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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
I also forgot to mention the case that one of your platonic friends who has a partner is falling for you, besides you keeping the 3 facts in mind/communicating properly. So far I have gone well with just take a little distance for a while, as long as it is just a suspicion. If it is a serious cause (which I carefully define as "she straight up told me"), I first of all talk with them through the trouble a relationship can go, that they should consider that you always will find something in someone, your partner cant offer you etc., especially if a very long-lasted relatiosnhip is on the line - just like a real friend should (even though you have to consider that I never had this happen while I was single/interested). If he/she is still unhappy with the current relationship and you are interested in him/her, just wait about a month and make clear why. This served a few friends of mine well, one month isnt that long and you still can see each other during that time, but you avoid stuff like
- seeming like he/she cheated with you on his/her previous partner
- you actively stole her
- you becoming just fill-in and it ends in tears
- its a long enouhg time for him/her to reconsider his/her feelings towards you, but not long enough to let "real love" die out
- you also safe the partner that got left behind from some grief/suspiciouns which might be important to you, depending on your character.
just like you summarized, it mostly comes down to communication and while it seems annoying/little to consider this little rule(s) of thump, it can save you from a lot of drama, but is not guaranteed to do so. Life after all is still a bitch 
EDIT: also awesome link for proper apologys. not necessary for me, but I know quite some people that could should use this.
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On August 26 2014 05:50 obesechicken13 wrote:Show nested quote +On August 26 2014 04:40 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:On August 26 2014 04:32 obesechicken13 wrote:On August 26 2014 04:12 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:How do you manage platonic relationships with friends of the opposite gender after puberty? Do you think it's possible to have them outside the workplace?
Just treat them like a guy friend, right? Or do you just cut them all out completely? It really depends on the person, I think. If you're an inherently flirty person and a social butterfly, your attempts at what you think is a platonic friendship may actually be perceived as hitting on someone. It also depends on what you do/ say and how you do/ say it. It's easier for me to be platonic friends with colleagues, because we both can focus on our common work-related interests. It's also convenient for me that I'm in a relationship that I'd never give up, and my female friends know this and approve of my fiancee, so it's not really much of an issue anymore. As an aside: How old are you and the girl with the five-year boyfriend? I don't know if you understand how insulting this question is. Old enough. I'm fine focusing on work with female colleagues. Most are far older than myself. But I usually don't see them outside of work either. What I'm asking is about platonic female friends outside of work. My question wasn't intended to be insulting, and I'm sorry if you took offense. You mentioned graduation and I didn't know if you were talking about graduating high school or college... and then you talked about puberty. I think age and experience might matter when answering your questions, especially between a 16 year old and a 26 year old. I don't think you have to completely cut female friends out of your life; just make sure not to hit on them or flirt with them if you don't want to be seen as romantically/ sexually interested in them. Just communicate effectively what your intentions are, and try not to give mixed signals. You can still have platonic conversations about personal lives or work or school or whatever  Fair enough. Thanks for the responses both of you. Communication seems to be the key. An aside I'll make is that when apologizing, the offended party often doesn't take apologies worded like "I'm sorry if you" to be sincere as blame is put on the offended party. In addition the apology must specify exactly what it is you did wrong, even if it's obvious. Eg. "I'm sorry I asked how old you were like that. I realize it can be interpreted to be a jab at someone's maturity." This helps to show that you'll consider not committing the offense in the future. They're parts 2. and 5. here. Coincidentally this could be relevant to others who need to apologize to S.Os. I often find it hard to apologize to others, especially online, but I do try to remember these points when I do want to apologize sincerely. These little details often bother me but maybe not everyone cares. And sometimes when people follow these guidelines to the dot I feel like I'm being handled.
I think telling me how to apologize properly is a bit of a derailment, especially since I wasn't actually apologizing (it was a formality and then an elaboration on why I asked it). You nailed it that I don't really think I committed any offense by asking you your age (a question quite common in this thread and other advice threads), because I think you misunderstood the intent of my question. And either way, I don't really care, nor do I wish to harp on the age or "how to apologize" issues any further (the latter of which, ironically, can appear quite patronizing). Asking for more information surrounding particular variables can be necessary when trying to give feedback. Anyways, let's move on
I hope the rest of the feedback you received on your problem does help you out; best of luck!
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Obese, I feel like you're overreacting. If I had posted that I probably wouldn't have apologized at all, because it's nothing to get offended at. Additionally, the "I'm sorry if you"... apology is used when you're not sorry that you said it, but are sorry that the other person got offended. For example, if I say "Wow, you're bulking up, eh?" and you get offended, even though it was a compliment, then I'd give that apology. I'm not sorry I said it, I'm sorry you got offended.
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Alright, I agree, let's just move on. There's not much to gain from mulling over the apology thing.
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Got number of a redbull girl at detroit but she had to work and I had no money to stay another day rip
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I think darkplasmaball should write an essay on how he is sorry for hurting our delicate little flower, how he can do better, and how he can prevent this nightmare of misunderstanding from ever happening again.
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got a girl's number in class today, but i have no idea how to initiate and keep a convo going with girls.
HELP ME GUYS!
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On August 29 2014 00:58 crippledx wrote:
got a girl's number in class today, but i have no idea how to initiate and keep a convo going with girls.
HELP ME GUYS!
How about: "Hi. I want to make sweet love to your ladyparts."
Or you could just try to act like she's a normal human being.
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On August 29 2014 00:58 crippledx wrote:
got a girl's number in class today, but i have no idea how to initiate and keep a convo going with girls.
HELP ME GUYS!
Start with a "Hey what's up?" and a smile
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On August 29 2014 00:58 crippledx wrote:
got a girl's number in class today, but i have no idea how to initiate and keep a convo going with girls.
HELP ME GUYS!
Just talk to her. Be yourself. See if she's interested in any of the stuff you are or vice versa. If you can't be comfortable being yourself with her then it won't work anyway
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On August 29 2014 05:19 DavoS wrote:Show nested quote +On August 29 2014 00:58 crippledx wrote:
got a girl's number in class today, but i have no idea how to initiate and keep a convo going with girls.
HELP ME GUYS! Just talk to her. Be yourself. See if she's interested in any of the stuff you are or vice versa. If you can't be comfortable being yourself with her then it won't work anyway
Oh boy....
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On August 29 2014 00:58 crippledx wrote:
got a girl's number in class today, but i have no idea how to initiate and keep a convo going with girls.
HELP ME GUYS!
Good job! The fact that you got a number means she thinks you're minimally attractive, and she does not mind getting to know you better.
Knowing that, be confident! Ane be yourself, and you'll do fine.
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be yourself is terrible advice, because his "himself" is someone who has no idea how to even talk to a girl
someone needs to write out a couple of conversation starters so he can bring them up when his mind goes blank
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On August 29 2014 10:34 evilfatsh1t wrote:
be yourself is terrible advice, because his "himself" is someone who has no idea how to even talk to a girl
someone needs to write out a couple of conversation starters so he can bring them up when his mind goes blank
I'd think it's fairly clear from the context that when I say be yourself I'm saying he should be sincere and not put up a front. Of course he should put in some effort into what to do during a potential date. Being yourself does not mean unprepared.
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so far i only asked about some tutorial stuff and there's nothjing much going on.
i dont usually start convo w hey whats up...cos i think it's kinda weird...........................so that'll be myself...
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Don't be yourself if you have confidence issues. The vast majority of the girls out there HATE guys with low self esteem hitting on them.
Instead be the BEST version of yourself.
Think about it this way, you are the main protagonist of the movie. You see an attractive girl, what would the most captivating version of yourself say? How would that version go into seducing her? And then work from there.
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Finally finagled a way to get Tinder working on my computer. Come to realization I need more and better pictures of myself. Absolutely hate taking pictures of myself and just in general but it would help a ton probably lol.
Going through profiles is kinda a pain, 95% of pictures of girls are group pictures. Now I have to go through like 3-4 pictures on their profile just to figure out which one they actually are in the group before I decide.
Update: First match is a scammer asking for $125 an hour lmao.
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On August 29 2014 09:09 Xiphos wrote:Show nested quote +On August 29 2014 05:19 DavoS wrote:On August 29 2014 00:58 crippledx wrote:
got a girl's number in class today, but i have no idea how to initiate and keep a convo going with girls.
HELP ME GUYS! Just talk to her. Be yourself. See if she's interested in any of the stuff you are or vice versa. If you can't be comfortable being yourself with her then it won't work anyway Oh boy....
He's right though.
On August 29 2014 12:32 Xiphos wrote:
Don't be yourself if you have confidence issues. The vast majority of the girls out there HATE guys with low self esteem hitting on them.
Instead be the BEST version of yourself.
I don't think the people saying "Just be yourself" meant that you should totally come at the girl when you're at your worst. It means don't pretend to be something/ someone you're not.
And how the heck can you just *decide* to be the best version of yourself (and what does that even mean?), especially if you don't even have the confidence to be your normal, comfortable self?
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On August 29 2014 11:37 crippledx wrote:
so far i only asked about some tutorial stuff and there's nothjing much going on.
i dont usually start convo w hey whats up...cos i think it's kinda weird...........................so that'll be myself...
If she is Singaporean too I'd strongly advise against being very aggressive. Like starting out with seduction in mind is most probably going to weird her out.
I've a fantastic suggestion for you though. If you know her sort of well, ask her out for the night festival this weekend. You could say that you're really interested in exhibit X but have no one to go with\would like to see it with her (depends on how comfortable you are).
Ask in person and not via phone. Make it a group outing if you're too shy. If it's a group, then make it a point to spend time with her specifically. Spend some effort dressing well (but be mindful it's gonna be pretty humid).
Seriously the night festival is a great dating opportunity.
P.s if you have access to a car, borrow it and pick her up/send her home.
O and please don't be late.
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EPT
