I've gotten my heart broken.

lastprobeALIVE

United States975 Posts

May 19 2005 19:53 GMT

After 2 years of good/bad times, My girlfriend went on a "Break" with me on wednesday night. I was engaged to her, but since we are just getting out of highschool, she wanted to make sure that "I" was the one for her. Anyways, she has been going over to her friends house the past month A LOT. Her friend's boyfriend has a best friend. This best friend is not very good looking, and is a big time loser. Anyways he falls in love with my girlfriend. Writes her a poem, draws her pictures, and basically pours his heart out to her. This was yesterday. She was flattered, and started flirting with him. In the meantime I'm calling her, trying to talk to her and work it out. She tells me this last night, when she comes home very late. Tells me that she could end up liking this guy, because he is very sweet. I get heartbroken immediately. This "Break" was supposed to end this wednesday, but I could lose her all together. The love is mutual between us, me a little more. Tonight I will find out if she likes this guy, because she swears up and down (I believer her) that she doesn't like him right now. That it's a 60% - 40% Favor that she will end up liking him. I work tonight from 5-12:30AM, which makes it horrible. She's going to a party tonight at 9:00PM , and this kid doesnt arrive until 10:30. So at 11:30 I'm going to ask her if she likes him. What do you guys think the chances of saying no is? And should I just completely drop her. Should I let her get her free time in. She says that she is scared that she will lose me. If she does date this guy and realizes that she has made a terrible mistake, she says she is worried I will not take her back. I love this girl so much I'd wait years for her to take me back. Anyways what should I do? And if anyone else has gone through this thing before, how did they handle it? Thanks A lot!

EDIT: Forgot to add that we have been 90 Miles apart for a good year, my dad moved up north, and I have been dieing to come back for her. (Making Plans, College, Etc) So I would go and crash that party If I didn't have to work today, or tomorrow.
-FlavOrs

Verbloten

Australia750 Posts

May 19 2005 20:00 GMT

This doesn't sound right to me buddy.. I don't believe in this stuff about having a "break" to be sure etc etc.
I'd lay it down to her - if she is serious about you - then she needs to stop all this bullshit man. If i had said to my wife when we were engaged that i needed a break to see if she was the right girl for me - and then started flirting with other girls - man - i just wouldn't have - but she woulda dumped my arse in a flash. If she did that shit to me - i would tell her "you have answered your question by even suggesting this - you don't want to be with me. I love you - but you don't love me - i think we should call it a day"

Don't forget to give her a bit of a dirty look too man - she has taken time out of your life making you think she was the one for you for the rest of your life - and then jammed it up your arse.

But fear not mate - you will find love again. Just make sure it's for real before getting engaged/married and living in misery for the rest of your life.

HnR)hT

United States3468 Posts

May 19 2005 20:00 GMT

Definitely ask her and definitely let go of her if you don't like what she says. It sounds (as in most male/female relationships) that you are far more emotionally invested in her than she in you.

lastprobeALIVE

United States975 Posts

May 19 2005 20:04 GMT

The great thing with my relationship with her is that we are very open, and trusting. I believe anything she would say, because Over 2 years, we have been that way. I know that she loves me, but not the love to get married. I really am stressing out about this, I've been shaking since last night, and only slept for 2 hours. I don't want to drop her because...she's perfect. Perfect with children, very good heart, and beautiful. She was crying her eyes out yesterday just thinking these things. But I guess you'e right. I shouldn't have to put up with this shit. I wish I could just drop it and call it a day. But it's very very very hard. If she did want me back, should I go back with her?

LazySCV

United States2942 Posts

May 19 2005 20:04 GMT

--- Nuked ---

coreyw709

Canada2 Posts

May 19 2005 20:07 GMT

The same thing happened to me a few weeks ago bro. She ended up being with the guy for a bit, then came back to me saying she still had feelings for me. I started talking to her again, but not going back out. Until 1 day when she told me how she met him, and that she had fucked him after 1 week. (The met downtown at a fucking bar when she was drunk.)
After I had heard this i was crushed. And I could not even look at her since.
So, if you want any shot of that working out.
Dont go to work.
GO to the party with her.
If you want to wait, for some other guy to snatch your girl. Then just wait it out.

But don;t expect to be able to wait it out for her to dump him, then get back with her. It will not work that way. You will be insanely jealous and depressed.

anyway, hope it works out.
-all the best

VdP]fuNfUn

United Kingdom7 Posts

May 19 2005 20:16 GMT

On May 20 2005 05:07 coreyw709 wrote:
The same thing happened to me a few weeks ago bro. She ended up being with the guy for a bit, then came back to me saying she still had feelings for me. I started talking to her again, but not going back out. Until 1 day when she told me how she met him, and that she had fucked him after 1 week. (The met downtown at a fucking bar when she was drunk.)
After I had heard this i was crushed. And I could not even look at her since.
So, if you want any shot of that working out.
Dont go to work.
GO to the party with her.
If you want to wait, for some other guy to snatch your girl. Then just wait it out.

But don;t expect to be able to wait it out for her to dump him, then get back with her. It will not work that way. You will be insanely jealous and depressed.

anyway, hope it works out.
-all the best

i definately agree that you should go to the party, there'll on be one thing on that guys mind tonight and with you not being there there is a big chance that your 'fiance' will get with him. if i was you id go to the party, if you end it before the party then it will just drive her to him, and leaving it till after the party may be too late.

Kazoo

Canada211 Posts

May 19 2005 20:20 GMT

Long Distance relationship rarely work out i find in the beginning sure everything is fine but after a while there is this 90 mile gap in between people and when you want to be with someone cause you're lonely that's where 90 mile gap causes problem so you just turn to a good friend that's close-by. Someone who's close enough
Long distance relationships suck. Though you had a good run with her time to get drunk and forget all about it

FirstProbe

1206 Posts

May 19 2005 20:22 GMT

errr don't worry?
if she's not interested now, then you probably don't have a thing to worry about.
I'm 99% convinced a girl decides whether or not she's keen on you within the first few minutes of talking to you... and if she needs to grow to like him... well then, he's out.

however if shes been cheating on you... then bugger. dump her before she dumps you.
plenty of fish in the sea
bro's before hoes
the pins out, throw the grenade

1hp

Korea (South)903 Posts

May 19 2005 20:23 GMT

#10

Don't just dump her! Seems like you really love her. If she's worth the pain you're going through, wait it out.

lastprobeALIVE

United States975 Posts

May 19 2005 20:46 GMT

#11

Well I love all your guys' advice, and really appreciate it. I'm going partying right after work, but I will definately tell you guys tomorrow how tonight went. I would go crash the party in a heatbeat but these things are not allowing me.
1)I work.
2)Car is getting fixed, and I'd have to use my dads.
3)I wouldn't get to the party until 2:30 at the least.

And about liking someone, she was grossed out by him. He's some 21 year old loser, who works at a fastfood restaurant, and drinks/smokes pot everynight. That is not her type at all. I think that she is very flattered by him. I told her, "Shelley, would you rather have a really good friend, and a love, or just a different boyfriend." So I don't know. She's going to call me around 3:30 - 4:00 PM before I go to work. I guess I can find out, and maybe try and talk her out of it. She says it's not me at all, and that it's her own doing. There is nothing that I can do to stop this. I really feel that I can. She started to get to like him when he poured his shitty heart out to her. Could be fake, could be real.

DooMeR

United States1519 Posts

May 19 2005 20:49 GMT

#12

Breaks are dumb and always make the relationship wierd if u do get back together. In all honestly, just try and get on with ur life and let her know, u love her, but at the same time she is the one that is making u go through all this, so now she has to come back to u :p dont go chasing her around too much. Because its only going to backfire;\

imRadu

1798 Posts

May 19 2005 20:51 GMT

#13

Shelley do you see this desk? Well you should get confortable with it because you are going to be spending a lot of time under it making up for all this bs.

haduken

Australia8267 Posts

May 19 2005 20:55 GMT

#14

Seriously dude, you are letting this going out of your hands. My suggestions are: crash the party, confront the other dude, tell him you are her bf etc... see how he reacts, if he stubbles, then give him a talk and politely tell him to fuck off, if he act aggressive, then you should too. You don't really have to confront him face to face but you do have the right to speak to him, even if its on a phone.

And man, don't fucking let her go on a date with him. For christ sake, she is YOUR gf, i don't care how open you are, unless you dig all those wife swapping crap, you shouldn't let any males go near enough to catch her attention.
Just because you are both open minded doesn't mean you have to go through with this, this situation that she has created is totally unfair towards you, wtf is she thinking? fuck another guy to see if her bf is the right one?

No offense but sometimes chicks have weird ideas and you have to put them in their right place.

lastprobeALIVE

United States975 Posts

May 19 2005 21:01 GMT

#15

Open as in telling the truth all the time, and being honest. I would never let her be with another guy. I wouldn't be stressing out about this. I can't CRASH THE PARTY and she will not answer her phone tonight. She will be expecting my text message, and will replay back. That is it. She said she doesnt want to start crying at the party. So in the text, she won't break out crying. And she's not going to fuck him, she's not a whore...yet.

imRadu

1798 Posts

May 19 2005 21:03 GMT

#16

What's with all the people who get engaged before finishing highshchool? It's not very realistic. 5 years from now you are going to be really different people. I don't mean you should not spend these 5 years together....but can you spend it? Are you going to the same college?

Also what's with all these girl problems thread?

This is between you and the girl.

It's normal for people to try different things and meet new people etc. If you guys have/had such a great thing together it should stad up to all of it tho.

And wtf is a 4 day "break" ? lol? Yeah you go girl 4 days will be enough. If she comes back to you in a year it dosen't mean she's a bad person either. People need time to sort their shit (life) out. You might wanna know what you want from life (e.g beeing with her) but she might not.

Wtf am i doing in this thread anyway 8(

MVP[eV]

United States270 Posts

May 19 2005 21:03 GMT

#17

Honestly, if I was you I wouldn't even bother trying to convince her to stay with you. Thats just stupid and desperate. She sounds like she is to young and stupid to know what she wants and just wants to do her own thing. Tell her you have been thinking about this alot and you arent sure if you want to be with her anymore and see how shes reacts. I know its hard but you have to make her feel like you arent waiting around for her. She is doing what she wants and is taking advantage of your love. She figures well if I screw around with ronald mcdonald and it doesnt work out I still have my old boyfriend on deck. Fuck that man, step up and put the bitch in her place. If she acts this way now, who says she wont do this again in a month. Trust is a huge factor but I certainly wouldnt trust her after all this shit happened. A friend of mine went through this when the girl he liked ended up liking me so I saw first hand what he went through. After I rejected her for obvious reasons, he felt 2nd best but to this day still likes her.

Kazoo

Canada211 Posts

May 19 2005 21:28 GMT

#18

Heed the words of wisdom from MVP[eV], grow a penis dump the hoe

Muhweli

Finland5328 Posts

May 19 2005 21:39 GMT

#19

Heart is a muscle that pumps blood!

haduken

Australia8267 Posts

May 19 2005 21:40 GMT

#20

If she feels so bad then why is she going there at the first place? dude you are not in control!
you are treating this whole deal too philosophical, your relationship isn't a democracy. By the looks of it, you are just satisfying her needs, but what about you? if she goes to this party and hang with that other guy and turned out didn't like him, what next? do you honestly think she will come back to you? even if she does, whats going to stop this happening next time some body moved in next door? I know you care very much for her and that is why you have to ACT, letting her going off on her own is not going to solve anything, what if the other dude spike her drinks? the way you play this is totally wrong, trust me, with a girl you have to pick where to stand, some times you have to give her space and some times you have to be firm, and now is the time to be firm!
DON''T let this happen, if you really love her, you WILL regret it.
and you have to teach her to respect your feelings, she obviously didn't see this from your view point, ask her how would she feel if the situation is reversed?
if you let this one slide, you are asking for it, really, don't just rely on her words, some times a woman's feeling for the moment betray herself.

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