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As you get older, finish school, and everybody moves on, you definately realize who your real friends are.
Once it becomes an effort to stay in touch, and you don't see every single person you know every single day, it changes things. Some people, who you considered friends, simply aren't worth the effort.
What I mean is this - my entire graduating class at highschool was pretty tight. It was ~300 people and you'd party with different people 5 nights a week, all of whome were friends. At this point in my life I thought of about 50 of these people as my 'close' friends. Enter University - again, a tight class where everyone drank together and hung out together every night. I became close friends with about 20 of these guys, and stopped talking to about 30 of the 50 people from highschool. I continued to meet new people but would think "gee, this seems like a good guy. I bet we could be good friends if I actually wanted another fucking friend."
Priorities change. In highschool, you want lots of friends. You want lots to do and you want to be a part of as many social groups as you can get your fingers in. Everything is a popularity contest and you need lots of friends to feel adequate.
Nowadays, all I care about is have a few good friends to drinks beers with and watch the hockey game.
I know who my real friends are - they are the ones who I could not talk to for 6 months and it didn't matter. I didn't need to keep in touch with them because our friendships didn't require constant attention and maintenance to keep running. I could only see them twice a year while I was away at school but that was fine - no catching up was necessary. The friendship simply resumed as it always had.
So, now that I'm done rambling, I can say that if I were to have a party there would be about 40-50 people I'd make sure to call. About 20 of those I would really hope to show up above the others. About 5 of those would be there already drinking all of my beer the day before. They are my real friends.
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Baltimore, USA22261 Posts
Flaccid sums it up very nicely I think. Again, that's why I said that most of you who say 10+ are just in school. When you get out of school for a while, see what happens.
To throw myself into this, I'd say I have around 30 people or so I'd consider good friends, but only 4-5 non-family people who I feel I could trust with anything.
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Braavos36402 Posts
it's easy to think of someone as your "real" friend by definition when you are in high school or college, because you are in an environment where you regularly see them every day.
once you graduate and are working or move to different locations and it takes lots of effort to hang out (rather than just show up to school or walk down the hall) then you really see who you're friends with. its super easy to be "close friends" with someone when they are conveniently near. most people who are in HS or college who are reading this no doubt are thinking "whatever, these guys/girls i will stick with forever, they will always be there" but trust me, you are wrong. you will always feel the sense of nostalgia, but you'll see them less and less and become more distant and everyone will get new friends who are more convenient to hang out with. you will always be their friend, but you will never have the closeness you once did--sucks but it just happens that way.
Firebatlover, that's what ETT means, its not a personal attack, please don't throw a hissy fit. You will realize eventually that its literally impossible once you're out of college to maintain 10+ true friendships by the definition of the thread creator. You simply are in different locations and don't have the time you did during school.
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Calgary26004 Posts
By your definition, there are about 10 from university and 6-7 from home. I don't know why this is so hard for you to believe.
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Braavos36402 Posts
he is saying you are just in school, its easy to maintain friendships there... wait until after you graduate.
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Even moreso, wait til people start getting married O_O.
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Calgary26004 Posts
I'm not in school. Thanks for your sweeping assumptions though.
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"Someone you can really trust on and who can help you when you have problems and you are 100% sure that he will never betray you etc...REAL friend ok?"
1 for me.
I have a hard time trusting people 100%
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Braavos36402 Posts
On October 05 2006 08:54 Chill wrote:
I'm not in school. Thanks for your sweeping assumptions though.
its funny that you are having such an attitude about this.
maybe you are just this amazing person who everyone is just best friends with, or maybe you just have a weaker definition of "close friend" than everyone else.
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Baltimore, USA22261 Posts
On October 05 2006 08:50 Chill wrote:
By your definition, there are about 10 from university and 6-7 from home. I don't know why this is so hard for you to believe.
It's not 'hard to believe', but trust me, you're just in school. There is the obvious convenience factor, and that'll change once you're out. I'm not trying to be difficult, I'm just being honest. Try telling me a year+ out of school that you still have 16-17 REAL friends you can trust with ANYTHING.
Edit - I was working on this post intermittently at work, so I didn't see you claiming you're not at school. I strongly suspect you're either just fresh out of school, or you're claiming you're friendships are stronger than they really are(or you're lying and are still in school). I'm not trying to be cynical or difficult, but it's just what I've seen, from my own experiences and from others.
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Calgary26004 Posts
An attitude? Everything I've posted has been immediately challenged.
have a lot of friends from university and some from home.
Those can't all be good friends
By your definition there are around 15 good friends.
That's because your in school.
I'm not in school. Thanks for your sweeping assumptions though.
You have an attitude. You're either sarcastically amazing, or have an inferior definition of friend.
Yea you're right, I guess I have an attitude now because you make it sound like it's actually not possible to have 10+ close friends. I say it is. If you've lived in two different places or more, it's not difficult ot have 6 close friends at each place and keep them after you move. You don't have to be "this amazing person who every is just best friends with."
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3 maybe.
and it's true what people pointed out, i've met some really close friends during school, like the kind of friends I did trust to 100% and we did all kind of shit and got a long history together, but when people grow older, mature, graduate, move, find new social circles etc. you meet them less and less untill they just fade away from your life.
some time ago I caught up with this old friend of mine who I haven't really seen after we graduated, i've hung with him for over 10 years, we always planned how we would do all kinds of crazy shit after we graduated, like backpack traveling the world and shit. anyway I met him and found out he had a wife and kid, he had really matured. I couldn't believe this was the same crazy dude from high school who always wanted to make bongs out of everything. we were in completly different periods of life it felt awkward taling to him
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Calgary26004 Posts
Holy shit. I'm not in school.
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5. But I also consider my girlfriend to be one of those.
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Braavos36402 Posts
so you're saying in 10-15 years you're still going to have these people at some random location you lived at for a few years be your "close friends" ?
as i said, you just have a weaker definition of the term than most... id expect your "close friends" to be people who are your friends for life
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2 Real Friends, plus my Girlfriend Which has done more for me then any friend, So 3
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Saying i have 10 REAL friends is one step away in absurdity from i have 10 REAL loves of my life.
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ETT and Hot_Bid can you people stop be so narrowminded. Chill has said he is no longer in school and u people still use that as your one and only argument. Even tho he has said its false.
Seriously just chill.
I'd say i have 4 that i would consider REAL CLOSE FRIENDS.
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Braavos36402 Posts
On October 05 2006 09:33 Return wrote:
ETT and Hot_Bid can you people stop be so narrowminded. Chill has said he is no longer in school and u people still use that as your one and only argument. Even tho he has said its false.
Seriously just chill.
I'd say i have 4 that i would consider REAL CLOSE FRIENDS.
if you read what i wrote i said he probably just has a weaker definition of "close friend" than everyone else here and is a little too optimistic about his chances of keeping his friends at the places he's moved away from
thats two more reasons i've stated than my "one and only argument" of him being at school
plus he's likely not more than 1 year removed from school, so it still kinda applies
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Belgium8305 Posts
wow this thread sure went down the shitter
i agree with ETT's definition but you guys need to lay back and just accept that someone has a bunch of really good close friends
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EPT
