On Why Not to Get Too Drunk - Page 2

I went away to Cancun this past spring break and came back on St. Patties day. That alone was enough for me, as i puked i think 6 times on the plane ride (which was at 8am) because i didnt finish drinking tequilla until 5 am. However, that's neither here nor there, as I sucked it up that night when I got home around 9 to go out to the city to celebrate with my friend.

We took our infamous Spanish Bus in to meet our friends, getting a little pre-game in on the way. We try calling them, but they are so drunk, all we can get is WE ARE IN THE VILLAGE. That's pretty much a useless description of where you are. None the less, we head over to Bleaker Street and we finally get in tocuh with them that they are in that area, but unsure of exactly where.

They tell us they are by this bar Phebe's, so we head over in that direction, but the kids phoen dies. Off in the distance, we see one kid on his hands and knees on the ground (mind you, This St. Patties day there was a huge ice/snow storm, about 4-6 inches, and it was like 10 degrees out) puking his brains out. The other kids are throwing ice chunks at each other. Naturally, these would be the idiots we were looking for.

The kid on the ground is 100% irish, a 5'2 leprachaun with a stomach and liver that belong in a 7 ft giant. He had been drinking all day at work and continued to drink at home before going to NYC. Apparently, they were at a bar and got tossed out after this kid took his 12th car bomb or so and promptly fell over, knocking over a bar table full of drinks. We come over dying laughing at first, then realise the kid's way beyond goign out anymore (its only 10:30 too) when he lays face down about to roll over into his puke lol.

I reach down and grab him by his collar and pick him up to stand him up. I kid you not, this was one of the most pitiful sites I've ever seen, he cant even stand, he hasnt uttered an a word—or at least anything in normal english. I was basically holding dead weight. My friends keep on yelling at him to wake up because were trying to get a cab and we don't want the cops to see him and arrest him (public drunkeness + underage, and he was on probabtion) Then out of nowhere, he goes into raging irish man mode and punches my other friend in the face. Now the other kid flips, hits him once and tosses him into some huge snow bank in front of a parking lot where he passes out.

I'm dying laughing now, because the guy at the parking deck is around my age and laughing hysterically. He tells us we should get to work on finding a cab, cuz cops are looking for people like him. At this point, he's mumbling to himself and kids are stopping to pose for pics with him lmao. Me and my one friend (this kid was the only kid dressed like a fucking guido in the whole city that night) grab the kid and pick him up with his arms around our shoulders. The friend gives him his jacket and we put a lit cigarette in his mouth to make it seem like hes awake cuz a cop was coming (hey it worked!).

Literally about 5 minutes after the cop passes, me and my friend are talking, not paying attention, when the kid hurls BIG TIME. All over the jacket, his jeans, shoes etc. Our first reaction was AH FUCK, DONT GET IT ON ME, and we simultaneously let go... and the kid face plants into the ice and knocks himself out cold. (he had a nice black eye from this) We pick him up and finally get him a cab to take him back to Jersey (which cost about 75$) and another friend goes with him and we head out to bars. The last thing I see is the kid hurling about 30 seconds after the doors close lol.

I get a call from my friend who took the drunk home about two hours later. The kid puked several times all over and it cost them extra for that. On top of it, when my friend tried to get the drunk's wallet to pay and get him out, the kid went into fighting mode again and punched him i nthe face twice, busting the other dudes lip. This resulted the drunk catching an ass beating, getting dragged to his door and left inside on the porch. The drunk woke up in the morning in the snow lol.

Another story was when I lived up in Sacramento. I was down to visit with my friends back here (where I am now, Huntington Beach). Anyways We were all under age. They had all become insane alcoholics by the time I came back down. They had a system worked out where they would jack bottles on certain days of the week etc. So when I came down, naturally it was my turn to do it. Me being the pro that I am decided to jack 2 flasks of crown vodka in each pocket and a bottle of some 90 proof shit in my belt (i think it might have been peppermint shnaupps, yuck).
It was about 5-6pm and they had already been drinking beers.

So we are all pounding vodka, Shnaupps, and Beers, chased with whatever we could find/afford at this place we dubbed 'Angel's Stadium'.( I have no idea why, we are all angel's fans I guess but it looks nothing like the field.) My other cambodian friend who only drinks on the weekend gets harassed to death being called "WEEKEND WARRIOR" and other cambodian slurs. Its funny because one of the insults was that I am down just for a few days and I drink more often than him etc. He gets so mad and flustered that he tries to fight me and everyone backs me and he just storms off.

Later that night we go back to the oldest friends apt. complex and just start chatting it up with any girls (or anyone for that matter) that walk by. We eventually have a decent sized party in the pool area gazebo thing. We ended up not having to use all the booze I gathered because people keep showing up with more beer and everyone decided to save some of mine for tomorrow or whatever. I was pretty fucked up at this point and I was in 'fuck it' mode. So I just pull out the other vodka bottle and start slamming it. My oldest Italian friend gets mad and tries to get the bottles from me. I fumble the bottle and try to grab it with my other hand. Which would have worked if not for the FIRST vodka bottle in it, lmao. So the bottle clinks off my hand and hits the concrete shattering. I get so mad I just start telling people to punch me in the arms. Everyone lines up on both sides and just starts throwing punches like rail workers in the 1800s. I must've taken about 20-30 or so punches before I decided that I had enough punishment.

After this point I can't remember much except for that fact that is just started pouring rain like crazy and everyone starting running indoors. Since myself and some others were in 'fuck it' mode we didn't decide to leave until all the booze was gone. My friends were saying that we all were walking really fast trying to get home (probably like 3/4 mile walk) and I was totally ignoring the rain and jumping in puddles and splashing them and shit. They were trying to get home the fastest as possible while I was still trying to have fun and ended up taking my own route and split off by myself.

So the next morning I wake up at our destination fully clothed in my jeans, t-shirt, boxers, socks, shoes, belt, and hoodie. Everything was soaking wet including my shoes which had pools of water in them. I literally woke myself up from violently shivering. I'm so pissed off that nobody took off some of my clothes (including my ex-gf who was there) but I can't even talk because my jaw is chattering so hard. I strip down to my boxers and throw it all in the dryer and start trying to use hot water from his kitchen sink to warm up. I then wrapped myself in a blanket and shivered on the couch for another hour or two before I worked up enough energy to go hop in the shower.

Any time I am ever cold I think of this morning and it really helps.