Swarm Stand Up ft. Rob Hustle (Zerg Anthem)

Just to get a couple things out of the way first: 1) It never bothers me to hear honest criticism. Like you, I'm glad to hear the positive and the negative. 2) If I were giving an excuse for the quality of this--which I'm not--"it was rushed" would be accurate; "I wasn't really trying" would not be. I was doing my best to write something reasonably good reasonably quickly. I'm not saying it was a runaway success. I remember judging as I fell asleep last night "at least it wasn't embarrassingly bad. Barely." So that was my own assessment of it. 3) I don't actually consider myself good at improvising verse. When I said connoisseur I picked the exact word I meant (in terms of meaning--in terms of tone, I was being an idiot there--of course that made me sound like a pompous prig): I appreciate fine verse, I don't produce it, although I've dabbled at it. I would do horribly in one of these "freestyle" rap battles--what I wrote here was rushed, but not off the top of my head. I wasn't planning to write anything of the sort, but once Rob actually went ahead and dedicated a whole video to me (which I was kind of impressed by) I felt like the ball was in my court. Also, if I didn't put something out there for you to judge I was afraid I'd be opening myself to the charge of "them as can't, teaches".

A couple things I said that I think you misunderstood: 1) I mentioned drone up/grown-up as something I liked in your rap--that's the exactly sort of thing that we light-verse-fans appreciate: it's a complex rhyme, it's clever, it rhymes exactly, and it fit smoothly into the context of your words. If all of your rhymes had been that good I would have jumped on the bandwagon of everyone else raving about the lyrics. 2) When I said "rappers can't deal with strictures" I did have the meaning of "criticism" in mind as a secondary way to read the line, but the main meaning I intended was "restrictions", as in restrictions on what counts in the way of rhyme, meter, etc. In rap, a near-rhyme--sometimes not much more than assonance--is considered good enough. I'm not even saying that's a bad thing necessarily: I do recognize that rap is more than just poetry read out loud, and that flow is more important than exactness in that genre. I am saying that light verse tends to have higher standards for the technical aspects of poetry than rap does (or even than "real poetry" does, to be honest). Different worlds, like I said.

For your criticisms: "it seems you were more concerned with seeming intelligent than actually saying how you felt" is a critique that can be aimed at light verse in general, which tends to emphasise style over substance: it's all about flashy rhyme and fancy meter and witty wordplay. If you replace "intelligent" with "clever", I think your words actually make a pretty succinct criticism of the genre.

As for the technical points you brought up, though: I think you were misreading my piece (although as the writer I take half the blame for that). I would never rhyme "it" with "it"--the rhyme was "flow, it" with "poet" and "stow it". Granted, the comma after flow makes it harder to read those words together and compromised the natural rhythm a little.

Speaking of natural rhythm, my piece certainly had one, or was meant to (an anapestic rhythm, if you want to be exact): rhythm and rhyme are the flesh and bone of light verse. To be sure, it's harder to hear rhythmic flaws as a writer, since one knows from the beginning how it's "supposed" to sound, so it's good to hear your input. Maybe I should recite it so you can hear how I meant it to sound, but I don't have any recording equipment set up and I don't even know how good a job I would do at reciting it, so in lieu of that I'll just repost it with the stresses indicated: + Show Spoiler +

It's always bothered me that so often one has a choice between giving flattery or giving offense (or saying nothing). I really dislike it when people equate criticism with "hatred". So those rare times when I meet someone who can take criticism without taking it personally, and return it in kind, it makes me happy. Your response and Rob's delighted me.

Maybe I'll listen to some of your other music now. All the best to the both of you.