia4335 Posts
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SagaZ
France3460 Posts
You know that right now you look back 3 years in the past and think "wow, if only I woke up back then, it would be so much better right now" well if you don't change anything, in 3 years you will be thinking the same. The past always looks a lot easier than the present, but it's the same. Your life is obviously not in a good spot, but it can change, you can make it change. | ||
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Djzapz
Canada10681 Posts
cheers. | ||
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ninazerg
United States7291 Posts
On September 08 2014 12:45 DarkPlasmaBall wrote: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbKkkZNwmN4 2 more: + Show Spoiler + What I saw at first: ![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/0tHPf4s.png) What I thought at first: "Stop Making Excuses Ni..." -> "Stop Making Excuses Nigga" ... How did I become such a racismist?  | ||
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SagaZ
France3460 Posts
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States44388 Posts
On September 09 2014 01:18 ninazerg wrote: What I saw at first: What I thought at first: "Stop Making Excuses Ni..." -> "Stop Making Excuses Nigga" ... How did I become such a racismist? LOL wow ^^;; It happens I guess. | ||
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UndoneJin
United States438 Posts
1. You think your family is suffering now because of your perceived underachievment or general lack of achievement - it would be 100x worse if you were to commit suicide or hurt yourself in a serious way. Nothing could be more selfish. 2. You're pretty obviously suffering from depression, but doing something like taking the time to post up a lengthy post about your life and feelings is sincerely a really good first step to figuring out where you need to go from here. Start opening up to your family and friends in the same way, just be honest about where you are. You say you're at the point in life where it's basically just "fuck it" anyway, so why not be the most transparent and straightforward version of yourself you can be (It will be like a breath of fresh air to reestablish a real connection with your family - trust me on that one). We really only have control over this exact second in our life, and in a moment, we'll have control of another second. Just take it day by day and be proactive as often as you can. Don't beat yourself up when things don't instantly work out, that's not how life is. | ||
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iamho
United States3347 Posts
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tenacity
1587 Posts
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Tazza
Korea (South)1678 Posts
It might be difficult to adapt since you've lived in the states for a long time, but if you really want to change, you should at least give it some thought. | ||
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MaestroSC
United States2073 Posts
You are the cause of all of your problems, not video games. Stop being such a victim and go out and fix your life. If you arent going to actively pursue anything to try to fix it, it will always be shit. Crying to strangers on the internet about being a horrible fuck up...instead of going out and correcting your behavior, isnt helping anything or anyone. Get a real job, stop leeching off of your family, and go start contributing to the world. | ||
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