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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On January 09 2013 20:46 SweeTLemonS[TPR] wrote:Show nested quote +On January 09 2013 20:38 Frits wrote:I guess I should've taken the one night stand invite, but then it would've got a bit awkard afterwards perhaps ^_^ SILLY ME, RIGHT? :D yeah i too pass on sex all the time because im afraid things will be awkard..... what? That's not what he's saying. No one else has ever fucked up when trying to close out? It happens. I've seen it happen to some of the biggest players I know, so I know it happens to the best at times. Shake it off and move on.
Huh you're right I must've read over that but he literally says that he shouldve taken the invite, which implied he chose not to. That post just makes no sense.
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Luck... don't know if this is the word I would pick.
After a hurtful end of my last relationship (although fortunately it ended without fight of any sort) I am too, hmm.. too sad? not ready? to start anything new.
And even if I tried I recently travel a lot. A LOT. Or I just look for and excuse 
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Question for musicians here : does playing an instrument really help dating girls ?
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On January 09 2013 20:43 SweeTLemonS[TPR] wrote:Show nested quote +On January 09 2013 17:54 Shebuha wrote:FML recently. + Show Spoiler +There's this girl that I went to Highschool with who is sort of ignoring me. We were SUPER good friends later on in Highschool and hung out last summer alone a bunch, so it's not like I'm some acquaintance or stalker... but she's been blowing me off. I dunno if she thinks I'm gonna ask her out (I EFFIN' WANT TO) and is afraid to turn me down (I'd rather have that than this) or what.
She goes to university like 40 minutes away from our home town and I haven't been able to see her due to things like totalling my car, being busy at work, and her not having a car, so when she came home for winter break I was asking if we could go for lunch or have coffee for a bit... she kept blowing me off like, "I'm super busy, etc," and I just accepted it and thought we would find time. I told her when I would be free and that I would love to see a movie with her, but she kept blowing me off and now she's back at school.
Now I'm thinking, "WTF, my feelings are hurt and I'm sad." Like I understand if you're busy with seeing friends and family, but for 3 weeks you were too busy to see me even once? Not even for half an hour? You couldn't wake up a bit early? Stay up a bit late? Tell someone else that you had to be with me? All I wanted was to see you at any time for any amount of time so we could catch up and I could give you a Christmas present and ask you out.
So because of that I got sad as shit, returned the present and wasn't sure what to do. Various friends told me I should forget about her and "expand [my] horizons" (lol), but forgetting about the one girl I've ever cared for deeply is not what I want to, or can do -- at least it doesn't feel like I can. Others said that I should give up for a bit... but I don't want to sit in a pool of sad thoughts until the "time is right," or I can visit her at school. I also don't want to hide these feelings from her.
I ended up texting her telling her how I feel now and stuff, but she hasn't responded in like 10 hours. FUCKFUCKFUCKx1000. I dunno, I've thought for a few moments that I blew/am blowing things out of proportion, but it doesn't feel that way. I feel hurt. Sorry for venting to you, people of TL, but venting to friends isn't enough apparently. MEWSIC TIMES I GUESS. Do you not see how badly you reek of desperation? She can sense that, too. A lot of you guys think you're in love with these girls that you've never been with or whatever, and this seems especially true of a lot of you guys that haven't been with a girl, but you're really not. You've convinced yourself that you love this person because it's one of the few females that has ever talked to you. You don't know them well enough to love them. Anything you know about them is guarded information; even the complaints they register to you about their boyfriend is guarded, and, in many cases, not their true feelings (they're just upset when they say those things to you). I get that this is hard to accept (I've been there), but you'll understand when you actually have a girl. My point in saying that isn't to be mean, but rather to try and give some of you guys a dose of reality. Stop chasing this girl that you're so caught up on. Stop thinking about her all the time... like that one dude wondering if a woman is having sex with her HUSBAND or not. Seriously, that's borderline deranged, imo. Go out and meet some people. Get over this girl. There is no such thing as "the one," as in one person on the entire planet that you're destined to be with. Most of these thoughts that guys stuck on one girl get come from low self esteem. Building yourself a life, doing things with your time will likely increase your self esteem, and give you new perspective on life. You're caught up on these girls because you don't think another girl can be attracted to you, so you're latching on to the one girl in your life that you know, hoping that she'll see all the good qualities you have. She probably won't, so you're probably wasting your time. Go out, enjoy your life, learn to meet new people. Find a girl, fall in love. You'll see the difference, because love isn't worrying if she's out fucking another guy, and it's not being jealous of other guys that she's out having fun with. She'll enjoy your company, and you'll enjoy hers, and you won't have any reason to be jealous of other people having fun with her, etc. A relationship isn't someone completing you: making you happy. A relationship is two people sharing their happiness with another person. Note: that's not to say you're always happy, no one is. There are a lot of other things, but this is the foundation of a relationship. Being dependent on a single person to make you happy is unhealthy, and it's way too much pressure to put on someone else. Love is great. It's the best thing I've ever had, but what some of you guys think is love is far from it. It's creepy and desperate, and you need to be the opposite of that if you want a girl in your life (or many girls, if that's your thing, I guess... I don't really believe in that, but I digress). So to the guy I quoted: seriously, move on.
Thanks, dude, and thanks to others who responded. I dunno. I guess I'll just move on. <3
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On January 10 2013 04:09 Sakray wrote:
Question for musicians here : does playing an instrument really help dating girls ?
I'm not a musician but being passionate about something, including playing an instrument is a good thing with girls but not only
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hahahahahahahahaha
User was warned for this post
lol fukin sad life warned for having a shitty dating life LOL
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On January 10 2013 04:09 Sakray wrote:
Question for musicians here : does playing an instrument really help dating girls ?
depends how you treat it. Some things are just women magnets such as acoustic guitar (playing that by the campfire whilst singing will get you any girl haha). I a guy who plays the trumpet and is really embarrassed about it, but another guy who plays the violin and accepts it, and people tihnk it's cool. Just gotta own whatever you do I guess
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Every sort of guitar can work, I guess (except bass :D ?), but as an extreme metal drummer, I guess it doesn't work, haha.
Haha...
T_T
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On January 10 2013 04:09 Sakray wrote:
Question for musicians here : does playing an instrument really help dating girls ?
yes... an otherwise prim and proper girl told me once that she gets wet when she hears me play the piano. granted, i am pretty good at it.
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Being very good at something that can be shared with other people attracts women, yes.
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On January 10 2013 05:08 Defacer wrote:
Being very good at something that can be shared with other people attracts women, yes.
So you are saying I shouldn't give up larping? My mom was wrong then!
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On January 10 2013 05:15 liberal wrote:Show nested quote +On January 10 2013 05:08 Defacer wrote:
Being very good at something that can be shared with other people attracts women, yes.
So you are saying I shouldn't give up larping? My mom was wrong then!
You just gotta play the right characters, man!
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I've had plenty of dates but so far haven't really met anyone I'd like to have a relationship with. Not many common interests, no cute gamergirls in my area apparently, or at least I don't know where to look. After a few dates I can just tell a relationship wouldn't work out. It sucks because I'd really like to be in a relationship since I'm kind of sick of looking/dating game. I'd much rather just have a girlfriend and not have to think about girls anymore.
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You don't need relationships. You just need sex (and even that's not something that appeals to everyone). Unless you're dating someone you genuinely like, your relationship is just a drawn out form of prostitution, which is fine too if you don't mind all the work and/or money. It thus doesn't make sense to date someone if you have to pay for their shit or do things you don't like or cut back on doing things you like. Although this seems pretty obvious, for some reason most people tend to do this anyway.
You could argue that you might not like particular attributes of the person you're dating, but you like other ones and are therefore willing to make sacrifices. But if that were the case, then in a world of 6+ billion people you're probably just not looking hard enough, especially if the chief quality of your partner is physical attractiveness. This might come off as cynical douchebaggery, but I just find it somewhat vexing whenever someone I know says something like "I stopped smoking weed because my girlfriend/boyfriend doesn't approve of it."
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On January 10 2013 04:10 Shebuha wrote:Show nested quote +On January 09 2013 20:43 SweeTLemonS[TPR] wrote:
Do you not see how badly you reek of desperation? She can sense that, too.
A lot of you guys think you're in love with these girls that you've never been with or whatever, and this seems especially true of a lot of you guys that haven't been with a girl, but you're really not. You've convinced yourself that you love this person because it's one of the few females that has ever talked to you. You don't know them well enough to love them. Anything you know about them is guarded information; even the complaints they register to you about their boyfriend is guarded, and, in many cases, not their true feelings (they're just upset when they say those things to you). I get that this is hard to accept (I've been there), but you'll understand when you actually have a girl.
My point in saying that isn't to be mean, but rather to try and give some of you guys a dose of reality. Stop chasing this girl that you're so caught up on. Stop thinking about her all the time... like that one dude wondering if a woman is having sex with her HUSBAND or not. Seriously, that's borderline deranged, imo.
Go out and meet some people. Get over this girl. There is no such thing as "the one," as in one person on the entire planet that you're destined to be with. Most of these thoughts that guys stuck on one girl get come from low self esteem. Building yourself a life, doing things with your time will likely increase your self esteem, and give you new perspective on life.
You're caught up on these girls because you don't think another girl can be attracted to you, so you're latching on to the one girl in your life that you know, hoping that she'll see all the good qualities you have. She probably won't, so you're probably wasting your time. Go out, enjoy your life, learn to meet new people. Find a girl, fall in love. You'll see the difference, because love isn't worrying if she's out fucking another guy, and it's not being jealous of other guys that she's out having fun with. She'll enjoy your company, and you'll enjoy hers, and you won't have any reason to be jealous of other people having fun with her, etc. A relationship isn't someone completing you: making you happy. A relationship is two people sharing their happiness with another person. Note: that's not to say you're always happy, no one is. There are a lot of other things, but this is the foundation of a relationship. Being dependent on a single person to make you happy is unhealthy, and it's way too much pressure to put on someone else.
Love is great. It's the best thing I've ever had, but what some of you guys think is love is far from it. It's creepy and desperate, and you need to be the opposite of that if you want a girl in your life (or many girls, if that's your thing, I guess... I don't really believe in that, but I digress).
So to the guy I quoted: seriously, move on. Thanks, dude, and thanks to others who responded. I dunno. I guess I'll just move on. <3
I'm going to have to disagree with the post you quoted. I believe very strongly that the best way to navigate the tempestuous waters of life is to know (and accept) the truth about as many things as possible, even when the truth is more painful than fiction. Especially when the truth is more painful than fiction. So here's the truth:
- Love is 100% real. It is a real, physical, chemical phenomenon. It is not some fictional concept invented by Disney.
- Love can often cause desperation, but it is not the same thing as desperation. Similarly, desperation can exist without love.
- Love can often cause obsession, but it is not the same thing as obsession. Similarly, obsession can exist without love.
- It is perfectly possible, and also quite common, to be in love with someone who you aren't dating.
- It is perfectly possible, and also quite common, to be in love with someone who doesn't love you back. In fact, this can happen even if you're dating or married to the one you love.
All of the above are facts. Don't even let anyone tell you otherwise. Don't ever let anyone tell you that what you feel is not love just because it's unrequited.
As for the more practical issues, here's my advice for dealing with love-gone-wrong:
- Love is risky. Most of the time it will not end well, and this may lead to the lowest of the lows: utter heartbreak, unceasing paranoia, all-consuming obsession. Understand these risks in advance, so they will not take you by surprise.
- There are literally hundreds of millions of women on Earth cute+cool enough for you to love. But when you're experiencing heartbreak, your body will only care about one of them. This is not your fault. Love is a real, physical, chemical thing, and a powerful evolutionary strategy. Ignore people who tell you to "just forget about her." That's like telling someone who's been shot, "just don't think about it," as if the pain is entirely within their control. It's not.
- That said, fight for control. Whenever you think about her, tell yourself you don't care about her. Don't talk to her. Delete her from your phone and your Facebook. Force yourself to talk to other girls. Your body won't instantly get over her, but you will speed the process up.
- Don't let heartbreak ruin you forever. Many people will harden their hearts to love for fear of being hurt. If you do that, fuck you. The day you do that is the day you die. Always, always, always give it your all. Never let a previous girl dampen your commitment to a new one.
And here's my advice for dating in general:
- Get the basics right. Clean yourself up, shower every day, eat well, go to the gym a couple times a week, and dress like you give a fuck.
- Being social and personable takes practice. It's like a muscle that you can work out. If you only spend 3 hours a week socializing with your peers, you will be worse at it than someone who spends 20 hours a week doing it. Hang out with people. Stay up to date on pop culture. Watch some comedy. You will become cooler and wittier in no time. But if you revert to anti-social behavior in the future, expect your skills to decline again.
- Dating is largely a numbers game. I don't care how smooth you are, if I talk to 100 girls a month and you only talk to 1, I'm going to have a better sex life than you. Period. Put yourself in a position to talk to large numbers of women. Even if you're as awkward as Urcle, you will eventually find someone who likes you.
- Girls seek confidence and avoid desperation. Desperation is often the result of you having limited options, and confidence is the result of having many options. This is yet another reason why it's important to talk to as many girls as possible.
- Girls love to talk about relationship stuff. Even if it's an embarrassing story about how your ex cheated on you and ripped your heart out, I guarantee almost any random girl off the street would love to talk about it for hours. So if you're drawing a blank on conversational material, there you go. Just don't seem desperate or pitiful. If you have to lie/embellish a little bit, so be it.
You're welcome.
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Love is real, but that doesn't make it any less irrational. That being said, romantic love is not necessarily a bad thing. It just seems really silly and juvenile.
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Learning how to interact with women was what I deemed as insanely difficult, but now dubbed it as completely easy. I don't care what kind of mind set you come from, or what kind of personality you are. These 2 facts are true.
1. Anybody can get laid. Murderers, Bums, People living at home, virgins, virgin Football Superstars, workaholics, nerds, people with small penises, short people, fat people, smelly people, pushovers, and arrogant d-bags. THEY ALL GET LAID.
2. One type of person doesn't get laid: The guy with the least social skills. If you have the worst social skills in any given environment, whether it be a date (1 v 1), a party, a bar, club, church, Swim team, YOU WILL NOT GET LAID. Nobody has sex with the loser who doesn't know how to socialize, if you don't have a social life, you don't exist.
How to get laid: Get some social skills, google "how to get social skills" or google "how to become that one guy at parties". Learn it yourself as if you're learning Starcraft by yourself. Results are a function of effort.
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I had been courting a young lady who frequented the place I worked at my first real job (I was 17 and she was 16) and she would come by about every day or two and just hang out and talk with me for the majority of my shift. When I would have a 'patrol' position where I would walk around the business with a set of keys to open up/fix various things she would always stroll with me and swing my keys playfully.
I'd never been a big "public" guy, having not gone to/been interested in going to parties or homecoming, but I had a little sweetheart that seemed really interested in me that wasn't from my school who I thought I could take, so I invited her to homecoming and she immediately and joyfully accepted. I ended up getting her a corsage and picked her up and took her to homecoming just being super pleased and proud of myself...and then the night soured.
As soon as we showed up, she just ditched me. She had met a few of my friends when they had come in to my work before and she went over to them, and I followed thinking she was just socializing and being cool. While I was likewise socializing with my group of friends I noticed she and one other friend had conspicuously disappeared, and I noticed that she was off dancing with him. I hadn't danced with her at all, but I was like "meh whatever it's not like we're in a committed relationship or anything. She can have her fun." They came back a little while later and she spoke to me briefly before going off with another one of my friends (who had the same name as me) who she stayed with for most of the night. I ended up just hanging out on a bench for most of the night just chilling and talking to various social acquaintances throughout the night, most of whom, if they had met her, remarked that she was a total bitch or seemed like a whore as she had been guy hopping much of the night. When she finally came to find me near the end of the night she was pissed off at me for some reason or another and when I expressed my being upset over her ditching me she blew it off like it was no big deal and told me she was ready to be taken home. I obliged and when I saw her a few more times at work basically told her off politely and hadn't seen her since.
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On January 10 2013 05:52 reincremate wrote:
Love is real, but that doesn't make it any less irrational. That being said, romantic love is not necessarily a bad thing. It just seems really silly and juvenile.
Romantic love is very silly and juvenile, but when your laying next to a beautiful lady, staring threw her eyes into her soul, nothing matters. Not stress, not work, not starcraft, not DotA, not anything. The feeling is addictive, like tabacco, liberating, like alcohol, and enlightening, like THC. Romantic love is the ultimate drug.
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EPT
