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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.

Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.

Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating.
Bigtony
Profile Blog Joined June 2011
United States1606 Posts
December 04 2014 05:55 GMT
#11281
Ugh. Signed up for an online dating (free, - plenty of fish) which seemed very promising at first. Then I realized I suck at selfies and pictures in general (huge penalty).

Also extremely frustrating - I guess I just don't understand what it's like, but how are you going to intentionally sign up for a dating website, get a message, and then straight ignore it? What exactly are you waiting for? Anyway, instant success is not what I'm after so we'll see if the prospects improve.
Push 2 Harder
arb
Profile Blog Joined April 2008
Noobville17922 Posts
December 04 2014 06:04 GMT
#11282
you know as good as i am at calling how things are going to happen before they do. I feel like I should have won the lottery or something a very long time ago

i cant even get over that right now
Artillery spawned from the forges of Hell
CosmicSpiral
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
United States15275 Posts
December 04 2014 06:31 GMT
#11283
On December 04 2014 15:04 arb wrote:
you know as good as i am at calling how things are going to happen before they do. I feel like I should have won the lottery or something a very long time ago

i cant even get over that right now


Elaborate for those out of the loop.
WriterWovon man nicht sprechen kann, darüber muß man schweigen.
arb
Profile Blog Joined April 2008
Noobville17922 Posts
December 04 2014 06:36 GMT
#11284
I know usually my posts in this thread are complete rants about how i am a total failure, and i was expecting to make another long winded post about how life continues to fuck me in the ass. But that actually took a complete 180 and i dont even know what to say at the present time
Artillery spawned from the forges of Hell
SixStrings
Profile Blog Joined August 2013
Germany2046 Posts
December 04 2014 09:06 GMT
#11285
On December 04 2014 14:55 Bigtony wrote:
Ugh. Signed up for an online dating (free, - plenty of fish) which seemed very promising at first. Then I realized I suck at selfies and pictures in general (huge penalty).

Also extremely frustrating - I guess I just don't understand what it's like, but how are you going to intentionally sign up for a dating website, get a message, and then straight ignore it? What exactly are you waiting for? Anyway, instant success is not what I'm after so we'll see if the prospects improve.


You have to understand that sites like those have one girl for eight or so men.

Many girls you message won't even be real girls, will be inactive, will be bots, or will get 20 messages a day and be very selective about whom they send an answer. If you take that for personal, you will hate even more what is already an unpleasant experience.
aksfjh
Profile Joined November 2010
United States4853 Posts
December 04 2014 14:22 GMT
#11286
On December 04 2014 18:06 SixStrings wrote:
Show nested quote +
On December 04 2014 14:55 Bigtony wrote:
Ugh. Signed up for an online dating (free, - plenty of fish) which seemed very promising at first. Then I realized I suck at selfies and pictures in general (huge penalty).

Also extremely frustrating - I guess I just don't understand what it's like, but how are you going to intentionally sign up for a dating website, get a message, and then straight ignore it? What exactly are you waiting for? Anyway, instant success is not what I'm after so we'll see if the prospects improve.


You have to understand that sites like those have one girl for eight or so men.

Many girls you message won't even be real girls, will be inactive, will be bots, or will get 20 messages a day and be very selective about whom they send an answer. If you take that for personal, you will hate even more what is already an unpleasant experience.

Not true. On most of those sites, women actually outnumber men. However, it is true that women get messages nonstop, so the chances of her paying attention to your message are slim at best. In fact, women in general on those sites tend to be super selective about who they talk to (probably because a great number of them get more attention than they really deserve). If you're not in the top ~10% of males in some category (looks, income, education, etc.), it's not a very ego-boosting experience.
Snotling
Profile Joined August 2011
Germany885 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-12-04 14:57:06
December 04 2014 14:56 GMT
#11287
On December 04 2014 23:22 aksfjh wrote:
Show nested quote +
On December 04 2014 18:06 SixStrings wrote:
On December 04 2014 14:55 Bigtony wrote:
Ugh. Signed up for an online dating (free, - plenty of fish) which seemed very promising at first. Then I realized I suck at selfies and pictures in general (huge penalty).

Also extremely frustrating - I guess I just don't understand what it's like, but how are you going to intentionally sign up for a dating website, get a message, and then straight ignore it? What exactly are you waiting for? Anyway, instant success is not what I'm after so we'll see if the prospects improve.


You have to understand that sites like those have one girl for eight or so men.

Many girls you message won't even be real girls, will be inactive, will be bots, or will get 20 messages a day and be very selective about whom they send an answer. If you take that for personal, you will hate even more what is already an unpleasant experience.

Not true. On most of those sites, women actually outnumber men. However, it is true that women get messages nonstop, so the chances of her paying attention to your message are slim at best. In fact, women in general on those sites tend to be super selective about who they talk to (probably because a great number of them get more attention than they really deserve). If you're not in the top ~10% of males in some category (looks, income, education, etc.), it's not a very ego-boosting experience.


were do you have that information from? every numer I find tells me that men outnumber women on all online dating platforms, even without discarding the bots and fakes. can you give me a link?
DarkPlasmaBall
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
United States46279 Posts
December 04 2014 15:36 GMT
#11288
On December 04 2014 23:56 Snotling wrote:
Show nested quote +
On December 04 2014 23:22 aksfjh wrote:
On December 04 2014 18:06 SixStrings wrote:
On December 04 2014 14:55 Bigtony wrote:
Ugh. Signed up for an online dating (free, - plenty of fish) which seemed very promising at first. Then I realized I suck at selfies and pictures in general (huge penalty).

Also extremely frustrating - I guess I just don't understand what it's like, but how are you going to intentionally sign up for a dating website, get a message, and then straight ignore it? What exactly are you waiting for? Anyway, instant success is not what I'm after so we'll see if the prospects improve.


You have to understand that sites like those have one girl for eight or so men.

Many girls you message won't even be real girls, will be inactive, will be bots, or will get 20 messages a day and be very selective about whom they send an answer. If you take that for personal, you will hate even more what is already an unpleasant experience.

Not true. On most of those sites, women actually outnumber men. However, it is true that women get messages nonstop, so the chances of her paying attention to your message are slim at best. In fact, women in general on those sites tend to be super selective about who they talk to (probably because a great number of them get more attention than they really deserve). If you're not in the top ~10% of males in some category (looks, income, education, etc.), it's not a very ego-boosting experience.


were do you have that information from? every numer I find tells me that men outnumber women on all online dating platforms, even without discarding the bots and fakes. can you give me a link?


Here are some interesting statistics from Reuters, Herald News, PC World, Washington Post...

Online Dating Statistics Data

Total number of single people in the U.S. 54,250,000
Total number of people in the U.S. who have tried online dating 41,250,000
Total eHarmony members 15,500,000
Total Match.com members 21,575,000
Number of questions to fill out on eHarmony survey 400
Annual revenue from the online dating industry $1,249,000,000
Average spent by dating site customer per year $239
Average length of courtship for marriages that met online 18.5 Months
Average length of courtship for marriages that met offline 42 Months
Percent of users who leave within the first 3 months 10 %
Percent of male online dating users 52.4 %
Percent of female online dating users 47.6 %
Percent who say common interests are the most important factor 64 %
Percent who say physical characteristics are the most important factor 49 %
Percent of marriages in the last year in which the couple met on a dating site 17 %
Percent of current committed relationships that began online 20 %
Percent of people who believe in love at first sight 71 %
Percent of women who have sex on the first online dating encounter 33 %
Percent of people who say they have dated more than one person simultaneously 53 %
Percent of sex offenders who use online dating to meet people 10 %

~ http://www.statisticbrain.com/online-dating-statistics/

According to this table, the percentage of online dating users is about 50/50 between males and females. There are other statistics at that site too, but I don't know how accurate they are (the study was done just a few months ago though, which is nice). I personally find it hard to believe that 4/5 of all single Americans have tried online dating though (41,250,000 out of 54,250,000).
"There is nothing more satisfying than looking at a crowd of people and helping them get what I love." ~Day[9] Daily #100
Mikau
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
Netherlands1446 Posts
December 04 2014 15:38 GMT
#11289
There are plenty of people who aren't single now but have tried online dating. It's not as simple as saying 4/5 single people have tried online dating.
DarkPlasmaBall
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
United States46279 Posts
December 04 2014 15:40 GMT
#11290
On December 05 2014 00:38 Mikau wrote:
There are plenty of people who aren't single now but have tried online dating. It's not as simple as saying 4/5 single people have tried online dating.


That's a good point; I hadn't considered that one was a cumulative number while the other was a current number.
"There is nothing more satisfying than looking at a crowd of people and helping them get what I love." ~Day[9] Daily #100
Jisira
Profile Blog Joined October 2011
470 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-12-04 15:44:32
December 04 2014 15:42 GMT
#11291
As a person who has had relationships happen but find them a nuisance, how does one help a friend who's confidence was floored by his ex back up on his feet? I cannot relate to anything he feels because the concept of being mentally intimate, knowing another person that well (and letting someone know you that well) comes off as weird and appalling to me.

I want to do something, but the only thing I can think of is to make him think of other things and avoid the problem.

EDIT: Their tl;dr story is all about them growing apart. Nothing more, but he's 22 and was together with her for almost four years.
DarkPlasmaBall
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
United States46279 Posts
December 04 2014 15:46 GMT
#11292
On December 05 2014 00:42 Jisira wrote:
As a person who has had relationships happen but find them a nuisance, how does one help a friend who's confidence was floored by his ex back up on his feet? I cannot relate to anything he feels because the concept of being mentally intimate, knowing another person that well (and letting someone know you that well) comes off as weird and appalling to me.

I want to do something, but the only thing I can think of is to make him think of other things and avoid the problem.


You can certainly distract him with other things to get his mind off the blow to his confidence. That's probably more in your comfort zone than trying to convince him of things you don't agree with, so you should probably stick with that. Maybe doing or saying something that boosts his confidence in other areas (e.g., games or sports or other hobbies) will indirectly make him feel less self-conscious and he may generalize this relief to the relationship domain? Making him feel better overall certainly couldn't hurt him.
"There is nothing more satisfying than looking at a crowd of people and helping them get what I love." ~Day[9] Daily #100
waffelz
Profile Blog Joined June 2012
Germany711 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-12-04 18:00:54
December 04 2014 17:54 GMT
#11293
I am really confused right now not really dating-realted, but anyways: A girl startet talking to me on the train, we chatted for about 20min about stuff, it was kind of nice. She seemed like a interesting person, we seem to like metal but also had other taste of music in comon. It ended up with her giving me her number by calling me for a sec and kind of emphasising that I should send her an sms (my handy is old since I only use it as a clock, lol) with a album name I recommended to her adn that it would be nice to stay in contact. She then had to leave the train, my exit was the next station. Next day I send her the message and asked if there are other ways to contact her (since I could easylie send her a bunch of music she mostly would like). Its almost a week now and nothing came back from her. I am kind of confused, because it seemed like she really enjoyed the conversation and directly told me that I should contact her.
I am not sure if she hit on me (I am just incredibly bad at spotting stuf like that when it targets me) and hoped/expected me to contact her almost immediately / wasnt satisfied with my message.
Or maybe she thought I hit on her, which would hardly make sense: I would never really hit on someone I only know for 20mins since I believe that you should feel out the personality of said person before you make a move. Also I tend to be quite polite and mannered, but in a true and honest way that clearly shows that its just that. Also, if she thought I hit on her, why would she give me her number/get my number if she got shyed away by it.

It all just didnt make sense. I just hoped to get more good old Speed/Powermetal, wtf life why cant I have that?

Lots of text for a girl I am not really into in terms of dating(at least at the moment), but I am really curious. I am really clueless when it comes to profane stuff like that. Help me, for sience.
RIP "The big travis CS degree thread", taken from us too soon | Honourable forum princess, defended by Rebs-approved white knights
CosmicSpiral
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
United States15275 Posts
December 04 2014 20:08 GMT
#11294
Let it go.
WriterWovon man nicht sprechen kann, darüber muß man schweigen.
waffelz
Profile Blog Joined June 2012
Germany711 Posts
December 04 2014 20:27 GMT
#11295
On December 05 2014 05:08 CosmicSpiral wrote:
Let it go.


I was hoping for an explanation, not advice since there is none needed. I am just curious if there is an (more or less) easy explanation.
RIP "The big travis CS degree thread", taken from us too soon | Honourable forum princess, defended by Rebs-approved white knights
CosmicSpiral
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
United States15275 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-12-04 20:39:16
December 04 2014 20:34 GMT
#11296
On December 05 2014 05:27 waffelz wrote:
Show nested quote +
On December 05 2014 05:08 CosmicSpiral wrote:
Let it go.


I was hoping for an explanation, not advice since there is none needed. I am just curious if there is an (more or less) easy explanation.


The most sensible explanation is that she gave you her number and forgot.

The question you should ask yourself is, why did you dedicate ~3 paragraphs to a throwaway moment in your life?

That's why I gave you advice in the first place.
WriterWovon man nicht sprechen kann, darüber muß man schweigen.
waffelz
Profile Blog Joined June 2012
Germany711 Posts
December 04 2014 20:44 GMT
#11297
On December 05 2014 05:34 CosmicSpiral wrote:
The most sensible explanation is that she gave you her number and forgot.

The question you should ask yourself is, why did you dedicate ~3 paragraphs to a throwaway moment in your life?

That's why I gave you advice in the first place.


A big ass lab report that I have to hand in tomorrow, thats why. Working in blocks and taking small timeouts every now and then, but thanks for the advice anyways. My answer wasnt ment to be mean. You answer sounds somewhat plausible even though I cant really understand forgetting that fast^^. Thx.
RIP "The big travis CS degree thread", taken from us too soon | Honourable forum princess, defended by Rebs-approved white knights
MysteryMeat1
Profile Blog Joined June 2011
United States3292 Posts
December 04 2014 20:44 GMT
#11298
Fake number
"Cause ya know, Style before victory." -The greatest mafia player alive
QuanticHawk
Profile Blog Joined May 2007
United States32157 Posts
December 04 2014 21:12 GMT
#11299
Xiphos met her. After a careful interrogation, he determined that this woman, the eldest of eight, and owner of two therapy cats and one seeing-eye dog, met his exact specifications for hip circumference, thigh gap width, and adherence to Ayn Rand's philosophical views. She was quickly wed.

Sorry bruh bruh
PROFESSIONAL GAMER - SEND ME OFFERS TO JOIN YOUR TEAM - USA USA USA
CosmicSpiral
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
United States15275 Posts
December 04 2014 22:11 GMT
#11300
On December 05 2014 05:44 waffelz wrote:
Show nested quote +
On December 05 2014 05:34 CosmicSpiral wrote:
The most sensible explanation is that she gave you her number and forgot.

The question you should ask yourself is, why did you dedicate ~3 paragraphs to a throwaway moment in your life?

That's why I gave you advice in the first place.


A big ass lab report that I have to hand in tomorrow, thats why. Working in blocks and taking small timeouts every now and then, but thanks for the advice anyways. My answer wasnt ment to be mean. You answer sounds somewhat plausible even though I cant really understand forgetting that fast^^. Thx.


Not exactly what I was implying, but thanks anyway.
WriterWovon man nicht sprechen kann, darüber muß man schweigen.
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