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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On January 09 2013 15:02 aksfjh wrote:Show nested quote +On January 09 2013 10:51 Defacer wrote:On January 09 2013 09:38 Mikau wrote:
To summarize, I think most of my problems are me overthinking and overcomplicating things. As far as I know though, fixing that isn't as simple as simply stopping it. As much as I'd like to sometimes, I can't turn off my brain. What I can and should though, is improving other areas and hoping the rest comes naturally. To the 20-something guys that are bummed out ... One thing that helped me get over my dating anxiety is realizing that it's not all about me. Let's say you ask a girl out for coffee, and they say no. It might be because they're not your type. But it also might be because they had a crappy day and don't want to deal with anybody, or they just got out of a relationship, or they are still sort of in a relationship, or they are obsessed with this one guy at work already that unfortunately isn't you. Or maybe they're just fucking nuts, have horrible taste and you're better off. There are a million reasons why someone might not go out with you, that have nothing to do with YOU. Focus on doing things you want to do, take pride in those things, and plant seeds ("Can I buy you a cup of coffee?") until you've figured out the kinds of girls that are fertile ground for you. And don't raise the stakes by building up your expectations, on other people or yourself. So what if someone, guy or girl, doesn't want to have coffee with you? It's just a cup of coffee. Physics, eh? There aren't that many girls into physics. But there are girls that hate meatheads and are interested in brainy, studious guys. I vote that you should just keep doing your thing. Just want to chime in, if they think you look like a catch, more than likely they'll be willing to give you a chance with coffee at the very least. Doesn't mean there's a problem if they don't think you're a 10, but pretending like "You're fine, it's THEM!" doesn't help anybody. It just makes one more bitter.
I just think he's saying don't be discouraged: girls are just as self centered as you are. Let's be honest here. Most of the time you're thinking about yourself. It would be weird if you weren't. After all you're you. But she's just thinking about herself too. And sometimes her day had plans that don't include you or a random dude asking them to coffee. They might have a million reasons to reject you that aren't your fault (but they are good reasons--they aren't her fault either).
I agree that way to many people I meet are way too willing to (usually subtly) blame the other person for everything that happened.
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On January 09 2013 15:02 aksfjh wrote:Show nested quote +On January 09 2013 10:51 Defacer wrote:On January 09 2013 09:38 Mikau wrote:
To summarize, I think most of my problems are me overthinking and overcomplicating things. As far as I know though, fixing that isn't as simple as simply stopping it. As much as I'd like to sometimes, I can't turn off my brain. What I can and should though, is improving other areas and hoping the rest comes naturally. To the 20-something guys that are bummed out ... One thing that helped me get over my dating anxiety is realizing that it's not all about me. Let's say you ask a girl out for coffee, and they say no. It might be because they're not your type. But it also might be because they had a crappy day and don't want to deal with anybody, or they just got out of a relationship, or they are still sort of in a relationship, or they are obsessed with this one guy at work already that unfortunately isn't you. Or maybe they're just fucking nuts, have horrible taste and you're better off. There are a million reasons why someone might not go out with you, that have nothing to do with YOU. Focus on doing things you want to do, take pride in those things, and plant seeds ("Can I buy you a cup of coffee?") until you've figured out the kinds of girls that are fertile ground for you. And don't raise the stakes by building up your expectations, on other people or yourself. So what if someone, guy or girl, doesn't want to have coffee with you? It's just a cup of coffee. Physics, eh? There aren't that many girls into physics. But there are girls that hate meatheads and are interested in brainy, studious guys. I vote that you should just keep doing your thing. Just want to chime in, if they think you look like a catch, more than likely they'll be willing to give you a chance with coffee at the very least. Doesn't mean there's a problem if they don't think you're a 10, but pretending like "You're fine, it's THEM!" doesn't help anybody. It just makes one more bitter.
It's a balance, I agree. Nobody's perfect. If you ask a girl out and your hair is sticking up on end and your fly is open, that's your fault. But it isn't the end of the world.
There are some guys that hate themselves so much they don't give themselves a chance. Nobody is perfect. Even that girl you think is perfect isn't perfect. If you just focus on self-improvement, doors will open.
You should always try to make yourself a better person, but it shouldn't because you hate yourself, it should be because you love yourself. That's the difference in attitude I'm talking about.
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FML recently.
+ Show Spoiler +There's this girl that I went to Highschool with who is sort of ignoring me. We were SUPER good friends later on in Highschool and hung out last summer alone a bunch, so it's not like I'm some acquaintance or stalker... but she's been blowing me off. I dunno if she thinks I'm gonna ask her out (I EFFIN' WANT TO) and is afraid to turn me down (I'd rather have that than this) or what.
She goes to university like 40 minutes away from our home town and I haven't been able to see her due to things like totalling my car, being busy at work, and her not having a car, so when she came home for winter break I was asking if we could go for lunch or have coffee for a bit... she kept blowing me off like, "I'm super busy, etc," and I just accepted it and thought we would find time. I told her when I would be free and that I would love to see a movie with her, but she kept blowing me off and now she's back at school.
Now I'm thinking, "WTF, my feelings are hurt and I'm sad." Like I understand if you're busy with seeing friends and family, but for 3 weeks you were too busy to see me even once? Not even for half an hour? You couldn't wake up a bit early? Stay up a bit late? Tell someone else that you had to be with me? All I wanted was to see you at any time for any amount of time so we could catch up and I could give you a Christmas present and ask you out.
So because of that I got sad as shit, returned the present and wasn't sure what to do. Various friends told me I should forget about her and "expand [my] horizons" (lol), but forgetting about the one girl I've ever cared for deeply is not what I want to, or can do -- at least it doesn't feel like I can. Others said that I should give up for a bit... but I don't want to sit in a pool of sad thoughts until the "time is right," or I can visit her at school. I also don't want to hide these feelings from her.
I ended up texting her telling her how I feel now and stuff, but she hasn't responded in like 10 hours. FUCKFUCKFUCKx1000.
I dunno, I've thought for a few moments that I blew/am blowing things out of proportion, but it doesn't feel that way. I feel hurt. Sorry for venting to you, people of TL, but venting to friends isn't enough apparently. MEWSIC TIMES I GUESS.
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On January 09 2013 17:54 Shebuha wrote:FML recently. + Show Spoiler +There's this girl that I went to Highschool with who is sort of ignoring me. We were SUPER good friends later on in Highschool and hung out last summer alone a bunch, so it's not like I'm some acquaintance or stalker... but she's been blowing me off. I dunno if she thinks I'm gonna ask her out (I EFFIN' WANT TO) and is afraid to turn me down (I'd rather have that than this) or what.
She goes to university like 40 minutes away from our home town and I haven't been able to see her due to things like totalling my car, being busy at work, and her not having a car, so when she came home for winter break I was asking if we could go for lunch or have coffee for a bit... she kept blowing me off like, "I'm super busy, etc," and I just accepted it and thought we would find time. I told her when I would be free and that I would love to see a movie with her, but she kept blowing me off and now she's back at school.
Now I'm thinking, "WTF, my feelings are hurt and I'm sad." Like I understand if you're busy with seeing friends and family, but for 3 weeks you were too busy to see me even once? Not even for half an hour? You couldn't wake up a bit early? Stay up a bit late? Tell someone else that you had to be with me? All I wanted was to see you at any time for any amount of time so we could catch up and I could give you a Christmas present and ask you out.
So because of that I got sad as shit, returned the present and wasn't sure what to do. Various friends told me I should forget about her and "expand [my] horizons" (lol), but forgetting about the one girl I've ever cared for deeply is not what I want to, or can do -- at least it doesn't feel like I can. Others said that I should give up for a bit... but I don't want to sit in a pool of sad thoughts until the "time is right," or I can visit her at school. I also don't want to hide these feelings from her.
I ended up texting her telling her how I feel now and stuff, but she hasn't responded in like 10 hours. FUCKFUCKFUCKx1000. I dunno, I've thought for a few moments that I blew/am blowing things out of proportion, but it doesn't feel that way. I feel hurt. Sorry for venting to you, people of TL, but venting to friends isn't enough apparently. MEWSIC TIMES I GUESS.
I know I don't know you, but I feel obligated to say ... your friends are right. You need to get your mind off her. She will either eventually come around and want to hang out or you will be happily pursuing your own goals and/or another girl.
As a guy that has experience allowing my own self-loathing and neediness alienate and irreparably damage some pretty damn good relationships with female friends. DO NOT let this girl's interest level dictate how happy or unhappy you are. Cut yourself off and let her make the next move. Learn to live without her.
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On January 09 2013 17:34 Defacer wrote:Show nested quote +On January 09 2013 15:02 aksfjh wrote:On January 09 2013 10:51 Defacer wrote:On January 09 2013 09:38 Mikau wrote:
To summarize, I think most of my problems are me overthinking and overcomplicating things. As far as I know though, fixing that isn't as simple as simply stopping it. As much as I'd like to sometimes, I can't turn off my brain. What I can and should though, is improving other areas and hoping the rest comes naturally. To the 20-something guys that are bummed out ... One thing that helped me get over my dating anxiety is realizing that it's not all about me. Let's say you ask a girl out for coffee, and they say no. It might be because they're not your type. But it also might be because they had a crappy day and don't want to deal with anybody, or they just got out of a relationship, or they are still sort of in a relationship, or they are obsessed with this one guy at work already that unfortunately isn't you. Or maybe they're just fucking nuts, have horrible taste and you're better off. There are a million reasons why someone might not go out with you, that have nothing to do with YOU. Focus on doing things you want to do, take pride in those things, and plant seeds ("Can I buy you a cup of coffee?") until you've figured out the kinds of girls that are fertile ground for you. And don't raise the stakes by building up your expectations, on other people or yourself. So what if someone, guy or girl, doesn't want to have coffee with you? It's just a cup of coffee. Physics, eh? There aren't that many girls into physics. But there are girls that hate meatheads and are interested in brainy, studious guys. I vote that you should just keep doing your thing. Just want to chime in, if they think you look like a catch, more than likely they'll be willing to give you a chance with coffee at the very least. Doesn't mean there's a problem if they don't think you're a 10, but pretending like "You're fine, it's THEM!" doesn't help anybody. It just makes one more bitter. It's a balance, I agree. Nobody's perfect. If you ask a girl out and your hair is sticking up on end and your fly is open, that's your fault. But it isn't the end of the world. There are some guys that hate themselves so much they don't give themselves a chance. Nobody is perfect. Even that girl you think is perfect isn't perfect. If you just focus on self-improvement, doors will open. You should always try to make yourself a better person, but it shouldn't because you hate yourself, it should be because you love yourself. That's the difference in attitude I'm talking about.
Everyone's fucked up in their own way. The only problem is that we compare our behind the scenes with others' highlights reel, so others end up seeming perfect compared to us.
A way not to be so intimidated by some girl is to try to wonder what fucked up things she may have done or thought. No one's as perfect as they seem.
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On January 09 2013 19:23 Defacer wrote:Show nested quote +On January 09 2013 17:54 Shebuha wrote:FML recently. + Show Spoiler +There's this girl that I went to Highschool with who is sort of ignoring me. We were SUPER good friends later on in Highschool and hung out last summer alone a bunch, so it's not like I'm some acquaintance or stalker... but she's been blowing me off. I dunno if she thinks I'm gonna ask her out (I EFFIN' WANT TO) and is afraid to turn me down (I'd rather have that than this) or what.
She goes to university like 40 minutes away from our home town and I haven't been able to see her due to things like totalling my car, being busy at work, and her not having a car, so when she came home for winter break I was asking if we could go for lunch or have coffee for a bit... she kept blowing me off like, "I'm super busy, etc," and I just accepted it and thought we would find time. I told her when I would be free and that I would love to see a movie with her, but she kept blowing me off and now she's back at school.
Now I'm thinking, "WTF, my feelings are hurt and I'm sad." Like I understand if you're busy with seeing friends and family, but for 3 weeks you were too busy to see me even once? Not even for half an hour? You couldn't wake up a bit early? Stay up a bit late? Tell someone else that you had to be with me? All I wanted was to see you at any time for any amount of time so we could catch up and I could give you a Christmas present and ask you out.
So because of that I got sad as shit, returned the present and wasn't sure what to do. Various friends told me I should forget about her and "expand [my] horizons" (lol), but forgetting about the one girl I've ever cared for deeply is not what I want to, or can do -- at least it doesn't feel like I can. Others said that I should give up for a bit... but I don't want to sit in a pool of sad thoughts until the "time is right," or I can visit her at school. I also don't want to hide these feelings from her.
I ended up texting her telling her how I feel now and stuff, but she hasn't responded in like 10 hours. FUCKFUCKFUCKx1000. I dunno, I've thought for a few moments that I blew/am blowing things out of proportion, but it doesn't feel that way. I feel hurt. Sorry for venting to you, people of TL, but venting to friends isn't enough apparently. MEWSIC TIMES I GUESS. I know I don't know you, but I feel obligated to say ... your friends are right. You need to get your mind off her. She will either eventually come around and want to hang out or you will be happily pursuing your own goals and/or another girl. As a guy that has experience allowing my own self-loathing and neediness alienate and irreparably damage some pretty damn good relationships with female friends. DO NOT let this girl's interest level dictate how happy or unhappy you are. Cut yourself off and let her make the next move. Learn to live without her.
The other thing, Shebuha, is that you contacting her all the time isn't going to make her like you.
In fact, it just makes you seem desperate.
Sending text messages complaining and creating problems for her isn't going to win her over if she's already content rejecting your invitations.
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On January 09 2013 20:05 Absentia wrote:Show nested quote +On January 09 2013 19:23 Defacer wrote:On January 09 2013 17:54 Shebuha wrote:FML recently. + Show Spoiler +There's this girl that I went to Highschool with who is sort of ignoring me. We were SUPER good friends later on in Highschool and hung out last summer alone a bunch, so it's not like I'm some acquaintance or stalker... but she's been blowing me off. I dunno if she thinks I'm gonna ask her out (I EFFIN' WANT TO) and is afraid to turn me down (I'd rather have that than this) or what.
She goes to university like 40 minutes away from our home town and I haven't been able to see her due to things like totalling my car, being busy at work, and her not having a car, so when she came home for winter break I was asking if we could go for lunch or have coffee for a bit... she kept blowing me off like, "I'm super busy, etc," and I just accepted it and thought we would find time. I told her when I would be free and that I would love to see a movie with her, but she kept blowing me off and now she's back at school.
Now I'm thinking, "WTF, my feelings are hurt and I'm sad." Like I understand if you're busy with seeing friends and family, but for 3 weeks you were too busy to see me even once? Not even for half an hour? You couldn't wake up a bit early? Stay up a bit late? Tell someone else that you had to be with me? All I wanted was to see you at any time for any amount of time so we could catch up and I could give you a Christmas present and ask you out.
So because of that I got sad as shit, returned the present and wasn't sure what to do. Various friends told me I should forget about her and "expand [my] horizons" (lol), but forgetting about the one girl I've ever cared for deeply is not what I want to, or can do -- at least it doesn't feel like I can. Others said that I should give up for a bit... but I don't want to sit in a pool of sad thoughts until the "time is right," or I can visit her at school. I also don't want to hide these feelings from her.
I ended up texting her telling her how I feel now and stuff, but she hasn't responded in like 10 hours. FUCKFUCKFUCKx1000. I dunno, I've thought for a few moments that I blew/am blowing things out of proportion, but it doesn't feel that way. I feel hurt. Sorry for venting to you, people of TL, but venting to friends isn't enough apparently. MEWSIC TIMES I GUESS. I know I don't know you, but I feel obligated to say ... your friends are right. You need to get your mind off her. She will either eventually come around and want to hang out or you will be happily pursuing your own goals and/or another girl. As a guy that has experience allowing my own self-loathing and neediness alienate and irreparably damage some pretty damn good relationships with female friends. DO NOT let this girl's interest level dictate how happy or unhappy you are. Cut yourself off and let her make the next move. Learn to live without her. The other thing, Shebuha, is that you contacting her all the time isn't going to make her like you. In fact, it just makes you seem desperate. Sending text messages complaining and creating problems for her isn't going to win her over if she's already content rejecting your invitations.
agreed. its fine though, i think anyone whos been rejected has those feelings of anxiety over what could have possibly gone wrong, and then learn its either them or its not them - either way is not a big deal. choosing to react to whether it was "you" or not reveals more of who you are as a person; and as we learn more about ourselves, we slowly, inevitably, approach finding a partner thats good for us.
or being alone forever :D
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Had a good time reading some of these stories so I'll share one of my recent ones. There was this girl at work, 2 years younger than me, (early 20's) who seriously I hadn't notice at all. Just some very small talk here and there, probable that I have been talking to her less than all the other staff. I was living right next door to her for 1-2 months even.
Anyway, so 3 months after I started work she suddenly makes quite the move on me. Compliments all around, in front of everyone else, smiling at me, always saying something nice. Now I have to say I found it a bit awkward, due to my introvert nature and such. But whatever, I thought she was just messing with me. One week later we go at this party at someone's house, get extremely drunk, make out, I walk her home. I could feel she wanted more, but I failed to close out the deal. Next day she just wants to be only friends. 3 weeks later she's back with her boyfriend. So basically she just wanted to look for a rebound or whatever you call it. I did feel betrayed and what not, but now she's stuck in my mind a bit more than it should.
I guess I should've taken the one night stand invite, but then it would've got a bit awkard afterwards perhaps ^_^ SILLY ME, RIGHT? :D
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I've dated a girl who made out with 5 people (not including myself) on the first date, 3 of them were girls and she did it while I was standing right next to her. Good times. And she wondered why I wasn't interested in anything serious with her lmao. Such a shame too, she was gorgeous. The good ones are always psychotic.....
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you feel she wanted more?
yet you failed to close out the deal.
afterwards you say to yourself 'damn I should've taken the one night stand invite'
stop kidding yourself man
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I guess I should've taken the one night stand invite, but then it would've got a bit awkard afterwards perhaps ^_^ SILLY ME, RIGHT? :D
yeah i too pass on sex all the time because im afraid things will be awkard..... what?
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On January 09 2013 17:54 Shebuha wrote:FML recently. + Show Spoiler +There's this girl that I went to Highschool with who is sort of ignoring me. We were SUPER good friends later on in Highschool and hung out last summer alone a bunch, so it's not like I'm some acquaintance or stalker... but she's been blowing me off. I dunno if she thinks I'm gonna ask her out (I EFFIN' WANT TO) and is afraid to turn me down (I'd rather have that than this) or what.
She goes to university like 40 minutes away from our home town and I haven't been able to see her due to things like totalling my car, being busy at work, and her not having a car, so when she came home for winter break I was asking if we could go for lunch or have coffee for a bit... she kept blowing me off like, "I'm super busy, etc," and I just accepted it and thought we would find time. I told her when I would be free and that I would love to see a movie with her, but she kept blowing me off and now she's back at school.
Now I'm thinking, "WTF, my feelings are hurt and I'm sad." Like I understand if you're busy with seeing friends and family, but for 3 weeks you were too busy to see me even once? Not even for half an hour? You couldn't wake up a bit early? Stay up a bit late? Tell someone else that you had to be with me? All I wanted was to see you at any time for any amount of time so we could catch up and I could give you a Christmas present and ask you out.
So because of that I got sad as shit, returned the present and wasn't sure what to do. Various friends told me I should forget about her and "expand [my] horizons" (lol), but forgetting about the one girl I've ever cared for deeply is not what I want to, or can do -- at least it doesn't feel like I can. Others said that I should give up for a bit... but I don't want to sit in a pool of sad thoughts until the "time is right," or I can visit her at school. I also don't want to hide these feelings from her.
I ended up texting her telling her how I feel now and stuff, but she hasn't responded in like 10 hours. FUCKFUCKFUCKx1000. I dunno, I've thought for a few moments that I blew/am blowing things out of proportion, but it doesn't feel that way. I feel hurt. Sorry for venting to you, people of TL, but venting to friends isn't enough apparently. MEWSIC TIMES I GUESS.
Do you not see how badly you reek of desperation? She can sense that, too.
A lot of you guys think you're in love with these girls that you've never been with or whatever, and this seems especially true of a lot of you guys that haven't been with a girl, but you're really not. You've convinced yourself that you love this person because it's one of the few females that has ever talked to you. You don't know them well enough to love them. Anything you know about them is guarded information; even the complaints they register to you about their boyfriend is guarded, and, in many cases, not their true feelings (they're just upset when they say those things to you). I get that this is hard to accept (I've been there), but you'll understand when you actually have a girl.
My point in saying that isn't to be mean, but rather to try and give some of you guys a dose of reality. Stop chasing this girl that you're so caught up on. Stop thinking about her all the time... like that one dude wondering if a woman is having sex with her HUSBAND or not. Seriously, that's borderline deranged, imo.
Go out and meet some people. Get over this girl. There is no such thing as "the one," as in one person on the entire planet that you're destined to be with. Most of these thoughts that guys stuck on one girl get come from low self esteem. Building yourself a life, doing things with your time will likely increase your self esteem, and give you new perspective on life.
You're caught up on these girls because you don't think another girl can be attracted to you, so you're latching on to the one girl in your life that you know, hoping that she'll see all the good qualities you have. She probably won't, so you're probably wasting your time. Go out, enjoy your life, learn to meet new people. Find a girl, fall in love. You'll see the difference, because love isn't worrying if she's out fucking another guy, and it's not being jealous of other guys that she's out having fun with. She'll enjoy your company, and you'll enjoy hers, and you won't have any reason to be jealous of other people having fun with her, etc. A relationship isn't someone completing you: making you happy. A relationship is two people sharing their happiness with another person. Note: that's not to say you're always happy, no one is. There are a lot of other things, but this is the foundation of a relationship. Being dependent on a single person to make you happy is unhealthy, and it's way too much pressure to put on someone else.
Love is great. It's the best thing I've ever had, but what some of you guys think is love is far from it. It's creepy and desperate, and you need to be the opposite of that if you want a girl in your life (or many girls, if that's your thing, I guess... I don't really believe in that, but I digress).
So to the guy I quoted: seriously, move on.
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On January 09 2013 20:38 Frits wrote:Show nested quote +I guess I should've taken the one night stand invite, but then it would've got a bit awkard afterwards perhaps ^_^ SILLY ME, RIGHT? :D yeah i too pass on sex all the time because im afraid things will be awkard..... what?
That's not what he's saying. No one else has ever fucked up when trying to close out? It happens. I've seen it happen to some of the biggest players I know, so I know it happens to the best at times. Shake it off and move on.
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Well I guess I didn't express myself correctly. There was no awkwardness apart from the out of the sudden compliments at work in front of basically everyone. That night at the party we were basically drunk, but she said things, did things. Can't really just write them all up here.
Lesson learned from what happened though: Stop overthinking things, if you both enjoy each other's company just do whatever you both please, stop being afraid, stop finding excuses; be open to making mistakes, everyone does them, everyone learns from them. The world won't end if you fuck one thing up.
Cheer up! :D Damn me for taking a defensive stance on the internet against people i do not know, now this feels awkward.
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On January 09 2013 20:43 SweeTLemonS[TPR] wrote:Show nested quote +On January 09 2013 17:54 Shebuha wrote:FML recently. + Show Spoiler +There's this girl that I went to Highschool with who is sort of ignoring me. We were SUPER good friends later on in Highschool and hung out last summer alone a bunch, so it's not like I'm some acquaintance or stalker... but she's been blowing me off. I dunno if she thinks I'm gonna ask her out (I EFFIN' WANT TO) and is afraid to turn me down (I'd rather have that than this) or what.
She goes to university like 40 minutes away from our home town and I haven't been able to see her due to things like totalling my car, being busy at work, and her not having a car, so when she came home for winter break I was asking if we could go for lunch or have coffee for a bit... she kept blowing me off like, "I'm super busy, etc," and I just accepted it and thought we would find time. I told her when I would be free and that I would love to see a movie with her, but she kept blowing me off and now she's back at school.
Now I'm thinking, "WTF, my feelings are hurt and I'm sad." Like I understand if you're busy with seeing friends and family, but for 3 weeks you were too busy to see me even once? Not even for half an hour? You couldn't wake up a bit early? Stay up a bit late? Tell someone else that you had to be with me? All I wanted was to see you at any time for any amount of time so we could catch up and I could give you a Christmas present and ask you out.
So because of that I got sad as shit, returned the present and wasn't sure what to do. Various friends told me I should forget about her and "expand [my] horizons" (lol), but forgetting about the one girl I've ever cared for deeply is not what I want to, or can do -- at least it doesn't feel like I can. Others said that I should give up for a bit... but I don't want to sit in a pool of sad thoughts until the "time is right," or I can visit her at school. I also don't want to hide these feelings from her.
I ended up texting her telling her how I feel now and stuff, but she hasn't responded in like 10 hours. FUCKFUCKFUCKx1000. I dunno, I've thought for a few moments that I blew/am blowing things out of proportion, but it doesn't feel that way. I feel hurt. Sorry for venting to you, people of TL, but venting to friends isn't enough apparently. MEWSIC TIMES I GUESS. Do you not see how badly you reek of desperation? She can sense that, too. A lot of you guys think you're in love with these girls that you've never been with or whatever, and this seems especially true of a lot of you guys that haven't been with a girl, but you're really not. You've convinced yourself that you love this person because it's one of the few females that has ever talked to you. You don't know them well enough to love them. Anything you know about them is guarded information; even the complaints they register to you about their boyfriend is guarded, and, in many cases, not their true feelings (they're just upset when they say those things to you). I get that this is hard to accept (I've been there), but you'll understand when you actually have a girl. My point in saying that isn't to be mean, but rather to try and give some of you guys a dose of reality. Stop chasing this girl that you're so caught up on. Stop thinking about her all the time... like that one dude wondering if a woman is having sex with her HUSBAND or not. Seriously, that's borderline deranged, imo. Go out and meet some people. Get over this girl. There is no such thing as "the one," as in one person on the entire planet that you're destined to be with. Most of these thoughts that guys stuck on one girl get come from low self esteem. Building yourself a life, doing things with your time will likely increase your self esteem, and give you new perspective on life. You're caught up on these girls because you don't think another girl can be attracted to you, so you're latching on to the one girl in your life that you know, hoping that she'll see all the good qualities you have. She probably won't, so you're probably wasting your time. Go out, enjoy your life, learn to meet new people. Find a girl, fall in love. You'll see the difference, because love isn't worrying if she's out fucking another guy, and it's not being jealous of other guys that she's out having fun with. She'll enjoy your company, and you'll enjoy hers, and you won't have any reason to be jealous of other people having fun with her, etc. A relationship isn't someone completing you: making you happy. A relationship is two people sharing their happiness with another person. Note: that's not to say you're always happy, no one is. There are a lot of other things, but this is the foundation of a relationship. Being dependent on a single person to make you happy is unhealthy, and it's way too much pressure to put on someone else. Love is great. It's the best thing I've ever had, but what some of you guys think is love is far from it. It's creepy and desperate, and you need to be the opposite of that if you want a girl in your life (or many girls, if that's your thing, I guess... I don't really believe in that, but I digress). So to the guy I quoted: seriously, move on.
nice post, id just like to add,
if she did want to see you then she would have made the time, you're right. but she didnt, so clearly she doesnt.
now you can accept shes a regular girl who will readily ignore you if you arent being attractive to her. welcome to reality.
now you can work on being attractive, rather than whatever unattractive thing you are right now.
literally the life story of every guy on the planet btw
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Curse you TL for eating my long story.
So in jist, just to share here:
I dated a girl. Sex was amazing. I wanted to marry her.I went overseas to study. She cheated on me with her lesbian dentist. I was gutted.
Eventually I pulled myself out of the rut, and starting going out again. Had flings with some of hte most beautiful Norwegian girls. Came back to Singapore. Dated my close friend, my sister's best friend, my colleague. Learned to break up in a non assholic way. Original girlfriend comes back, we take another go at it, but can't make things work out. So we broke up again, this time with me initiating. Having sex with a girl you know has lesbian tendencies makes your RL-peen level go over 9000.
Lesson learnt:
- as shitty as you feel, it's important to know that only you can get yourself out of that shithole
- be outgoing to ALL people, not just girls. otherwise you're just kinda creepy
- learn that sometimes realtionships don't work out because the timing is not right, you're at different stages in your life etc... (stuff you can't possible control)
- tehre's always a positive and negative way of looking at things - choose the positive one. For example, when my girlfriend became lesbian with a middle aged woman, it could have been the end of my dating life. It objectively is one of the biggest and most crushing things that could happen to your confidence as a guy. For a while I saw it that way. Then I realized that since I have experienced rock bottom, why the hell should I be afraid of rejection anymore? (it's like someone that climbed a mountain being afraid of hills). So I kept going, and all was good.
- don't worry too much about being single. The more you worry, the more troublesome it becomes. Just be outgoing, put youself out there.
- unless the girl is SURE that she is okay with a fling, avoid starting relationships that you aren't really interested in
- Sex while amazingly awesome, can't carry a relationship alone.
Good luck hunting. May you all find happiness.
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My (happy so far) story!
+ Show Spoiler +I'm 20 years old. I never had a gf during high school and got my 1st gf in my 1st year of university (I'm currently at my 3rd year). Turns out she was what one might call "Overly attached gf". She would text me/message me/call me all the time, sometimes even while I was sleeping at 3-4 am. If I didn't answer quickly or at all (because I was sleeping) she would then complain for a week. It lasted 5 months (I'm not quite sure how I tolerated this behavior for 5 months but whatever) and I was quite happy when it ended. However, it made me worried because I didn't want to meet another girl like that so I stopped "looking around" for about a year and a half. Now this is where the good part starts! In October 2012, I started going with my dad to his business trips and since he works with other universities, I was able to be in a university environment. He once asked me to attend a class in order to see how were the students behaving in class (I was basically his spy) As soon as I entered the class, I saw this beautiful girl sitting with some friends of her, a guy included. For some reason I immediately assumed that the guy was her boyfriend because in my mind she was the only beautiful girl there. But I still had some hope somehow. She made it easier for me because she started talking to me, asking me where I was from etc. Talking with her made me like her even more so after the class I was about to ask her number/facebook (remember I was still worried that she might have a boyfriend but..yeah). However, I didn't have enough time to stand up at the end of the class that she asked me for my number/facebook (needless to say I was VERY surprised). Unfortunately I had to leave and go back home with my dad so I couldn't talk to her much more that day. I spent the next few days/weeks talking with her a lot but for some reason (stupidity or lack of experience I'm not sure) I was still not sure she was interested in something "more" than just a friendship until she asked me if I had a girlfriend to which I answered no (the truth!). Then she asked me when would be my next visit. Thankfully my dad goes there quite frequently so I went with him every single time (it's about 3 hours away) and that's how we ended up together with the girl. We're currently in a SDR (short distance relationship!  ) since it's "only" 3 hours away and I go there quite frequently. I also spent a week with her during xmas holidays and it was great. TL;DR: I got lucky and I'm very happy
Never give up!
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On January 09 2013 22:06 Linwelin wrote:
Turns out she was what one might call "Overly attached gf". She would text me/message me/call me all the time, sometimes even while I was sleeping at 3-4 am. If I didn't answer quickly or at all (because I was sleeping) she would then complain for a week. It lasted 5 months(...)
Out of curiosity, how did you handle her being like that? What was a typical case of her "complaining" and how did you react to it when she brought it up?
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On January 09 2013 11:33 Zooper31 wrote:Show nested quote +On January 08 2013 21:56 XiaoJoyce- wrote:On January 07 2013 14:35 synapse wrote:On January 06 2013 22:27 XiaoJoyce- wrote:
I fall for this guy, who used to msg me all the time. And ask me out.
Recently it is the other way round, I msg him all the time, but he took very long to reply me. . .
Is it over?? LOL didn't you blog about some guy problems back in the day Is it?? That is so long ago, this is another guy. Any hints from guys, to tell if he is still interested in u or no... If hes intiating conversations with you, about anything period, then hes interested. Guys don't have conversations to just conversate, that only happens at work when we are bored. Other than that it should be obvious signs, asking you what your plans are for future days etc.
 Maybe its over. I dont noe, maybe I should talk to him in real life when I have a chance. If I dont feel right, maybe... I should move on ... 
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On January 09 2013 22:12 r.Evo wrote:Show nested quote +On January 09 2013 22:06 Linwelin wrote:
Turns out she was what one might call "Overly attached gf". She would text me/message me/call me all the time, sometimes even while I was sleeping at 3-4 am. If I didn't answer quickly or at all (because I was sleeping) she would then complain for a week. It lasted 5 months(...) Out of curiosity, how did you handle her being like that? What was a typical case of her "complaining" and how did you react to it when she brought it up?
Considering this was my first relationship, the first few times it happened I thought I was doing something wrong (Stupid I know). Basically whenever I missed a call/text/whatever, she would text/call/whatever me later the same day asking me where I was, what I was doing and with who that was so important that I couldn't answer to her texts/calls (Obviously in a very..angry and condescending manner). The first times I would just tell her the reason (such as...I was sleeping) and then apologize ~_~ This lasted for about two months and I honestly don't know how I endured it so long but anyway.
Then I talked to a friend about it and he told me that I shouldn't tolerate it, so then, unless I missed or didn't answer a call/text for a stupid reason (such as..seeing the text but forgetting to answer or something) I was just telling her that she shouldn't worry and be like that. I also told her that she should find other things to do instead of calling/texting me all day long and that just because we're not talking all day doesn't necessarily mean that I don't like her or whatever.
Surprisingly she accepted everything I said and apologized. The next month was fine and then she started again and was even worse, accusing me of preferring to be with my friends/family (i live with my parents still) than being with her or spending too much time by myself. About 2 weeks later I broke up with her. One of the best decisions of my life.
Just so you know, we were seeing eachother every day since we were at the same uni and going out quite frequently so it's not like I was ignoring her or something.
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EPT
