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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
Hi guys, I wanted to share and ask for advice. I'm a recent mid 20-s university graduate, now working. I am quite smart, and prouded myself on that. It is the one thing that is constant, that I value. I am an excellent guitarist, but a closet musician at best. In high school, I played music, and I was also a top athlete without the 'jock' label. In a shy, humble way, I would say. I'm quite tall, semi-fit, and I like to think I'm not hideous.
During school I would skip class quite a bit, but because I was always really good at learning things quickly I squeaked by with a mid 70s average. I had to deal with a few anxiety issues with school, life - I've always felt alone, that nobody really understands me, not even my family. My social life was not the best, but I did have some good friends, played videogames, went out occasionally, but I never really managed to secure any dates. I did hook up with girls on occasion, but none with whom I shared an emotional connection. I feel like I have a difficult time taking risks and putting myself out there even though I have a high degree of confidence in certain areas of my life. I have never been on a real date, or had a gf.
-There was this one girl I used to have classes with. A year younger than me, lives in the same hometown, and was in the same program. So I could help her out with some classes, and we did meet and do school work, chatted about things, hung out together in groups on occasion, but thats about it. I always had feelings for her, but, quite simply, I didn't do anything about it because A) she had a bf and I respected her, and B) I'm a wuss and am afraid of being open with another person. But now, as far as I know, she is single and living in the same town as me. I haven't seen this girl for about 1.5yr.
Finding a girl for me has always been one of the most valued things to me, so I think I've been picky. The whole point I wanted to write this was so that I could see it all on paper myself, but also to ask for advice. How do you rekindle old connections and eventually ask girls out, without being awkward or too forward, and by using social media/e-mail?
TLDR: last line from above paragraph.
thanks for reading. /end rant :D
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On January 04 2013 02:26 SigmaoctanusIV wrote:Show nested quote +On January 04 2013 02:23 Ctesias wrote:
Met my first and hopefully last girlfriend 9 years ago, when I was 15. Still together, and been living together for the last 3 years. Everything's swell. Celebrating 10 year anniversary in 7 months. Holy shit my story is exactly the same but we are at 8 years this march. Started Dating at 15 woah dude seriously that is fucking crazy. Glad I am not the only person out there.
God damn. I met my girlfriend when I was 15, 5 years ago now. I was thinking our situations were pretty rare. xD
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On January 04 2013 04:20 hp.Shell wrote:
It's true that some women will accept and even go on a date with you if it means they get free stuff: food, a movie, etc. Really it should be at least respectful of both parties, but there are girls out there that will happily waste your time knowing full well you want more. Those kinds of dates can be a real drag; they make you re-evaluate how you go about dating and what you really want and how to get there.
that's very true!
haha
funny, I've been on a few of these kind of dates. The thing is at the end of it, no matter how stupid it sounds I have asked them directly "is this going anywhere? should we grab a few drinks at my place?"
simply because I felt like either they didn't know what they were looking for/wanting or they were just so desperate for some kind of a date where they get to enjoy free dinner/drinks.
Nothing against them ofcourse, just after that one date almost 80% of them don't bother calling you back. So I just confront them right then and there.
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Russian Federation4447 Posts
On January 04 2013 05:43 FatChunk wrote:
Finding a girl for me has always been one of the most valued things to me, so I think I've been picky. The whole point I wanted to write this was so that I could see it all on paper myself, but also to ask for advice. How do you rekindle old connections and eventually ask girls out, without being awkward or too forward, and by using social media/e-mail?
TLDR: last line from above paragraph.
It's very simple.
If you have her facebook, just send her a message with something along the lines of:
"Hey X, just realized we haven't spoken to each other for a long time, always had fun doing ___________ with you, how about we grab coffee / drinks this weekend."
Keep it direct, keep it simple. If she liked you or likes you, she'll say yes, if not she will say she's busy.
If she says yes, well, then you have a date and its up to you to make something happen.
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On January 04 2013 05:43 FatChunk wrote:
Hi guys, I wanted to share and ask for advice. I'm a recent mid 20-s university graduate, now working. I am quite smart, and prouded myself on that. It is the one thing that is constant, that I value. I am an excellent guitarist, but a closet musician at best. In high school, I played music, and I was also a top athlete without the 'jock' label. In a shy, humble way, I would say. I'm quite tall, semi-fit, and I like to think I'm not hideous.
During school I would skip class quite a bit, but because I was always really good at learning things quickly I squeaked by with a mid 70s average. I had to deal with a few anxiety issues with school, life - I've always felt alone, that nobody really understands me, not even my family. My social life was not the best, but I did have some good friends, played videogames, went out occasionally, but I never really managed to secure any dates. I did hook up with girls on occasion, but none with whom I shared an emotional connection. I feel like I have a difficult time taking risks and putting myself out there even though I have a high degree of confidence in certain areas of my life. I have never been on a real date, or had a gf.
-There was this one girl I used to have classes with. A year younger than me, lives in the same hometown, and was in the same program. So I could help her out with some classes, and we did meet and do school work, chatted about things, hung out together in groups on occasion, but thats about it. I always had feelings for her, but, quite simply, I didn't do anything about it because A) she had a bf and I respected her, and B) I'm a wuss and am afraid of being open with another person. But now, as far as I know, she is single and living in the same town as me. I haven't seen this girl for about 1.5yr.
Finding a girl for me has always been one of the most valued things to me, so I think I've been picky. The whole point I wanted to write this was so that I could see it all on paper myself, but also to ask for advice. How do you rekindle old connections and eventually ask girls out, without being awkward or too forward, and by using social media/e-mail?
TLDR: last line from above paragraph.
thanks for reading. /end rant :D
As long as there is around ~6months between your last interaction and the girl a "regame" is no problem at all. Before that timeframe it gets tricky, depending on how badly you fucked up.
In a case like yours I prefer something casual but well rooted among the lines of "I just did xy/heard someone say bla/saw this or that (...) and that reminded me of (blabla) and that made me think about you" - depending on how good your interaction was continue among the lines of "how are you doing nowadays?" and try and lead it to some kind of "lets grab a bite/drink and catch up" after opening some conversational loops.
HOWEVER, my real suggestion would be to date some other girls, having a crush after that long time doesn't sound like you'll think clearly around her. :o
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Russian Federation4447 Posts
On January 04 2013 05:06 dBdHellRider wrote:
IF a girl is extremely selfish and vain and dont accept your gaming time GET RID OF HER, better that you are happy then having a girl that control you life and makes you unhappy.
Are you serious?
This kind of life has loser written all over it.
A girl is thinking in her subconscious "what kind of boring ass life would I have hanging out with a guy that is extremely seflish and vain and spends 12 hours a day on the computer".
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On January 04 2013 05:58 Tien wrote:Show nested quote +On January 04 2013 05:43 FatChunk wrote:
Finding a girl for me has always been one of the most valued things to me, so I think I've been picky. The whole point I wanted to write this was so that I could see it all on paper myself, but also to ask for advice. How do you rekindle old connections and eventually ask girls out, without being awkward or too forward, and by using social media/e-mail?
TLDR: last line from above paragraph.
It's very simple. If you have her facebook, just send her a message with something along the lines of: "Hey X, just realized we haven't spoken to each other for a long time, always had fun doing ___________ with you, how about we grab coffee / drinks this weekend." Keep it direct, keep it simple. If she liked you or likes you, she'll say yes, if not she will say she's busy. If she says yes, well, then you have a date and its up to you to make something happen.
Highly disagree with opening via asking for a date straight away. Opening her up with something more casual and starting up some loops (which "coincidently" leads to "hey, this is fun, we should talk about this over coffee") has a much bigger chance of being successful.
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Russian Federation4447 Posts
On January 04 2013 03:44 Grimmyman123 wrote:
Reality Check for you.
Lets take an average girl, say... the pharmacist assistant at the nearby drug store, or maybe your neighbor, or maybe even your ex girlfriend. Lets then apply your logic that money does not matter. So, you are saying that any of these girls, will absolutely date and potentially fall in love with the welfare receipient at the soup truck. Really. No average girl would EVER be caught dead even approaching a welfare case knowingly.
Women are money grubbers. If you look the part, you might deceive them long enough to get their attention, but without the dress and deportement, and the car or house, you are not going to get her time of day. PERIOD.
Jesus I didn't realize this thread had so many woman haters.
It's not wrong for a female to not want to date a broke ass man that dresses like a beggar. Why is the man a broke ass man in the first place? The reasons why often make him unattractive.
No self confidence. Not smart. Doing nothing with his life. Those are not very desirable qualities.
People don't want to associate themselves with losers doing nothing with their life, you don't call them money grubbers, you call them realists.
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On January 04 2013 05:43 FatChunk wrote:
Hi guys, I wanted to share and ask for advice. I'm a recent mid 20-s university graduate, now working. I am quite smart, and prouded myself on that. It is the one thing that is constant, that I value. I am an excellent guitarist, but a closet musician at best. In high school, I played music, and I was also a top athlete without the 'jock' label. In a shy, humble way, I would say. I'm quite tall, semi-fit, and I like to think I'm not hideous.
During school I would skip class quite a bit, but because I was always really good at learning things quickly I squeaked by with a mid 70s average. I had to deal with a few anxiety issues with school, life - I've always felt alone, that nobody really understands me, not even my family. My social life was not the best, but I did have some good friends, played videogames, went out occasionally, but I never really managed to secure any dates. I did hook up with girls on occasion, but none with whom I shared an emotional connection. I feel like I have a difficult time taking risks and putting myself out there even though I have a high degree of confidence in certain areas of my life. I have never been on a real date, or had a gf.
-There was this one girl I used to have classes with. A year younger than me, lives in the same hometown, and was in the same program. So I could help her out with some classes, and we did meet and do school work, chatted about things, hung out together in groups on occasion, but thats about it. I always had feelings for her, but, quite simply, I didn't do anything about it because A) she had a bf and I respected her, and B) I'm a wuss and am afraid of being open with another person. But now, as far as I know, she is single and living in the same town as me. I haven't seen this girl for about 1.5yr.
Finding a girl for me has always been one of the most valued things to me, so I think I've been picky. The whole point I wanted to write this was so that I could see it all on paper myself, but also to ask for advice. How do you rekindle old connections and eventually ask girls out, without being awkward or too forward, and by using social media/e-mail?
TLDR: last line from above paragraph.
thanks for reading. /end rant :D
It's good that you realise that you have some confidence issues in some areas. Just don't put yourself down too much, just focus on improving. That's kind of true for everything in life, focus on the positive and not the negative.
As far as your little girl friend goes, I think you're too zoned in on this one girl. Why is she the one? Do you even know anything about her besides you two just doing some school work lol. I'm not trying to stir up some drama here but, come on now, why is she so special? As soon as you realise that she ain't some magical soulmate of yours, you can just go over to her and ask her for coffee. I don't even think anyone asks for dates anymore. Just ask her for casual afternoon meet up and if you like her, ask her for something more date-like, maybe dinner or something. It's really that simple.
And I don't think asking her over facebook or whatever other channel you might use is all that bad. Say hi, it's not complicated.
And lastly, you say you're too picky? What are you looking for then? Be realistic. Don't come with weird stuff like "I want my girlfriend to like starcraft". That's stupid. I don't think she has to like gaming at all to be your girlfriend, if she's okay with you spending time playing games, that's great, what more can you ask for?
Be realistic, what exactly do you want from a girl, and are you REALLY that picky or are you just scared to interact with women and therefore you're just looking for some kind of excuse, some sort of scapegoat to blame why you haven't had a real girlfriend yet?
And if you're really struggling, get some liquid courage (alcohol) to loosen you up. Just dont get drunk lol.
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On January 04 2013 05:53 myBattleship wrote:Show nested quote +On January 04 2013 04:20 hp.Shell wrote:
It's true that some women will accept and even go on a date with you if it means they get free stuff: food, a movie, etc. Really it should be at least respectful of both parties, but there are girls out there that will happily waste your time knowing full well you want more. Those kinds of dates can be a real drag; they make you re-evaluate how you go about dating and what you really want and how to get there. that's very true! haha funny, I've been on a few of these kind of dates. The thing is at the end of it, no matter how stupid it sounds I have asked them directly "is this going anywhere? should we grab a few drinks at my place?" simply because I felt like either they didn't know what they were looking for/wanting or they were just so desperate for some kind of a date where they get to enjoy free dinner/drinks. Nothing against them ofcourse, just after that one date almost 80% of them don't bother calling you back. So I just confront them right then and there.
If 80% of the women you're dating don't want a second date the issue is most likely on your end, not on the girls. Asking the question you proposed is asking to crash and burn for example.
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I didn't even know what to do at my date 
Took her out to a nice little community lot and didn't even hold her hand.
(Everythings over though)
Wat do.
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This entire thread is magical. Im married now.
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I'm 15 and have decided not to date cause I'm too awkward. I just don't know what to do and am too shy to do it even if I knew.
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On January 04 2013 06:10 Tien wrote:Show nested quote +On January 04 2013 03:44 Grimmyman123 wrote:
Reality Check for you.
Lets take an average girl, say... the pharmacist assistant at the nearby drug store, or maybe your neighbor, or maybe even your ex girlfriend. Lets then apply your logic that money does not matter. So, you are saying that any of these girls, will absolutely date and potentially fall in love with the welfare receipient at the soup truck. Really. No average girl would EVER be caught dead even approaching a welfare case knowingly.
Women are money grubbers. If you look the part, you might deceive them long enough to get their attention, but without the dress and deportement, and the car or house, you are not going to get her time of day. PERIOD.
Jesus I didn't realize this thread had so many woman haters. It's not wrong for a female to not want to date a broke ass man that dresses like a beggar. Why is the man a broke ass man in the first place? The reasons why often make him unattractive. No self confidence. Not smart. Doing nothing with his life. Those are not very desirable qualities. People don't want to associate themselves with losers doing nothing with their life, you don't call them money grubbers, you call them realists.
What I find worst is the nice guy mentality. Too many of those guys think they are the ideal guy and that if the girl had a brain, she would date them. Maybe the guy is right, but the mindset is awful, it is uncompromising.
My older sister dated nice guys at one point, but stopped because too many of them would not do anything or sacrifice anything for the relationship, although the guy during the breakup will always claim they sacrificed everything.
I am very uncompromising when it comes to relationships and will probably remain single for most of my life which I am fine with since I naturally would not want a guy who is like that as well, but for the love of God do not paint yourself as this great hidden gem that goes unnoticed.
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On January 04 2013 06:11 RogerX wrote:I didn't even know what to do at my date Took her out to a nice little community lot and didn't even hold her hand. (Everythings over though) Wat do.
tl;dr: Have fun with her, talk with her about whatever floats your boat, get her used to being touched by you, share some more laughs, get her used to some more touching. That's pretty much the important stuff in a nutshell.
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On January 04 2013 04:35 adwodon wrote:Show nested quote +On January 04 2013 03:38 Grimmyman123 wrote:
Women are like vintage cars.
Some are built for comfort, some for speed. Some for looks, some for practicality.
So, the really pretty one, thats really fast, is going to be really expensive, and the comfy one that is practical is less expensive.
What is the expense? Mostly your money (because nearly that is all that women REALLY want) but also your time, effort, and emotions.
So, my advice is find the women that meets your budget (time and money) and don't let them walk all over you, because, each and every one of them, given the chance, will rip out your heart, and empty your bank account, both at the same time. Not one of them is exempt from that statement. You sound like someone with little life experience who got burned once and now hates all women, quite pathetic really. Either that or an 'internet dating expert' who's never actually met a real woman. Sure, women are attracted to money, not all, but its the same way men are attracted to tits. It's a bonus, some men are super shallow and will judge a girl purely on her tits, but most will look beyond the shallow after a brief glance and actually get to know the person behind the tits and decide whether they are worth dating them. Flash some tits in a mans face and hey, you'll probably get lucky that night, but if you're a horrible person, selfish and otherwise unpleasant, don't expect a call back. Simple as. If you feel women only date you for your money, its probably because you're a selfish douchebag who's only redeeming quality is your money. Or you're just bitter. Congratulations. Show nested quote +On January 04 2013 03:44 Grimmyman123 wrote:
Reality Check for you.
Lets take an average girl, say... the pharmacist assistant at the nearby drug store, or maybe your neighbor, or maybe even your ex girlfriend. Lets then apply your logic that money does not matter. So, you are saying that any of these girls, will absolutely date and potentially fall in love with the welfare receipient at the soup truck. Really. No average girl would EVER be caught dead even approaching a welfare case knowingly.
Women are money grubbers. If you look the part, you might deceive them long enough to get their attention, but without the dress and deportement, and the car or house, you are not going to get her time of day. PERIOD.
That's to do with lifestyle and personality, a 'welfare recipient' isn't as likely to be intelligent, cultured and articulate. So if the girl is middle class she probably won't go for him. That being there are really obvious stereotypes that completely go against your argument. Ski instructors, surfers, barmen etc, hardly famed for their fortunes... You also win no points for going to extremes, I can say that looks don't matter to me, but that doesn't mean I'd date a 300lb girl with a hairlip because that's an extreme, what about your pharmacist girl meeting someone with a stable but hardly impressive job, on a similar wage to her? Would she automatically discard him over a man who earns twice as much regardless of looks or personality? As I said, money does matter, but it's a shallow element, a pass as a 'potential' date, some girls will rate it high as a potential, others don't really care, depends on the girl and even you said yourself, you can even fool some girls so actually in most cases it barely matters at all if you have all the other qualities she's after.
And you live in a utopian land where women really want to meet you only to see if you are smart and witty, and that your status, wealth, and appearance have nothing to do with the equation.
Wake up and smell the roses. I've done my fair bit of dating over the decades, and the fact is, women want money and status FIRST, Appearance SECOND, and after any other materials, they want love/affection etc.
There is no room for discussion, this is fact.
There was a lovely video where some univeristy students went around, and asked girls if they have guy friends, and their position if they would shack up with their guy 'friend' and if their guy friend would at an opportunity shack up with them. Turns out, women were pretty delusional, until logic prevailed and they realised the truth of the situation.
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Russian Federation4447 Posts
On January 04 2013 05:53 myBattleship wrote:Show nested quote +On January 04 2013 04:20 hp.Shell wrote:
It's true that some women will accept and even go on a date with you if it means they get free stuff: food, a movie, etc. Really it should be at least respectful of both parties, but there are girls out there that will happily waste your time knowing full well you want more. Those kinds of dates can be a real drag; they make you re-evaluate how you go about dating and what you really want and how to get there. that's very true! haha funny, I've been on a few of these kind of dates. The thing is at the end of it, no matter how stupid it sounds I have asked them directly "is this going anywhere? should we grab a few drinks at my place?"simply because I felt like either they didn't know what they were looking for/wanting or they were just so desperate for some kind of a date where they get to enjoy free dinner/drinks. Nothing against them ofcourse, just after that one date almost 80% of them don't bother calling you back. So I just confront them right then and there.
Probably one of the most horrible things to ask someone because it puts them in an uncomfortable spot which will most likely turn them off and realize the date actually sucks.
It's on you bro.
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On January 04 2013 06:15 autoexec wrote:
I'm 15 and have decided not to date cause I'm too awkward
Me neither, I'm 18. Not awkard tho, just never tried/cared. I should really try sometime. Maybe that's a good New Years resolution.
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On January 04 2013 06:19 Recognizable wrote:Show nested quote +On January 04 2013 06:15 autoexec wrote:
I'm 15 and have decided not to date cause I'm too awkward Maybe that's a good New Years resolution.
ugh, don't remind me. My new year's resolution is beautiful, exotic, and utterly intimidating. better get on that I guess
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Russian Federation4447 Posts
On January 04 2013 06:18 Grimmyman123 wrote:
And you live in a utopian land where women really want to meet you only to see if you are smart and witty, and that your status, wealth, and appearance have nothing to do with the equation.
Wake up and smell the roses. I've done my fair bit of dating over the decades, and the fact is, women want money and status FIRST, Appearance SECOND, and after any other materials, they want love/affection etc.
There is no room for discussion, this is fact.
There was a lovely video where some univeristy students went around, and asked girls if they have guy friends, and their position if they would shack up with their guy 'friend' and if their guy friend would at an opportunity shack up with them. Turns out, women were pretty delusional, until logic prevailed and they realised the truth of the situation.
The reason why nobody wants to keep dating you is because you aren't fun to date. It's very simple.
Of course appearance has something to do with it. Who the hell wants to date a troll? Men are the most superficial ones of them all.
If your appearances are shit, fix it. Dress better, get healthier, go to the gym and lose weight, or gain weight if you're way too skinny. Do something to make your own life better.
Women want to have FUN FIRST.
You don't provide ANY FUN, ITS YOUR FAULT, NOT THEIRS.
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EPT
