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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On December 05 2014 06:12 QuanticHawk wrote:
Xiphos met her. After a careful interrogation, he determined that this woman, the eldest of eight, and owner of two therapy cats and one seeing-eye dog, met his exact specifications for hip circumference, thigh gap width, and adherence to Ayn Rand's philosophical views. She was quickly wed.
Sorry bruh bruh
As the woman left his office, Xiphos walked out to meet the three remaining applicants for the job. He warmly greeted them, but insisted the position had been filled. He had found his baby mama; indeed, his fourteen year old heart was now spoken for, and all thanks to an online checklist of ten Barnum statements that his first date eagerly agreed with. He knew that the next seventy years of his life were going to be nothing but smooth sailing.
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Landed a tinder date.
I messaged her on the day to confirm. She messaged back saying it says i sent her messaged but can't see it. Sent me her phone number to text. The number had more digits than is legal. I sent her messaged saying it has 11 digits. I checked back in hour, i can't find her. She unmatched me =\
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On December 05 2014 13:07 Amnesty wrote:
Landed a tinder date.
I messaged her on the day to confirm. She messaged back saying it says i sent her messaged but can't see it. Sent me her phone number to text. The number had more digits than is legal. I sent her messaged saying it has 11 digits. I checked back in hour, i can't find her. She unmatched me =\
That sucks  Sounds awkward. No sweat; move on 
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On December 05 2014 07:26 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:Show nested quote +On December 05 2014 06:12 QuanticHawk wrote:
Xiphos met her. After a careful interrogation, he determined that this woman, the eldest of eight, and owner of two therapy cats and one seeing-eye dog, met his exact specifications for hip circumference, thigh gap width, and adherence to Ayn Rand's philosophical views. She was quickly wed.
Sorry bruh bruh As the woman left his office, Xiphos walked out to meet the three remaining applicants for the job. He warmly greeted them, but insisted the position had been filled. He had found his baby mama; indeed, his fourteen year old heart was now spoken for, and all thanks to an online checklist of ten Barnum statements that his first date eagerly agreed with. He knew that the next seventy years of his life were going to be nothing but smooth sailing.
Xiphos fanfiction. Now we really know this thread is a high quality one. I am actually moderately curious as to how old Xiphos, and the number of women he has played his "strategies" against.
Anyhow a tip for some people using tindr - I find that tindr dates always feel super rushed or urgent, since you're worried about leaving a good impression straight away. I realised have way through one such date that this was ridiculous and that we were both basically doing a song and dance for each other. I told her I felt that the whole thing was a little contrived and she was super happy because she felt the same way too. So hey, don't feel like you have to keep going on super speed dating mode. The
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Hi TL, im just looking for moral support. Tonight im declearing my feelings for a girl i've known for about half a year. I dont expect much from it but i want to say it so i have no regrets later.
+ Show Spoiler +i am freaking out already
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On December 01 2014 06:29 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:Show nested quote +On November 30 2014 08:06 crayhasissues wrote:
Dating is so difficult in the Bible Belt if you aren't religious. Only girls not from here I have found to not be also. It's aptly named! Are you in high school/ college/ working? You might consider moving to the west coast or northeast if you're looking for a less religious/ less socially conservative demographic.
That's what I think its gonna come down to. I go on dates and everything, but most are Christian and not ok with me not being religious. I have been contemplating a move for a while, just need to get a job lined up. I have an MBA, so hopefully it won't be too hard.
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On December 06 2014 01:02 mRandy wrote:Hi TL, im just looking for moral support. Tonight im declearing my feelings for a girl i've known for about half a year. I dont expect much from it but i want to say it so i have no regrets later. + Show Spoiler +i am freaking out already
Well the only other possibility is not telling her and hoping her to come on to you. Good luck with that!
You'll be fine. Even if she rejects you, its not the end of the world. Plenty of girls out there.
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On December 06 2014 01:02 mRandy wrote:Hi TL, im just looking for moral support. Tonight im declearing my feelings for a girl i've known for about half a year. I dont expect much from it but i want to say it so i have no regrets later. + Show Spoiler +i am freaking out already
I'd promised myself to not post anything in this thread again, but I'm making an exception:
For the love of God, don't do this!
I've heard plenty of stories of guys doing this, and it NEVER works out. The idea that a guy can just profess his love for a woman who is a friend and she will find this romantic and sexy, and suddenly see him in a new light is just absurd!
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On December 06 2014 01:16 Killscreen wrote:Show nested quote +On December 06 2014 01:02 mRandy wrote:Hi TL, im just looking for moral support. Tonight im declearing my feelings for a girl i've known for about half a year. I dont expect much from it but i want to say it so i have no regrets later. + Show Spoiler +i am freaking out already I'd promised myself to not post anything in this thread again, but I'm making an exception: For the love of God, don't do this! I've heard plenty of stories of guys doing this, and it NEVER works out. The idea that a guy can just profess his love for a woman who is a friend and she will find this romantic and sexy, and suddenly see him in a new light is just absurd!
Yep, pretty much.
You have to make the person interested before confessing something like that. It's pretty much like someone coming up to me, and saying "You're my idol"... This achieves nothing for that person, and in this case you.
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On December 06 2014 01:16 Killscreen wrote:Show nested quote +On December 06 2014 01:02 mRandy wrote:Hi TL, im just looking for moral support. Tonight im declearing my feelings for a girl i've known for about half a year. I dont expect much from it but i want to say it so i have no regrets later. + Show Spoiler +i am freaking out already I'd promised myself to not post anything in this thread again, but I'm making an exception: For the love of God, don't do this! I've heard plenty of stories of guys doing this, and it NEVER works out. If you're freaking out, yes definitely you should do it. It's win win, know if she considers you a serious romantic prospect, or build up some more coping with rejection. Don't leave it an amorphous feelings mess, but have the concrete 'come with me to X friday night' type conclusion (as an example, a lot of advice fits here that makes it easy for her to say yes if she likes you back).
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Embarrassment and humiliation aren't necessarily as expensive as it might seem, but they certainly aren't free, and should be avoided if possible. If something was gonna happen it would have happened by now.
Sorry, dude.
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On December 06 2014 01:16 Killscreen wrote:Show nested quote +On December 06 2014 01:02 mRandy wrote:Hi TL, im just looking for moral support. Tonight im declearing my feelings for a girl i've known for about half a year. I dont expect much from it but i want to say it so i have no regrets later. + Show Spoiler +i am freaking out already I'd promised myself to not post anything in this thread again, but I'm making an exception: For the love of God, don't do this! I've heard plenty of stories of guys doing this, and it NEVER works out. The idea that a guy can just profess his love for a woman who is a friend and she will find this romantic and sexy, and suddenly see him in a new light is just absurd!
Your right, it is absured. I am doing this for closure for me, i know how she feels and i know what will happen. But i need to tell her so i can move on thats all you all have fair points but you also dont know the whole story, and knowing it dosnt make this a good choice by defult but its the one i made.
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You don't need to tell her shit. Why do you need to embarrass yourself to get closure and move on? Show some discipline, man up and move on without abandoning your dignity.
You're gonna do what you're gonna do, but I'm telling you you will regret it, and it's not too late to change your mind.
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On December 06 2014 01:52 Killscreen wrote:
You don't need to tell her shit. Why do you need to embarrass yourself to get closure and move on? Show some discipline, man up and move on without abandoning your dignity.
You're gonna do what you're gonna do, but I'm telling you you will regret it, and it's not too late to change your mind.
You are 100% right and i wish it was this easy. And it is that easy. I've never done anything like this so if its a bad choice i'll learn from it.
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just go out with her in some club or simular, and try to get physical there, or make a movienight and try it there, but don't just run up to her "i love u " "k." If she reacts to you in a positive way, it's good sign she doesn't think ur disgusting and you can keep going. you can do compliments too ofc, but "love" is a too hard word for someone with whom u've not been together yet I think, even after 1 year relationship with my gf we still "I have love (for) you" and not "I love you"...
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On December 06 2014 01:59 mRandy wrote:
You are 100% right and i wish it was this easy. And it is that easy. I've never done anything like this so if its a bad choice i'll learn from it.
If you are anything like me, this won't offer complete closure. It might for a period of time, but if you still see this girl somewhat frequently you'll again fall into the pattern of irrationally believing that "there's still a chance", and the cycle will repeat in some manner.
Still, I think it's a good thing to just go for it it. Mostly because some strange pattern of thinking builds up inside of desperate guys (based mostly on my own experience and a few observations), and the chance to do something colossally stupid increases as time goes on. The need to engage in the "hail mary love confession" is probably one of the easiest and most harmless of these things. Even if it doesn't offer closure right away, doing it should reset or reduce the desperation counter or slow it down, increasing the chance you might yet save yourself from infatuation.
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Do you guys feel it is reasonable to test your relationship?
Right now I don't really understand why my girlfriend and I are still together. I still love her but it seems like she doesn't want to communicate and she has been spending more and more time with her friends. I mean we kicked it off so hard (very quickly after we started dating we spend like 90% of our free time together) so I could understand if she is trying to find some kind of balance now, but my gut tells me its something different. She still tells me shit like she loves me and makes investments in my home (where we always stay if together). She even still has her Ipad here and god knows how addicted she is to that goddamn thing. Yet she has only spend like one night here this week and unlike before where she made an effort to come to my place even if I finished work much later than her or the other way round she now almost always opts to go home.
So the test I'm thinking off is kind of letting things go. I won't call her, won't initiate texting (just text back) and won't invite her to do things or come over, hoping to see her make an actual effort for whatever it is we have.
So the question again: Reasonable or just weird, useless and rude?
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On December 06 2014 01:02 mRandy wrote:Hi TL, im just looking for moral support. Tonight im declearing my feelings for a girl i've known for about half a year. I dont expect much from it but i want to say it so i have no regrets later. + Show Spoiler +i am freaking out already
That's fine At least you'll get closure if she rejects you, and it may turn into something great if she reciprocates the affection! Relax and be honest with her. Good luck!
On December 06 2014 01:16 Killscreen wrote:Show nested quote +On December 06 2014 01:02 mRandy wrote:Hi TL, im just looking for moral support. Tonight im declearing my feelings for a girl i've known for about half a year. I dont expect much from it but i want to say it so i have no regrets later. + Show Spoiler +i am freaking out already I'd promised myself to not post anything in this thread again, but I'm making an exception: For the love of God, don't do this! I've heard plenty of stories of guys doing this, and it NEVER works out. The idea that a guy can just profess his love for a woman who is a friend and she will find this romantic and sexy, and suddenly see him in a new light is just absurd!
I think closure is a big part of feeling this way though. My philosophy is that it's worth giving a shot, because the worst case scenario is that you end up not getting the girl anyway (which is what would happen if you never approach her). You have nothing (or very little) to lose by opening up to the girl, and certainly a lot to gain. Obviously, you don't want to sound like a crazy stalker or creeper, but there's some value in communication.
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On December 06 2014 04:04 B.I.G. wrote:
Do you guys feel it is reasonable to test your relationship?
Right now I don't really understand why my girlfriend and I are still together. I still love her but it seems like she doesn't want to communicate and she has been spending more and more time with her friends. I mean we kicked it off so hard (very quickly after we started dating we spend like 90% of our free time together) so I could understand if she is trying to find some kind of balance now, but my gut tells me its something different. She still tells me shit like she loves me and makes investments in my home (where we always stay if together). She even still has her Ipad here and god knows how addicted she is to that goddamn thing. Yet she has only spend like one night here this week and unlike before where she made an effort to come to my place even if I finished work much later than her or the other way round she now almost always opts to go home.
So the test I'm thinking off is kind of letting things go. I won't call her, won't initiate texting (just text back) and won't invite her to do things or come over, hoping to see her make an actual effort for whatever it is we have.
So the question again: Reasonable or just weird, useless and rude?
One of the worst things you can do in a relationship is to give her tests and play these games with your significant other. It shows that you don't trust her and that you're trying to trick her. A much better option would be to sit down with her and talk about what's bugging you. Communication and honesty are two huge pillars in a successful relationship. Let her know you're hoping she could spend more nights with you; tell her about your insecurities and that you want to make sure everything's okay. Get it out in the open so you can have a constructive discussion about it, rather than trying to read between the lines and project what her actions say.
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Thanks Plasmaball, I think you are right. I kind of doubt that communication will work but maybe that is a sign in and of itself. But hey if the conversation leads to a crash and burn than at least I tried right?
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EPT
