EPTOn January 15 2012 05:51 SnowSC2 wrote:
The year was 2009, it was a warm winter evening in Austin, Texas. I had recently been dumped by by girlfriend Katrina in addition to failing to meet my daily ladder goal, which I hadn't had started yet. One day, I come across Jimmy, the brother of my ex-wife, Angelina. Jimmy is a drug dealer, and he offers me a sample of a new nootropic drug, NZT-48, claiming it allows humans to access 100% of the brain's power, as opposed to the "normal" 20%. I accept, and, much to my surprise, the drug does indeed work, putting me into a manic state, and enabling me to play 47 ladder games, winning almost an entire third of them.
The next day I ask for more of the drug, but when Jimmy asks me to go pick up his dry cleaning, I return to find Jimmy murdered and his apartment ransacked. I call the police and deduce that Jimmy was probably killed by someone who wanted his stash of NZT. I find the drugs, his address book, and a wad of cash just before the police arrive. Regularly taking NZT, and using Jimmies cash, I turn my life around. I had done it, I had reached the top 8 of my bronze division.
I get back together with Katrina. After hovering at position 7 in my ladder i decide to increase the dose of NZT while i ladder over 670 games in just a few days. My fame hits Reddit, but I notice they were simply mocking me.
I quickly jump back into Startcraft 2 but the higher dose of NZT is causing side effects like lost time, poorly split drones and hallucinations. Depressed at my inability to focus, i go on a drinking and partying binge, and end up in a hotel room with a striking blond whos name i cannot recall. I am followed there by the man in the a coat.
I wake up and realize I have no more NZT at my house. I hadnt laddered, but there goes my chances anyway.
I was feeling sick after my binge, and getting sicker. My ex-wife calls me and tells me she suspects I am on NZT. I plead for a face-to-face meeting, but Angelina is reluctant. I want to learn more about the side effects of the drug, so I start calling the names in Jimmy's address book. I discover that everyone listed is either dead, or in the hospital sick. While calling one of the names, I hear a phone ring, and a person sitting close by answering. It is the man in the tan coat. He chases me, and i escape and meet with Angelina.
Angelina explains that the drug makes you very sick, especially if you try to go off it cold turkey. She quit 2 years earlier, and felt she was lucky to be alive, but has lost her ability to concentrate, and has become lazy. She tells me the best way is to ease off gradually, reducing the dosage over time.
I find a pill in my pocket, and head home to take it, but am apprehended by Blizzard Support, who had suspected me of purposefully losing thousands of games in order to help get that one achievement that doesn't really look as cool as it probably should. looking for my mobile authenticator, they notice the pill, and take it.
I am getting sicker as I go through withdrawal, and stumble into Katrina's office. I tell her about the drug, and that I have hidden my stash at her apartment. Seeing how sick I am, she agrees to retrieve my stash and return it to me at her office.
On her way back to me, She is intercepted en route by Blizzard Support. It becomes obvious that while high, Blizzard is very dangerous. They chase Katrina, killing two men trying to help her as she flees. By phone, I convince her to take a pill as it will enable her to know what to do to survive. Doing so, she makes a bold escape. Though I am saved, Katrina is convinced that I will destroy myself because of NZT and breaks up with me again.
Blizzard realizes the effects the drug has and threatens me until I agree to give them more NZT. Because of Angelina's warnings, I manage my consumption of the drug down to an acceptable level, and hire bodyguards, and recruit a scientist to work on reverse engineering NZT.
Blizzard breaks down the door to my apartment, looking for the NZT. Blizzard explains that they are no longer ingesting the pills, but instead dissolving them in water, and injecting them. The effects hit faster, longer and improve your fire rate. While Blizzard's searching my apartment, I am shot while managing to successfully stab one of them. I am desperate for a hit as I lay beside the bleeding man. All I can do is drink the blood that is pooling beside him. Revitalized, I stab one of the psychotic blizzard employees in the eye, and trick them into shooting the other.
One year later, I had done it. Silver league mother-fucker.
Blizzard offers me an unlimited supply of NZT (admitting that they both know I was headed for GM); I refuse, I no longer needed the drug. Having had the foresight to have multiple labs working on the NZT, I had refinined it so that I could quit it without experiencing side effects, while permanently retaining its mental enhancements.
Blizzard however was not so lucky, plagued by mass numbers of employees suffering from withdrawal , patch 1.4.2 is released.
The year was 2009, it was a warm winter evening in Austin, Texas. I had recently been dumped by by girlfriend Katrina in addition to failing to meet my daily ladder goal, which I hadn't had started yet. One day, I come across Jimmy, the brother of my ex-wife, Angelina. Jimmy is a drug dealer, and he offers me a sample of a new nootropic drug, NZT-48, claiming it allows humans to access 100% of the brain's power, as opposed to the "normal" 20%. I accept, and, much to my surprise, the drug does indeed work, putting me into a manic state, and enabling me to play 47 ladder games, winning almost an entire third of them.
The next day I ask for more of the drug, but when Jimmy asks me to go pick up his dry cleaning, I return to find Jimmy murdered and his apartment ransacked. I call the police and deduce that Jimmy was probably killed by someone who wanted his stash of NZT. I find the drugs, his address book, and a wad of cash just before the police arrive. Regularly taking NZT, and using Jimmies cash, I turn my life around. I had done it, I had reached the top 8 of my bronze division.
I get back together with Katrina. After hovering at position 7 in my ladder i decide to increase the dose of NZT while i ladder over 670 games in just a few days. My fame hits Reddit, but I notice they were simply mocking me.
I quickly jump back into Startcraft 2 but the higher dose of NZT is causing side effects like lost time, poorly split drones and hallucinations. Depressed at my inability to focus, i go on a drinking and partying binge, and end up in a hotel room with a striking blond whos name i cannot recall. I am followed there by the man in the a coat.
I wake up and realize I have no more NZT at my house. I hadnt laddered, but there goes my chances anyway.
I was feeling sick after my binge, and getting sicker. My ex-wife calls me and tells me she suspects I am on NZT. I plead for a face-to-face meeting, but Angelina is reluctant. I want to learn more about the side effects of the drug, so I start calling the names in Jimmy's address book. I discover that everyone listed is either dead, or in the hospital sick. While calling one of the names, I hear a phone ring, and a person sitting close by answering. It is the man in the tan coat. He chases me, and i escape and meet with Angelina.
Angelina explains that the drug makes you very sick, especially if you try to go off it cold turkey. She quit 2 years earlier, and felt she was lucky to be alive, but has lost her ability to concentrate, and has become lazy. She tells me the best way is to ease off gradually, reducing the dosage over time.
I find a pill in my pocket, and head home to take it, but am apprehended by Blizzard Support, who had suspected me of purposefully losing thousands of games in order to help get that one achievement that doesn't really look as cool as it probably should. looking for my mobile authenticator, they notice the pill, and take it.
I am getting sicker as I go through withdrawal, and stumble into Katrina's office. I tell her about the drug, and that I have hidden my stash at her apartment. Seeing how sick I am, she agrees to retrieve my stash and return it to me at her office.
On her way back to me, She is intercepted en route by Blizzard Support. It becomes obvious that while high, Blizzard is very dangerous. They chase Katrina, killing two men trying to help her as she flees. By phone, I convince her to take a pill as it will enable her to know what to do to survive. Doing so, she makes a bold escape. Though I am saved, Katrina is convinced that I will destroy myself because of NZT and breaks up with me again.
Blizzard realizes the effects the drug has and threatens me until I agree to give them more NZT. Because of Angelina's warnings, I manage my consumption of the drug down to an acceptable level, and hire bodyguards, and recruit a scientist to work on reverse engineering NZT.
Blizzard breaks down the door to my apartment, looking for the NZT. Blizzard explains that they are no longer ingesting the pills, but instead dissolving them in water, and injecting them. The effects hit faster, longer and improve your fire rate. While Blizzard's searching my apartment, I am shot while managing to successfully stab one of them. I am desperate for a hit as I lay beside the bleeding man. All I can do is drink the blood that is pooling beside him. Revitalized, I stab one of the psychotic blizzard employees in the eye, and trick them into shooting the other.
One year later, I had done it. Silver league mother-fucker.
Blizzard offers me an unlimited supply of NZT (admitting that they both know I was headed for GM); I refuse, I no longer needed the drug. Having had the foresight to have multiple labs working on the NZT, I had refinined it so that I could quit it without experiencing side effects, while permanently retaining its mental enhancements.
Blizzard however was not so lucky, plagued by mass numbers of employees suffering from withdrawal , patch 1.4.2 is released.
That was a lot of effort to put in for one joke, and I'm sad that no one has taken the time to respond to you yet. 8(
